"Fine," Jasper said irritably, "but don't blame me when you get your ass whipped."
I just about managed to refrain from wincing. I was pretty sure Bella was never going to find out about any of this, but that didn't stop Jasper's words giving me a nervous twinge. My ass did not like any talk of whippings and my toes curled at the suggestion of getting into trouble with Bella again.
Not that I frequently get into trouble . . .
Even when I do, Bella is pretty soft on me. The rest of the family believe that she's far too soft. To be honest, I suspect they're right. But, there have been a few grim times when I've messed up enough to anger even Bella to the point of a spanking. Those are not my favourite memories. Though, they are not my least favourite either, at least when Bella's mad at me she's still there. All of my least favourite memories are of Bella-less times. I can handle anything but being alone again. Bella loves me and she's not going anywhere. I can handle a spanking, if I absolutely have to, and - all things taken into consideration - I probably don't. So, I managed not to wince at Jasper's annoying warning.
Anyway, it hardly mattered. I may have controlled my facial expressions, but Jasper still noticed the emotional cringe.
He gave me another one of his elder brother serious stares and said, "if you just confess straight away, she'll probably go easy on you. Lying makes it a whole lot worse."
I hate it when he assumes the role of my elder brother - which is, apparently, an advisory role, with an unflinching character assessment thrown in for free. He gets this world-weary look on his face, as if he's seen so much, and knows so much, that he's built up a massive store of hard won wisdom. Sure, he's a bit older than me, he's seen some stuff. But, I'm the telepath. I'm the one who knows what everyone sees. He knows that I don't want his advice, what makes him think that I need it?
It's probably because I look so absurdly young. No matter how many years pass, my face still wears only seventeen of them. Since Bella and Renesme came along, it's become ever more ridiculous. Bella, though she was only a year older than I was at her change, was a mother, a fully grown woman. These days she can look any age from eighteen to thirty (though, I know - and Bella doesn't, and, God willing, never will - some spiteful thoughts about plastic surgery fly around when she plays towards the top end of that). Whereas I can never look like a man, I am forever a boy. My daughter ages, and I continue to look like a child. Renesme's rapid aging is slowing, but nonetheless she will overtake me soon. How can I expect her to take me seriously then: her child father? How can I ever expect anyone to take me seriously?
But Jasper is not a human, I've never lied to him about my true age, he knows exactly how old I am. He has no reason, and no right, to look at me like that, as if I'm still a child.
"What would you know?" I snapped, "it's not even possible to lie to Alice." Alice keeps a close eye on Jasper. She sees everything he ever does, hell, she sees everything he ever even seriously considers doing. There's absolutely no point in him trying to keep things from her. Bella, on the other hand, has plenty of blind spots, especially when it comes to me. Which is lucky, really, she certainly wouldn't be so adoring if she knew everything I get up to.
"And," I concluded, "I have no intention of lying to Bella. I will simply not mention a few things that would be of no interest to her."
"Keeping secrets is the same as lying," Jasper said. He really does not know when to let a subject drop.
He was starting to look a little bit too worried, and I didn't like it at all. It wasn't what he was saying that was making me nervous now, it was more what he was thinking.
Secrets cause serious trouble, which probably goes for me too, he thought, I should tell Bella myself. Maybe she'd still go easy on Edward. He's going to be furious with me, though.
"I don't recall asking for your opinion," I told him, "I am not going to discuss this with Bella, and nor are you."
Aren't I? Jasper thought to himself. I may be a bit nervous about upsetting Bella, but poor Jasper is petrified of Alice. Honestly, I don't know why she ever bothers to scold him at all. Jasper doesn't need scolding. He comes pre-punished, as it were. He's already suffered more than anyone else I know. Plus, he adores Alice to such an extent that he hates himself when she's angry. She never needs to say a word, just her feelings dropping below perfect happiness is enough to torture Jasper.
Alice would expect me to tell Bella. He decided. I'm sorry if it upsets you, Edward, but I'm going with what Alice wants. Never steered me wrong before.
If I was going to get him to keep his mouth shut, I was going to need a bit of persuasion on my side. Something that terrified Jasper even more than getting into trouble with Alice. Fortunately, I have just the trick. There is one way of making Jasper terrified of me. Deep down, he still believes that I could get him and Alice kicked out. All I need to do is hint at their place in family being the slightest bit precarious, and he'll sit and beg on command.
"Do you really think it's your place to interfere?" I asked.
Jasper was the one cringing now.
Is he pulling rank on me? Is he warning me? Alice wants us to be Cullens. Edward could make that impossible. They don't need us. The coven's already large, too large, maybe?
If Carlisle decides it's too big, he won't offload his own creations. Alice and I aren't bound to him, not by venom.
Alice couldn't stand it. She wanted this so much. When we were searching for them, she was so . . . eager. I can't let her yearn like that again.
It doesn't sound like a request.
Maybe this is how he gives orders. Maybe this is what orders sound like in a family.
Since I was in the family - well, I guess 'coven' would be more apt, if I was going to start issuing commands - before Jasper, he still considers me to be Carlisle's second in command, Jasper's superior. And one thing that Jasper's early life has done is train him to obey superiors, at all times, without question. So, yes, maybe I mentioned his 'place' with the certainty that it would awaken his spirit of obedience.
I didn't answer his thoughts. I am definitely not supposed to take advantage of Jasper's old fears about his position in the family to force him to obey me. But, so long as I don't say anything out loud, I figure I have plausible deniability. He can't prove that I knew what he was thinking. After all, I might have been giving him his privacy, deliberately ignoring his thoughts, he can't prove that I'm listening. I haven't actually said anything out loud, nor has he. Even if Alice is watching - was watching us, before this happened - she wouldn't have seen anything incriminating. I could have meant merely that he shouldn't interfere in my marriage.
"Are you going to interfere?" I asked.
Jasper stood up a bit straighter. His hands somehow made their way to his sides. "No," he said out loud, he'd been a Cullen long enough to keep the 'sir' inside his head.
"Good," I said, "then we'll leave it at that."
Alice is never going to understand this. Jasper was thinking. I shouldn't have tried to talk to him.
"Goodbye, Jasper," I said.
Jasper knew a dismissal when he heard one. He left me to it then.
Jasper wouldn't be talking, that was certain. So, as long as I could play it cool and not make Bella suspicious, everything would be fine.
After all, I was barely doing anything at all. I had unlocked a couple of doors. I might be damaging a few students' bags at school tomorrow. Hardly the crime of the century. Hardly a big deal, even if I did get caught. And I was clearly not getting caught. There was no way anyone would ever know it was me. Well, Jasper knew, but he doesn't count. He's not going to talk.