HI THERE!!!!!
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE OF MY FANFICS….HOPE YOU LIKE IT & PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
OH!! AND FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY REALLY CONCERNRED ABOUT THE FATES OF OUR 4 HEROS…..NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT….SINCE I DON'T OWN THIS ANIME - GOOD JOB I DON'T IN A WAY…..BUT….AND LET THIS BE A WARNING TO ALL…I DO OWN ALL THE JUNK FOOD IN THE CUPBOARD AND THE CHOCS IN THE FRIDGE SO HANDS OFF!!!!!!!!
P.S. THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE ALREADY REVIEWED SOME OF MY FANFICS…I'LL QIUT CHIT-CHATTING NOW AND LET YOU READ THIS FANFIC IN PEACE…HOPEFULLY…ENJOY!!!
CAUGHT WITH HIS PANTS DOWN!!! : ONE DIVINITY"S TRAGEDY IS ANOTHER'S GAIN!
Up in the heavens, where peace flows….or at least boredom if not peace…flows like a river, General Kenren Taishou, was organizing his troops trying to explain to them the new defense plan he had devised himself in case it was ever needed
"Yeah! As if that will ever happen!" he thought, "We keep on going at this rate and I'll never get a promotion!"
Suddenly, a loud sound echoed through the heavens, Kenren blushed and slightly flustered he went through all his pockets until he found his mobile phone. He looked at the display and smiled. The caller's name was Keira, his or should we say one of his current girlfriends (old habits die hard!). Feeling the eyes of his subordinates on him, he glared at them before answering his phone with a:
"Hi Honey! Missing me already?"
Moments after the color was seen to drain from his face…his voice trembled
"WWWhy honey…don't do like that! It's not the end of the world, is it?"
Loud screaming and wailing was heard coming out of the tiny mobile phone and Kenren's soldiers, their eyes displaying their curiosity, where finding it hard indeed not to eavesdrop! Realizing this Kenren said to his caller:
"Honey I'm kinda busy right now…mind if I call you later? I'll fix it up don't worry…"
Kenren ended his call. "You!" he addressed his soldiers, his voice now regaining its usual arrogance, "Stop listening to private conversations! 100laps of marching round the Emperor's Palace! Move it! You're soldiers for heaven's sake! Not old Grannies!"
*********
"In need a smoke" he said to himself looking for the packet in his pockets then realizing that he had left it in Konzen's office he sighed.
"Kenren…you've messed up big time!"
He looked seriously worried. His mobile rang again…he hesitated….and then…..he answered it. The voice at the other end was sweet and soft: Shoanne…he'd recognize that voice anywhere! Some what relieved he said:
"Hello my sweet songbird! How's my girl today?"
"Not too Bad…" she didn't sound convincing…"What about you? You sound a bit stressed out darling…." This was nothing like the usual Shoanne, why was she beating around the bush so much?!!
"I am a bit in fact…you know problems…work…"
Lying to girls came so naturally to him! Well, after all what was he supposed to do?!! He couldn't tell her about Keira, could he?!
"Oh, well then if it's a bad time I'll call you later…"
"Of course it's not a bad time sweet heart! It's never a bad time when you're calling me!"
But actually this was a bad time…..and it just was about to get worse!!!! Kenren's eyes opened wide, his breathing suddenly became uneven, he grew even paler than before. Sitting down on the floor he said to her:
"O….OK…..OK….we'll…manage something…I'll call you later…"
He ended the call.
"Kenren!!!" he reproached himself, "How the hell can you manage to get yourself into such big trouble!!? You're in heaps of trouble!!! I'm drowning in damn tr….."
No time to finish the sentence….his mobile was ringing again!
"WHAT?!" he answered angrily, then his voice softened, "Oh Lea, it's you! I'm sorry darling….don't mind me sunshine…..it's just the stress…you know…"
The voice at the other end murmured something. The mobile slipped from his hand
"This can't be true!" he thought and then
……BLACKNESS……
*************
Kenren opened his eyes to find himself in Tempou's office
"Kenren, you shouldn't work so hard! You fainted with exhaustion!" greeted him Tempou, the irony of his words reflected in the grin he always wore.
"Wipe that smile off your face!"
Tempou was his superior but still a good friend
"I'm in heaps of trouble"
"Women troubles again my?!" Tempou smiled…of course this was nothing new with Kenren about!!!! "You should leave them alone! They're just trouble on trouble!"
"Wish I had taken your advice before……" answered the other desperately
"Now this must be serious!!!!" thought Tempou "Kenren never takes my advice!!!" Then he said "Maybe I can help…"
Kenren moved closer and whispered something in Tempou's ear.
His emerald eyes grew wider with disbelieve: "YOU WHAT?!!!!"
"SHH!!!! You want ALL of heaven to know!!!!!" Kenren's voice was almost a squeal.
"I don't think I can help…..maybe….why don't you ask Konzen? After all it's all about power up here and trust me Konzen can twist just about anyone round his mighty little finger…plus he's got his aunt to back him up!!"
*******
Outside a big out door, with the highly polished brass name plate saying "KONZEN DOUJI", Kenren took a deep breath and entered without even bothering to knock.
"No use looking for your cigarettes here Kenren, you shouldn't have forgotten them" Konzen Douji was sitting behind his desk, his feet resting on it.
"I don't care about the bloody cigs! You can smoke yourself to death as far as I' m concerned" spluttered Kenren.
"Oh Ho Ho!" Konzen seemed intrigued "if Kenren Taishou has other problems besides lack of cigarettes, it must be…..WOMEN!" Konzen laughed.
Kenren pulled a chair towards him and sat down "It's not funny! I messed up big time!"
"Hmmm…sounds interesting….so, what's the f*** up this time then?"
"Well, you know…..girls….well…" Kenren blushed, "mortal girls…ehm…well…"
"Oh I get it! The celestial emperor found out you were seeing a girl from Earth!" Konzen, was a bit disappointed, he was hoping for something a bit more scandalous…something to end his boredom…after all there was not much to worry about in this case…half the men in the heavens had an affair with a mortal women some time or an other…and the emperor more often then not would find out about it and forbid the guy from going down to Earth for a couple of decades….not much of a problem, considering that you had an eternity in front of you!!!!
"Not exactly….the emperor doesn't know yet but I'll have to tell him soon enough!"
Konzen was confused "And why's that? Wouldn't that just complicate matters?"
"Well…maybe…but he's going to have to issue me a couple of child support cheques very soon, my pay isn't exactly high!!!"
"WHAT?!!!!!!" Konzen nearly choked on the word…Kenren…settling down….with a woman….JUST ONE WOMEN….and having a kid too! No, this just couldn't be true!!!
He gulped, then he said "Well, you're not the first and you certainly won't be the last! The emperor might close an eye seeing that it's not that…uncommon nowadays…it's happened a few times in the last couple of 100years…I mean there was Zenon…well, his is not a happy ending story but anyway….and there was Homura's father…wonder what happened to that guy?....."
"Trust me Konzen; this is an uncommon case…even for today's time…Keira…"
"So, it's Keira….haven't they been together for…what...a month?! Kenren sure is fast when he puts his mind there…"
"Konzen, are you listening?!!" Kenren was loosing his temper "as I was saying…Keira…she thinks its not just one baby…it's two!"
"TWINS!!!!" Konzen was breathless…this was just not true... "Well, seeing that it's just one woman and one pregnancy….it's not like you ordered twins with an express at the baby shop…….the emperor might be a bit more lenient….a lot more lenient….and grant you that child support cheque…as long as….You NEVER set foot down there again!!!"
"You just don't see my point, do you...It's not just one woman, one pregnancy…you see…Shoanne….and…Lea…they're in the same condition too!!!!"
Konzen braced himself to his seat, shocked he managed to blurt: "How the hell did you manage that, Kenren? SIX kids from 3 DIFFERENT WOMEN!!! What are you?!! Some kind of baby making machine?!!!"
Kenren, irritated by such a statement, replied "Well, what can I say? Some men can do it and some men just can't!"
Konzen got the hint "Bloody bastard!" he thought but instead, believing that revenge is sweet when slow he said "You're not gonna get away scot free this time, Kenren..But you might just make it if…"
"If what?" said Kenren sitting on the edge of his chair.
"If we open up a case in the supreme court!" shot back Konzen "I'll be your lawyer"
"After all", he thought, "Everything else is too damn boring!!!!"
*********
The next day, before the celestial emperor, at the supreme court, Kenren fidgeted nervously in his seat while Konzen was still contemplating whether he should address the emperor as Your Highness or Your Honour seeming that after all they were in the supreme court!
"ALL RISE!" a voice echoed as the celestial emperor a man of imposing figure, seated himself.
"Your honourable highness" began Konzen "On behalf of my client…"
"We can cut this one short Konzen…my answer is No…N-O...it's his mistake and he's paying for it!"
"But your honourable highness! I insist that this is not a just judgment!! You have not heard my client's story!! Let me narrate it on his behalf…"
Seeing that there was no way of convincing Konzen that it didn't matter whether he knew the facts or not, the emperor decide to give Kenren a full trial…after all he didn't have a choice…not when you where dealing with Kanzeon Bosatsu's nephew anyway….
The emperor rested his head on his hands and sighed, "Very well Konzen, let's have it…but make it short I got other important matters to attend to!"
Konzen smiled:
"Let me begin then your honorable highness by thanking you for giving my client the opportunity……….."
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2hrs later
"For my client here is……."
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6hrs later
"His condition is, I may say………."
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18hrs later
Konzen is still droning on…the celestial emperor is nodding and Kenren had quietly slipped into the land of dreams.
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20hrs later
"And so your honorable highness, I rest my case…"
"Finally!!!!" thought the celestial emperor "Recess! The Supreme Court shall meet again in 15min!"
Seeing that Kenren was still snoring on his seat in the middle of the Supreme Court, Cozen slipped out of the court room to follow the celestial emperor.
***********
"So your honorable highness…do you think my client stands a chance?" a devious smile played upon Konzen's face.
"You already know my answer, Konzen. Now leave me alone!!!! You've already wasted enough of my time!"
"Really! What a shame!!! And I made such a good defense….Well, never mind….seems like I'll have to open another case…."
The emperor stopped dead in his tracks: "This can't be!!! I can't stand another 46hours of his incessant babbling!!!....but then again I can't lose face by changing my decision in front of my subordinates…."
Konzen, as if reading the emperor's thoughts, "You don't have to lose face by changing your verdict……all you have to do is give me a raise and a few spare cash right now and we can all just forget about this unfortunate matter…."
"Bloody Hell!!!! He's just like his aunt Kanzeon!!!" thought the emperor….then handing Konzen a brand new gold card he said "Fine….as long as it stays between you and me!"
Accepting the gold card Konzen thought: "I love the smell of corruption!!!"
***********
Back in the court room, the celestial emperor, as solemnly as he could manage, delivered his final verdict: "Kenren Taishou, your offence to this world and its laws is outrageous and cannot be forgiven!!!! You are banished from the Heavens and are never to set foot in them again!!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!" Kenren's voice echoed all over the Heavens he was to leave…..
"Oh! I'm so so sorry!" said Konzen putting a hand on Kenren's shoulder, "Here...have this..." he said passing him a $20 cheque, "You need it more then I do…"
"Thank Konzen…" Kenren's eyes filled with tears, "You are a true friend…"
"I know" replied Konzen "I do have a heart….hidden…somewhere…deep…very deep…within" he sighed, laughing on the inside at the other's ingenuity. "So…I guess it's goodbye Kenren….and let me know your address….at least one of them…"
**********
……………………………Years later……………………………………
Konzen, Tempou and Son Gokuh (who by the way had only been told that Kenren had left the Heavens to set up a family on Earth) went to pay their dear old friend a visit. Upon arriving at the given address they hear women screaming, children crying and not to mention glass objects being broken…
"More children?!!" thought Konzen.
They knocked on the door and a boy with reddish hair, about seven years old, opened the door for them…the screaming and crying got louder, Gokuh scared half to death by the noise hid behind Konzen's robes whilst the others realized that all the havoc was caused by the 3 of Kenren's girls fighting over whose turn it was to play the little housewife on that day.
"Ch...So naïve!" thought Konzen "to have the 3 of them under the same roof….it's pure folly!!!"
Tempou approached the little boy and smiling (as always) gently asked: "Does Kenren Taishou live here?"
The little boy shook his head, "No…he lives at the pizza place down the street... Mummy made him….said he had to find a way to feed all of his children…especially since he's so keen on breaking the world record!!...Yep!!! My dad is a very hard working man…Who else would manage to keep 3 women and feed 17children…When I grow up I want to bet like my Daddy!!!!"
***********
GOJYO: WHAT IN THE HEAVENS HAVE YOU DONE TO MY POOR GAIDEN SELF!!!!!
KENREN TAISHOU: OH….NOTHING YOU COULDN'T BE CAPABLE OF DOING…RIGHT?
GOJYO: YOU ARE SUCH A @##%%^&*
KENREN TAISHOU: (SHOCKED) YOU MEAN YOUR ONE OF THOSE MEN WHO…WELL…CAN'T DO IT?
GOJYO: (REMEBERING A CERTAIN QUOTE FROM THE ABOVE FANFIC) ONE OF THESE DAYS…I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!
KENREN TAISHOU: REALLY?!!!! WELL IN THAT CASE….. I'LL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING REALLY NASTY TO YOU IN THE NEXT FANFIC…MAYBE….
GOJYO: OK!OK! PLEASE DON'T!....ONLY GOD KNOWS WHAT THIS PSYCHO COULD COME UP WITH!!! I PROMISE I'LL BE REALLY NICE….I'LL BUY YOU CHOCS IF YOU WANT?
KENREN TAISHOU: HM….I'LL GIVE IT A THOUGHT….MAYBE……I WILL BE NICER TO YOU NEXT TIME IF YOU ASKED ALL THE READERS TO REAVIEW THIS…..AND I MEAN ASK THEM REALLLY REALLY NICELY….
GOJYO: WHAAAAT?!!!! (REMEMBERING WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO HIM IN FUTURE FANFICS)…OK….ANYONE READING THIS…….(GOES DOWN ON HIS KNEES) PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW THIS BEFORE THIS MANIAC WRITES SOME THING RELLLY NASTY ABOUT ME…..HOW WAS THAT?
KENREN TAISHOU: HM…NOT BAD…I THINK IT WILL DO….FOR THIS TIME….(EVIL GRIN) HEHEHE!!!!