Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural and I am not making any profits off of this story. It all belongs to the CW and Eric Kripke so, please don't sue and please don't be offended by the language or situations the characters find themselves in.
Please be merciful for this is my first drabble.
Warning: Spoilers for the episode Wishful Thinking.
I Understand Perfectly
" You wouldn't Understand... And I could never make you understand."
These words echoed inside Sam Winchester's cranium as he stared unseeing out the window of the Impala.
He and Dean were now on the road to the next nameless town in some obscure part of the country. Just the typical life for the brothers Winchester.
Only it wasn't.
As he sat there, Sam Winchester kept hearing the echos of his brother's words to him back in that town were all those wishes were being granted by the actions of a lonely and desperate man who had wanted only for the woman Hope to love him back as much as he loved her.
So Dean remembered.
He remembered everything and told Sam flat out that he couldn't tell Sam because Sam wouldn't have understood.
That there were no words to describe the Pit.
As he sat there riding shotgun, Sam couldn't help but feel a surge of rage course through him.
And it was all directed at the person sitting beside him in the driver's seat.
Dean.
His big brother Dean.
Who had literally been from Hell and back.
Who had lied to him.
As he sat there Sam Winchester felt anger but kept completely silent.
In mind Sam could rage all he wanted.
He could scream out everything he kept himself from uttering with his mouth.
In his mind he screamed this.
YOU THINK I WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND DEAN? YOU THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE? WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YOU BIG BROTHER, I UNDERSTAND REAL WELL WHAT YOU MEAN. I DID DIE TOO DEAN. I DIED BACK IN COLD OAK AND I DIED THE MOMENT THE HELL HOUNDS RIPPED YOU TO SHREDS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT I DIDN'T GO TO HELL EITHER TIME. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT DEAN, WHEN YOU DIED I WENT ON LIVING AND WHEN JAKE KILLED ME, I WENT ELSEWHERE AND IT SURE AS FUCK WASN'T THE PIT. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING TOO DEAN. I REMEMBER THE PLACE WHERE I WAS AT PEACE, WHERE I WAS NO LONGER AFRAID. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THAT DEAN. WHERE YOU REMEMBER HELL, I REMEMBER HEAVEN AND I WAS TORN FROM THAT PLACE... BY YOU AND YOUR SELFISHNESS. BUT GOD, WHY CAN'T I STAY MAD AT YOU FOR IT? WHY CAN'T I JUST TELL YOU ALL THIS AND SHOW YOU THAT YOU MADE THE WRONG CHOICE, THAT YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL FOR NOTHING? WHY DEAN? WHY?
His mind was screaming but Sam sat silent and with his lips drawn tight.
Dean had said that he wouldn't have understood.
That he wouldn't know what it was like to be torn from some other plane of existance and brought back into this world full of misery, this world of the living.
It was one of the man secrets Sam Winchester now carried.
The secret that yes, he did understand.
He understands perfectly.