You know how this works, I don't own the rights to the Mighty Ducks nor am
I affiliated with the Star Wars gang in any way. I've taken liberties with
the plot lines and characters of both movie and animated series, but simply
in hopes of entertaining fellow fans and relieving the boredom of a hot
summer's night . . . I hope you enjoy my first attempt at a fic and please
let me know what you think :) Also, if you haven't seen Return of the Jedi
or anything from Star Wars you may be a little lost, just FYI. . .
A long time ago, in a galaxy far away. . .
PUCK WARS - RETURN OF THE DUCK
Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Puck World to rescue his friend Han Solo from the clutches of the big bad Jabba the Hutt. Little does Luke know that the Saurian Empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more menacing than the first terrible Death Raptor. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy . . .
Our story begins as we see Lord Vader's ship speeding towards the uncompleted Death Raptor. After landing in the hangar, the door opens to reveal a rather short, plump, non-threatening man in a black cloak and a flashy gold-plated helmet (Phil demanded to be allowed to make his own costume). Tucking away his ever-present cell phone, he strides out to meet his Commander.
"Commander, I'm here to put you back on schedule, we have publicity stunts . . . I mean . . . the Emperor is coming and he will be displeased by these delays".
"The Emperor is coming HERE my Lord? We shall double our efforts!"
-- Familiar music plays as the scene fades into a stark desert environment.
A tall blonde duck in a shiny gold jumpsuit is walking alongside what appears to be a squat garbage can on wheels with a rotating dome for a lid.
"R2, you wouldn't believe the things I've heard about this guy! You would probably short circuit and I don't think they carry your parts at 'Lectric Land'. Lando and Chewbacca never returned from this awful place, we're probably walking into our doom. I don't know WHAT Master Luke was thinking."
"We have nothing to worry about C3PO, everything's been taken care of" bleeped the droid.
An ominous metal monstrosity of a castle loomed above them. After stopping at the big metal door, C3PO introduced them to the rude robot guard in a strange language, and as the door creaked open R2D2 slowly wheeled forward. A scary dude with a long tapering forehead approached the pair as the door ominously lowered again.
"Just deliver Master Luke's message and get us out of here R2!"
"The message must be delivered to Jabba himself" bleeped the droid, and the scary dude relented.
The trio entered a room filled with soft music and the quiet conversations of the many different creatures surrounding them. On a platform lounged Siege . . . I mean . . . Jabba the Hutt eating frogs and smoking a pipe (but just a fake pipe, smoking is bad kids) (and not real frogs, that would be cruel . . .). As the scary dude announced the duck and the droid's purpose, R2D2's lights began to flash and a hologram appeared before them of a youthful duck. Clad in what appeared to be a karate uniform with a puck launcher at his side, the figure with blond shoulder length hair and a patch over his bill began to speak:
"Hey exalted dude, what's shakin'? I'm Nosedive . . . oops, *shakes head* must stay in character . . . Luke Skywalker, Duck Knight and brother to . . . darn it . . . friend to Captain Solo. I know you're like upset with him and all, but can't we talk it over? I'd like to stop by sometime and get this settled. As a token of my good will, I'll give you a gift, this duck and droid - Tawnya: "Excuse me?!?" - both are hard working, and will do what you ask them to and stuff'. The image flickered and died, leaving C3PO sputtering in outrage, and Jabba chuckling menacingly,
"He ain't gonna get anywhere near here, he's no Duck Knight" said the big orange Saurian. "Captain Solo ain't goin nowhere either, I like him just where he is".
Looking in horror at the far corner of the room, C3PO and R2 saw their friend Han Solo propped against the wall frozen in his bed of belerium crystals, his mask jutting from the stone showing the grimace he wore as he was captured.
The scene changes from Jabba's audience chamber to the dank dungeons below.
"I'm SO gonna get Nosedive for this one. . ." muttered Tawnya as they were led down the dark hallway to the servant's quarters. 'So what can you do?' asked the head droid. Still upset, C3PO grumbled out that she spoke over 6 million languages and could make and/or fix anything under the sun or suns; depending on what planet you were on. As the piggy guards led her off, R2 was told that he could be of some use on the master's sail barge.
Once again in the audience chamber, upbeat jazz-ish music was being played as Jabba sent his favourite dancer into the pit below his chair to be eaten by the Raincor. Boo hoo. But suddenly, there was a commotion by the door! A petite alien entered, followed by a large, muscled gray duck. Patches of fur appeared to have been glued to his feathers as his costume for this little parody and a look of extreme discomfort was on his face at this indignity.
"My inner balance has been severely disturbed' he muttered before summoning up a half-hearted Wookie growl. Yanking Chewbacca's chain to stand in front of Jabba, the much shorter alien announced that it was there for the bounty for the Wookie. Peeking behind Jabba's shoulder, C3PO gasped in recognition of the captive. Bargaining over the price turned ugly for a brief period that involved a loaded puck launcher, but an agreement was soon reached and Chewbacca was led off muttering more angry nonsensical proverbs. In the shadows lurked another familiar figure keeping watch with his single eye.
As the suns set below the horizon and Jabba's posse fell asleep, the bounty hunter crept purposefully across the room. Despite the fact that this alien and machinery usually don't mix well, with a few turns of the switches beside Han Solo's solid prison his platform was successfully lowered and the crystal began to melt away bringing him back to life. His shaking body collapsed heavily to the floor. The hunter brought him comfortingly into its arms and tried to reassure him that all would be well. Han found himself to be blind from his enforced hibernation. His trembling hand came into contact with his rescuer's face and this only aided to further his confusion.
"W-who are you?" he asked. After a moment's pause the bounty hunter removed what had been a mask to reveal a pretty young duck with flaming red hair. (Ready for it fans? Tee hee!) In a voice that was no longer disguised she answered him back,
"Someone who loves you". (Mallory: Narrator, why did I have to get the mushy part? Narrator: Because Mallory, I had to make sure you ended up with Wildwing of course :). Mallory: oh. . . well fine then. . . Narrator: Sure, maybe Duke would fit the role of the piratical Han a little better, but this is my story and I may do what I wish *snickers gleefully* Continuing on . . .)
"Lea!" cried Han in relief as she tenderly kissed him in greeting. (*happy sighs from the narrator*) Turning serious, she said 'I gotta get you out of here'.
Suddenly, much to their dismay, a curtain behind them opened to reveal a very much awake Jabba the Hutt, a gagged C3P0, and numerous other followers! They knew they were caught, all attempts to bargain failed! The still-blind Han was led away, leaving Lea to worry about what was to happen next . . .
Well, have I caught your interest? Brought on a chuckle? Bored you to tears? Offended you in a major way? Let me know! This was fun :) More will soon follow . . .
A long time ago, in a galaxy far away. . .
PUCK WARS - RETURN OF THE DUCK
Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Puck World to rescue his friend Han Solo from the clutches of the big bad Jabba the Hutt. Little does Luke know that the Saurian Empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more menacing than the first terrible Death Raptor. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy . . .
Our story begins as we see Lord Vader's ship speeding towards the uncompleted Death Raptor. After landing in the hangar, the door opens to reveal a rather short, plump, non-threatening man in a black cloak and a flashy gold-plated helmet (Phil demanded to be allowed to make his own costume). Tucking away his ever-present cell phone, he strides out to meet his Commander.
"Commander, I'm here to put you back on schedule, we have publicity stunts . . . I mean . . . the Emperor is coming and he will be displeased by these delays".
"The Emperor is coming HERE my Lord? We shall double our efforts!"
-- Familiar music plays as the scene fades into a stark desert environment.
A tall blonde duck in a shiny gold jumpsuit is walking alongside what appears to be a squat garbage can on wheels with a rotating dome for a lid.
"R2, you wouldn't believe the things I've heard about this guy! You would probably short circuit and I don't think they carry your parts at 'Lectric Land'. Lando and Chewbacca never returned from this awful place, we're probably walking into our doom. I don't know WHAT Master Luke was thinking."
"We have nothing to worry about C3PO, everything's been taken care of" bleeped the droid.
An ominous metal monstrosity of a castle loomed above them. After stopping at the big metal door, C3PO introduced them to the rude robot guard in a strange language, and as the door creaked open R2D2 slowly wheeled forward. A scary dude with a long tapering forehead approached the pair as the door ominously lowered again.
"Just deliver Master Luke's message and get us out of here R2!"
"The message must be delivered to Jabba himself" bleeped the droid, and the scary dude relented.
The trio entered a room filled with soft music and the quiet conversations of the many different creatures surrounding them. On a platform lounged Siege . . . I mean . . . Jabba the Hutt eating frogs and smoking a pipe (but just a fake pipe, smoking is bad kids) (and not real frogs, that would be cruel . . .). As the scary dude announced the duck and the droid's purpose, R2D2's lights began to flash and a hologram appeared before them of a youthful duck. Clad in what appeared to be a karate uniform with a puck launcher at his side, the figure with blond shoulder length hair and a patch over his bill began to speak:
"Hey exalted dude, what's shakin'? I'm Nosedive . . . oops, *shakes head* must stay in character . . . Luke Skywalker, Duck Knight and brother to . . . darn it . . . friend to Captain Solo. I know you're like upset with him and all, but can't we talk it over? I'd like to stop by sometime and get this settled. As a token of my good will, I'll give you a gift, this duck and droid - Tawnya: "Excuse me?!?" - both are hard working, and will do what you ask them to and stuff'. The image flickered and died, leaving C3PO sputtering in outrage, and Jabba chuckling menacingly,
"He ain't gonna get anywhere near here, he's no Duck Knight" said the big orange Saurian. "Captain Solo ain't goin nowhere either, I like him just where he is".
Looking in horror at the far corner of the room, C3PO and R2 saw their friend Han Solo propped against the wall frozen in his bed of belerium crystals, his mask jutting from the stone showing the grimace he wore as he was captured.
The scene changes from Jabba's audience chamber to the dank dungeons below.
"I'm SO gonna get Nosedive for this one. . ." muttered Tawnya as they were led down the dark hallway to the servant's quarters. 'So what can you do?' asked the head droid. Still upset, C3PO grumbled out that she spoke over 6 million languages and could make and/or fix anything under the sun or suns; depending on what planet you were on. As the piggy guards led her off, R2 was told that he could be of some use on the master's sail barge.
Once again in the audience chamber, upbeat jazz-ish music was being played as Jabba sent his favourite dancer into the pit below his chair to be eaten by the Raincor. Boo hoo. But suddenly, there was a commotion by the door! A petite alien entered, followed by a large, muscled gray duck. Patches of fur appeared to have been glued to his feathers as his costume for this little parody and a look of extreme discomfort was on his face at this indignity.
"My inner balance has been severely disturbed' he muttered before summoning up a half-hearted Wookie growl. Yanking Chewbacca's chain to stand in front of Jabba, the much shorter alien announced that it was there for the bounty for the Wookie. Peeking behind Jabba's shoulder, C3PO gasped in recognition of the captive. Bargaining over the price turned ugly for a brief period that involved a loaded puck launcher, but an agreement was soon reached and Chewbacca was led off muttering more angry nonsensical proverbs. In the shadows lurked another familiar figure keeping watch with his single eye.
As the suns set below the horizon and Jabba's posse fell asleep, the bounty hunter crept purposefully across the room. Despite the fact that this alien and machinery usually don't mix well, with a few turns of the switches beside Han Solo's solid prison his platform was successfully lowered and the crystal began to melt away bringing him back to life. His shaking body collapsed heavily to the floor. The hunter brought him comfortingly into its arms and tried to reassure him that all would be well. Han found himself to be blind from his enforced hibernation. His trembling hand came into contact with his rescuer's face and this only aided to further his confusion.
"W-who are you?" he asked. After a moment's pause the bounty hunter removed what had been a mask to reveal a pretty young duck with flaming red hair. (Ready for it fans? Tee hee!) In a voice that was no longer disguised she answered him back,
"Someone who loves you". (Mallory: Narrator, why did I have to get the mushy part? Narrator: Because Mallory, I had to make sure you ended up with Wildwing of course :). Mallory: oh. . . well fine then. . . Narrator: Sure, maybe Duke would fit the role of the piratical Han a little better, but this is my story and I may do what I wish *snickers gleefully* Continuing on . . .)
"Lea!" cried Han in relief as she tenderly kissed him in greeting. (*happy sighs from the narrator*) Turning serious, she said 'I gotta get you out of here'.
Suddenly, much to their dismay, a curtain behind them opened to reveal a very much awake Jabba the Hutt, a gagged C3P0, and numerous other followers! They knew they were caught, all attempts to bargain failed! The still-blind Han was led away, leaving Lea to worry about what was to happen next . . .
Well, have I caught your interest? Brought on a chuckle? Bored you to tears? Offended you in a major way? Let me know! This was fun :) More will soon follow . . .