Enjoy!
My first Shounen ai. Sweet angst I call it!
Words surrounded by these: ~ ~ are spoken in Japanese
This are Duo's thoughts These are Heero's thoughtsThrough Mirrored Eyes
"Yo! Buddy, where ya been?"
Heero turned, mildly annoyed, and studied his partner with a blank gaze. Duo's eyes narrowed suspiciously…something wasn't quite right…
"What is it?" the Japanese boy quipped angrily, bothered by Duo's steady gaze.
"You okay, Heero? I mean...ya look kinda pale."
"I'm fine--"
"But..."
Heero stood, as if to prove his impeccable state, and let his features crack in astonishment upon feeling himself fall blindly into Duo's arms. Duo could feel his eyes widen as he struggled to hold onto Heero's weight; he'd dropped like a sack of potatoes into his arms. Despite the shock he received, Duo realized that Heero was still very much awake--or else, he seemed to be.
Falling to his knees, Duo gathered Heero's immobile body in his own and studied his blank expression with reserve. Heero's pupils were dilated, so that only a murky ocean of black was visible. Duo nudged the young boy hesitantly, and bit his lip harshly.
"Aww, Come on, Heero—at least tell me you can hear me? KUSO!!"
Heero seemed to suddenly snap awake. Though the color returned to his eyes, he remained paralyzed. He opened his lips to speak and widened his eyes, surprised at having no sound penetrate them.
"Okay, Okay, buddy—um, if you understand me, open and close your left hand."
The young boy glanced at his palm, commanding it to move, and would have growled in disgust, if not for the fact he had no voice. Heero's eyes darted back towards Duo's, his gaze somewhat explaining he had no movements.
Duo gritted his teeth, bewildered at seeing the frightened expression settling into Heero's Prussian eyes, and squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"Okay, then—uh—close you're eyes twice if you understand."
Heero squinted his eyes in agreement. Duo blew out a sigh of relief; at least he had not lost all control.
Squinting his eyes furiously, Heero tried hard to capture Duo's attention. The American pilot turned towards him, peering confusedly into his partner's eyes. "Yeah, buddy? What is it? Food? Bathroom? One squint is yes, two is no."
Heero opened and closed his eyes twice. "Then what? I really—"
Closing his eyes, Heero let realization sink in. He was paralyzed…muted…at least he could still see. Lightly, Duo tapped Heero's cheek. Heero perked up, anxious for distraction.
"I'd get ya to a doctor…but, buddy, what timin' we're in the middle of nowhere!"
Heero blinked once, indicating he understood, and gazed into the other pilot's eyes, wondering whether Duo could read the words that evidently shined in his eyes.
Watching his comrade's morning antics, Heero smirked vaguely. After two months, slight movement had returned to his facial muscles. Though his speech was still muffled and slurred, it was not all that hard to make out his words.
If anything, the two had grown closer over the past few months they had spent together. Heero's disability had enabled both pilots to explore an area of friendship neither had thought possible. Besides, a little male company every now and then wouldn't hurt…
"Uuo," Heero called softly, the small word causing him immense effort. Duo rushed to his side almost immediately.
"Wassup, buddy!?"
"Uuo, uI…uuh uuwannauu uureaduu."
(Duo, I wanna read)
"Sure, buddy," with that, Duo took the still paralyzed Heero into his arms and swiftly carried him toward their bedroom. Duo blushed at the thought of their sharing a room…and a bed. The truth was, Duo did not feel comfortable leaving Heero alone in a room, knowing well he was in bad shape. Besides, he'd come to enjoy the feel of Heero cuddled into him.
With much effort, Heero managed to tilt his head toward his braided baka. Braided baka…you have no idea how thankful I am…Perhaps I was too harsh on him—I cannot imagine how hard this would have been without him…my braided baka.
For not being much of an avid reader, Duo recited the lines from the book rather clearly and seriously. He was a good reader, something Heero only now realized. Forget about me ever calling him stupid again…I had no idea he was such a fluid reader—then again, Duo has never read clearly or without joking before. Is it because of me…is he doing it this way because he knows I hate when he fools around with the words?
Missing the soft, soothing voice that belonged to only Duo, Heero glanced up. The young boy had fallen into a deep sleep; his chest rising and falling steadily as his chestnut bangs fell over his face in shaggy wisps. Duo's current peaceful position triggered the illusion of an angel in blissful sleep—no…it wasn't an illusion. Duo was an angel—the Angel of Death nonetheless…
Heero studied him carefully, his lips taking an action similar to a frown as he took note of the dark sagging bags under Duo's eyes—he was tired.
All this because of me…I wish…I wish I could get up from this bed—I wish he could lie here beside me, I wish I'd be able to feel him if he did. I wish I'd be able to stroke his cheek…oh how soft his cheek must be! Even if I could only carry him to bed and watch him sleep…he looks so uncomfortable—all because of me. What do I have, anyway? Duo never said anything about what the doctors had said…perhaps it was better that way.
He is stirring, his eyes flutter open and he blesses me with yet another lop-sided grin. How he could maintain such an act…it was a façade, I knew…and yet, what a wonderful façade it was! Those luscious eyes, how they twinkled with each smile—I wonder if he sees my eyes twinkling. I doubt it. I am so used to shielding my expressions I, myself, do not realize whether I am still hiding them or not—it has become such a habit, I rarely remind myself to keep up my guard…it comes naturally to me…
I close my eyes—my eyes, such strain has been put on them lately—squinting in accordance to a code. Although, now I can talk—slightly; I know Duo struggles to understand what it is I try to say. It is tiring for him—at the least.
Maybe Duo believes I am asleep, perhaps—though not entertaining, sleep is something I have come to abhor through this blasted illness. He is speaking. Softly…so softly he speaks…like a breeze…
"You look so vulnerable," he says, his voice thick with concern. I know he thinks this is all his fault—I can almost read his mind as he thinks the mission would've been over and all would be fine if he hadn't delayed us because of a meager, childlike interest. He thinks I might have been able to go to a hospital and seek medical attention…but we are on the run, and a clinic was as much was we could afford. I wish I could reassure him…lay my fingertips on his, maybe? I have found myself aching for his touch—for anything that was Duo…I was tired of this outer shell…I was tired of hiding…
And yet, Duo always managed to brighten things up a bit. Just last night he danced to his heart's content, keeping up the charade only because he knew I was enjoying it. Only because he knew I miss his teasing words—he did not tease me much now—rarely. I miss calling him a braided baka. My braided baka…
"This never would've happened if I hadn't wanted to go to the circus—our mission would've been over…you would've been home, with Quatre, maybe being treated with the world's best doctors…it's all my fault. 'Cause of stupid me! And I can't even offer to take you home—all because of this blasted mission…no one even knows we're alive, Quatre and the others aren't even expecting us until late December—and it's September!!"
I wish I could tell him he was wrong. I do not think the best doctors could cure this illness—whatever it is…no, only Duo could cure me. I was sick…not only was I physically sick, but my soul and heart needed tending, they had long been neglected…
"I'm sorry…I would never dream of hurting you…I…I guess it's true though—what I've always said…I am Shinigami…and, that's that."
No! No!
"Uuo—"
Duo glanced up, aware of the fact that Heero was awake. Swiftly, he brushed away the tears that had cascaded down his cheeks and grinned, "So, buddy, sweet dreams?"
Stop hiding, Duo. I can see your tears…I want to brush them away—I know what you are hiding, we're one and the same—we see life through the same mirror…stop hiding.
"Uusleepuu"
(sleep—)
"How stupid of me!" Duo paused and slapped his forehead absently, "do you want to have a bath or do you want to go straight to bed?"
"Uubauuthuu"
(bath)
Nodding, Duo wrapped strong arms around Heero's waist and gently held him up. "Warm or cold water, buddy?"
"Uuhhuuotuu"
(hot)
Delicately, Duo peeled off Heero's blue cable-knit sweater and proceeded to unbutton his white dress shirt. The process itself was painstaking. For one, Duo had to support Heero's back, or else the boy would fall backwards, and for another he only had one hand available for the task. Once Heero's torso was taken care of, Duo moved onto his jeans. Hesitation struck him almost immediately.
Why now Duo? You've done this nearly everyday for the past two months, why are you hesitating now?!
Heero spotted the strange reluctance in Duo's actions. He may have been paralyzed, and he may have been mute—but he had by no means lost the alertness his soldier training had provided him with.
He doesn't want to…
"Uuuituuokuu—sluueuuep."
(It okay. Sleep)
"No," Duo replied curtly, urging his hands to move without avail. At that moment, Heero wished he could move, he hated relying on others for help—especially when they were not glad to do it.
"UI uuduuumyseuuld!!!" Heero shrieked, surprising Duo, who had quietly been sorting out his emotions. The young boy cocked his head in confusion, "I don't understand what you're saying, Heero—" Duo found himself saying, only to regret what he had said, realizing Heero's hurt expression.
Heero lurched dangerously to the left, the action brought on by the intensity of which he was shaking his head—the only body part he had control over. Duo watched in complete despair as Heero fell to the ground, his body shaking at the contraction, though Heero had no control over the shudders.
Duo dove to the ground, and pushed Heero's head toward his, in a way that his eyes would surely glance into his. He gasped, incredulous, when he saw the other boy's eyes, squeezed shut as tears violently oozed through them.
"UI uuduuumyseuuld…"Heero said once again, his voice just barely above a whisper, body trembling as Duo buried him into his chest. "UI uuduuumyseuuld!!!" the young man continued, anger evident in his muffled voice.
Duo figured that if Heero could've moved, he would have darted out of that room—screaming to kill him until the deed was accomplished.
Moving slightly, just so that he would be able to stare into his eyes, Duo spotted the anger blazing blatantly in Heero's Prussian depths and drew in a sudden breath. He had upset Heero.
The young man used his head to pull himself free of Duo's grasp.
"UI uuduuumyseuuld!!!"
"Heero, I'm sorry—that's not how I meant it…"
"UuhIuu uutupiduu."
(I not stupid)
"Heero, I never said you were stupid, C'mon, buddy?"
I do not need charity from anyone…I am a soldier…a soldier does not need distractions…a soldier does NOT require assistance. I am the Perfect Soldier…I do not need anybody—not you, Duo. Especially not you!!
Duo bit his lip when he spotted Heero's fierce gaze. Heero's expression; however, changed from angry to bewildered when he felt Duo's arms tenderly wrap around his waist, pulling him close. "I'm sorry, Heero—it's just…I don't know, I'm just not used to this…"
I…don't…need…anyone…Knitting his eyebrows in confusion, Duo peered at Heero closely. Being that he had no means of movement, Heero was tucked possessively into his grasp; however, those wet sprinkles that landed on Duo's bare arms weren't sweat—they were tears.
"C'mon, Heero—let it out."
In reponse, the Japanese pilot trembled, angling his head so that Duo would not see the tears which now flowed deeply from his eyes.
"Let it out, buddy—it only hurts more if you keep it inside…C'mon."
As he spoke, Duo brought Heero's face level with his. "That's it," Duo murmured gently, using his thumb to stroke the young man's cheek while biting his lip, "you'll feel better."
Heero cried bitterly onto Duo's neck, sobs seeming to constantly rack his immobile body, rendering him weaponless against the emotions that were so easily overpowering him.
I can't stand this…it's not fair…why is it that this always happens to us? Why is it hurting so much, he's just an obnoxious idiot who always shuts me up—he deserves to be mute and learn a lesson…doesn't he? Then why is it hurting so much to see him this way…?
Eventually, Heero's tears dissolved into soft whimpers, though his body still shook harshly. Duo closed his eyes and tried to forget what he had seen.
The perfect soldier…the man whom he had seen destroy so many without merciless empathy—it seemed he had a breaking point as well…
"Listen to me, buddy…it'll be okay—I promise. Shinigami never breaks a promise."
Heero glanced up, a pitiful expression molded into his usually stoic features as he nodded, an air of innocent hope lingering in his eyes.
It feels so much more awful that this happened to him. If it had been Quatre, he would have cried, no duh, but not Heero…anyone BUT Heero…
"We're not gonna cry anymore, okay?" Duo offered, pressing Heero's forehead against his. "You promise me, Heero?"
Before he could agree a silent tear strode down his cheek.
I promise, Duo.
Then, softly, as if to seal the pact, Duo kissed away the tear, closing his eyes and savoring the strange contact between them. Heero, whose eyes had grown wider, could not help but study the young man curiously.
Kami-sama? Is this ai?
"Good Mornin', buddy!"
Heero stared at Duo critically. Judging from the puffy black bags under his eyes, Duo had been up most of the night. "So, you ready for your bath?"
Sighing, Heero nodded. Although he hated the idea of the incident of the night before to be repeated, the thought of remaining sweaty, sticky, and dirty for the rest of his days seemed like more of a penance…he was going to bathe whether it killed him.
Lying on his back while Duo stripped him of his clothing, Heero thought vaguely about the night before. He hesitated…he did not stop…he hesitated…
The tub had already been filled, and ever so gently, Duo placed Heero inside. Heero blushed almost instinctively, upon feeling Duo's delicate hands slowly glide a lathered sponge over his body. I wish I could feel your hands…but I do not—the only place where I feel you is my face.
Missing Duo's musky scent, Heero's eyes lazily fluttered open. The young man had disappeared. Duo returned promptly with a bottle in his hand. "Smells good," he commented, taking in a whiff of the substance. Sighing, Heero closed his eyes and relaxed against the tub.
He's beautiful…so relaxed…like a child—so vulnerable…
Squeezing out a generous amount of shampoo onto his fingertips, Duo began to gently massage it across Heero's tousled tresses. He seemed to react vaguely, only so that a small murmur of pleasure escaped his lips
He likes that Duo noticed, increasing the amount of pressure he put into his actions. Perhaps he would enjoy a massage…
Eyes snapping open, Heero felt a strong sensation rush up his body. It centered itself around his tense neck muscles and slowly cascaded toward his back, where he completely lost its feel. "Relax," Duo whispered, aware of Heero's alarmed state.
"Shhh…" Duo murmured once more as Heero struggled to speak. The young boy gave up, allowing the calloused fingertips to continue their journey through his back. "You know, " Duo began, "I've never given anyone a massage—"
You're doing fine…
"Here, turn around, Heero…"
Heero glared up at Duo, wondering if he was really that dense. He couldn't move—how the hell could he turn around?
Realizing his mistake, Duo used his strength to fix Heero into a position were he would be able to stare at him. Bringing his hands toward Heero's jaw, Duo began an intricate pattern across the boy's cheeks, his digits gingerly pressing against his temples. Heero's body seemed to agree, his neck rising, eager to be caressed by the invading fingertips.
Stop. Stop. This is just an illusion—it will soon end; dreams are a person's downfall…stop dreaming.
"I should stop," Duo uttered, his hands immediately leaving Heero's neck. A bit confused, Heero tried to shake away the sensuous feel of the other's fingertips.
Perhaps….
The water of the tub soon cooled, "Be right back, I'll bring a pail of hot water," Duo whispered, wondering whether it'd make a difference to Heero.
He returned promptly and poured the scalding water into the tub bit by bit. Heero watched attentively, biting his lip when he saw the bucket slip from Duo's grasp, sending the blistering water over him. Blinking a few times, Heero realized he had felt but a light pinch where the water had hit him. He studied Duo's horrified expression, "uuokuuay (okay)."
It didn't hurt him? But—I saw him cringe…he felt something, maybe….maybe he's starting to feel again, vaguely, but hey, you gotta start somewhere.
Nodding slowly, Duo continued to slide the sponge over Heero's well chiseled chest. It's been nearly 3 months of no exercise for him—and yet, his muscles are still so perfectly molded—it's enough to make even the heavens swoon…
Heero reacted vaguely, cushioning his head against the soft pillow Duo had brought along. His eyes were closed, and although he could not feel Duo's traveling hands, he certainly sensed the hot blush that threatened to invade Duo's cheeks. His eyes blinked open almost instantly.
Why are you blushing, Shinigami? You, the God of Death—afraid of touching me? I suppose I should not blame you…I would hesitate in touching you as well. Or at least—I would have. Not anymore…not now that I know how important senses and touches are…especially now that I do not have them. Kami-sama give me strength—please get me through this…I have never before prayed to you…or asked for help—but oh! I need you now!
God he's staring at me again—does he know? Does he figure I'm unsure of my actions…? I know he can't feel me, he made that abundantly clear several times, and yet—he knew…no, he sensed when I hesitated into bathing him *there*. It would make things a helluva a lot easier if he wouldn't stare at me with those eyes. I wonder if he knows what I'm thinking…his gaze is just so—so intense, it feels as if he's reading my thoughts, dissecting every little daydream and sentiment within me…I marvel at those eyes, so full of expression and ferociously shielded at the same time…it's…intriguing…
Snapping out of his thoughts, Duo hoisted Heero out of the tub and flushed a deep coral as he was forced to press the young boy against himself while searching for a towel. "Sorry," he had murmured softly, only to come face to face with Heero's blank expression.
Duo carried him towards his bed, setting him down gently while searching for fresh clothes to dress his roommate. All this Heero watched with a critical eye. He had always been one prone to use his sharp senses when he felt something was astray, but his condition had further enlightened them; to the extent that every remark, sigh, or glance, marked a different state of mind.
He is avoiding my gaze. Heero noted absently, his brow crinkling visibly as Duo averted his eyes once again. Something is bothering him…
The young man returned to Heero's side, a white tee and blue sweats in his left arm, while using his free hand to pull Heero into a sitting position. He's looking at me again…Shinigami give me strength…why is he looking at me!? I suppose I shouldn't blame him, after all, staring at the wall all day mustn't be too entertaining. I wish he weren't, though. I wish he weren't so that he wouldn't notice the blush in my cheeks—It feels as if he might read my mind. Heavens no! Not with these thoughts…Shinigami, I wish he weren't undressed here, lying before me, with those intense eyes…I wish it were anywhere but here—not with him paralyzed. If it were another scenario…oh how I would enjoy it!
Carefully, Duo cradled the other boy against him, closing his eyes as Heero's breath occasionally landed on his neck, sending slight tremors of excitement through him. Heero closed his eyes as well, though for different reasons. This was the only moment of the day he enjoyed…mostly because welcomed sleep followed. Heero had never been much of a sleeper, often he would keep Duo awake typing away at his laptop until the wee hours of the morning. It had never actually affected him, the loss of sleep, but now…now sleep seemed just about the only activity he could still perform himself.
Duo watched as his partner closed his eyes, comfortable in the tiny burrito of cloth he had created. The American boy scratched his head in amusement. He had a feeling if Heero could have, he would've snuggled deep within the covers, a tiny smile on his lips. Of course—Duo frowned—Heero would never smile.
Lying awake, Duo beckoned sleep heartily, and growled in annoyance when it evaded him. Get out of my head, Dammit—Duo berated angrily—There is *no* room for you here! Damn you, Heero Yuy, if you weren't in such a predicament, I swear—either I'd throttle you for makin' me lose my sleep, or I'd kiss you to death for being so darn attractive.
Duo turned towards his companion, surprised at seeing the peaceful expression his face registered, and reached out, caressing Heero's cheek as softly as he could. For a moment, Heero's face hardened, the muscles of his face taut against Duo's invading fingertips, but relaxed when Duo opened his palm, pressing it cautiously against his cheek.
Heero's eyes suddenly snapped open. Baka! Baka! Baka! He's the Perfect Soldier, you idiot, no duh he'd realize what you were doing!
Afraid to move, Duo froze as orbs of Prussian focused on him, blinking confusedly into his own before becoming drowsily hazed. Slowly, Heero's eyes fell shut. Duo held back the sigh of relief that dared try escape his lips. Arigato! Arigato! Arigato!
* * *
Breakfast was havoc every morning…that morning; however, Heero realized just how much patience and care Duo regarded him with.
Chef Duo had prepared French omelet with sausages and fresh, pulpy, orange juice for breakfast. Heero eyed his food angrily while Duo approached him, a fork poised in his hand. He was feeding him. Heero hated to be fed. He felt useless.
Heero opened his lips reluctantly, taking in the substance only because he knew it was essential to his life processes. Who cares about life processes, I'm gonna be a damn lame for the rest of my life… The thought raged such anger within him that without thinking, Heero spit out the spoonful…right into Duo's face.
Awestruck was the only word to describe Duo's expression. And hurt. Drawing in sharp breaths, Duo tried to calm himself down. It's his only way to let out his anger…relax—he doesn't mean it.
"I…go—mme..n."
Duo blinked blankly for a moment, wondering whether he had heard correctly. A glance into Heero's similarly surprised features told him he had. Though broken and with a heavily lidded accent, Heero's words had been more than clear.
Grinning like a fool, Duo wrapped his arms around his best friend, swinging him around and deep in laughter until he thought his lungs would burst.
"You can talk! Baka!! It took you this long!"
"Hai."
Suddenly, Duo knit his eyebrows together in suspicion. Why was he responding only in Japanese?
"Can you answer me in English?"
"Iie."
"Why not?"
Heero seemed not to know—and it was not as if he cared. His speech had finally been recuperated and, thankfully, Duo knew enough Japanese to make communication swift among them.
"So, buddy, what was it, huh? My nice treatment?"
~I…guess…~
Whoa. Duo wondered whether his hearing was in check, had Heero actually suggested Duo had helped in his recovery? No way…it was too much to believe.
~Stop gawking, idiot~
Duo grinned wickedly, yep, the old Heero had returned—at least personality wise. "You have no idea how much I missed that, buddy—"
Huh? Duo had missed my insults? Was that what he had meant, or perhaps…no, he had clearly said he had missed *that* and *that* was definitely my insults.
"Buddy!" Duo impatiently waved his hands in front of Heero's face. Heero scowled, glad to be able to speak his mind, but not amused at having his face fanned. "Buddy, you plan on eatin' your breakfast?"
~I still cannot move~ Heero countered, his voice taking a somewhat aggressive tone.
"Oh, well then, care to eat at all?"
"Hai."
That night, Duo had arranged everything perfectly. Now that Heero could speak, he had no intention for his suicidal friend to go off in the middle of the night, complaining about something.
Repeating the same process he had for the last three months, Duo began to slowly undress the Japanese pilot. And like all the times before, Heero eyed him with a mysterious gaze, only this time, his mouth followed suit.
~You make things complicated for yourself, Duo~ he muttered dryly, succeeding in drawing a confused expression from his partner.
"Whadda ya mean?" Duo asked, slightly insulted by Heero's words. This was going to take a lot of adjusting to…
Why do I suddenly feel like I'm goin' to miss the quiet, nonverbal Heero…?
~Well, you dress me from top to bottom~
"I know that."
~It would be easier on yourself if you dressed me from bottom to top~
"I know that, too," Duo admitted, a rosy blush rising into his well tanned cheeks. "It just makes me feel uncomfortable that way…"
~Uncomfortable?~ Heero repeated, allowing his face to register the amount of surprise his stoic features granted him.
"Um…yeah—"
"~Uncomfortable…why?~
"Listen," Duo turned towards Heero, his jovial smile gone and replaced by a serious expression, "It's really nothin', okay? I just…that's just how I work!"
Why is he so nervous…has he forgotten how to hide himself? I know what you feel, Duo…we see the world through the same eyes, and I feel what you feel. We are the same…built from the same prototype…all of us—you can't lie to me…none of us can…we all feel the same pain…we all hide the same feelings…Why do you hide from me? Why do I hide from you?
Duo finished dressing Heero and held him up against his chest, nearly dying as he felt Heero's breathing, soft and steady against his neck. Unceremoniously, Duo tossed Heero onto the bed, watching curiously as a look of awe betrayed Heero's normally tough facial features.
~You know I still cannot move, baka. And yet, you purposely do this~
Not on purpose, Heero…I can't control it…it's not my fault…
The young man shrugged, as if annoyed, but helped Heero into a more comfortable position. Ironically, this time, unlike all others, Heero refused to be placed on his tummy, instead, he prodded Duo into placing him on his back.
Duo cringed. He had deliberately placed Heero faced down all those months…all because…
With a sharp intake of breath, Duo pulled away. He'd had always set Heero face-down because he knew that if he'd lay him face-up, he'd have to let him go slowly…meaning that their faces would be only inches apart for a few seconds.
~What are you afraid of, Duo?~
Duo could feel the muscles of his arms tense dramatically.
"Nothin' okay!? Just chill out, you're being way too paranoid—"
By instinct, Duo took the option closest to him. Ignoring Heero's shouts, Duo barged out of the house, running as far as his legs took him.
DAMMIT! What a fuckin' hour not to be able to walk! Damn the whole universe! Damn it all! KUSO! KUSO! KUSO!! Kuso a million times!!
Slowly, a tiny tear slid down Heero's cheek. I said I would not cry…
* * *
He would have stayed out all night if remorse hadn't struck him blatantly across the face. How could he be such an idiot! Heero couldn't walk—couldn't talk anything besides Japanese and couldn't attend his own personal necessities.
You really blew it this time, Maxwell. All he asked was whether you were afraid. You coulda just said no and left it at that. SHIT!! He's really gonna hate me after this!!
* * *
Duo pushed open the door to the bedroom they shared. The lights were off, everything was just as he had left it. Biting his lip, Duo undressed leisurely, guilt was slowly eating him up. He supposed Heero had fallen asleep hours ago. Duo slid in beside the young boy, and hesitated slightly. Should I?
Mustering as much courage as was available to him, Duo wrapped an arm loosely around Heero's middle. Wait a minute…he can't feel me anyway… Duo smiled wickedly and pulled the young man closer, his grip still loose and gentle.
"O-negai…"
Duo froze. Instantly, he removed his hands and apologized in a sudden slur.
~I said please, idiot, I didn't say let go~
"Please what?" Duo stammered, confused by Heero's words.
~Hold me closer~
"Nani?"
~You heard me~
Do not be afraid of me…anything but that…
"But…but, Heero—what's the point…I mean…you—can't feel me…"
~Maybe…if you hold me hard enough…maybe I'll feel you…besides, I
do not remember asking you, I ordered you to~
Duo felt the smile that crawled onto his lips and sighed, pulling Heero closer. So it wasn't the greatest declaration of affection…but from Heero, it was quite enough.
Duo Maxwell awakened the next morning, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes and blinked in surprise as he was greeted by 5 words.
"You slept well last night."
"Soundly enough, you talk English now?"
"Am I talking it?"
"How did…"
"Last night," Heero responded monotonously, "while screaming death threats to be directed toward you, I somehow recovered my voice--it seems I have you to thank once again."
"Can you move?"
"No."
Slowly, Duo sat up, and let his hair loose from its braid. He ran his fingers absently through his hair, cringing as his fingers caught on an idle tangle. Heero glanced at him, biting his lips with an expression of desire.
I wish I could touch your hair…it must be so soft and silky…but I cannot—I am stuck here for what seems like an eternity. Will I ever be able to touch you at all? Will I ever be able to kiss you? It all seems like a dream…it'll never happen…
"Why?" Duo asked, his voice searing through Heero's thoughts.
"Why what?"
"Why won't it ever happen?"
Heero knitted his eyebrows in confusion…had—had Duo read his mind?
"I…it's not important…"
"Sure? I mean…"
"You've been enough help…"
"But—"
"Arigato baka."
"Geez, a compliment and an insult in one sentence. Heero Yuy, the man
does everything."
"Duo?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you think I'll ever walk again?"
"Well…Whadda ya think?"
"I don't know."
Duo paused for some seconds before smiling heartily, "Well, I do—I don't care what it was those kooky docs said. You're stronger than that, Heero. You can achieve anything and everything. Don't let what a person says hinder you…I won't let you--"
"Perhaps…"
"No maybes."
Duo shifted slightly, so that he would face Heero and grinned vaguely, "Last night…I'm sorry—I shouldna held you…"
"It seems your memory fails you…"
"Huh? Why?"
Heero asked Duo to come closer.
What is he thinkin'…? I don't—don't understand…What does he want? "Closer, Duo, I need to tell you something—" "Dammit, Heero! We're in the middle of nowhere! It doesn't matter whether or not you whisper!"
"Omae—"
"All right, all right, what?"
Duo leaned over, placing his ear beside Heero's lips, and sighed over-exaggeratedly, "Nani yo!"
"Closer…"
Feeling it was imperative to do so, Duo closed his eyes, enjoying the arousing feel of Heero's breath against his collarbone. "Closer…"Heero murmured once again, this time, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I can't move any closer…"Duo whined, anxious to hear what it was Heero wanted to say. "Yes you can."
"Fine, Fine!"
Pushing himself close enough that his ear could feel soft moistened lips, Duo sighed out impatiently and waited expectantly for Heero to speak.
"Move your head over a bit."
"I don't get it."
"Omae—"
"Okay, Okay…"
Duo tilted his head slightly to the left, so that he faced Heero eye to eye. Almost instantly he wished he hadn't.
No, No, No, he's givin' me that stare—no! Shinigami no! Make him stop, I cannot control myself if he does not stop! I can't take this—
The young boy looked away and struggled to regain his balance. He knew Heero was well aware of his state. It was the Perfect Soldier; the soldier who had been trained to note every single change in pulse, brain waves, and character. He knew well something was wrong…
"Look at me, Duo."
"I…I—I can't…"
"I cannot make you look at me forcefully—but…"
But?
Heero remained quiet, hoping his little trick would work. He knew Duo had the innate curiousity of a cat…and he also knew Duo could not stand to be kept in suspense very long. As expected, his gaze slowly returned towards Heero's.
"But what?"
"Come closer…"
Unwillingly, he did.
"I can definitely trick you into it."
Before Duo had a chance to move away, Heero had already pressed his lips against his in a quick butterfly kiss. Duo froze in place. Then, rather leisurely, pressed his lips against his, deepening the kiss.
He's not kissing me back…
Pulling away, Duo bit his lip in despair. He shouldn't have done that…Heero had probably acted on impulse—then again so had he…the only difference being that Heero hadn't kissed him back.
"I'm sorry, Heero—I shouldna—"
"Sorry? Why?"
Duo blinked. He felt out of focus, what did Heero mean by 'why'?
"Well, 'cause I kissed you…and—"
"I kissed you."
"Yeah…but—then I kissed you and…"
"And…?"
"You didn't…"
It was Heero's turn to feel a twinge of embarrassment as his cheeks burned a slight pink.
"Listen…"
"No, It's okay, Heero—it was totally stupid on my part…I mean, you're sick—you do stupid things when you're sick…but I'm not—I mean, at least I don't think…it was outta line—Gomen—I guess you wanna be alone now…so I'll leave?"
"Duo…"
"…Totally outta line…it'll never happen again—my bad…"
"Baka—"
"You're right…baka—definitely, I am a TOTAL baka—"
"Duo! Will you just shut the hell up and let me talk?!"
The young man blanked and sheepishly scratched his head, "Uh…sure—"
Duo quieted, only to find Heero buried in silence. "Oi! Heero! Say something or I will!"
With a sharp intake of breath, Heero drawled out his sentence in a long slur. Duo, who hadn't caught a single word, bent over and gaped at the pilot. "HUH?"
"I said," Heero growled, "rtyuikjhgf."
"Ain't hear ya."
"I said I don't know how to kiss the way you do, there, satisfied?"
"Wha??"
Heero glared at Duo so sharply, the braided boy took a step back. Heero sighed softly, letting his gaze travel to the finely carved oak dresser. His sight lingered there, reluctant to face Duo's.
"We—ll…"
He turned, eyes blank, and peered at Duo wearily.
"Well what?"
"I like taking the initiative."
Heero was left with no time to ponder at the words, because Duo, ever active Duo, pushed his lips lovingly against Heero, kissing him gently and slow as if not to frighten him. He guided Heero's limp hands toward his neck and let them dangle from there while he wrapped his arms around the Japanese boy's waist. Gingerly, he pulled him into a sitting position, being overly careful not to let him slip.
Stopping the kiss, Heero studied Duo's features—searching, searching for anything, a sign of disgust, of apprehension, of regret…
"I wish I could hold you," Heero muttered bitterly, eyes somewhat downcast. "No problem, Heero—I'll hold you!"
Eyes widening in surprise, Heero registered the fact that Duo was lying atop him, a mischievous glint shining in those violet gems.
"Duo!"
"Yes, Heero?"
You're afraid of me, Heero…I don't want you to be—You have to learn to trust me…I know you care, I know you do, but you need time…and I'm willing to wait.
* * *
"Arigato! Arigato Shinigami!!!"
Heero ignored his abundantly jovial partner and greeted Quatre with a simple nod. Arigato Kami-sama, it seems you do exist after all…
* * *
"A surprise?"
Heero nodded and took a sip of his drink. "Yeah, he was a lot of help and…"
"And…?" Trowa prodded gently, knowing perfectly well where Heero was headed. The young man shifted in his seat. Though movements from the waist up had returned to him, Heero was still partially immobile. He'd felt recruiting his acrobatic friend for assistance was imperative to his objectives.
"So, where do I come in?"
"I thought you'd be able to…help…me with the exercises. I know they're
painful, but—"
"You figure it shall be worth it once you appraise the look of astonishment
on Duo's face?"
Heero nodded. Trowa stood and offered him a slight smirk, "As if I would ever pass up a chance at seeing Duo gawk."
Smirking, Heero raised his cup in a toast.
Help me through this…* * *
"A surprise? I don't get it."
"You're not supposed to, silly," Quatre smiled, guiding the blind-folded Duo
up the giant staircase of his home. After Trowa's brief meeting with Heero, he had promptly let the blonde know. Together and after 3 months of struggle, Heero regained his ability to walk. Actually, it had only taken Heero a month and a half, but he had wanted everything to be perfect. He didn't merely want to walk, he wanted to reclaim all that he had possessed before the incident—and that meant galloping, jumping, and so on.
And now, finally, after so long, it would all be over. Now, if only Duo could cooperate.
"You sure you can't leak info, buddy?"
"I've been paid especially not to."
"Aww, come on, there must be something you can say—"
"Well—"
"Yeah??"
"NO!!"
Duo pouted childishly and sighed with resign, he wondered what this was all about.
Turning the knob quietly, Quatre led Duo into Heero's bedroom. Receiving Heero's head signal, Quatre untied the small piece of cloth and let Duo's eyes blink open.
"Oh shit!"
Okay, so that had not been the expected reaction, but it showed quite a bit of emotion anyhow. Heero walked forward, that same grace and stealth he'd always possessed still with him and wrapped Duo in a warm hug.
"Now I can hold you…" he murmured softly, his senses telling him both Quatre and Trowa had exited the room.
"Please do—" was Duo's answer, before his knees weakened and Heero found himself ironically holding up his beloved.
Heero smiled, a genuine smile that belonged only to Duo. "Care to finish what we started four months ago?"
Duo seemed puzzled. Four months ago? What the hell happened four months ago? Well—Heero still could not move, or walk, but he could talk—oh shit!
The pilot of Shinigami paled as realization struck him, only to find Heero smirk in amusement. Now who's afraid of who, Duo?
"Now?" he asked uncertainly, biting his lip as he awaited Heero's answer. The young man shrugged, leaving the choice up to Duo. "Well, later…?"
The EndOkay! *phew* That took quite a while! Urm…3 months if I'm not mistaken. My first Shounen ai—came out well I think. Well, hope you like and thanks for reading!!
Also. *scratches head* for some reason or another the format got a bit messed up when I uploaded this. Despite all my efforts, I was unable to fix this (and I must've re-uploaded this story about 7 times). Sorry for the inconvenience!
**Disclaimer**
Gundam Wing is copyrighted © property of its rightful owners. This story does by no means obtain any monetary profit and is merely used for entertainment purposes. If anything seems out of place, please e-mail me at m_metis@hotmail.com and the object will be promptly removed.