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Reid considered after he made the offer –too late to back out now— that he shouldn't have.
JJ stepped towards him, hands surrounding him in a tight hug. Reid hugged her awkwardly, smelling the shampoo of her hair momentarily before he pulled away. He smiled at the beaming woman, who bit her lip. "Are you sure, Spence?" she asked, even though everything in her tone screamed that he should be.
"Of course I am," he said, trying to inject confidence into his voice. From her still unsure expression, he hadn't succeeded. "I am, JJ," he repeated. "Trust me."
JJ smiled at the words, nodding, "Thank you," she said gratefully, before she walked away, a hint of a skip in her step.
Reid groaned, head falling back against the wall.
Morgan was going to kill him.
A hand landed on his shoulder, and he started, eyes snapping open. Morgan. He smiled carefully at him. "Hey," he said.
Morgan looked almost amused at his tone, but did not comment. "Hey, Pretty Boy. What's wrong?" Reid's eyes widened.
"What's wrong? What's wrong? Why would you think that anything was wrong?" He let out a nervous laugh. He could lie well, he had done it throughout his life without any trouble, had even done it under extreme pressure –which, with their job, he faced all too often. Morgan, for some reason that Reid couldn't begin to fathom, was different. He shifted his eyes away as Morgan's narrowed.
"Reid," Morgan said warningly.
Reid bristled at the tone. "Yes?" he said sharply, and Morgan raised his hands in the universal symbol of defeat.
"I just want to know what's wrong," Morgan said slowly, and he tilted his head as he looked at Reid, flushed face and eyes that turned away. His brow rose. "What did you do?"
Reid's cheeks turned a bright –guilty— red. He shrugged, faking casualness, "I helped a mutual friend."
Morgan frowned. "When?"
"Tonight," Reid said quickly.
The frown deepened. "But," his voice lowered so they wouldn't be overheard in the office, "We're supposed to be having dinner tonight." He grabbed Reid by his wrist and pulled him towards the coffee, since they both needed it. "We've been planning this for a week, Pretty Boy."
"I know," Reid said, "But she was asking me, and I couldn't say no. I mean, they haven't been out together for ages, and they deserve a break, you know. And they asked Garcia, but she's going out, but since you know her too, it's less awkward when I agreed that both of us would help her-"
"Reid," Morgan interrupted him. "You're rambling." He gave Reid a few seconds to collect himself. "Now, who is she?"
"JJ."
"JJ?" Morgan asked, surprised at the name. "What does JJ need our help with? The only thing she needs these days is someone to take care of Henry an-" He paused at Reid's expression. "You did what?" he almost yelled, but remembered that they were in the middle of the office in time.
"I know," Reid said, almost childishly. "I shouldn't have done it, and you were going to cook without burning down the kitchen for a change," he ignored the sounds of protest that escaped Morgan, "But she was asking, and she sounded so desperate, so I could hardly say no-"
Morgan stopped him before he could continue. "Reid," he said. Reid blinked. "I can't believe I'm going to say this," he muttered, and Reid brightened.
"You don't mind?"
Morgan gave him a pointed stare.
"You do mind," Reid corrected himself. "But you, Derek Morgan, are the best boyfriend in the world," Reid stated confidently.
Morgan smiled. "Is that a fact?"
Reid looked insulted. "I said it, didn't I?"
He laughed. "I guess we have a date with Henry tonight then."
"-And the numbers are stuck on the fridge, so if he's too much trouble and you can't handle him, you call me and I'll come right back, and if he coughs or gets a fever or if he's even the slightest bit sick, call the family doctor, his number's on the fridge too, or call me, and I'll call him –Doctor Richards doesn't like strangers calling him— or maybe," JJ hesitated and turned back towards the living room, where Reid was with Henry. She had been stuck in the doorway for the past fifteen minutes, and Morgan tried not to snap at her to just leave, especially since he thought Reid would need his help within the next two minutes.
"JJ, don't worry," he said to the frantic woman, "It's all going to be fine."
JJ was still hesitant, and Morgan laid a hand on her shoulder, both to soothe her and to shove her out of the house if the need arose. "If he needs his food-"
"We have enough to last a week, and the milk bottles," there were over ten stored away, "and his toys and everything else. I'm not that bad with children," he said with a small smile.
JJ let out a small laugh, although it was filled with a little too much worry to be considered happy. "If anything at all," she emphasized the word, "Goes wrong, then I want you to call me, okay?"
Morgan nodded, "I wouldn't think of doing anything else," he said sincerely. He wasn't bad with children. In fact, he liked to think that he was good with them. "Now, get going." He pushed her into the corridor, waiting for her to turn around before he closed the door. He knew that if he had waited until she had moved, she wouldn't have made it past the corner before returning.
He walked towards the living room and laughed at the sight of Reid looking at Henry in his cot.
"He's not an experiment," he commented, moving closer.
"But he is fascinating," Reid countered, not looking away. "Did you know that when infants are born, their nervous systems aren't fully developed, so what parents think are movements, are actually reflexes. Also they can only see objects clearly if they're 10 inches away from their eyes, so holding a toy a meter away would be pointless to entertain them."
"I didn't know you read about babies."
"I read it today," Reid informed him.
Morgan looked at him. "I was with you the whole day, you weren't reading."
"Remember, you went to change because Garcia spilt milk on your pants."
"I was gone for less than five minutes," Morgan said, and then he shook his head as Reid stared at him. "Forget it."
Henry moved in his cot, turning slightly. "He's waking up," Reid breathed.
"Wish he would stay asleep," Morgan muttered, "It'd make things far easier."
Reid hit him on the arm. "Shush, I think he's opening his eyes." He moved his face closer to Henry, eerily similar to a kid looking at the unattainable presents behind the glass. Morgan smiled at the idea, since Henry liked Reid, regardless of how awkward he acted around the child.
On cue, Henry's eyes opened.
They stared at him. He looked back. Morgan's brows rose. "Now what?" he asked.
Reid frowned. "Well, he doesn't appear to be hungry," he sniffed the air, "And he doesn't need to be changed-"
"You'll be doing that," Morgan added.
"Why should I do the dirty work?" Reid protested.
"Because you offered to babysit," Morgan said, and then he smirked. "And you like doing dirty work."
Reid blushed slightly, "Morgan, there's a baby present."
Morgan sniggered. "Yeah, and it doesn't understand what we're talking about."
"Actually," Reid brightened at the idea of rattling off statistics, and Morgan covered his mouth quickly with a hand.
"Don't need to know," he said, removing his hand.
They looked down at Henry again.
"What do you think we should do now?" Morgan asked.
Reid frowned, adopting that all too familiar expression that meant that he was thinking deeply. "Well, if he starts crying-"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAGH!"
"You jinxed it," Morgan said, backing away from the cot.
"I did not."
"You said it, and then it happened," Morgan said, leaning against the wall –away from Henry— and crossing his arms. "Sounds like a jinx to me." Reid was blatantly ignoring him in favor of watching Henry, who was still crying. Morgan looked at the baby, face red, eyes squinted, mouth open in a wail, showing a few glimpses of white.
"JJ said that we should try feed him," the crying got louder, "burp him," even louder, "change him-"
"Reid, do something or the neighbors are going to complain," Morgan said, trying to be heard over the noise. He walked towards the cot and picked up Henry.
Who stopped crying.
"He stopped crying," Morgan said dumbly.
"He stopped crying," Reid repeated, voice laced with disbelief.
"Don't need to sound that shocked," Morgan said dryly, looking at Reid. Henry started crying immediately, and he turned back, at which point the boy became silent again. "Can he even see me?"
"Yes, Morgan, he can," Reid said, not even bothering with the jargon for a change. "This is so-"
"Don't say it," Morgan warned. Then he took a cautious step to the left, baby still in his hands, held out like a sack of flour. Henry didn't cry, so he took another step.
"What are you doing?"
"The boy is heavy and I want to sit down," Morgan said slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on Henry.
Reid snorted. "He's a baby, he isn't heavy."
"Yeah, well, then you carry him," Morgan said, although he didn't move to hand Henry over. He stepped towards the couch, and sat down slowly.
"Maybe you should put him on your lap," Reid suggested.
"You want me to risk further crying?" Morgan asked rhetorically.
"Try," Reid insisted.
Morgan let out a small sigh. He moved Henry closer, and hearing no banshee wails, put him on his lap. "See, told you I was good with kids," he smiled smugly. He stared at Henry for a few more minutes. "Now what?"
"JJ said that if he's quiet, it's good. So keep him quiet," Reid ordered, seating himself next to Morgan.
"And how do I do that?"
"By not moving," Reid said, although it sounded as much a guess as a fact.
Morgan stayed still, hearing the clock tick loudly in the silent room. "How long does this go on?" he asked finally. "This kid is cute and all, but I'm getting tired of looking at him."
"Maybe we should wait till he falls aslee-"
"AAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"You should really stop jinxing him," Morgan said, looking away from Henry. It wasn't like he could cry any louder anyways.
Reid winced at the sound, "Make him be quiet."
"And how am I going to do that? He's gotten over me." He placed the baby firmly on Reid's lap. "You try something now." He lay reclined on the sofa, watching through half-closed eyes as Reid patted Henry's back helplessly, trying to quieten him.
"Maybe you should sing a song?" Reid looked up at him.
"You sing it."
"I don't know any baby songs," Reid pointed out. "Do you think a poem would work?"
Morgan shrugged. "You can try."
Reid cleared his throat. "Alone walking in thought plaining, and sore sighing; all desolate, me rememb'ring of my living; my death wishing both early and late." Morgan sent him an incredulous expression.
"What sort of a poem is that?"
Reid looked miffed at the question. "My Mom used to read that to me when I was a kid."
"And my Mom read me Little Bo Peep," Morgan said, torn between amusement and disbelief. He stood up and walked to the corner of the room, where a large box overflowed with every baby toy imaginable. He pulled out a small hippo, then threw it over to Reid.
Reid caught it awkwardly, and pressed down on its stomach. It farted.
Morgan blinked. "Did the hippo just fart?"
Reid pressed down again, and the hippo farted again. "Yes, it did." Henry plucked the toy from Reid's fingers, and Morgan felt slight hope. Then Henry threw the hippo towards a corner and cried at an even higher pitch. Morgan dug through the box.
"Did JJ say which toy he liked the most?" There were too many.
"No, she said it depended on his mood."
Morgan scoffed. "Did she say what he liked when he's being annoying as hell-"
"Language, Morgan."
Morgan resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Fine." He looked back at the box, then took out a few toys at random. He walked back towards Reid, passing him a few of the toys. "Here, Henry," he passed a small orange fish to the boy, who promptly threw it away.
The GI Joe, accompanying helicopter and the small boy who changed into ten monsters followed.
"Maybe he wants something that makes noise," Reid said, biting his lip.
Morgan went back to the box. He grabbed a small box, then threw it towards Reid. Reid caught it deftly and opened it. The tinkle of music that escaped did nothing to soften Henry's cries, or to soothe their ailing ears.
"You know," Morgan commented. "I didn't have half this many toys when I was a kid." He picked up a flashing ball that was filled with something entirely too sticky.
"I didn't have toys," Reid said, somehow managing to make conversation over the noise. "I had a lot of books though, and I read all of them. Twice. Far more passive than those games today. You know, twenty one percent of the most popular video games chosen by children from grade four through eight feature violence against women or violence against other forces. And between thirteen to twenty two percent increases in adolescents' violent behavior can be attributed to the games. The games have adolescents acting out 'behavioral scripts' that get them positive outcomes with violence, which influences the-"
He was silenced at the sudden silence that filled the room.
Morgan laughed. "I think you found your first willing audience."
Reid looked at Henry, who tilted his head thoughtfully, as though asking a question.
"Go on," Morgan prompted. "Ramble on about something else."
"Well, in Star Wars, the dominant ideology is militaristic, modified with a number of rules of engagement and an overriding sense of the importance of life wherever it is found. Exploration and discovery marks another ideology shaping the behavior of the participants and determining how they react to what they encounter. The overall social structure of the film mirrors that of the U.S. Navy. You see this throughout the terminology used for different elements –from the ships being operated in space to the various ranks assigned to different crew members. The narrative itself invokes the military ideology, with a danger approaching the earth, and a team sent to discover what it is and eliminate it, like your Mom, and Morgan, and Hotch, and I. That's the primary focus of the audience, that a problem has been stated and that a solution is being attempted. Like every famous book out there, you have a problem, and the cavalry sent to save the day. The iconography is military as well, from the uniforms worn by crew members to the various military designations…"
Henry's mouth was hanging open slightly, whether at the information or the fact Reid could talk so long without getting bored, Morgan didn't know. He didn't want to know particularly either. He sat down, watching as Reid gestured animatedly, eyes alight with a wonder only he –and all the other nerds in the world— could appreciate.
Suddenly Reid stopped talking.
"Morgan," he said, voice a stage whisper. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Morgan tensed, and his hand flew to his side, where he usually carried his gun. Not that he had a gun with him now, he cursed.
"Henry," Reid grinned.
Morgan walked towards them, frowning at Reid's obvious delight. "What about him? Has he fallen asleep from listening to you?"
Reid ignored the insult, "He laughed."
Morgan was surprised. Not a word of what Reid said was understandable, much less funny. "Are you sure he wasn't having a fit at having to hear that?"
Reid threw him an annoyed glance. "He gurgled, and then smiled, and he laugh- He's doing it again." Morgan looked and saw Henry laughing, mouth wide open, eyes wide.
"What do you know." He sat down and watched.
It was astounding.
As quickly as it started though, it stopped.
"AAAAAAAAAARGAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"God, this kid has a short attention span." Reid didn't even give him exacts on how short when he made the comment. "Where's his pacifier?"
"JJ said it was in the kitchen, with spares in the guest bedroom and the top of the fireplace, as well as near the vase on the table." Morgan snatched the closest one and brought it near Henry's mouth, which was wide open and accepting. He put it into Henry's mouth.
On instinct, the boy closed his mouth, and a blissful silence descended on the room for a few seconds. Not for long, though, since he spat it out. Reid looked down at the saliva-covered pacifier on his shirt and wrinkled his nose. Morgan took it cautiously between two fingers before dumping it on the table.
"Any ideas, genius?"
"Well, he seems to like things that we do-"
"Randomly, so it's not like we can guess what he wants us to do next," Morgan pointed out.
"True," Reid nodded. "Maybe we should feed him?"
Morgan stood up, plucking a bottle of milk from the kitchen, and tried to feed it to Henry. "He's not sucking it," he complained after a while. "Why isn't he drinking the damn milk?"
"Language, Morgan," Reid chided.
Morgan pulled out the bottle and threw it onto the table, flinging himself against the seat. "He's obviously not hungry."
"There's got to be something for us to do," Morgan said, covering his ears with his hands. "Shut him up."
"I'm trying," Reid said, carrying Henry and shaking him. "He doesn't need to burp-"
"Kids don't make that sort of noise to burp, Reid."
"Actually, babies cry to express anger, pain and frustration, it's the only way for them to communicate. They're easily excited and upset, so they need to be cradled and comforted-"
Morgan interrupted, since the rambling wasn't helping this time. "Reid, get that kid quiet or I swear-"
"I don't know what to do either," Reid said, whining slightly.
Morgan grinned. "I've found the one thing our resident genius can't do."
"That's it," Reid said, a resolute expression on his face. "You know what we have to do."
Morgan paled. "No way," he raised his hands. "If you want to, you do it. I'm not going to touch that kid's nasty diapers."
"Morgan, it might be the reason behind his crying-"
"It's diapers." The words were enough to convince Morgan, but Reid seemed to need more.
"Morgan-"
"Diapers, Reid!"
"Do you want him to be quiet?"
"Yes, but diapers-"
"It's the only way," Reid said softly, and Morgan's head lowered, dropping onto his chest.
"Fine," he said reluctantly. "But you do the work, I'll just watch."
"The next time we change him, you're doing it," Reid said, and Morgan nodded –the boy was too stubborn to let him get away with doing nothing. Reid walked towards the bag that held the diapers and pulled one out. "Now, I read about how to do this today, so it shouldn't be too difficult."
He placed Henry on the couch, whose face was red with the effort of crying. Reid peeled off the diaper carefully, before pulling it off Henry. His eyes screwed shut, and Morgan willed himself not to laugh at the expression, as he hastily closed the diaper, placing it to one side. "Aren't you glad we won't have the problem of kids?" Morgan teased. Reid threw him an annoyed glance, and Morgan wisely kept silent.
"Now," Reid muttered, face serious, as it was when he was thinking deeply during a case. With a few expert motions of hand, he had Henry in a new diaper.
"AAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAGHAAAAAAAAAH!"
Reid's smug expression fell. "We've tried everything," he said miserably, before handing Morgan Henry, frustrated, and dumping himself onto the sofa.
"There's got to be something we haven't tried yet," Morgan said, pulling a small plastic figurine of –oh, the irony— a FBI agent from the box and holding it hopefully in front of Henry's face. Henry let out a blood-curdling scream and Morgan desperately passed him to Reid.
"He's not a toy-"
Reid's words were cut short as Henry kicked out at him.
The man let out a loud squeak.
"Morgan, do something," he said quickly. His face was paler than usual, and he whimpered as Henry kicked out again. Morgan laughed at his look of anguish. "Morgan," he burst out as Henry kicked out again.
"What's wrong, Pretty Boy?" Morgan said in a drawl. "Something wrong?" He knew that Reid didn't like babies kicking, even if they were from his godson. He stood up, exaggerating his movements by slowing them down, and walked towards Reid. He picked up and Henry and rested the boy on his hip, moving the boy.
"Do something." Reid sat on the couch miserably, with his hands shielding his ears from the noise.
"Well, is he teething?" Morgan asked, he knew that it should happen some time now. Although he wasn't sure how a person went about solving it.
"Mouth," Reid said shortly, and Morgan peered into Henry's mouth, and spotted the glints of white again.
"How the hell do you tell?" Morgan muttered, eyes squinting. He brightened, "Hey, wait, all kids love this." He cleared his throat, and Reid looked up at him speculatively. He placed Henry on the chair, and then kneeled before him. He covered his face with two hands. "Peek-a-boo," he said, opening his hands to reveal his face.
Henry didn't stop.
Reid laughed, though. "What sort of a kid doesn't like Peek-a-boo?" Morgan complained. "It's not normal, I tell you. This kid's been messed up by JJ."
Henry kicked out again. Reid blanched, burrowing himself into his seat.
"If I were you," Morgan commented unnecessarily, "I would give up my godfather rights to Hotch. I don't know how he does it with Jack."
Reid didn't even retort.
Henry was too quickly reaching an unbearable noise level.
Morgan grinned suddenly. "Should we sing Baby Got Back?"
Reid frowned. "What?"
"You know, in Friends. I got big butts-"
"Morgan!" Reid exclaimed. "Stop."
Morgan stopped the song, although Henry was still crying. "We've changed him, given him too many toys, the pacifier, milk, how about food?" Reid's head fell back on the couch, too tired to speak. Morgan took the disgusting mixture that JJ had labeled food, then used the small spoon and put it near Henry's mouth.
Henry continued with the screaming. The food, apparently, was not enough to silence him.
Morgan tried again, making a whirring sound with his mouth so that it sounded like a plane. His mother had said that he had enjoyed when he was a child. But he had been right when he had said that JJ had messed him up, even that didn't keep him quiet.
"This kid is weird," Morgan stated, sitting next to Reid.
Reid was strangely quiet. As he had been for longer than he had ever been before.
"That's it," Morgan decided, moving towards the cloak rack. "I'm going to get her."
Reid pulled at his hand, turning him around so that he could talk to him. "You can't! We said we'd let the two of them have some time together, you can't be so cruel."
"Reid," Morgan said, frowning at the thin man, "You haven't rambled on about a thing for ten minutes. If that's not cause for worry I don't know what is."
Reid's lips pursed. "I am fine, I'm being," he searched for the words, "More conversational. I would have thought you, of all people, would appreciate my efforts." Morgan would have laughed if not for fear of further upsetting his boyfriend.
"Fine," Morgan acceded. "But if that kid-"
They both stopped.
"It's quiet," Reid stated the obvious.
They turned to look at Henry. He was settled comfortably on the sofa, huddled into a ball, holding a small blanket. Henry was smiling.
"Where did that come from?" Morgan asked, keeping his voice low.
"Must have been under the cushion or something."
They crept closer to the boy, and Reid moved to pick him up. Morgan stopped him with a hand on his waist. "No, let him sleep." He looked at the sleeping figure for a few more minutes. "You know, he's not that bad."
Reid gave a small half-smile. "Yeah, you say that when he's quiet."
"You know what we're going to do now, right?" Morgan asked, leering at him.
Reid pulled him towards the small chair, pushing him down and settling himself onto him, adopting a comfortable position. He laid his head on Morgan's shoulder, shoes kicked off. "Yeah, sleep."