Waiting was definitely not one of Major Wolfe's forte. She was just about to get up and inquire at the front desk when a doctor came into the room and made straight for Marcus. He had just begun to talk to him when she joined in

"You must be Mrs Dunn – I was just telling your husband that …"

"Bernie Wolfe, Consultant Trauma Surgeon – and he's not my husband – how is she?"

"Well, Miss Wolfe, as your …your partner…must have told you, she was very weak when she arrived, and she'd lost a lot of blood. We had to transfuse her. She's still under sedation, but she's stable."

Bernie tssked at the word "partner": "What about internal damage?"

"I'm afraid we had to remove the uterus – it would have been impossible to stem the bleeding otherwise."

Bernie nodded – she was devastated for Charlotte, but she understood. At least, her daughter was still alive.

"Can we see her?"

"You can see her for a little while, yes."

When Bernie saw her daughter lying there, in the recovery room, she was overwhelmed by emotion, and it took her every ounce of strength she had left not to let it show. There was no way she would break down in front of Marcus. She sat down beside the bed, and took her daughter's hand. Charlotte would recover – she had to, because otherwise, Bernie didn't think she could stand it . And so she sat there, and prayed – it wasn't a real prayer, because she did not really believe in God – otherwise, He (or She) wouldn't have killed her own mother, would he? And everything she had witnessed in Iraq and in Afghan would not have happened. But in case, just in case, she made a bargain with Him – she would mend her relationship with her daughter if He kept her alive.

Meanwhile, Serena had managed to come back to England, to Holby. She'd heard nothing more from Bernie, though, and she wasn't sure what to do. Would she be welcome at the hospital? She finally decided to wait until Bernie contacted her. It felt strange being back in her house in Holby – it didn't feel like home anymore, although she'd lived there many years. She decided to go and see Jason. He was glad to see her, but not overly glad – he had never doubted she would come back to Holby, and he took her return as a matter of course.

It seemed like ages to Bernie till Charlotte was woken up by the surgical team. When her daughter's eyes focused on her, she remembered what she had felt the first time she'd held her, after she'd given birth. It had been mostly wonder that she could have such a beautiful daughter, but wonder tinged with fear, because she'd become responsible for another human being. And she wasn't sure she was very happy about that. She was relieved when she was told she wouldn't be able to breastfeed, and she was glad to get back to work. It was easier than being a mother. Her mother-in-law had been more than happy to step in and take charge. During her daughter's first years, she'd not been at home much – and when she was, her daughter was usually asleep, having been fed, changed, and cuddled by Granny. Her mother-in-law even slept at their house sometimes and made Bernie feel like a useless spare part. Moreover, whenever she was home and tried to take care of her daughter, she never seemed to do it in the right way. There were times when she wished her mother in law would go to hell, and even whispered angry words exchanged. Of course, Marcus always took his mother's part, and it did not make things easier.

After two days in the hospital at her daughter's bedside, without any sleep, Bernie was exhausted. Charlotte was listless and uncommunicative, but at least, she was alive. Bernie booked herself in a hotel, and sent Serena a text: "Charlotte awake and recovering." She was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open long enough to get under a hot shower, and she crashed into bed without waiting for Serena's answer. She was dimly aware that she probably should have phoned, but that would have taken too much energy – and truth to be told, she had a sneaking fear of Serena's reaction.

Bernie's fear was not totally unfounded – when Serena got the text, she had a moment of pure rage – why Charlotte, and not Eleanor? However, it was only a fleeting moment, of which she was almost immediately deeply ashamed. She texted back, asking if Bernie wanted her to come to London. And waited for a reply. When she read that Bernie intended to come back to Holby in a few days, and that it was not necessary for her to come to London, she was disappointed. First because she wanted to help her partner through these difficult times. Secondly because she had no more excuses not to take care of her own troubles. And so she got on the phone to the hospital, and booked herself in for a mammography.

(to be continued)