ALIVE
"Maura, I'm afraid it's bad news"
Maura remembers Korsak's voice but the words crash into each other making a noise Maura can't seem to comprehend.
"She's been shot, doesn't look good. She's lost a lot of blood"
Where was she shot? Maura considers all the places the bullet could have entered and what that meant for her chances at survival. How much blood is a lot of blood?
"They took her to the hospital"
Her? Maura struggles to understand what is happening but her brain, it seems, has slowed down. Her?
"I'll meet you there"
Jane. He means Jane.
Korsak hangs up and Maura holds onto the phone for a while longer listening to the beep flat-line into a single unending sound. Flat-line. Jane has been shot. The phone slips out from her hand and clanks onto the floor of her office. She doesn't bother picking it up, her mind is already imagining the monitor flat lining and Jane connected to the other end of it.
/
"Maura!" Angela Rizzoli grabs her with both hands and squeezes her till she isn't sure she is breathing.
"Where is she?" her voice comes out steady which surprises her.
"In surgery. Vince and Frankie got caught up at the station. They should be on their way now."
Angela looks like she's been crying but it seems she is holding it together. Maybe it isn't as bad as sounds.
"Angela, what happened? The case was supposed to be over"
"I don't know," Angela cries, "They said the bullet barely missed the heart"
Maura's eyes go wide. She knows what this means. She understands now. This is bad. Maura sits down on one of the stiff chairs in the waiting room.
"Maura, they won't tell me anything else," Angela looks up at her hopefully, "She'll be fine, won't she?"
Maura can't reply. The words don't form themselves. She doesn't meet Angela's eye and that's all the answer Angela needs.
/
The surgery takes long, longer than any of them anticipated. No one leaves the hospital. They all camp out in the waiting lounge. Every now and then someone goes to get coffee or a bite to eat; they bring back something for the rest. Maura never eats. Her stomach couldn't hold it down anyway.
/
They come out with a smile. Success, they claim. While everyone rushes into the room where Jane lays unconscious hooked up to machine Maura takes the doctor to a side and asks him to give her the gory details.
"She coded twice but we managed to establish normal sinus rhythm. Unfortunately, the damage is extensive. We can't be sure when she will wake up"
"How long?"
"What?"
"How long was she," Maura clears her throat, "out?"
"Three minutes, forty-seven seconds"
Maura takes in a sharp breath. "Thank you, doctor." Jane was dead for three minutes, forty-seven seconds"
When Maura enters the room Korsak has already left. He asked to be called when she woke. Frankie has gone home to take a shower and put on some fresh clothes. Angela sits by her daughter's side holding her hand, her eyes red and teary.
"What did he say?" Angela looks to Maura and Maura almost backs away at the hope shining in the woman's eyes.
She smiles, "Jane will be fine"
Maura can't be sure. She knows she will probably break out in hives from the lie but she doesn't care. She comes closer to Jane and at first sight nothing seems amiss. Upon closer inspection Maura can see the difference. Jane is paler, probably from the blood loss. Her hair is rough and unruly. Maura pats it down into some semblance of decent. She turns away and the tears unleash themselves.
Angela comes around and holds Maura. Maura doesn't like being held by anyone other than Jane, but she'll settle for now. After a while Maura convinces Angela to go home, freshen up and come back later. She asks her to bring back a change of clothes for her. There is no way Maura is leaving Jane's side.
/
When they are both alone Maura settles down onto the chair and holds Jane's hand rubbing circles on it.
"Don't you dare die on me Jane!" she cries "Don't you dare"
Maura doesn't know when she falls asleep but she wakes up when she feels someone tugging at the hand she's holding onto for dear life.
"Gonna need that back, Maur" Jane's voice is raspy but it lights up Maura's eyes.
"You're awake!" Maura exclaims.
From the questioning look on Jane's face Maura continues.
"You were shot. You could have died, Jane" Maura says barely holding back tears.
"So that's why you have this look on your face"
Maura smiles and shakes her head, Jane is alright. She is alive.
She stays up for a few minutes then falls back.
/
The next time Jane comes to Maura is pacing back and forth.
When Maura looks at her, her eyes are wild. It's a new look on her.
"Jane please, just stay with me," Jane can see tears that are slipping away from Maura's red and weary eyes, "Don't leave me alone. Please"
Upon the confusion on Jane's face Maura comes closer, "You keep slipping away"
/
This time Jane is out for longer. She isn't unconscious, just sleeping. Maura lets Angela sit by her side while she gets something to eat from the canteen. She cringes at the menu but Maura doesn't leave the hospital. She can't. Not until Jane does.
When Maura comes back Jane is awake and comforting her crying mother.
"Maur tell ma I'm fine"
"I'll break out in hives"
"Maura!" Jane whines.
Maura smiles. This feels something like normal. Jane will be fine.
"So how long have I been out?"
"Six days in and out" Maura replies.
"So you haven't slept in six days, no wonder you look like that"
"Jane!"
She is alright. Maura can breathe now.
/
The next time Maura is alone with Jane she dares to broach a question that she would never have if Jane had not almost died.
"I was scared, Jane. You were dead for three minutes, forty-seven seconds. Dead!"
"I'm alright now"
"You are going to need physical therapy for weeks if not months, you are not alright"
"I will be, soon"
"Jane, you know this," Maura pauses as if to search for the right word but she already knows what she wants to say, "Flirtationship we have"
Jane raises her eyebrows and Maura almost loses her nerve.
"Flirtationship?"
"Don't deny it, Jane. We both know we're doing it and we do it anyway… maybe because it's more than that"
Jane notices the lines of worry that have etched themselves on Maura's face. Her hair isn't perfectly set. Her eyes are weary.
"Maybe it is more"
Their voices are controlled. This is uncharted territory and they both move forward cautiously lest they ruin a friendship.
"Jane, I have these feelings" Maura looks away from Jane.
"I have these feelings too, Maur"
Maura turns around and looks Jane in the eye to make sure she isn't joking.
"You do?"
"I do"
Something that they have both learnt to bury deep inside themselves digs its way out and this time when their eyes meet they can both feel the tingling in their chest.
They are finally alive.
/