Written by Ravenna Zane
X-Men Evolution & characters are copyright Marvel / Stan Lee.
Mystique's whereabouts are unknown. Lance has an idea about how to make some needed cash. Avalanche, Pyro, Quicksilver, Toad and Blob take jobs at Wal-Mart. Insanity ensues.
-- Notes --
This story just came out of a few random thoughts. The kind where your like, 'hey wouldn't it be fun if…?'.
Lastly, Pyro will deal with any flamers. Haha.
Pyro: evil grin
--
The Brotherhood vs. Wal-Mart
--
Lance pulled up in front of the slightly dilapidated Brotherhood house, leapt out of his jeep and while tossing a quarter up in the air and catching it repeatedly he made his way through the front door. Funny how good of a mood he was in just leaving the prison (better known as Bayville High). Surprisingly though, it had been a good day, for him at least. He had to put a few teachers in their place along with one of his least favorite people, Summers. He was just hoping Scott would put his jock strap on for gym class without examining it too closely. Silently he chuckled to himself imagining Scott's face once that 'icy-hot' stuff took affect.
Strolling into the kitchen he caught glimpse of Pietro racing around cupboard-to-cupboard, making the same sad sighing noise as he realized they were all empty. Todd sat crouched on one of the counters catching a few insects as one passed every now and then.
"Hey Lance. Ur home late. Had to rescue ur kitty from a tree again?" Todd laughed while Lance glared at him obviously not amused by his sense of humor or the constant taunting of his relationship with Kitty Pryde.
"Exactly ... what are you doing?" Lance questioned Pietro, noticing that he was re-checking the cupboards again and again at super speed.
"Havin' a nervous breakdown ...What else?" Todd commented under his breath.
Pietro skidded to a stop directly in front of Lance. "Nothing. We have NOTHING. We don't even have a pop tart in the house! No sugar, no caffeine ... And no Mystique to buy anything!" He told Lance beginning to hyperventilate.
Just then Fred entered the kitchen carrying a small paper bag. "Found it." He announced handing it over to Pietro, who began to breathe into the paper bag.
Lance stared blankly at Pietro for a moment. He knew he should be used to Pietro's quirks by now but sometimes they even caught him off guard.
"He's been like this all day." Fred noted aloud. "He came home early, before lunchtime. He was way worse then. I think he calmed down a bit since."
"Haha ... He raided the soda machine at school. Their outta Surge now." Todd added.
Lance sighed giving Todd an annoyed glance. "You know how he gets when he drinks that stuff you should've stopped him."
"Yea right. Me stop the human lightning bolt." Todd mused catching another fly.
Lance was having a good day until now...
"Take him in the living room and get him to watch some TV or somethin'." Lance told Todd referring to Pietro, who had by now blew a hole in the paper bag.
"C'mon Pietro lets go see what's on Cartoon Network..." Todd said to Pietro pushing him towards the doorway. Pietro just mumbled something about 'caffeine' as they walked away.
"That takes care of one lunatic." Lance thought out loud when suddenly something came to mind. "Hey has anyone seen John?"
"Not since yesterday." Fred replied. "Come to think of it the last time I saw him he was muttering something about revenge and a garden gnome. He doesn't get along with the people down the street. The one's that beat Todd up with the broom the time he got his tongue caught in their mail-slot."
"Yea that was a little hard to explain..." Lance trailed off remembering the odd incident. "
"You know Pietro is a lunatic but he's right, we don't have any food in the house and since Mystique is gone we've got a problem." Fred reminded Lance, glancing in the refrigerator. "Not to mention we've got strict orders from the top to not cause any trouble ... stupid maintaining peace and all ... so that pretty much cancels out any ideas I have for getting some quick cash."
Lance thought for a minute. The front door swung open and in walked John humming happily and nearly skipping his way past the kitchen.
"Hey John, where ya been bro?" Todd questioned hopping behind him.
John gave a sadistic grin before answering that nearly explained for him. "Wreaked vengeance on those flame-hating psychopaths down the street." Todd stared still questioning. "Basically I burnt all their garden gnomes. I hated those things. Always smiling. As if they know something I don't and are laughing at me. So condescending."
Todd took a few steps back with a nervous laugh. "Ha ... Well that'll teach them losers right?" He commented very unnerved. "And he thinks they're psychopaths?" He thought to himself heading back into the living room adding. "I think Powerpuff Girls are on right now. Ya wanna watch it with us ... well me ... Pietro's caffeine buzz wore off so he's out cold."
John shook his head seriously. "I get nightmares from that show." He told Todd heading upstairs.
"Any ideas yet?" Fred asked Lance, getting antsy waiting for a solution to their problem.
"Hmmm..." Lance began aloud resting his hands on his hips. "I might have one. I don't think you guys will like it but it's a last resort... Go call John back downstairs and Todd, wake Pietro up. We're going to Wal-Mart."
The other two guys just stared at him for a moment then hesitantly obeyed, trusting him.
"I can't believe I let to do this to me..." Pietro thought out loud glancing down at his blue vest with the Wal-Mart insignia on one lapel. Lance sighed and rolled his eyes at him.
"It isn't that bad c'mon." Lance whispered back.
The blonde woman standing in front of the group stopped her speech to stare at them in the back of the group. She cleared her throat a bit to get their attention. "Ahem ... As I was saying. The most important thing to remember is that the customer is always right, even if they're wrong and always ALWAYS smile!" She said cheerily with a painfully fake laugh. "Now usually we only keep newbies for maybe one to three hours on the first day, but we had a bit of a freak accident involving the grills outside that put 9 of our employees in the hospital so we are a bit shorthanded tonight and since you guys said you prefer working nights we're gonna need you."
"Freak accident with the grills outside ... yesterday?" Pietro thought out loud looking over at John who pretended he didn't hear and hummed to himself as he looked away. "Good thing Lance thought ahead to take his lighter away before we came ..." He thought to himself imagining the disaster that would ensue if he hadn't.
"Oh I almost forgot!" The blonde woman chuckled pulling a bag of pins out of her vest pocket. "You all get a happy smiley face pin for completing the orientation meeting!"
John shrieked falling backwards out of his chair as she came at him with the pin. The woman stared blankly glancing over at his friends who shrugged their shoulders while Pietro attempted to explain with a small laugh. "Bad ... uhhh ... childhood memories ... Very tragic ..."
--
"This is discrimination against fat people." Fred stated with a huff. "Only old people, handicapped people and people with serious mental issues are greeters. I could check people out. Their just afraid I'll eat all the food on the other side of the store."
"That's not true. I'm a greeter too." Todd piped up. Fred glared at him for a moment. "So where'd the other guys end up anyway?"
"Um...I think Lance is a checker ... Pietro is pushing one of those big cart things around and John might be stocking shelves or something." Fred replied with a sigh.
"Well at least we got easy jobs." Todd told him, looking on the bright side.
"It's easy because we're greeters and its 3:30 in the morning." Fred noted still annoyed. "It's kinda funny. I didn't even realize we had a 24 hour Wal-Mart here in Bayville..." Fred told Todd, just noticing he wasn't paying attention and was raiding the shelf full of candy nearby. "Hey! You're as bad as Pietro with caffeine and sugar! Lance'll kill me if I let you do that! Not to mention that scary blonde lady mentioned about taking stuff from the store, you'll get us in trouble."
"I think her name was Barbara." Todd choked in between pixie sticks. "I love these things..."
Fred made an attempt to get the pixie sticks from Todd but the little frog jumped up on top of the shelf where he couldn't reach him.
--
John stared blankly in front of him at the cereal boxes on the shelves as he hit one by one with the pricing gun. "How boring..." He sighed as he began imagining how easy the cardboard boxes would burn if he still had his lighter. "Stupid Lance ... Always thinks he can tell me what to do. Why can't I be in charge? Instead it's always Lance or Pietro telling me what to do. And they always assume it's me when something burns down or someone has an freak accident with a grill ...OK so it was me but they don't ALWAYS have to assume it's me..." He continued to pout until he heard someone approaching.
"Hey, there uhh Sparky." The older man in a blue vest, littered with buttons and one in particular with an oversized smiley face, called to him. John approached him slowly and waited for him to speak. Of course he actually heard very little of what his superior was telling him. He just stared at that maniacal-looking smiley face. It stared back. He stared. It stared back. He stared. It stared back. Then suddenly the man said sparked his interest. "Then uhh over by the camping supplies you might have to restock the matches."
John's eyes glittered with a happiness no ordinary, or sane for that matter, person would know and a smile reminiscent of a cheshire cat crossed his lips. He nodded happily and rushed off toward camping supplies.
"Such a mannerly fella, that Sparky is." The man thought out loud, turning the opposite direction to head off to the break-room. "I need some coffee...a cappuccino...no maybe a latte.." Seconds later as he reached the break-room seeing probably close to twenty or thirty empty foam cups on the floor. "Who drank all the lattes?"
--
"There is one positive thing about the mind-numbing boredom." Lance commented to himself as he rested his chin on his hand by the cash register. "At least there is zero chance of running into those X-geeks. Their all asleep." He yawned just as a flash passed by in the aisle way and skidded to a halt with a few things sliding off the cart.
"You look tired Lance. You should go get a latte from the employee's lounge. They're really good. Very tasty. Foamy. Caffeinated. Haha." Pietro told him with an insane glint in his eyes before he sped away again.
"Great. Don't have to wonder what got into him. I would panic normally, but I'm too tired." Lance noted with another more drawn out yawn. "I don't think I'm cut out for third shift work."
Just as he was about to close his eyes he noticed a familiar form leaping from the top of one aisle-shelf to the other and a larger familiar form chasing behind scolding him.
"I don't even care." Lance commented closing his eyes. "I'll just say 'Fred? Todd? Nope I don't recognize them." He yawned once more. "Then after I sleep I can kill them."
--
"Finally lost him!" Todd cheered aloud hopping down off one of the high shelves, pockets full of pixie sticks. Noticing the cat food, litter and dog food he concluded he was in the pet section.
Then he noticed at the very back of the store on the wall were transparent containers with fish, hamsters, chinchillas, snakes, mice, birds and several other kinds of small pets. "Poor little guys. I know! I'll set you free!" He told the small animals, then noticing the cages were locked. "Don't worry we just need the keys. I'll find them!" He assured them, looking more determined than ever.
Todd hopped down the aisle, stopping at every corner to peek around it first before continuing on as though he were on a secret mission. He leapt onto the top of one of the shelves hid amongst a load of oversized stuffed animals as Barbara passed by carrying an armful of small boxes and much to his pleasure a set of keys dangling halfway out of her vest pocket.
"Too easy." He thought to himself using his tongue to snatch them from her. She jumped startled dropping some of her armload but hadn't actually seen what had tugged on her vest. Glancing around sheepishly and not seeing anyone she gathered up the tissue boxes and hurried off down the aisle way.
--
"That's it!" Fred panted in a frustrated tone throwing his arms up in the air as a sign of surrender. "If he destroys stuff and kills himself eating all those pixie sticks I can't help it! The little guy is just too fast and this place is too huge, I'll never catch him."
He then noticed he was in the grocery section. At first he tried to walk away but his stomach growled in protest.
"What the heck..." He thought out loud seeing bags of bagel chips and cheese puffs. "The tadpole emptied out the candy shelves so they probably won't even notice a few bags of chips..."
--
John danced down the aisle way laughing sadistically stopping every now and then to singe something with his new trusty grill lighter. Being as easily distracted as John is, he completely forgot about the matches when he saw those amongst the camping supplies. Afterwards he burnt the tents. He figured whatever he burnt he'd just re-stock later. They'd never notice.
He made his way into the big center aisle where he came head to head with his greatest foe. Posters and signs reading 'Lowest prices everyday' lined the aisle and hung above the displays down the center of the aisle. He shuddered seeing that same smiley everywhere. That same condescending smile that reminded him of those freakish gnomes.
Slowly he approached one of them in the center of the aisle and stood there staring at it. Looking it straight in the eye. He stared. It stared back. He stared. It stared back. He stared. It stared.
There were only a handful of customers in the store at that time of the night but one happened upon John and stopped curious of why he just stood there staring down Wal-Mart's mascot smiley face. Not to mention the trail of burnt toilet paper, bounties and paper plates that preceded him as he held in his hand a grill lighter.
"Just perfect. I get sent out in the middle of the night for ice-cream and soda for a bunch of caffeine and sugar craving teenagers and I run into the one that acts like he's high on caffeine on a permanent basis." Logan noted walking up to the side of him glancing up at the smiley face and back at him seeing the evil glint in his eyes as he stared at the smiley. "Wow. He's nuts." He thought to himself starting to walk away. "You need a good psychiatrist bub." He stated.
"What'd you say?!" John asked the smiley defensively holding up the lighter threateningly.
"I said 'you need a good psychiatrist' - preferably one that will prescribe something strong. Wanna make something of it?" Logan replied turning back around then seeing that the pyromaniac was yelling at the sign with the smiley on it. "Like I was saying..." He thought out loud. "He thinks the smiley is taunting him..."
Logan's attention then turned to the display under the sign with the smiley that John was ready to engage in battle. A display of lighter fluid, which went hand in hand with the display behind him - charcoal.
"Hey kid put that damned thing away!" Logan shouted at John as he flicked the switch on the lighter and prepared to singe the smiley.
--
Lance began to snore as he hung halfway on the checkout counter and half off sleeping.
A sudden explosion jolted him out of his nap and he slipped off the counter backwards onto the floor. He jumped to his feet looking around side to side with a sales receipt plastered to his forehead. He then saw smoke rising far to the left and he leapt over the counter hurrying toward the smoke. As he ran he stopped as he noticed a small herd of chinchillas race past and a parrot purched on a clothing display. "Why always me..." He thought to himself, slowing down only for a second, he continued onto the explosion site.
He wasn't surprised to see none other than John knocked slightly goofier than usual on the ground and his hair singed a bit. He was surprised to see Logan out cold and his eyebrows singed off.
"What's happenin' yo?" Todd asked curiously looking around at the burning displays. Then seeing John at the site he didn't need to venture a guess.
"Whoa and we even confiscated his lighter this time and he still manages to burn the place down." Pietro added just entering the scene drinking two cappuccinos. "Uh oh.." He continued seeing Logan out cold. "When did the temper tantrum with claws get here? We better bail before the rest of his geek clan arrive.
"Hey guys they have some excellent food over at the ... did I miss something?" Fred questioned looking around. "Weird... I didn't even smell any smoke until now... usually I..."
"Shut up and pick up John. Pietro's right we need to get out of here before we all get blamed for this..." Lance told Fred heading for the entrance.
"Should've known better not to let flame-boy alone." Todd noted as they left and more of the workers and passersby entered the scene.
--
Once again back at the Brotherhood house the group, still absolutely exhausted, collected in the living room brainstorming on a way to get some quick cash. John entertained himself by playing with his much beloved lighter; Todd and Pietro's attention was more or less on the television. Meanwhile, Lance and Fred talked back and forth.
"You guys are hopeless." Lance stated frustrated beyond belief. "And what was with letting all those animals lose John?"
John shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't. I just burned stuff and waged war on the demonic smilies."
Pietro, Lance and Fred turned their attention to Todd. Todd chuckled nervously. "Oh c'mon at least I didn't cause no explosions... letting the pets free was harmless."
"But you guys know that Summers and his gang'll know it was us and they'll show up here anytime now..." Fred told them. "I'm too tired to fight now..." He yawned resting his head on the back of the couch.
"Haha. Not if Logan didn't wake up yet ... besides maybe he'll have amnesia or somethin'." Pietro laughed out loud remembering the scene. "I wonder if his eyebrows'll grow back as fast as he heals or if he'll be like that for weeks..."
The others joined in laughing at Logan's expense.
"What's so funny?" An annoyed feminine voice questioned entering the room.
Everyone did a double take seeing Mystique.
"What the... We thought ya abandoned us? Where have ya been?" Todd asked practically jumping for joy. It was surprising how happy they were all to see her, in which case it creeped her out to no end.
"What were you losers doing attacking Wal-Mart anyway? I told all of you to keep a low profile. They were orders straight from Magneto!" Mystique asked them crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot impatiently for an answer. She had indeed spent too much time pretending to be a principal.
"Well we needed money, we didn't think you were coming back this time and we were out of food..." Lance trailed off trying to explain.
Mystique looked shocked and then glared at John as everyone else followed suit.
"I left an envelope of with plenty of money on the kitchen counter underneath the toaster and I told John to tell all of you and let you know I was going on vacation for 2 weeks." Mystique angrily spoke, still keeping her cool for the most part. "I should've known better I suppose than to trust the resident lunatic with important information"
Pietro raced into the kitchen and back within the second holding the envelope. "Yep she's tellin' the truth troops."
John chuckled nervously jumping out of his seat and backing away. "What? I didn't know that's why we went to Wal-Mart... No one ever tells me anything and I did tell you guys she went on vacation... remember?"
"Shouting 'yay yay Mystique's gone!' was not the same as telling us she's on vacation and coming back Monday." Lance told him, bawling up his fists threateningly.
John took off running toward the front door as fast as he could go. Lance turned to Pietro questioning.
"Oh I'm gonna go after him..." Pietro said stretching a bit. "But it just wouldn't be fair to not give him a slight head start..."
Mystique sighed already exhausted. "I've only been home for less than ten minutes and I already badly need a vacation." She thought out loud heading upstairs to her room. "This is like living in an insane asylum..."
Crashes and explosions could be heard up and down the street as Pietro caught up to John and the argument outside began...
.
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The End
--
.
--Notes--
That was lots of fun. Todd, John and Pietro are definitely my favorite X characters to write about. ;D
-- Author's Fav Quotes--
John danced down the aisle way laughing sadistically stopping every now and then to singe something with his new trusty grill lighter. Being as easily distracted as John is, he completely forgot about the matches when he saw those amongst the camping supplies. Afterwards he burnt the tents. He figured whatever he burnt he'd just re-stock later. They'd never notice.
He made his way into the big center aisle where he came head to head with his greatest foe. Posters and signs reading 'Lowest prices everyday' lined the aisle and hung above the displays down the center of the aisle. He shuddered seeing that same smiley everywhere. That same condescending smile that reminded him of those freakish gnomes.
Slowly he approached one of them in the center of the aisle and stood there staring at it. Looking it straight in the eye. He stared. It stared back. He stared. It stared back. He stared. It stared.
--
Haha ... I just love Pyro. Especially in Evolution because he comes off as so very insane. XD