1
I couldn't make out where I was from the map. Everything in the woods looked exactly the same. I had been walking around for a few hours and my feet were hurting. It was slowly getting dark and I realised I should get back home, but something stopped me from that. I had a certain feeling I was near. My heart suddenly started beating faster, just thinking about the meadow made me nervous and excited. My eyes were scanning the map, then the compass and then the woods to find out where to go. Jacob had taught me this, but I still wasn't nearly as good as him. The darkness was slowly creeping into the woods further, as if it was putting a large blanket on top of it. Some animals awoke and were making rustling noises. My hand palms were getting sweaty and a irrational fear crept over me. I knew that there probably wasn't anything to fear except maybe bears. My mind kept playing tricks with me, trying to convince me there were voices whispering. But everytime I would tell myself it was just the wind or some animals.
My heart was now beating at a speed I deemed unhealthy. My feet were slowly shuffling across the floor and my eyes were directed towards the ground, trying to discover anything I might trip over. As I looked at the map, I did trip and let the compass fall. I quickly bent over and let my hand glide over the ground, trying to find it. After a while, my legs were starting to hurt and I still hadn't found it. I decided to give it up and return to my car. But as I tried to make out which way to go, I realised I really needed that compass, so I started searching again. The leaves were keeping the moon light away, but every now and then a small light beam would creep through the leaves. That's how I finally found my compass. The moon light swept across the floor for a few seconds, making the silver from the compass glister for a split second. I grabbed it and looked at the map again.
A few steps further, I had to get through some bushes. The branches scratched my arms, but I couldn't seem to care about it as my eyes saw what was in front of me. The meadow was lit by the moonlight, for there were no trees to keep it away. I felt my knees shaking, so I decided to sit down for a moment. The magical feeling of the meadow had disappeared, but it was still beautiful. The flowers were also gone, leaving only long grass, which looked dark blue in the moon light. My hands swept across it, feeling the grass tickle my hand palm. Again I imagined hearing voices nearing me, soft whispers and sighs. It had to be the wind, I told myself. But as the soft voices suddenly were accompanied by the fast treads of more than one person, my heart accelerated and I stood up, ready to start running. Then there was also the sound of leaves rustling and I stopped doubting. I ran, jumping over a fallen log, to the opposite direction the voices came from. But the voices didn't leave, they only got louder and the treads got faster. It seemed I wasn't getting far at all, even though I was trying to use everything I had in me. It was like a nightmare, where the evil will get to you, no matter what. But only this time, I wasn't going to wake up before anything bad would happen.
As I tried to dodge anything I might trip over, I suddenly heard the footsteps disappear, except for one. It should've brought me some relief, but it didn't. The group had diverted and now I was only the target of one person. It seemed the footsteps stayed just behind me, as if it wanted to tease me, or scare me. I knew it could easily get me, I had already figured out what the tread was from. Only a vampire could run that fast. It deliberately didn't catch up with me. But it would eventually. I would tire very soon, he wouldn't. I already felt the burn in my legs and I noticed I was slowing down.
Eventually the inevitable happened, I tripped and I felt the vampire jump on top of me. I knew it would do no good to scream, but even if I wanted to scream, I couldn't. The vampire immediately sunk his teeth in my neck, and within mere seconds I was out cold.
I opened my eyes, just to see the vampire being ripped of me and taken away. They must have thought I was dead, but I wasn't yet. I didn't know what would happen. Would I change into vampire, or didn't I have enough blood left? As the fire started burning in my neck, I got my answer. Before I could even understand it, I was already screaming. The pain was unendurable, this fire creeping through me, slowly setting my entire body on fire. I tried to keep my mouth shut, which worked for some time, but eventually I would just scream again. I wanted to think rationally, but it was simply impossible. I could only focus on the pain and to try not to scream. I couldn't open my eyes, afraid of what I might see. Even though I knew I was changing into a vampire, I still expected that, if I would open my eyes, I would see my entire body on fire.
Somehow, three days passed and the fire slowly started ebbing away. The first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes was Edward and the Cullen family. I knew I had to be a vegetarian too, not just for them, but for myself, for Charlie. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I killed innocent people. Then I noticed the burning in the back of my throat and I suddenly was a blood craving newborn.
Every now and then I would be able to think rational, but it was mostly blood that interested me. Because I spent the first years in the woods, I almost never ran into humans, so my record stayed fairly clean. Eventually the periods of rational thinking got longer and more frequent. I could control my thirst more easily and had more time to wallow in my self pity.
Eventually I had earned some money and I started moving around, just like the Cullens. I always knew I was meant to be a vampire. There were times I missed my human life, especially Charlie and Jacob. And, of course, my time with Edward. But the vampire life seemed to fit better with me. My red eyes had long ago changed into gold and I convinced myself I would perfectly fit in with the Cullens, if only they wanted that.
My desire to fit in with the Cullens disappeared too, after a few decades. Sometimes I would be mad at them, then disappointed and sad. My anger was mostly pointed towards Edward, though. I blamed him for all of it, even though my heart protested. My love was still the same, maybe even stronger, but I wouldn't let my mind listen to it. I was bittered and alone. I had expected to maybe create or meet a clan, or family, but I never did. After a certain amount of years spent entirely on your own, you get a different view on certain things. I wanted that I appreciated it more when I was with Charlie or my mother. I realised how special the Cullens were. They weren't just the only vegetarians, but also the only real family that consisted out of vampires. I understood how they didn't want a human girl mess that all up. But even though I understood, didn't mean that it hurt less. My heart still ached for a family.