FFVII – I think I'm tactical cool. Unfortunately, I'm wrong. I wish I lived in Final Fantasy World so I could… Fulfill My Final Fantasy.

Prelude:

I am a small, worthless child. I am like many others. I play a game, called final fantasy, so I can pretend I am the cool people in the game. I talk to them sometimes. No. All of the time. I love RPG's (Really Pathetic Games).

Chapter 1 – Level 1 :

Reno, Rude, Argumentative, and Ignorant walked through a place with trees. They walked along, until, one day, they came across a very fictional, and very elite army. They were dressed in almost cool uniforms. Rude was walking towards them to miraculously win a fight, when he bumped his head. The reason he did this was because even though the FAKE game he was in was so realistic in the way of graphics, the programmers forgot the fact that they made him 12 feet tall. Finally, after much

head-bumping and gay-humping, they reached the army. Ignorant tried to swing his sword at them, but he couldn't pick it up. He might have been able to had it been a plausible or even possible sword, but it was 60 feet long, three yards wide, and a foot thick. Well, Argumentative knew what to do. He casted a Fire 76.5, but he forgot they had on a water 90210. It rebounded and killed Ignorant. There was blood. But underneath the blood, there was a secret. They had to kill Ignorant to get to the next level. It was already done. Level 2 away!

Chapter 2 – Level 2 – :

At mission 2, not level 2, please forgive me, they walked through a place with grass. There they met Tifa. She was scantily clad because the programmers were so horny. That was due to the fact that they can never get any girls in real life. They should be shot. So should I, the pathetic programmer's worshipper. When will they come out with Final Fantasy 1927146581347834 Tactical? I heard it was never ending! Well, before I make sweet love to my FFVII Game, that I dedicated a 10,340,018, 192,120 slide completely pointless slide animated slideshow to, I will finish the story. (If I can wait!) Tifa gave them the ring, which is advertised to be cool and fun, but is pointless. She said to them, "Eat this, and be the next clue." Well, Reno ate the ring, and became the clue. That was unfortunate, because the clue was a Cookie. Reno changed into a cookie, and Tifa ate him. Right after eating him though, she immediately threw him up;, due to the fact she was bulimic, which was the only way to be pretty. So Rude was now a partially digested wad of cookie on the ground. Then, Argumentative ate him and absorbed his powers. Argumentative became evil, destroyed level 3, raped Tifa, and made Rude his eternal slave. He did many a fire spell in his reign as ruler of the world. That's why he's my favorite character. He's real to me. I wish I were him. No, I just wish I were his bisexual, transvestite, interracial gay partner. That is my final fantasy. Well, off to do… what can I do… SOMETHING FINAL FANTASY RELATED!

Afterward:

I tried to buy a Life from finalfantasy(dot)com, but they were all sold out. I guess that means that a lot of people who like final fantasy need a life!