SPOILERS for Hero's (part 2)
Kind of a companion piece to my Ficlet 'Memories' Daniel dealing with his loss while he was hiding in the infirmary.
Hopefully there wil be a second chapter set after Ripple Effect.
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate:SG1, the characters, or the ideas. All rights belong to MGM studios.
He was hiding, knowing that the only comfort he wanted was from the one person who could not give it as she would have done in any other circumstance, from the one person who would never give it again.
Some one had once told him that you don't tell people how you truly feel until it's too late, at the time he had heard the words, but he hadn't fully comprehended the meaning until now, with his body curled against the cold unit in the light-less room, images swam through his mind of lost, forgotten moments; a sweet smile brimming with relief as she saw him return safely from another mission; a stolen fleeting glance of concern whenever he ended up in her care for whatever mishap he had managed; a gentle, fingertip caress as she passed him yet another cup of coffee and watched him work, each memory stored away waiting to be remembered, too late to be acted upon as he allowed the tears to fall openly, unstopped.
He knew now why he had ended up here specifically, after wandering the hallways for hours, generally avoiding base personal and their well-meaning but unwelcome sympathy.
This was the room where she had excelled, where many of them had fought for their lives and she had helped them win.
This was the room where she had held his hand for three days on one of the rare occasions her powers of healing couldn't help, where she had whispered soothing sounds through his pain, sobbed as she realised he was losing his battle, foregoing sleep so that she could be there for him, to comfort the others. This was the room where she had cried as he had stood and watched, unseen and unable to stop her tears any more than he could stop his own right now, when she thought he was lost to them forever.
Now the room felt cold dark and empty without her, without the brightness of her smile and the commanding presence that always emanated from her petite form. Cold, dark and empty just as he was feeling right now, images flashed through his mind of the moments before he lost her, allowing him to slowly, painfully relive every second, each image a reminder of what he had lost. The blast; the dull thud as her body hit the ground; his stunned slow reaction; the look in her eyes as he held her, a mixture of fear, trust and something else he couldn't identify at the time, and finally the light leaving her eyes as he watched her die. The deep hurting realisation that once again someone he cared about was being ripped from him, and there was nothing he could do about it.
With the metal of the cabinet cool against his forehead as he crouched in the corner, in the dark, hiding from the doorway he whispered apology's into the unlit room, for not protecting her, for not giving himself the chance to love her, knowing that they went unheard.