Author's notes: It's a songfic without the lyrics. The lyrics that inspired this fic are from the group Linkin Park with their song "Breaking the habit". I do not own Gundam Wing nor the song so don't sue me.
Breaking The Habit
He's sitting on a rock. Rain is drizzling down, soaking his clothes and hair. He's reliving the past. All the pain and sadness. He's remembering how he felt like he was whole alone. So alone he tried to escape... But they stopped him. And now... He is still wallowing in pity... For his ruined death.
He looks at the sky. Thinking. He was thinking. About the fact he was the only one left that could fight. The only one left... To die... Alone.
He didn't remember... Didn't remember why he had to feel the pain. Why he had to fight. He knew he was hurting his mother. With words like a knife. He just didn't know why. He knew it wasn't alright. But he had no way to stop it. So he just sat there... Alone...
He just knew one thing he was going to do...
He stood up and ran. Ran to the place he called home. Home... What a false word. He never had had a home. And never would... Whatever his mother might say. His home was just a ruin holding battered and broken memories. Only that and nothing more. He went to his room, locking the door. He was now breathing harshly. It hurt. The memories, the pain. Everything. But he couldn't keep them at bay with normal cutting. He had to do something drastic. He went to his closet...
He pulled out the knife. The light shined on the sharp blade. He put it on his wrist and hesitated... If he would use this... He would be gone... Forever... Then again, he would be free from the pain. The pain his mother couldn't understand. And he would never have to fight again...
he sliced his wrist. It hurt. Much more than he'd expected. Cursing he ran to the bathroom. There he laid his hand into the lukewarm water, letting the blood pour freely. This is right, he said to himself, this is right. This is the only way. If he didn't do this, he would never be alright again... Never...
But he knew at least one thing... He was going to change...
The water turned red. He looked at the wall and the red paint. The idea had been to paint the whole wall but he had stopped and later on he'd forgotten it. That was his fault. Just like it was his fault he failed everytime he tried to fight. He would never fight again... Never... And this was the end...
At that very same moment, when he began to lose his focus, somebody came in. The person acted quickly and bandaged him up. He could hear the soft murmurs of a female voice. She was leading him to his room and sat him on his bed. There, he began to cry. Letting all the pain and anger he had held for all those years out. And the woman just sat there and held him and whispered soothing words. And when he finally stopped she looked at him. And in her eyes he saw the answer he was looking for. He hadn't killed them, he wasn't the cause of all this suffering. He could help.
And he knew how... He would never be alright again but he could try to make others alright.
He could help, he knew now how he could. He had changed. Not on the outside but in the inside.
"Mom," he said, "I'm ready to go." His mother looked at him and smiled. The next morning the young warrior stood outside. The sun shined today, but he knew there were hard times coming. He also knew he was ready for them.
And as he thought back at what happened, he left. To a known past,ready to save it. And when that was over he would come back.
To save his unknown future...
Author's notes: So how did you think it was?
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