(Disclaimer: I own nothing that appears in this story. I might own the wizard Booyah, but I'll hedge my bets by saying I don't.)
"Cyborg! Stop him!" Robin yelled.
Johnny Rancid's newest creation, the Crushotroninator, a gigantic armoured steamroller, was barrelling down the street towards the Jump City branch of the First National Bank, with only Cyborg standing in its way. The other Titans had been left behind, delayed by some of the Crushotroninator's nastier defence systems. Cyborg planted his feet and levelled his sonic cannon at the oncoming metal behemoth.
"You're toast, Rancid!" he yelled, and fired. The bright blue beam struck the front armour of the Crushotroninator, but didn't seem to do any damage.
"Uh oh," Cyborg said as the gigantic machine bore down on him. Fortunately, Robin had finally managed to catch up. He leapt up on top of the Crushotroninator, planted the largest explosive he had, and jumped off. The bomb went off moments before the Crushotroninator reached Cyborg, causing it to swerve to one side and grind to a halt. Johnny could be heard swearing gratuitously from inside his ruined creation—his stream of curses increased in both volume and intensity when he realised that Starfire was welding the door shut.
"Right, that should hold him until the cops get here. Good work, Star," Robin said, and Starfire turned to smile at him while continuing to melt the machine's door onto its frame. Her lack of concentration caused her to very nearly weld Beast Boy to the side of the Crushotroninator by accident, and she quickly turned back to her work.
"Oh, man, guys, I'm sorry," Cyborg said, rubbing the back of his head with one hand as he looked glumly at his sonic cannon. "I should have been able to handle that, but I almost got myself Crushotroninated."
"Hey, no problem, Cyborg," Robin said. "Your cannon couldn't punch through Johnny's armour. It's not your fault."
"Yeah, I know, but do you remember when I first built this thing? There wasn't an armour plate in the city it couldn't blast through," Cyborg said. "Now, half the time it just bounces right off. I guess I need to upgrade the old girl."
"Dude! I've got an awesome idea!" Beast Boy cried. "You could make it fire hedgehogs!" The other Titans just stared at him.
"Sonic? Hedgehogs? Sonic the Hedgehog?" Beast Boy said, desperate for a response, but knowing he wouldn't be getting one. "Oh, come on, guys, that's hilarious!"
"I'm laughing on the inside," Raven said in a flat monotone.
"Oh, you have no soul," Beast Boy muttered.
"Your point being…?" Raven asked, arching an eyebrow. Robin sighed and ran a hand over his face.
"Guys, you can bicker when we get back to the tower, okay?" he said. "Let's just go—the cops can take care of Johnny."
With that, the Titans left the crime scene, heading off towards their tower, each lost in their own private thoughts: Robin was wondering if Slade was financing Johnny from beyond the grave; Starfire was debating as to whether or not she should get a kitten; Beast Boy was planning a practical joke to get back at Raven for not liking his jokes; Raven was reading Beast Boy's mind and plotting how to make sure his practical joke would backfire in the most humiliating way possible; and Cyborg was wondering how he would go about upgrading his sonic cannon.
OOO
Cyborg sat at his work bench in his room, tinkering with his sonic cannon late into the night. He had tried a variety of ideas, but so far none had worked. He sat back in his chair and stared at the blackboard he had set up against his wall. It was covered in various strange equations and formulas, in which both trigonometry and the Greek alphabet figured largely. He scratched his chin, deep in thought.
"Hmmmm…if I just up the amplitude I'll use up my power supply faster…same with just increasing the frequency…" Cyborg muttered to himself. "I guess I could deal with that, but I'd like to keep my power efficiency as high as possible…maybe a dynamic focusing system of some kind could…"
Suddenly, there was a loud popping sound and a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, Cyborg saw a strange little man standing in the middle of his room. He had a long white beard, and was wearing a midnight blue robe covered in yellow stars and moons, with a matching pointed hat. The edges of the robe were frayed a little, and a pair of skinny legs stuck out of the bottom. The little man's feet were covered in what looked like slightly pointed versions of Raven's soft-soled shoes.
"Uhhh…who the hell are you?" Cyborg asked.
"Fear not, young mortal, for I am here to help!" the little man said, as dramatically as possible.
"That doesn't really answer my question…" Cyborg said, but the little man continued before he could finish.
"I, in my infinite wisdom, know that you are looking for some way to increase your power!" the little man said. "I also know that you are just and pure of heart, and are therefore worthy of the gift I have to offer you!"
"Ooookaay," Cyborg said. "I get the 'just' part, and I guess I'm fairly pure of heart, if you don't count those magazines under my mattress, but you still haven't answered my question: who the hell are you?"
"Oh, forgive me!" the little man said. "Allow me to introduce myself: I am the great wizard Booyah, at your service."
"The wizard Booyah?" Cyborg asked, beginning to wonder if he should cut down on the spicy food before bedtime.
"That is correct! My brother Shazam gets all the good press, but I'm just as good as he is!" Booyah said. "I am here to offer you power beyond the ken of mere mortals!"
"What kind of power? And who the hell says 'ken' anymore?" Cyborg asked.
"I can use my magic to grant you incredible abilities!" Booyah said. "The wisdom of Fred Savage! The strength of Elmer Fudd! The stamina of Jimmy Carter! The power of Nick Nolte! The courage of David Bowie! The speed of the fry kid from those old french fry commercials! All this can be yours, just by saying my name in battle!"
"Um…actually, I was really just thinking that I would upgrade my sonic cannon a little…" Cyborg said.
"What, as in the hedgehog?" said Booyah.
OOO
Titans Tower was a very pretty sight in the late evening. The lights of the city reflected off of its metal and glass panels, making it look like it was covered in stars. All this was lost, however, on the great wizard Booyah, as were all aesthetic matters in general, since those kinds of considerations mean rather little to someone who has just been punted off the roof of a ten-storey tall capital letter 'T'.
"Was it something I said?" he cried as he plummeted into the bay below.
Cyborg waited for the splash, then went back inside to finish working on his sonic cannon.
-FIN-