As usually thanks to my amazing beta TB.
Missing moment of the episode Workforce (7x15/16)
Losing you isn't an alternative
By cassiana
« Jealousy it is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
the meat it feeds on. »
(William Shakespeare, Othello)
Slumped, broken in the dim light of Kathryn's housing, Chakotay gritted his teeth. He held a bloody rag on the injured arm, forehead drenched with cold sweat. He had to get out of that situation, the Quarren guards soon would raid, but he had to catch his breath and relax a little or he would not go anywhere. His arm was a hell of evil, if only he could get a dermal regenerator! He ran his hand over his face, the ridges that the doctor had brought up were strange to touch, so alien to his face.
Chakotay thought that perhaps he should give up, try somehow to get back on Voyager and leave Kathryn where she was. She had seemed so happy, so peaceful, like he had never seen her before. The Quarren eradicated her memoirs of recent years, she seemed not to know she was the Captain of Voyager, she didn't recognize him. But what was burning him, even more agonizing than the arm that now sent him lashes of pain, was to remember her face when she introduced to him the man, Jaffen. She lived with him now, maybe she loved him.
That awareness devastated him and Chakotay swore leaning his head against the wall exhausted. He could still smell a hint of the scent of Kathryn and he closed his eyes. He had to face reality: Kathryn was never his. For seven long, bloody years he hoped and expected that Kathryn took a decision, every small step forward had been an achievement paid with a heavy price.
And he waited again, Chakotay knew. He never tried to force the woman he loved and understood her hesitation.
She stated her parameters and Chakotay knew that the protocols were just an excuse to keep her safe from possible emotional involvement therefore he had never attempted to cross those boundaries. Sweat had soaked his jacket. Chakotay pressed stronger on his wound in an attempt to stop the blood; if he doesn't find help soon he will be too weak to react to a capture. He shrugged his shoulders and movement made him curse.
Maybe being captured was not so bad: he could finally forget all that pain, start a new life, perhaps find another woman. Kathryn was so close to rebuilding a life. Chakotay could still see her submit to Jaffen, her new partner, and the memory of her blue eyes that linger in adoration on the face of the other man tore Chakotay deep. At that moment he could not help imagining Kathryn kiss and caress the man, making love with him…he snapped open his eyes. Enough!
The fever consumed the little strength he had. Chakotay heard a noise at the door and quickly picked up the phaser. He saw Kathryn enter. The darkness hid him for a few moments, and then she found a bloody rag and saw him. Chakotay rose, pointing the phaser against her.
Chakotay thought for a moment to shoot. He would rather see her dead than in the arms of another man. A dizziness shook him and dissipated that insane desire. No, he would take her away, he would restore the memory and then she would forget Jaffen and would return to him.