His hands were shaking and his heart was pounding. He never went through something like this and, being this his first time, he didn't know what to expect. The only thing in his mind were the beautiful brown eyes he saw last night, his hair fell perfectly over his forehead and his freckles were aligned just the way Jean liked it. They didn't change positions but, for Jean, they were on a different position; his smile was amazing and brought him such happiness that everything would just disappear.
Jean looked up and felt his teary eyes. A single tear rolled down his cheek and fell on his shoulder. He couldn't afford to be crying right now, everything would be okay; everything was going to be just fine. His mind was full of negative thoughts and he wasn't able to shake them out. Every single image was still on his head.
Marco was sitting on the handrail at the top of their building. He used to that every morning, it relaxed him. He was mostly a safe man and the building was just two stories high, even if he fell, the injuries wouldn't be that big. The wind was blowing hard and the white scarf that Jean had given him was dancing with the wind. "What if I had snake eyes?" Marco inquired "Would you still love me?" Jean got closer to him and placed a hand on his right cheek, his thumb exploring every piece of his right side "I would love you even if you were blind…I will follow you wherever you go" with that, Jean kissed his partner ever so soft. There was a sense of security that embraced them both. Time had stopped and nothing else mattered for them. Marco parted "Jean? I love you" tears were streaking down his face. Jean wasn't sure if they were from happiness or from sadness but what happened next was terrifying.
Marco grabbed Jean's hands lightly, kissed him one more time and tilted back. "I'm so sick of this world" Marco turned his head and smiled "Is this how death looks like?" Jean was crying and couldn't move, he felt Marco's hands slipping through his and there was nothing he could do anymore. Marco said one last "I love you, Jean" and fell backwards into the open sky. Jean yelled his name and tried to reach him without falling but it was impossible. Marco was smiling all the way down.
Jean fell to his knees again. It was painful to be remembering all this but there was no way he would forget this.
-Mikasa Ackerman? – The doctors called.
Jean tried to stand up and go behind her. – No. You stay here. – Mikasa looked at Sasha. – Please?
Sasha grabbed Jean's arm, pulled him up and sat him on the chair. He couldn't see anything and his face was drenched. His hands were at his hair and just hold on tight like it was their salvation.
The doctors gave Mikasa a bag with a white scarf with some red parts here and there and some pills. She was crying like Sasha has never seen. She quickly wiped her tears on her red fluffy scarf and went back to them.
-He didn't make it.
Sash broke down crying and so did Jean. Marco was gone. His hair, his smile, his freckles…everything was gone just like that. The three of them got up hardly and walked to the car. Mikasa was driving while Sasha was comforting Jean.
-Do you want us to stay with you? – Sasha asked Jean when Mikasa stopped at his doorway. He just nodded his head in a "no" way. – Are you sure? – Jean sobbed a no hard to hear and walked out of the car and into his house.
It was lonely and dark. There was no noise and everything was ten times scarier. Jean went straight to their bedroom. Marco's clothes from the day before were still on top of the bed. Jean had the bag with the white scarf he got from Mikasa and took out the scarf and spread it across the rest of the clothes. Jean went to the kitchen, took a knife, went back to the bedroom and laid on the bed next to his lovers clothes.
His neck was bloody and so were his hands. There were no regrets. He wanted to see those freckles again.
"Would you love me if I had snake eyes?" Jean remembered and whispered "I love you Marco"