Here I was awake in bed. I couldn't sleep, and didn't want to anyways. How could he? How could he possibly run away when things were finally going right? Didn't he know that I'm in danger all the time? If anything, I was putting him in danger, not the other way around.
It's been four days and four and a half nights. I've only slept about 20 minutes and ate when my mom forced me to. Nothing tastes good when he isn't around, and nightmares came when I slept. I missed the warmth he brought to the flock, the way he acted like a father to Angel, Gazzy, and Nudge, and the best friend he was to Iggy and me. I miss the sexy half-smiles he gave me, the way he was there for me, the way he held me, the way he kissed me…
Would he really believe Dylan? Wasn't he smarter than that? I knew mom said that he was in love, and when you're in love you don't think straight. Did I really make him feel that way about me?
I heard a knock on my door.
"Who is it?" I asked as my voice cracked. I was suddenly aware that I was crying and quickly wiped the tears off my face.
I was half-expecting it to be him. He always knocked on my door in the middle of the night and comforted me when I was scared or worried.
"Max? It's Angel." Oh. I still didn't know how I felt about Angel. I wanted to forgive her- but what if she did it again? She had apologized over and over again after he left. She talked about the voice in her head, saying that my voice made good decisions so she thought hers would too, so she listened to it. It told her Fang was going to die, that Dr. Hans would help us, and that Dylan was my "perfect other half." False, false, and sooooooo false. I decided it was better if we talked now and put this behind us forever.
"Come in Ange, we need to talk."
Angel opened the door just so she could look inside before entering my room. She looked scared, thin, and sleep-deprived. Other then me she took his absence the hardest. Her bright blue eyes were now a dull gray and swollen from crying. She had salty streaks on her face and her blond curls were messy and needed to be washed.
"Max I'm SO sorry, I never thought Fang would leave!" she blurted out. I cringed on the mention of his name.
I patted my thighs, signaling her to go on my lap. She did and I started combing her hair with my fingers. "Angel, I know you're sorry. But it's not your fault this time, sweetie." It's Dylan's, I thought, anger shooting up inside of me.
"But it's my fault that Dylan came up with the idea that Fang would be putting us in danger, because I told you guys that he'd be the first to die," Angel responded quickly, after obviously reading my mind. I hugged her tight. I knew that Angel was truly sorry, I could tell. And anyways, what seven year old wouldn't listen to a tempting voice in their head telling them what to do?
And if that last sentence didn't sound weird, what sentence would?
"Angel, I forgive you." And I really did, I decided. She hadn't meant any harm, and she thought all would be for the best. She thought she was helping us at the time, not hurting us. "But you won't listen to that voice no matter what, okay? Listen to me instead, alright?"
"Yes Max, I know! Of course I won't listen to it. I'll always listen to you, the leader. Thank you, so so so SO much. That really means a lot to me," she said, wiping tears off her face and hugging me again. She sounded so grown up. I just nodded. I was afraid if I said something my voice would crack again. Tears were already springing to my eyes for the millionth time tonight. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
"Of course you can, sweetie." I said quietly. She got under the covers and snuggled up close to me. And for the first time in days, I went to sleep. And I didn't even have a nightmare.
I woke up to the smell of bacon and pancakes. Normally I would be ecstatic that Iggy was cooking bacon and pancakes, but I still wasn't in the mood to eat.
Angel had left my room, I noticed. I only slightly remembered the conversation with her last night. I remembered enough that I forgave her and that now we were on good terms again. That made me a feel a little better, knowing that we were the same flock again. Almost. A very BIG almost. However I felt good enough to get out of my room to join the others for breakfast, even if I wouldn't eat anything.
On my way downstairs I heard my flock talking. It was so normal it made me almost happy. Angel and Nudge were chatting happily and Gazzy and Iggy were arguing about something. I also heard Mom, Ella, and Dylan talking about something in low voices, probably about me. When I showed up everyone went quiet.
"Max!" Mom was the first to say something, "Good morning! Would you like something to eat? We have bacon!"
Mom knew that I use to like bacon. Use to. As in I don't like it anymore, or any food for that matter.
"No," I said grumpily. I saw Dylan look at me and I glared at him. If he had just never come into the picture, then…Fang…would still be here.
"Max, eat," Mom said while literally dragging me to the kitchen table to sit down. She set a plate of Pancakes and bacon in front of me and I just stared at it. "Max, honey, I know how you're feeling right now. And you're going to be in this phase for weeks, maybe months, if you don't try to get out of it now. Just eat, that's the first step."
"And how would you know how I'm feeling right now? How could you possibly understand it?" I snapped.
Mom looked like she was about to cry. "Actually," she started, but stopped herself. She looked at Ella and then at her hands. Ella looked like she was about to cry too.
And that's when it hit me like fireworks had just set off in my brain: Ella and I had different dads.
I had never thought about it before. Did Mom actually love Ella's dad? What happened to him? Did he die?
"Oh, my God," I said quietly, "I am so sorry, Mom. I'm sorry, Ella. I never thought ab-"
"It's okay," Ella cut in. It was silent for several minutes, and just to make my mom feel better I forced my pancakes and bacon down my throat. Finally Ella said, "I suppose you want to hear the story about him."
I shrugged, continuing to force a bite of pancake down. The food actually wasn't that bad. "Only if you want to talk about it," I said. The rest of the flock (minus…him) and Dylan were now around the kitchen table, chomping down their food.
"Well…I was in second grade when…."
Dr. M's POV, 5 years earlier
"Daddy!" Ella called. She had just gotten off the bus from school and had a very rare day that her father was home right when she was. Usually Bill worked until after supper, and sometimes and much more recently, until after Ella was put to bed.
She reached out to hug him and he picked her up so he could hug her back. He kissed her on her nose making her giggle.
"How's my sweet tooth doing?" He asked with a smile on his face. Ella beamed and smiled even bigger, if that was possible.
"Good! You should come home early everyday! Can you?" she asked innocently. When he didn't respond right away her face fell.
He frowned and put her down, looking at me with a look in his eyes saying help-me-think-of-an-answer. I shrugged before giving Ella a hug.
"I'll try," he said under his breath, so quiet that I could barely him. Ella smiled at him. Then she took her shoes and backpack off. She raced upstairs and came back down with a picture she drew. From what I could tell, it was a picture of her, Bill, and I. She was on Bill's shoulders and tugging on his black spiky hair. I was holding hands with him and wearing a Sombrero.
"It's a picture of us when we still lived in Mexico! It's for you, Daddy!" Ella said happily handing the picture to Bill. Bill took it from her as if it was a check worth a million dollars, making sure not to rip or wrinkle it.
"I'll keep it forever and treasure it my entire life," he said. Ella beamed.
I smiled sadly at Ella. Ella loved being in Mexico but the country just wasn't treating us well financially. She was five years old when Bill was offered a new job in New York. We knew it was the best option, even if it meant Ella would have to leave her pre-school friends and teachers. Kids in New York weren't treating Ella right. They made fun of her for being…different, and called her names. She had a hard time making new friends and it wasn't abnormal for her to come home crying. It certainly didn't help that Bill was hardly home anymore and now that she was eight, she was understanding that if this kept up then the rest of her childhood wouldn't go very well.
I cooked dinner early tonight. Bill said he wanted to go to bed early. I didn't know how early that meant, but I figured I might as well start soon. I cooked Ella's favorite: salmon. I grilled it outside and added some lemon juice and dill. I boiled the rice and green beans. Then I put chocolate chip cookies in the oven. It was 6:00 by the time I was done, and called Bill and Ella for dinner. I was pleased that they were spending time together by reading. I was going to talk to Bill tonight to see if he could take some time off work to spend more time with us.
We all ate dinner…happy. I hadn't been this happy in a long time, and neither had Bill or Ella. Bill helped Ella with her homework later, and then went to bed at 8:00. An hour later I tucked Ella in bed.
"Mom?" she asked. She wasn't smiling now. In fact, she looked rather unhappy.
"Yes, sweetie?"
"Daddy's not coming home that early ever again, is he?"
I paused. "You never know sweetie, he could." I was on the verge of tears now and so was she. I hated seeing her so unhappy. After a few minutes of staying with her, I went to go to bed myself. I was going to talk to Bill about being more of a dad than a…doctor? What was he, anyways? However, when I walked in the bedroom he wasn't in bed. I noticed some of his things were missing, and I saw a note lying on the bed.
Dear Val,
I'm sorry, but today was the last time you and Ella got to see me. I'm leaving. You'll do better off without me, anyways.
Bill
I started crying. It couldn't be. Why would he just leave? Did he really not care about me and Ella that much? I had heard awful stories about husbands who just left their wives, but I never thought Bill would do that. I guess I was wrong, because he did.
Ella heard me crying. She slowly walked in my room, tears streaming down her face.
"Mom? What's wrong?" she asked. I handed her the note and we both cried for hours.
A week later I wanted to get out of the house. Too much of it reminded me of Bill, that jerk. The man that I was deeply in love with, and betrayed me. The man that was the father of my daughter, and betrayed her. The man that just left with no warning and left us with no one in the house employed and with bills that needed to be done. The man that I would never, ever forgive.
Ella and I decided to move to Arizona, across the country from New York. We both liked the desert feel and there were more people like us there. I went to college with our extra money and became a vet. Ella went to school and made many great friends. We both got over Bill and pretended like it never happened.
Max's POV
"And we never talked about him or even mentioned his name, until now," Ella finished. Tears were in her eyes, as well as mine and everyone else there.
"I'm so sorry," I half said, half mouthed. I promised myself that if I ever met this guy named Bill, I would make sure that he never, ever forgot what he did to my family and punch his guts out until he was almost dead.
Mom laughed nervously. "Max, he was a jerk. It's okay, it happened a long time ago." Then she burst out crying, followed by Ella, followed by Angel, Nudge, and Gazzy, and finally, followed by me. I hate crying. Especially crying fests, which seemed to be going on a lot lately. Even Total whimpered. Are dogs even able to cry? This Bill guy was going to pay.
Mom went to the bathroom upstairs to get some Kleenex for the rest of us. I couldn't blame her that she was sobbing. Even though Ella couldn't remember everything, she remembered enough and couldn't stop crying, either. Then the next thing I saw shocked me.
Iggy took Ella's chin in his palm, felt her face gently for her lips, (in a romantic way,) and kissed her. Just like that. Bam. In front of everyone. Ella stopped crying and blushed.
At first I was thrilled. They should've kissed long ago. Heck, they should've gone out long ago. But then suddenly a hundred flashbacks of Fang came back. He kissed me the same way, holding my chin. He was there to comfort me and to hold me. Every chance we got to be alone he would be my boyfriend, not just my best friend. We hardly had that many chances to be alone, but when we did it was special. It was so amazing. And I missed it so much-I missed him. He told me he loved me. And I loved him. But then why would he leave if he really loved me that much?
"Max, are you okay?" asked Nudge. I was crying very hard now.
"Um…yeah." No
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." No. He's gone…forever.
"Everything will be alright Max, you know that, right?"
"Of course." I wish.
Fang's POV
I threw a rock as hard as I could. Ugh. This was so damn frustrating. All I could think about was her. Her smile, her face, her laugh, her voice, her kiss…
Why couldn't I think of something else? I was going to see her in twenty freaking years. Why the hell did I choose twenty? Why not ten? I…am…such…an…idiot. She was probably pissed at me by now. I left her alone with three kids and two hormonal teenage boy's to look over. In twenty years she probably won't even remember me, or want to see me. She's probably made out with Dylan fifty times by now.
Come on Fang, focus, I thought to myself. I had to eat. I'd eaten random berries off trees in the past four days, and I needed some protein if I was going to fly all the way to New York City. Well, New York City first. Then I'll see where that takes me.
I heard a noise. Please, God, don't let it be an Eraser, please. I heard it again and slowly went towards its direction. Yes! God does love me, after all!
There, standing right in front of me, was a big, fat, juicy rabbit. I know what you're thinking. "Ew! Fang, that is SO gross." Actually it isn't. It would be delicious, I should know from prior experience with…Max. Shit. I'm thinking about her again.
I beat the rabbit to death, made a fire, gave the rabbit a funeral, and then ate it. Max and I always gave our rabbits funerals before we ate them. I sighed. I couldn't keep thinking about her. And anyways, I needed to do this for the safety of her and for the flock. Not only was I keeping them safe, but I'm finally starting to fulfill my mission.
The person I hated more than myself was Dylan. He decided to randomly pop up with Dr. Hans and get in the way of me and Max's love. I could tell she was starting to fall for him. She called him perfect. She's never called me perfect. Did she even ever love me? Every time I saw her my heart would do a cartwheel and every time I kissed her my whole body would tingle and want to stay that way forever. I thought she felt the same way. But I've got some news:
Life isn't anything like a Disney princess's life.
There are no happy endings in real life. Anything good that happens never lasts. Like Jeb taking good care of us, our first house in Colorado, Angel's cuteness and innocence, and the one that stung the most-love. I would do anything for Max, I hope she knows that. If she came and found me I wouldn't be able to finish my mission, because I love her too much. And same goes for the rest of the flock.
I miss hearing Nudge talk about her clothes and hair non-stop, laughing at Gazzy's farts and imitations of Ter Borcht, telling Iggy when a hot girl walked by and being his best friend. I even missed reading to Angel and watching T.V with her. I missed going flying at night with the flock and watching Iggy make Max look like a loser with his cooking skills. Everything has been going down hill, anyways. Angel turned evil, nobody wanted Max to be the leader, and Iggy was starting to hate me for spending more time with Max than with him.
I finally drifted off to sleep, dreaming about the flock and Max. But now I have to move on to the new chapter of my life.
