Short intro today folks. :) enjoy!
I do not own BTR or the characters.
Kendall was sitting in the apartment with Carlos and James. Kendall was sitting on the couch while James and Carlos were playing video games, seated in the floor. Kendall, deep in thought, leaned forward.
"Guys, I think something's wrong with Logan."
James paused the game and turned to the blonde. "What do you mean?" Carlos also turned to look at him, concern in his eyes. Carlos wasn't ignorant either. Kendall knew there was a lot more there than the usual carefree personality that Carlos emitted. Which wasn't to say Carlos was two-faced. He was very innocent and happy go lucky. But he wasn't stupid and mindless either.
"After yesterday morning, he was quiet and moody. He wouldn't talk with anybody. I'm worried." James frowned, and exchanged glances with Carlos. James patted Carlos' hand.
"Do you think he'll be okay?" Carlos asked. Kendall shook his head.
"I don't know." Carlos frowned, and sat back. James leaned over and hugged his friend. Kendall shook his head again. Was it him, or were Carlos and James being really touchy feely? Hm. . . James always did seem to be a bit overprotective of Carlos. Did that mean they were . . .?
"I'm still going to see if he'll do something. . ." Carlos exclaimed. And then he stopped talking when he heard a door open.
Logan walked out of the room he shared with Kendall. Logan's eyes were surprisingly cold and dead. He looked like he hadn't slept in a while and his normal spiked hair was disheveled. The brunette's mouth was curled into a frown. This "Fuck off" look didn't deter Carlos, who still bounded up to Logan, although a bit warily. Yet Carlos still managed to convey his normal enthusiasm.
"Hey, Logan! I was thinking we could catch a movie or go down to the pool or something! What do ya say?" For a moment, Kendall's heart leapt as Logan's eyes softened. Then it was like a gate had come back down and Logan's eyes flickered lifeless.
"God, Carlos! Is fun and games all you can think about? You are such an immature, stupid child!" Logan snapped. "Why don't you grow up sometime and realize other people have problems!" James and Kendall shot up at Logan's uncharacteristically harsh words. Kendall could see Logan's eyes were neutral. He showed no remorse in his words. Carlos' eyes were full of hurt and dejection. Tears sprang to his eyes as he turned red. No one, much less Logan, had ever spoken to him like that before.
"You leave him alone! What the hell is your problem?" James asked, stepping forward. "Do not treat him that way!"
"Why not? You know it's true. He's just a kid that is riding on this band's success."
"I. . . I . . ." Carlos stammered and then ran out of the apartment. Logan still had blankness in his eyes.
But it was James' eyes scared Kendall the most. They were full of anger and fury, which added onto Kendall's suspicion about James' relationship with Carlos. James took a step toward Logan. Kendall intercepted the brunette.
"No," Kendall said, with a hand at James' chest. "Go after Carlos. I'll talk to him." James locked eyes with Kendall, and the blond could see how angered the brunette was at Logan.
"Talk to him." James said in a gruff voice. "Carlos and I will be back soon, if I can catch him." With that, James left the apartment too. Kendall turned to Logan, who just stood there.
"What was that about?" Kendall asked sternly. Something was definitely wrong with Logan. Kendall wondered if it had to do with the call Logan made yesterday. It had to be something major to upset Logan. But why was he acting completely different?
Logan just shook his head. "I don't have to listen to this." The brunette turned and retreated back to him and Kendall's room. Not to be deterred that easily, Kendall followed. Logan tried to slam the door, but Kendall blocked it with his foot. He used the momentum to push his way through into the room before Logan could lock the door. Logan looked at him with a sneer before going over to sit on his bed.
Kendall's heart ached. Firstly, he was angry with Logan for snapping like that. Clearly, something was bothering him, but he didn't have to take it out on everyone else. Secondly, Kendall knew Logan. He wasn't one to get too upset over something unless it was big.
"What's wrong?" Kendall asked, still standing across the room in the doorway.
"Nothing's wrong," Logan answered, but his body language told differently. His eyes averted any contact, and Logan's voice was low and gruff. But his reply made Kendall frustrated. Couldn't Logan tell that Kendall was there to help him?
In his frustration at the brunette, Kendall snapped. "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess it's normal for you to walk out and insult Carlos," he said sarcastically.
Logan looked up at him with his dark colored eyes. Usually there were warm and inviting. They always shined when Kendall was around. Now they were cold, and uninviting. Kendall felt a shiver run down his spine.
"You've said yourself how immature he can be," Logan replied in a defiant tone. Kendall's eyes narrowed.
"At least I have class and don't tell him directly." Kendall didn't say this to be trading insults. He just wanted to establish that what Logan did was wrong.
Logan's reply took him off guard. "Like you have class. . ."
Kendall recoiled. "What?
Logan's eyes narrowed this time. "You heard me."
Kendall rubbed the bridge of his nose. He needed to get to the bottom of this, and fast. "Logan, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Kendall rarely ever cursed, especially to his friend. But Kendall was angry. They were all best friends, and when one was behaving negatively, they all were affected.
"Just . . . leave me alone." Kendall's heart ached at the hurt in Logan's voice. Kendall looked back at Logan's eyes. The floodgate was gone, and Logan's emotions were coming up to the surface. Tears streamed down Logan's once carefree face. The brunette continued to cry out. He didn't say any words, and yet he spoke in hurt and grief. The blond could feel the emotions that were practically dripping from each sob, like poison on a dagger, or blood from a finger prick. Logan just pulled his knees to himself and began to cry.
Kendall didn't care that Logan had just snapped at James, Carlos and him. His best friend was hurt, and needed comfort. The blond walked over and wrapped his arms around the brunette's broken form. It took Logan a few seconds to register it.
"Leave me alone Kendall." Logan commanded. But Kendall didn't let go. I fact, the blond held on tighter to the boy, who continued to cry. "Leave me alone!" Kendall, again, didn't listen. He just did what he'd promised he'd do.
=FLASHBACK=
"Logan, what's wrong?" Kendall asked. They were both ten. Logan was crawled up on the steps leading up to his front door. Kendall could see the brunette was shaking with sobs.
"It. . . It's Jerry. He . . . he was hit right in front of my house. . ." Kendall felt a familiar pang of loss. Jerry had been a boy that had lived in their neighborhood for a while now. None of them were great friends with him, but they knew him well enough to be saddened by his loss. It was more so that the boy was hit in front of Logan's house. Needless to say, it tore Logan up. Even if it was two weeks after the accident.
A car drove past, and Logan trembled harder. Kendall put his arms around his friend and gave him a hug. He hated seeing any of his friends upset, especially Logan. But Logan seemed a bit more than upset by the death of a neighborhood kid. Logan was close to hysterical at that point. Another car drove past, and Kendall could feel the brunette holding tighter onto him. That's when Kendall got it. Logan was now scared of traffic and cars.
"Logan? Are you afraid of the cars now?" Logan merely nodded, his face in between his legs. Kendall thought for a moment. Logan was his best friend. And he hated to see him afraid. Kendall stood up and walked over to the brunette. He sat behind Logan and wrapped his arms around him, pulling the smaller boy back against his chest. His arms were now a shield, protecting Logan from anything and everything. A shield of love and friendship
"K-Kendall?" The boy asked, obviously confused. Kendall just squeezed him.
"Don't worry Logan, I'll protect you! I promise, I'll never let anything get you, okay?"
Logan looked up at him. "Ever?"
Kendall grinned in that confident cocky manner he had. "Ever. Got it?" Logan nodded, still sniffling. Another car passed by, and Logan tensed up. Kendall just wrapped his arms tighter. He felt the brunette relax in his arms slowly, but surely. Soon cars were passing by, and Logan hardly noticed them anymore. He was safe, with his newfound protector.
=END FLASHBACK=
And here he was all these years later, still holding his friend, keeping his promise to protect him. No matter if it was hockey, a local bully, or a bad storm, Kendall had always been there to protect him when he needed it. It was why Kendall was so confused when Logan was acting this way. Could Kendall protect Logan from himself?
"God Dammit! I said leave me alone!" Logan shouted. Logan was never one for attention. He never liked to be in the spotlight. Hated it. When he was hurt, he wanted to recluse as well. But Kendall wasn't allowing him to do that. Instead of avoiding his problems, Kendall was forcing him to face them.
"NO! Not till you tell me what's wrong!" Kendall exclaimed.
"Dammit!" Logan took a weak swing in Kendall's direction. Kendall saw it coming and dodged it. Logan was starting to cry harder, as if fighting back were useless. Kendall pulled Logan into a hug, resting the brunette's head on his chest.
"Tell me what's wrong, Logie. I got you." That was all Logan needed to let loose. He started to bawl.
"I-I. . . I called my parents, and I . . . well . . . any-anyway . . . they are going to. . ." Logan's voice broke at this point. Kendall had to concentrate to make out the squeak that came next. "They're going to disown me!" Kendall's eyes widened. Logan was being disowned. Kendall found this to be incredulous. Logan loved his parents. He would do anything they asked, and more. He respected them, and abided by their every rule. What reason would they have to disown him? Kendall just held the shaking brunette as the boy's life began to crumble.
"It's not fair! It's all because I'm. . ." Kendall looked down at the boy, who had suddenly gone paler and stiffened. But he was still conscious and awake. Kendall also saw Logan's eyes looking at him, pleading with his own mind to tell Kendall, but his mouth wasn't cooperating.
"Logan, tell me," Kendall said. Logan shook his head in immense fear.
Kendall pulled back, and looked the brunette in the eyes. "Please. . ."
Logan suddenly found his voice. "No. . . I can't."
Kendall felt shock. What was so bad that Logan couldn't tell him, his best friend? "Why not? What are you so afraid of?" Logan looked away. Right then was actually the most he had ever seen Logan look.
"Losing you." Logan whispered softly. Kendall's heart tore. Did he really mean that much to Logan?
"What? Why are you afraid to lose me?" Kendall asked. Logan looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. Kendall could see fear plainly written in his features.
"Because . . . if I lose you, then I have nothing. You're all I have left."
Kendall shook his head. "That's not true. . ."
Logan began to tremble again. "Yes it is!" He continued to sob. Kendall just held him and let Logan cry his heart out. Maybe Logan could live with them? Even if Big Time Rush fell through and they had to move back to Minnesota, Logan would be invited to live with Kendall and his family. He was practically a second son to Ms. Knight. And like a big brother to Katie. He would fit in as if he'd belonged there all along.
After a long while, Logan's sobs subsided. His trembling decreased and some color had returned to his features. But Kendall still had questions. "Why? Logan, why?"
Logan hesitated for such a long time before answering. It got to the point that Kendall had thought Logan hadn't heard him. Finally he spoke. "I'm g. . . I'm ga-. . . . I'm gay K-kendall." What? Logan was gay? When did this happen? How did this happen? Oh. . . Logan was waiting for a response.
Kendall smiled. "So? I don't judge."
Logan went pale again. Kendall saw the unadulterated fear in his eyes. "That's not all. I . . . um I love you Kendall." Logan started to shake in fear.
Kendall shot up off the bed. "What? No. . . ."
"I'm so sorry!" Logan wailed, starting to cry again.
"No, Logan . . . I . . . I was about to offer for you to come and live with us. You could've been my brother. But I don't think that's possible now." At these words, Logan just turned over and went limp, still shaking. He looked lifeless, as if those few sentences had killed him.
"I. . . I understand." The brunette finally said. Kendall noted Logan's mask was now back in place. He was in the dull attitude he was earlier in the day.
… … … … …
Logan couldn't take it. He had just let go of his biggest secret. One he had kept hidden for over a year now. One he had had the courage to tell his mom a week ago, before the unfortunate phone call. And then, for Kendall to say that hurtful comment.
"No, Logan . . . I . . . I was about to offer for you to come and live with us. You could've been my brother. But I don't think that's possible now."
Logan felt himself shutting down again. His features went cold and heartless.
"I understand." His voice sounded gritty and rough, like sandpaper. Logan just gave up. It was over. He had told the one last person he loved most in the world the truth, and he didn't accept him. Logan could die.
Logan felt hot breath on his ear. "You didn't let me finish. I said I don't think it's possible because brothers aren't supposed to fall in love." Logan processed that for a second. Wait . . . so if the 'brothers' was the part that was negated. . .
"Does that mean-." Logan was cut off by Kendall's lips on his own. This was it, their first kiss. And it was perfect. Kendall fit right up against him, pulling Logan closer as they kissed. Both of them knew what the other needed and wanted, and it was wonderful. Kendall and he pulled apart from each other. Kendall then wrapped his arms around Logan. They locked gazes. Kendall's gaze was one of love, hope, and sympathy.
"Logan, I made you a promise years ago. And I still abide by it. I promise to protect you any way I can. Only this time, I promise to also hold you and love you. I have loved you for a while now, and I was just waiting for you to feel the same." Logan cried at hearing those words. This had been a very emotional day for him. Kendall frowned.
"What's wrong?"
Logan shook his head. "When you said. . . I mean I thought. . . I thought you hated me. I was ready to die Kendall. I lost my will to live. I have deeply loved three people in my life, and two of them betrayed me yesterday. To have the third one do it too would be . . . deadly. But I know you. And I know I can always count on you to be there for me. And now to . . . love me." Kendall smiled and kissed him again. But there was something still bothering Kendall.
"Logan?"
"Hm?" Logan replied.
"Why did you say those things to Carlos?" Logan looked away, guiltily.
"I. . . I had lost hope. I feared the world no longer cared for me. And if it didn't care about me, I wasn't going to care about it, anyone in it, or what I said to those people. But. . . I can't do that. . . I overcompensated and insulted him. . . God, he must hate me now."
"Shh. . . He'll understand. He'll understand." Logan nodded, now weary. HE started to drift off.
"I love you Kendall."
"I love you too Logie." They both fell into a peaceful slumber.
BAM! The front door to 2J was slammed. Kendall and Logan were awakened, both of them still on Logan's bed. It had been a couple hours since Logan's breakdown, and confession. Logan looked at Kendall.
"You need to apologize to him." Logan hesitated, and then nodded. They both slowly got up. Kendall walked out of their room first.
Logan stepped out of the room. His eyes met Carlos'. He immediately felt guilty. The dark-skinned boy had obviously done a lot of crying. James didn't look as angry, but was wary of what Logan was about to say.
"Carlos, I. . ." Logan swallowed before continuing. "I'm sorry. I had no right to say those things to you. You are one of my best friends. If anything, I was being the immature one." Carlos looked at him, long and hard before smiling. It wasn't the wide grin that normally adorned Carlos' face, but a smile nonetheless. Logan sat down, and motioned for the others to do so as well. Once they had sit, Logan told them what had happened yesterday with the phone calls. They needed to know why he had acted the way he did. He did leave out, however, he and Kendall getting together. Once he was through both James and Carlos gave him a hug.
"We love you Logan, don't worry. Just tell us if something's wrong. We can't help if we don't know!" James stated. Logan nodded. Carlos beamed.
"Let's watch a movie!" He said bouncing. James laughed at him and they went to go find a movie. Kendall sat next to Logan and put his arm around him.
"See? We're all here for you." He kissed the brunette. Carlos and James came back with the movie. James popped it in while Carlos ran to the bathroom.
"Get a room!" James said, sitting beside them. Kendall and Logan looked at him in shock.
"Aren't you surprised we're kissing?" Kendall asked. James shook his head and grinned.
Logan laughed. "Two of your best friends just got together while you were gone. That's not weird at all?"
James' grimaced. "I hope not. Cause I got something to tell you." Carlos came back and pounced on James' lap, giving him a peck on the cheek. Kendall and Logan just busted out laughing.
"I was not expecting that!" Kendall said laughing.
"Shh!" Carlos said, "It's starting!" They sat and began to watch. Logan felt . . . safe . . . and loved. He shivered. And cold.
"Cold?" Kendall asked, before wrapping his arms around the brunette. Logan smiled and suddenly felt warmer. Kendall Knight's arms were a shield against cold, hurt, and pain. A fact Logan would not soon forget.
Well well. Review please! Thanks to Manny101 for everything!