SO I DID A THING. It's based on a RP I've been doing with a friend of mine, where Tsuna is genderbent, pairings are 8018, 5917, and R56 (RebornxColonello). And I have a very messed up idea on how my characters should live. This is Hibari's view on certain things during the time line (I did mainly use KHR arcs with a twist.) SO PLEASE ENJOY. AND DON'T MURDER ME.

In My Memory

August 2015

You could ask me a few years ago if I thought I would ever live this way, and you wouldn't get a straight answer. It's not that I knew whether or not it was possible, because I was dead-set that it wasn't, but the fact that I do not consider myself to be a very social human being. Human being is a strong association for me. You wouldn't find me anywhere there were people. I hate crowds. I do not associate myself with anyone or anything. My only exceptions are Namimori and my school. I am of violent nature and easily irritated. The extent of my resolve comes from being angered.

Why would I tell you any of this? Beats me.

My name is Kyouya Hibari. I was born here in my town of Namimori, Japan, with which I still keep my loyalties, May 5th, 1997. I am 18 years old. And I have brain cancer.

You may look at this as a memoir of types, a biography. I merely wanted to get my thoughts out on paper so that maybe one day, when I am gone, someone will know who I was.

I am not afraid of death. I am far from afraid. What I am afraid of is losing my pride, of being weak, of staring into the eyes of someone else and seeing pity, and looking into my own and seeing pain. I don't confess that I have seen any of these things. I'm merely stating it so you can understand.

Then again, I don't exactly know if I want you to understand, whoever you may be. I tend not to say how I feel.

Tragically, this isn't my first bout with this disease. I was diagnosed with a form of brain cancer when I was three. I didn't know that news as such could completely change a person's view. Not my own, of course, I was barely able to perceive what it meant to me. I'm talking about my parents. My mother and father, both strong willed, intelligent and successful people, were completely shattered. The only reason I know this is because I found a series of letters my mother wrote to her only living relative in Tokyo. Why she never sent them, I would never know.

My father was a German born in Japan and then orphaned. His surname, Hibari, came from his adoptive parents. My mother was full Japanese and daughter of a wealthy electronics company in Tokyo. I don't know much more about them than that.

When they found out I was sick, they lost their minds. Not on the outside, because they had to uphold the image of the collected business individuals they were, but in the home when they were all alone, they were heaps of the people they used to be. After a while, the shock began to wear off and they took on new personalities in the home to fill the shells they lived in. My mother was outspoken and mostly silent. My father was loud, a drunk, and very abusive. I didn't understand any of this. I just knew that the parents that I thought I had were now strangers.

My cancer went into remission before my first weeks of school. Which meant I would attend as normal. Well, not normal. I was in the equivalent to the first grade. But I met so many friendly faces. I was social back then, having never really seen the outside world other than my trips to the hospital for treatments. (I was lucky. Remission in someone like me, children in general, and the type of cancer, was rare. I was very very lucky. Anyway, school.) I grew attached to a few younger kids that later would become a part of my support group in this time. Tsunayoshi Sawada, a shy female and just about the smallest child in all of the class. She was no more outgoing than any five year old, but that was only if you got her alone in her group of friends. Which was very small. The next was a taller boy, Takeshi Yamamoto. He was boisterous and lively, always smiling and laughing. It didn't irritate me back then. I don't know how. And there was another girl, Kyoko Sasagawa, who was the neutral party. I wasn't very fond of her. I accepted her place as a friend of Tsunayoshi's, but as a real friend of mine, she's never been.

My cancer returned when I was seven, not long after I had started school. This time, my father went off the deep end. Any abuse he had performed before was worse, and he even went as far as to touch my mother. I was old enough to understand that while he touched me, he would never get away with touching my mother. One afternoon he completely snapped. I was withdrawn from school and was at home with my mother most days. My father came home drunk and unnaturally angry. I was afraid. (Don't say it.) He took my trembling arm and willed me to speak. I would not. He beat the shit out of me. My mother would not watch it happen anymore. She became brave, verbally and physically. She pulled him off of me and tried to push him away, but he was easily able to overpower her. I saw the light flash against his metal knife and then the red of her blood as that knife was shoved into her chest.

My father murdered my mother. For what real reason, I will never be able to tell.

I gained some strength and confronted him. I was small compared to him. But that would not stop me from avenging the only person that cared for me. I grabbed the knife from his hand and used it against him, repeating what he did to my mother minutes before. I watched him die. And I didn't regret it.

I called the police and then ran.

I ran and ran, the forest at mid-day swallowed in darkness still. I was delirious. I didn't exactly know where I was. I wanted my mother more than anything in the world. I was slowly dying then.

My savior came in the form of the Italian man Dino Cavallone.

Cavallone wasn't much of a man then, more like a clumsy oaf of a teenager training to take over his father's place. I ran to the edge of Namimori, where the land met the sea. Cavallone was walking alone, on his first trip to Japan. I don't know why he was here.

I was in pain. I was alone. I wanted my mother. And to him, I was a scared, lost child.

"Are you alright?" he asked me when I came barreling down the sandy cliffs. His gaze was calculating, trying to determine if there was any eminent danger. "Hey?"

I stared out at the ocean. I honestly thought I could just walk out into it and everything would be okay again. Cavallone grabbed me and looked into my eyes, watching the dim life in them. "Are you hurt? Is someone after you?" The blood from my father was dried on my clothes and my hands. The bruises from his beating were growing monstrously dark. "Come on, kid, I'm trying to help you..."

"Mom..." It was weak, soft.

His Japanese wasn't quite perfect, but he could understand. "Mom? Your mother? Where is she?"

I broke into tears. (Don't.) My head hurt. I didn't want to deal with his questions or trying to formulate answers. I could barely think as it was. I tried to escape him, to reach the water. He stopped me again. "Don't go in there...What's wrong with you? You're going to-" He held my arm and dragged me up the beach. "I'm taking you to the hospital..."

I freaked out. "No!"

"Why not?" He was stern. "You were just going to walk out into the water and drown!"

My body shook. Was that what I was going to do? I couldn't remember. Honestly, I couldn't remember why I was there in the first place, and why there was a strange man holding my arm. "Who are you?"

"So he speaks...I'm Dino."

"Why am I here?"

He stopped our walking. "I could ask you the same thing..."

I was suddenly unable to feel his touch. I didn't even know we had stopped walking. My vision was blurry. The pain in my head was a dull throb. I stared at him. "I think I'm dying."

Cavallone stared right back. "Dying?"

I dropped to the ground. The edges of my vision were going black. He picked me up and brought me to the car he had waiting for him. I couldn't comprehend anything anymore. It was all just pictures, like looking through a photo album. Was I really living it? Or was it just a memory?

Cavallone cured me.

His family was apparently advanced in medicinal compounds and they had found a substance that would cure things as severe as cancer. "You're lucky, kid..."

I didn't know if that was entirely true.

"You should be dead."

"I should be...right along with my mother and the man I called my father..."

My story had struck him. "Don't talk like that..." he tried to smile. "I still don't know your name."

"Kyouya Hibari..."

"Kyouya-"

I shot him a glance. "Why would you use my first name? I do not know you."

"I'm Dino Cavallone. See? Now you can use my name."

I shook my head.

"Kyouya, you're going to be okay. This will never happen to you again."

And I believed him.

Flash forward to the end of my middle school life, when I was first introduced back into the school system. Cavallone had lied about my school background and I still started with the class I grew up with. "I have to return to Italy, Kyouya-"

"Stop calling me that, Cavallone..." I had grown up then, at thirteen. "I don't like it."

He was like my older brother. "Nee, Kyouya, it's your name."

I huffed. "You were saying."

"I'm returning to Italy. My father is sick and I have to be there to help them run his company."

"Right...So what do I do?"

He smiled. "Keep on living."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "You're an idiot."

"Your parents left you everything, did they not?"

"I am not living in that home."

"Then I will get you a new one."

"Cavallone-"

"Dino."

I sighed. "No."

"Then where will you live?"

I shrugged. "Places."

"No, you will not live on the streets. You will go to school and I will postpone my trip until tomorrow. Got it?"

"You're a stubborn man."

"You're a stubborn child."

Cavallone found me an apartment close to the school that I wouldn't be bothered in. "You'll have everything you need. And you have my number if you don't."

"Cavallone..."

"Kyouya."

I sighed, defeated. "Thank you."

He smiled. "You're welcome. Be good, okay? I'll see you again some day."

Some day came too soon.

I had, when I started middle school, distanced myself from everyone else. Their constant jesting at me prompted me to hone my anger and I became top dog of the Disciplinary Committee in one week.

Rumor around Namimori was someone was after the strongest guys in the city. As Disciplinary Committee leader, it was my job to find the people responsible for the guys being beat up in Namimori. So, I followed that rumor to a man named Rokudo Mukuro: a psychopathic murderer that made it to the top of my shit list in five minutes. He was strong. But at the time I had been infected with a small disease called "Sakura-Kura", which would make me weak in the presence of Sakura trees. He used that against me and defeated me. From then on I had a true enemy.

And then I was pulled into the world of the Vongola. It was so foreign to me, yet somewhere along the way I felt compelled to see it through. I was not fond of being dragged into affairs that I was not a part of. I had to fight for a ring. A ring that was supposedly very important. Well, not to me.

Because of this, I was made to reconnect with those that I had once forgotten from elementary school. Tsunayoshi Sawada, Takeshi Yamamoto...and some new faces, too. Ryohei Sasagawa, the most annoying son of a bitch that ever walked the earth; Hayato Gokudera, a hot-headed trouble maker that I assumed came from Italy; and a few more that I'm blanking on. I met the Arcobaleno, Reborn. He intrigued me, because I could see him once as an adult, and the next he would be an infant. But most of all what piqued my interest in him was I knew he was strong, and I wanted nothing more than to have the chance to fight him.

I met Cavallone again at this point in time. "Kyouya, long time no see!"

"Cavallone, you're still as stupid as ever."

"Ahh that hurts, Kyouya! I'm a man now! The CEO of a-" He stopped. "Well, I can tell you now. I'm the Boss of a Mafia Family...Like Tsuna!"

Not that it surprised me the bumbling idiot that saved my life would be someone important. How herbivorous.

"You're part of Tsuna's family, you know. A very important part. You're his Cloud Guardian. Do you know what that means?"

"No...I do not...Why should I care anyway?"

"Because it is your duty..." He cracked a smile. "You won't run from anything, will you? I've heard that you've become strong...A feared individual..."

"Yes. I don't really like people...I keep them in order...They keep me entertained. It's a mutual agreement."

"You're very different from only a few years ago..."

I only shrugged. "People change."

Cavallone vowed he would train me in order to face a battle for the Ring of Cloud I was supposed to bear as a Guardian. Well, I'm not saying that I didn't want the fighting, because that's what I lived for, but what irked me was the entire time, Cavallone never once used his full strength on me. And he told me so. And it made me fight harder. Harder than I have ever fought in my life just to get the satisfaction of knowing. I would prove to Cavallone that I could handle his full strength.

I found out those vandals, known as the Varia, were using my school as their little playground for these battles. Cavallone did his best to keep me as far away as possible, knowing that I would interfere if I had known. He tried to explain after the night of Gokudera Hayato's Ring Battle that if I interfered, it would cost the Vongola the entire deal. Part of me really didn't care, but I was beginning to see the hidden power in the people I barely paid any mind to. And I kind of liked it.

Finally the time came that my battle would start. Pep talks they tried to give me were useless. All I needed was my strength. And they witnessed that, as I quickly destroyed the machine that was supposed to be their Cloud Guardian. Very unimpressive, if you ask me. But I knew there was an ulterior motive for the battle being that easy. I challenged their Boss, and he obliged, while not rightfully admitting so. The machine he used was a coy. And if I hadn't known better, I would have ripped it to shreds. But their Boss, Xanxus, cut my leg, and it was pretty bad. But I wouldn't let much weakness show, no pain. The machine went berserk and shot at everyone and everything. It wouldn't have been stopped if Sawada Tsunayoshi hadn't shown up. But her glory was short lived.

I never expected to see a real Mafia Boss in person, nor did I expect it to be the Boss of the family I was supposedly being dragged into. He was in pretty bad shape, and part of me wondered if I had anything to do with it.

And then there was the battle that would end it all. The battle between the Boss candidates. Each of us was placed in the arena of our battle and poisoned. Except, at first the poison was actually kind of painful, but I began to think about it as a nuisance that was going to keep me from this battle (a re-match between the other candidates for Guardians) and it became a null feeling, and I joined the battle by retrieving the Cloud Ring. I saved the asses of everyone I could, Gokudera Hayato and Yamamoto Takeshi. I fought Belphegor, the supposed genius of the Varia. I almost collapsed after giving Yamamoto Takeshi his antidote, but kept on going as much as I could. By the end I was exhausted. Sawada Tsunayoshi won. It was all finished.

The time after that was quiet. Actually, more peaceful than I think I've ever seen my life. Normalcy finally began taking over. I patrolled my school and my town like normal. The people I had come to "count" on were just normal herbivores again. Well...Most of them. I guess this is when I can change the point of view a bit. This is the time when you stumbled in.

Stumbled is actually the best word I could use for it. I remember specifically. I had began patrolling around the athletic fields in the afternoon because I had heard there was "bully activity". I would watch the various practices, but none more than I watched the Baseball practice. It wasn't because the team was great, they absolutely were not. It was for one reason only. Well, two. One, it's where the "bully activity" was spawning from, and two, the person putting up with the constant bullying was the star Baseball player in all of Namimori, Yamamoto Takeshi.

Watching you play was exhilarating, because despite the lack of motivation from the rest of the team, you were always top-notch, ready to go. And one day, you noticed me watching you. So you started to follow me. I wasn't going to break a routine just because I was spotted. It happened for at least a week. But you never talked. It was as if you were watching me just as much as I was watching you.

At the end of that week, you stumbled into my office in the Reception Room. "Hibari!" you called out, and actually startled me a bit, because I wasn't expecting such an outburst. I couldn't help but stare at you for your lack of respect for me or my rules. But it wouldn't make sense to keep you from explaining yourself. "Why have you been watching me lately?"

What was I supposed to say? "I've noticed some unsportsmanlike behavior from your teammates...I've merely been there to prevent any disruption they may cause."

Your face was actually priceless. "Th-they aren't bullying me, Hibari, they're-"

"I don't need your explanation, Herbivore...Get out of here before I have to do it for you."

You shook your head. "I want to know your real motive…"

"I do not have ulterior motives, Yamamoto Takeshi, now-"

You took a deep breath. "I like you."

I raised an eyebrow at you, the shock rolling off me. Why wasn't I getting up to hit you? "You...what?"

"I like you...Not as an acquaintance or a friend. I really like you. It's been...a while, actually...And you saved my life."

"You're wasting your time."

You cocked your head in response. "Wasting my time? What do you mean, Hibari?"

Why did I say that? "Nothing...get out of here."

You walked forward. "Hibari…"

I stood up. "Get out!"

"I am not leaving!"

I was taken aback by how serious you were.

"Please, Hibari...I don't believe you."

It was taking everything in my power not to destroy you then and there. "And why not?"

"Because I can tell you like me too."

Did I? Was Infatuated with Yamamoto Takeshi? "Hn...What makes you say that?"

"Why else would you care if I was being bullied? Why would you let me walk with you every afternoon, without a word? I know you don't like company."

You were more observant than I once thought, Herbivore. "So what?"

"So...Will you go out with me?"

And I said yes.

Anything after that really means nothing. There was so much battling, and the inevitable return of the disease I thought I was forever cured from. But you were there. You were there every moment. You put up with me, and my constant mood swings and utter depression. You told me you loved me. And as much as I wish you hadn't, I'm very glad you did. Because I, for once, was capable of love. I was capable of being loved. I once thought that I was fated to live alone, that my aloof and violent nature would push others away instead of make them gravitate to me. Despite my shortcomings and the pain you knew you were going to face, you kept such a wonderful smile on your face that I knew I could rely on. I knew I could hold on to it.

January 9th, 2019

I recently found this on my computer. I don't exactly know what to put in here. I've been in remission for almost a year. This almost seems like a really long suicide note or my acceptance of death. But I'm still here, after four years. I'm going to keep this for you, though. Because I can always guarantee nothing good ever comes from my remissions.

May 9th, 2019

I will never tell you that I know the end is coming. I've printed this for you to keep in my memory, because it depicts accurately everything I've seen in my life. And so that you know I will always...Love you.