a/n: ello.. this may be a bit wierd, but it just poped into my head. right now i can't do much corrections, so be expecting a better looking first chapter soon. thanks for reading. please tell me.. or don't tell me wacha think. thanks.

I sat straight up. I wonder... could that be him?
I sighed and slumped back down.
I couldn't take my mind off him. He was becoming a monster, invading my thoughts, my dreams and decisions. It seemed everything revoloved around him.. still. It wasn't fair. I had to live in california, and he had to live in forks. I knew that confessed out love for eachother, but that was ages ago. He found his true love, tanya, and moved in with his father, carlisle. He hardly got on anymore, and when that happened, all we talked about was his relationship with tanya, music, and a few other things. I had always wanted a soul mate, but as far as I was concered, I could't have this one, and I hardly thought that anymore. The nagging pain in my chest went away, the thoughts of him sleeping with me on my bed went away, everything I was obsessing over went away. Except for this stupid thing I couldn't help but do. Everytime someone that looked like him passed by, I instantly wondered if that was him, and crushed every time. Theres one thing I can do well, and thats keep a friendship in tact after a relationship, and unfortunately, I want to do the opposite in this case.

days came and went after that incident, it seemed that luck was turning it's shining beacon of hope on me, but at the same time, I dreaded what would happen after the beacon dulled. I hadn't heard from him in a few days, so I suppose his end was going well. As for me, It was just past october, and I was eagerly awaiting the good news to come. Moving with my dad. My parents were in the midst of a divorce, and my mom was a total bitch about it. My dad had a new girlfriend, sue, and I knew he was in love. I quickly checked my e-mail, and sure enough, there was 10 from fanfiction, 2 from my dad, and one from... him? I clicked on his first, and my heart just shattered. It was depressing, but I was happy for him.

Dear bella,

I can't believe i'm agreeing to this, but i've been threatened. I have to stop all communications with you, and i'm such a dubass. I know this is short, and I couldn't have any time to write this. And I know your concered about my sanity. I am happy, please try for once, please. I owe you a million and more apologies, but I have to go. I'm sorry.
your buddy, or in this case, ex-buddy
p.s. You'll probably hate me for this, but I still love you. I never stopped loving you. But you need to find someone else, please. I'm in love, and you should be too. Forgive me. I love you.

I was sobbing by the time that was done. I'm great a holding in my emotions, but I just couldn't help it.

Sobbing for hours made me dry, physically, and emotionally. I was still crying when I went through my dads messages, but managed to smile when he said we were to go tomorrow. My stuff was packed and already shipped to the house, all it needed was me and dad. I took a long shower, then called my dad. Everything was ready and set up, I just had to get dressed, and get my carry-ons.

Everything was situated properly. We had gone through security without a hitch, and we boarded and landed without a single thought of anything hopeful. We got our luggage, and headed to my new car. He had gotten a job as the police chief, and he started tomorrow, so he got his cruiser tomorrow. We had transported my challenger to the house already, and he had his doctor friend bring it to the airport. I was expecting to see this blonde doctor he was so excited about, but he simply left a card on the drivers seat. I was hesitant to let anyone drive my car, but we'd have to take a cab, and thad be an honest waste of time.

Once we where at the house, I unpacked all of my things. I organized my cd's, my books, and my clothes, all having an alphabetical order. I turned on my laptop, plugged it in, and put my earphones in. my thoughts for these past couple of days needed to be expressed, either through poems, or something else, and having insomnia helps to get things complete. Charlie didn't argue with me if I stayed up late, and sue was just supportive, better then my real mother. School would start tomorrow, and I wondered if he would be there. I knew we were moving to forks all along, I just hadn't told anyone about edward. I hoped it all went well, but I didn't. I knew it was a disaster in the making, and I couldn't help but smile. Drama, pain, depression, and suffering. My favorite things.

a/n: pretty lame, eh? flame it up please. i don't really care about reviews, but just read it and... well whatever! i'll just keep writing this story i suppose, and my others. thanks to everyone who likes my stories. thanks again- Sarah.