Am I crazy? Probably. Do I care? No. Because it's my insanity that brings us this awesomeness.
I don't own Hetalia, Sky High or anything else I may reference.
Beware of Gakuen AU, strange ages in comparison to each other, random genderbends, countries being children of each other for no reason, etc.
fjfjfjfjfjfjfjfj
"Lovino, wake up! It's time for school!"
"Shut the fuck up, I'm coming!"
Lovino Jones tripped on the stairs, nearly falling as he made it to the kitchen. His mother was already waiting for him to steer him to the breakfast table, where his dad was shoveling burgers. Really, what.
His best friend, Felicia was waiting for him. She gave him a large grin, "Ve, morning! You sleep a lot, huh!"
"Shut up. Right now." Lovino brushed his mother off. Or tried to.
"Our little Lovi's going off to high school..." Alice Jones smiled and hugged him, ignoring his attempts to kick her in the ovaries, "I remember when he first went to preschool, and wouldn't let go of my leg-"
"Mom! Shut up!" Lovino glared at her, although it was hard to with his face compressed againt her chest. At least it hid the blush.
Felicia giggled, "I think this is going to be a lot of fun, ve~!"
Alfred looked up, "He's gonna be a hero, just like his old man!"
"Give it a bloody rest."
Alfred would have retorted, were it not for the alarm beeping. It was time for Burger Hero Man and Angelica Brittainia to fight crime. This meant his dad in a red-white-and-blue spandex suit and his mom in a skimpy cupid outfit, flying around the city. Jesus H. Christ.
Alice looked up seriously, "Feeling strong?"
"Feeling light?"
And off they went, leaving Lovino and Felicia alone to walk to the bus stop. Felicia happily chatted about pasta and animals, which Lovino could not care less about, but her company was appreciated just as much as she was outwardly pushed off.
Within minutes after they arrived, the bus pulled up. The driver was a happy Spanish man, grinning despite the ruckus behind him of kids. "Hola! Getting on?"
"...Sky High, right...?"
"Shh! Do you want everyone to know, mai?" the bus driver shooed them in, still smiling despite that.
Felicia was distracted by a cat-shaped bag one girl was holding. Lovino grabbed her hand to drag her away, which he quickly found was a wrong move. A girl looked up from a waffle she'd clearly snuck on board and moved out of her seat for them, clearing the two-seated space.
"I only need one fucking seat..."
"But you and your girlfriend should sit together!"
"She's not my girlfriend!" Lovino blushed and dragged a giggly Felicia farther back, where they could sit across the hall from each other.
This landed Lovino right next to another wierdo.
This guy acted as if they were already friends, and a bird perched on his head was easily creeping Lovino out. "Yo, so like, the totally awesome me can totally ace this year. They'll be looking for the awesomest of the heros before we even graduate. Am I right?"
"Fuck off." Lovino flipped him off, only to discover this did not faze him at all.
"Dude, chill. My name's Gilbert, yours?"
"...Lovino. NOW will you shut up?"
"Fine, man." Gilbert looked out the window, tapping his feet.
The bus driver called out triumphantly, "Everyone settle down, we're heading off the road! There's only a few people that know how to get to Sky High, and one of them is me: Antonio Carrieda, bus driver."
"Like we fucking care!" Lovino was quickly distracted from his bitching by random seatbelts going onto everyone, and the bus driving straight off a cliff before flying off.
Is everyone in this school crazy?
fjfjfjfjfjfjfjfj
Lovino and Felicia (and accompanying unwanted freshmans) were quickly greeted by two boys in Asian clothes. One was rather silent and Lovino thought his eyebrows were pretty similar to his mother's. Scary. The other had a hair sticking out of his head that looked like it had a face. Scarier.
"We're representing the Sky High welcoming commitee." the boy in the blue-and-white robe proclaimed.
"The $500 entrance fee, please." the boy in a red chinese garb calmly stretched his arm out farther than a normal human could, to collect offerings.
A short girl in a blue dress clutched her pet swordfish (who was somehow alive despite being held like a teddie bear) protectively, "I didn't hear anything about an entrance fee!"
"That's because there isn't one." a Belarussian girl in a blue dress walked over and extended a hand curtly to Lovino, "I'm Natalya Arlovskaya, I'm the class representative."
Lovino caught himself staring. Girls should definitely not be this beautiful. It's unheard of. He managed to block out her entire speech, concentrating only on her face. And her hair. And her dress. And her eyes... Dio mio.
"...So if you follow these rules, you won't get thrown off the school's border."
"What rules?" Lovino blinked at Felicia.
Felicia giggled, "Ve ve, pay more attention!"
From there, they were sent to the gym, where a French man was standing on a raised platform. He grinned at them. "Bonjour! My name is Francis Bonnefoy. Some of you know me as The Masked Gentleman... some of you may not. Now! It is time to show your powers! This will be done right up here, in front of everyone. Oui?"
Everyone grumbled.
"I said. OUI?" the last word shook the ground.
His audience errupted with scrambled cries of "yes sir!" and "oui!".
First up was a short kid named Peter Kirkland. Lovino thought he looked vaguely familiar. It turned out his power was to turn himself into a tank, and he was sorted as a hero.
Next up was a girl in a maid-like dress, Elizabeta Hedervary. She was quick to pull out a frying pan and use it as a tennis racket for balls of flame from her mouth. She was also a hero.
The next girl, Lovino recognized as the girl with the fish, apparently Michelle Bonnefoy. Although it was made clear she was Mr. Bonnefoy's daughter, it was also clear that her power to produce mist from her body did not gain her a hero status even under those odds. Sidekick she was.
After that was Gilbert Beilschmidt, and Lovino could already guess how this would go. He was right. After a moment of nothing happening, Mr. Bonnefoy was forced to ask what was new. Gilbert's response: "I'm glowing, man! The awesomeness inside me makes me glow!"
"Sidekick."
"But if you turn off the lights-"
"SIDEKICK." Francis booted him off the platform.
Katerina Kozak, sidekick. Ludwig Beilschmidt, hero. Kiku Honda, sidekick. Heracles Karpusi, sidekick. Ivan Braginski, hero. Yao Wang, hero. Mei Xiao, sidekick. Roderich Edelstein, sidekick. The list went on for a while, it seemed.
When it came to be Felicia's turn, she refused, saying her powers were too embarassing, and immidiately became a sidekick.
"Very well. We will continue all this after lunch, oui?" Mr. Bonnefoy waved them all off, handing roses to all female heroes.
fjfjfjfjfjfjfjfj
The insanity will continue in chapter 2 when I get around to it. :T