WHAT A WAY TO SPEND AN EVENING ,
By Ealinesse.
DISCLAIMER:
I own nothing of the Final Fantasy series - characters, items, ideas, nothing. Lucky, lucky me.Summary
: Yuffie and Reno get more than they bargained for one night in Junon, when they are arrested and jailed overnight while on their way home. But little do they know that it is all just a joke at their own expense…Warnings:
Just a little language, bad humour.Category
: Attempted Humour/General?"'Let's take a shortcut because it's raining', he says! 'Let's go this way', he says, 'we'll be fine!' Christ, Reno, could you keep us out of trouble for once?"
"Stop making it look like it's all my fault!"
"It is your fault!"
"Is not!"
"Is too."
"Is bloody-well not!"
"Don't lie."
"I never lie. I'm being brutally honest." There was a short pause. "Want proof I don't lie?"
Yuffie crossed her arms and looked away, through the cold, steel bars that separated her from the civilized world. And sanity. "Shut up, Reno," she huffed.
"Want proof?" he continued. He jabbed a gloved finger in her direction. "You made me, so it's your fault."
"You're the one that actually looked at her, and was stupid enough to comment loudly on the way she looked!"
"She was hot!" Reno said, as if the statement actually made his argument any better. "Her legs went all the way-"
"She was a hooker standing on the corner of an intersection, Reno. If she wore any more red lipstick I would have mistaken her for a goddamned Stop sign!"
The Turk crossed his arms. "If you hadn't of pointed her out, then I wouldn't have looked, and we wouldn't have been chucked in here. End of story. It was your… fault. How was I supposed to know she was a bloody undercover cop? I didn't think they could arrest me for something as stupid as that!"
That was it. No matter what he said, it wasn't her fault they'd ended up in the slammer for something so pathetic. She sighed, and resettled herself on the cold concrete benching that surrounded the large holding cell. "Just shut up, Reno. You're not funny."
"I never said I was trying to be funny, Yuff."
The infuriatingly calm way in which he was talking upset her to no end, so she blocked him out, and didn't dignify the man with a reply. Instead, she surveyed their cell, which was a dull affair. Not, she thought, like they're going to decorate specifically for us, dolt. 'Newsflash: Wutaian Royalty in Junon Jail Cell…'
The walls of the mass-cell were a dull gunmetal grey, so were the rather repetitive bars, and so was the door that led to freedom. And, not only that, she realised, but it seemed they'd also 'kindly' colour-coordinated the floor with everything else, too; the rough, unsealed concrete ground was most probably exactly as it had always been: boring, infinitely charcoal, and spew-stained. Around the entire perimeter of the room was a continual border of concrete benching. There was one bunk – the sheets surprisingly starched and clean for such a tedious spot. The only other out-of-place object in the room was an oversized plastic mug by the by the barred door.
The ninja heaved a sigh, which brought no reaction from Reno. So she sighed again - just for effect, of course. There was none. She looked back to the man who'd gotten her into all this, and scowled. He was lying down, his sunglasses covering his turquoise eyes. The only sign that he wasn't fully at home in the cell was that his rumpled suit jacket was pulled tightly around him, fending off the cold. With a disgusted frown, she turned away again and closed her eyes.
She tried a meditative technique that her father had taught her years ago, and for a second it worked. Ignorance was bliss. Her mind was clear, and her mental sight allowed her to drift away to some other place…
But that was only until a loud clang sounded and she shot bolt upright, ignoring the fact that she hadn't even realised that she had lain down. Her chestnut eyes scanned out the source of the sound, hope filling her chest that they'd soon be out of such a disgusting, embarrassing place. Her heart sunk as soon as she saw the officer who had shut them up in the cell, and sunk even further as she saw the large, rather scary-looking man about to enter the cubicle. Her immense horror solidified as soon as the officer took the man's handcuffs off. She paled, noticing that the man had to duck under the cell doorway to even get in.
Helplessly, she gulped… And inched closer to Reno.
"Now behave, ya hear me? I don't want any more trouble out of you," the officer said with forced authority as he closed up the cell again. Yuffie doubted whether the words would actually have any effect on the man, seeing as he was, you know, only about four times the muscle.
Five minutes later, the large thug was seated next to her... quite closely next to her. If she thought she had been scared before, her emotions were nothing compared to what they were now. Her rather heightened senses picked up on the man's musky bad smell, his loud breathing, and the way every ten seconds - or so - he would inch a little closer to her. It could easily be said that she had never been more scared in her life. Reno, handy as he was, had slept through the whole thing. Her constant shivering was not from the cold.
Ten seconds later, there was another change in movement – again towards her. She shuffled quite obviously a little further toward the left on the bench, pushing the slumbering Reno further along. He didn't wake, and the ninja scowled. Useless! The Turk was utterly useless!
A loud snore only confirmed her thoughts.
Within another ten minutes Yuffie decided it was time to do something about the man. Her and Reno were now flush against the wall, his neck being at a near right angle to the cold concrete bricks. She scowled. She never had appreciated the art of intimidation unless it was herself who was doing it. Which wasn't the case. She wasn't sure what was worse: his constant annoyance, or his ugly mug.
"Look, mister! Would you stop annoying me?" she said with a conviction and confidence that she did not truly feel. Sure, she could kick ass, but this man was huge!
An uncomfortable silence ensued, broken only by a disjointed snore.
And then, the man leered. Until then, Yuffie hadn't truly taken a good look at him – she'd been too scared that he'd kill her for a mere glance – but it was then she noticed everything. The missing teeth, the scar over the eyebrow, the red bandanna around the wrist, the bloody lip, the tattoos… everything. If she hadn't been so caught up in her own rather fearful moment, she would have realised how cliché it all was.
But she didn't.
At the man's grotesque smile, and after another shift that she'd come to deem as 'the movement', she decided it was time to opt for her last resort: Reno. Leaning back, all the while smiling at the sneering man, she pinched the slumbering Turk's upper arm, and hid her satisfaction at his reaction. Her task finished, and the large man's attention redirected, she sat back to watch the scene unfold.
* * * * *
Reno awoke with very little recognition of what had been going on, and a sharp pain in his upper arm, his neck aching from the rather uncompromising position he was nestled in. He was groggy, his head ached from where the undercover cop had thrown him into the police-van, and all in all, he wasn't the warmest Turk in the world… which probably related to the permanently open window that was a 'design' feature of the cell.
But he wasn't going to let on to any of that, he realized, as soon as he saw Yuffie's face.
Sitting up with little comment, Reno opened his eyes further, shaking his head and lifting up his sunglasses, which served little purpose at the current moment in time, anyway. Something small and light shuffled into his shoulder, and he turned back to Yuffie, who was pressed quite tightly against his side, her eyes wide.
"What's wrong with you, brat?" he asked, seeing the rather false expression on her face.
"Him," she replied through gritted teeth, continuing her fake smile at the convict. "He's scaring me."
It was then that he noticed the number of people in their little cell had nearly doubled in size… or maybe in weight. He stared at the large thug, then back at Yuffie, completely unfazed.
"So? Deal with it. He's not so scary," he said, his voice loud and conversational.
"Reno, he couldn't possibly get any bigger!" she whispered fiercely. "He's a tank!"
"Calm down. He's not going to do anything."
"How do you know?"
"Yeah, buddy," came a low, gravely drawl from just in front of him. "How do you know?"
Reno frowned and glanced up. Great. He hadn't paid any attention to his surroundings for just five seconds, and already the man had pulled a gun on them from somewhere on his person. Cursing the public justice system, he scowled, and stood. This man should have been searched – god only knew he and Yuffie had had their weapons confiscated! Sure, he had no intention of trying to get into a fight, but this man's complacent attitude with his weapon irritated him.
"And just where did you get that from?" he smirked.
"They didn't search me."
"Obviously. Is it too much to ask someone in Junon to do their job?"
The man glared. "What would you know about life in Junon?"
"I'm Shinra, you idiot. I know a lot of things that you don't… "
From the corner she'd snuck off to, Yuffie winced as she saw the man tense. If Reno kept going the way he was, he'd get somebody hurt – most probably himself. She gestured to him to get his attention, and mouthed the word 'bang', with an emphasized thump directed toward the back of his head. The Turk offered no recognition, but continued with his 'distraction'.
She sighed, and frowned. If he didn't get it, then she'd distract the man, and he could pick it up from there. She sat back and waited for her opportunity.
"How could you know anything about Junon if you're Shinra, you fool?" the man asked. "The Shinra have done nothing but trouble us. They were only the start of my troubles."
"No," Reno corrected, waggling a reprimanding finger at the intimidating man. "Booze and bad breath were the start of your problems."
The man took a step back, and steadied the gun. "Shut up!"
"No."
"Shut up!"
From the other side of the room, where she'd moved to the corner, Yuffie laughed loudly and lightheartedly, seizing what she saw as her opportunity. The large, tattooed man turned toward her, his eyes dark and cold. He trained the gun on her, to which she rolled her eyes, and shrugged. "I've tried telling him that. It doesn't work. That model of Turk comes without a mute button, I'm afraid. Just forgive him, he gets sick of annoying you eventually. Trust me, I would know."
As she saw Reno step up behind him, and witnessed the gloved hand coming up unaware beside the man's neck, she raised her hand in the air and offered a cute wave, ignoring Reno's glower at her words. "Bubye," she said, cocking her head to the side with an over-exaggerated smile as Reno brought his hand down, hard, toward the nerve on the side of the man's head.
The large man went out like a light, and she could suddenly see more than just Reno's hand and head as the muscular man crumpled to the ground, out cold.
"Not so scary?" she questioned coyly.
"Not now." Reno smirked, and shrugged, mimicking her movement of only moments before. "I guess we'd better call security so they can deal with him."
* * * * *
Some four hours later, just before midnight, Yuffie felt herself doing a familiar little dance around the small area of the cell. To ignore her desperation, she traced her shadow from the dingy light bulb as she ran. She paid no attention to Reno, who was asleep again. For what she thought must have been the thousandth time, she lapped the chamber, ignoring the strange look she was receiving from the rather pissed-off lady sitting by the bars. Obviously this was not how she'd planned to spend her night, either.
For lack of anything better to do, she sat down, dizzy from speeding around the tiny, enclosed space. But, after realizing the pressure on her bladder was not going to go away simply by her trying to ignore it, she resumed her running.
That was when Reno woke up.
"What the hell are you doing? Can't a guy get any sleep around here?"
She scoffed. "You'd be able to sleep better if you hadn't gotten us into all of this."
"It isn't my conscience that's keeping me awake, brat, it's you. Now, are you gonna answer my question?"
Yuffie poked out her tongue, and stopped running. She ducked her head and mumbled something under her breath.
"What?" The Turk raised a vivid eyebrow. "Speak up."
"I said I need to pee!"
Reno sat back against the wall, and tipped his head back against the cool concrete. "Is that all? Christ, I thought you'd gone insane. Why don't you just go to the toilet?"
She had resumed her 'I need to pee' dance, but at this she stopped dead. "There's a toilet?"
"Ugh, seriously, Yuff." Reno rolled his eyes. He pointed to an object in the corner of the room. "Just there."
She turned to the nook in which he had pointed, and consequently groaned. No wonder she hadn't noticed it. "Oh great. It comes in not only chrome, but charcoal, and features the new craze – invisible walls and no soap!"
Reno fixed her with a pointed stare.
"What?" she protested. "There's no way I'm going to that loo! It's disgusting! It isn't clean! You can't say that thing isn't carrying any less than a thousand diseases!" She eyed the discarded sheets of toilet paper that littered the corner of the room. "No way in hell! It doesn't even have a toilet seat!"
Smirk. "Suit yourself."
"Shut up, Reno," she said. "I wasn't lying about the whole 'mute button' thing when that big ugly brute was in here."
"Oh quit complaining, you're just as bad as Elena. Bloody females."
"Bloody Turks."
They were only in silence for a moment, when a loud clink signaled the opening of the outside door. In came the officer that had been dealing with them the whole night, carrying a looped bundle she couldn't recognize in her hands. Reno, however, appeared to recognize the item instantly. The Turk inched toward the front-most corner of the cell. "Yuffie, come here!"
"Why?"
"Seriously, move!"
"You're never serious."
"Fine, then." he said, crossing his arms and tipping his chin up, his look incredulous. "If you-"
His warning came unheeded, and Yuffie suddenly felt herself hit by a powerful wave of water. The man had a hose!
She skidded backward, and stumbled into the wall, inhaling accidentally and therefore choking on the water that flooded into her mouth. Putting her hands to her lips, she spat out water and cursed heavily in between breaths. When the torrent didn't stop as soon as she'd expected, she merely slipped to the floor and cursed harder when she hit the ground with a painful thud. She screwed up her face and shook off what water she could when the torrent receded, waving her arms around in a silent fit of anger and annoyance.
When she finally managed to get the water off her face, and all was reasonably silent, Yuffie cracked open one hazel eye and scowled. She stood and brushed off her clothing to the best of her ability, trying to retain that infinitesimal scrap of dignity that she still had left. But to very little use; she was essentially soaked, her clothing dark and sopping wet. And cold.
Eventually, she looked up at Reno, who was laughing silently and uncontrollably. He was so focused on his state of utmost amusement that he was no longer concentrated on her. That pissed her off to no end, and she looked down, seeing the other young woman's sympathetic gaze on her. Through her downcast lashes, Yuffie noted with some regret that both Reno and the woman had missed out on being hit by the torrent of cold water. The woman, strangely enough, had either listened to Reno, or had known what was about to happen.
Yuffie scowled. It wasn't her fault that she was overly stubborn.
Ticked off with them both for staying dry, Yuffie looked around the cell for the biggest puddle of water in the room, and headed over to it. Grabbing the cup she had noticed earlier, she scooped up as much water as she could and walked over to where Reno was struggling to regain his composure.
When she merely stopped in front of him and fixed him with an immovable glare, he quickly paused his laughing, and faked a cough that quickly led to silence. However, the look on Reno's face continued to be one of smug indignation.
"What?" he chuckled. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
"You didn't tell me about what!"
"They wash out the cells every night at midnight, okay? I tried to warn you, but you didn't listen."
"And I suppose you would know all about prison cells, Turk."
"So? You should know well enough to listen to me by now!"
At that, Yuffie blinked. Then she glowered. "I should listen to you?" she scoffed. "And you say you don't lie." And with that, she tipped the full cup of icy water over his head, and watched it spill over his face, down his neck, and all over his suit. To say he reacted was a vast understatement. All expression fell from his face, and his head tipped forward. He closed his eyes and sputtered, shaking his head to remove the excess liquid. When most of it was gone, the Turk looked up at her through water-crusted lashes.
"What the hell was that for!"
"What? Don't say you didn't deserve that!"
In a pose unique to him, he crossed his arms again. "I didn't deserve that."
"Shut up, Reno."
"I didn't deserve that."
"Yes you did. Now shut up."
"You shut up, brat."
There was a small giggle over the other side of the room, and they both turned to see the unknown woman covering her hysteric fits of giggles between her hands.
"What's so funny?" Reno asked, trying hard to glare but not really succeeding in his current state.
"Heh… you… both of you."
"What about us?"
There was a pause, then another clamorous giggle. "How long have you two been married?"
That shut them both up. For a second. They both folded their arms tighter than they had previously been, and turned their heads sharply away from each other with indignant, insulted huffs.
Then Reno snorted as he looked at the pewter throne, which was just as soaked and dripping wet as the rest of the room. "Hey, brat… You can't say the toilet isn't clean, now."
Her only reply was to throw the mug across at the man from where she'd settled. He dodged the rather hefty throw, and the item fell to the floor with a dissonant clang.
"Whatever."
* * * * *
Yuffie had just about fallen asleep, when loud voices and heavy commotion stole her attention. In the dimly lit cell, she couldn't see much but the outline of other people, but then the furthermost door opened, and in came a vigorously protesting woman. She writhed in the fat officer's grasp, and struggled with the handcuffs. In essence, Yuffie shook her head in annoyance. She knew how restrictive handcuffs were to movement when your hands were behind your back. But still, she thought, seeing what a handful the woman was to the man.
She sighed, and sat up, watching with half-lidded eyes and the rather large woman was chucked into the cell. Again she shook her head. Over the past hours, dozens of people had come and gone, and only them, it seemed, had stayed. Of course, as to this, she wasn't sure why. She only knew that somehow, with sway, that they had managed to get out. When she'd asked Reno, he'd carelessly shrugged. She didn't actually think he'd been listening to her anyway.
As if on queue to her thoughts, Reno sat up just next to her, and she turned to him. He did not meet her gaze, but instead focused on the enormous woman as she turned to the officer as he left.
"Where's my phone call!" she screamed. "I have the right to a phone call!"
To which the officer replied, "You've had it," and left.
Yuffie winced as the woman continued to scream, but forgot all about it as Reno's efforts to get comfortable again were halted by some invisible force. For a good ten seconds, she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, waiting for a discernible reaction. She got it. He soon sat up and smacked a hand against his forehead with a groan.
"What?"
"Heh… I forgot a little detail."
"What the hell are you on about?"
"Our phone call."
Yuffie blinked, then scowled. "You've been to jail before and you simply forgot that we get a phone call!"
"… Yeah."
"Ugh. Useless, uneducated Turk!"
Reno didn't reply, but merely got up and went to the front of the cell. Grabbing the bars, he joint in on the soprano screamer as they both yelled for freedom. Personally, Yuffie had never seen such a poor effort at harmony in her life.
* * * * *
Reno ran a hand through his hair as the dial tone of the phone was cut off.
"Sorry, sir. You've had your five minutes worth of phone time, and no one has answered. I'm afraid you'll have to wait until the morning to get out like everyone else who doesn't make bail."
To Reno the man didn't sound the least apologetic. Obviously, he'd said the same line many times before. "Can't you just let me try someone else? Please? I have one other person who may be home that will pick us up."
"No, sir. I'm sorry."
And apparently, that was that. He was led back to the cell, where he sat down without comment. He had tried Elena, who he knew was out working on some sort of blitz tonight, but he thought she would have been home by now. Either that or she's sleeping, being a lazy ass and not answering her phone. Reno soon shot down that possibility. Elena was never lacking for a good gossip.
"Well?"
The expectant tone in Yuffie's voice caused Reno to blanch. "Sorry, no go. Elena wasn't home, and the bastard wouldn't let me call Rude."
"Why didn't you just call Reeve? Or Cloud? They always have their phones on them."
"Could you see Cloud coming down to pick up a Turk from jail? Knowing the cold bastard he'd probably pick you up and then leave me here to rot."
Yuffie smiled, her lips warm, but her eyes unfriendly. "Exactly my point."
He ignored her. "And besides, these days, Reeve needs all the sleep he can get."
She nodded, and shoved her hands into her short pockets. She shivered, and nearly withdrew them because of the cold clamminess of the damp material, but a minute, box-like object seemed to jump into her hands. She enclosed the item in a curious grip, and tipped her head forward so her hair would cover her eyes as she rolled them in disbelief. It was her turn to groan in stupidity, at which Reno raised an eyebrow.
"What did you do now?" His voice was resigned, his tone blunt.
She pulled her new PHS from her pocket, and laughed nervously.
Reno's reaction was instant. "That's the second time you've done that to me, brat. It's a good thing I'm not dying this time! What's with you? Selective memory?"
"Just as selective as yours." She tried the buttons, and cursed when the phone sparked, then died. Holding it up to the light, she watched water leak from the unsealed inside of it as she twirled it in her grasp. "Just great!" There went their chance to get out of there.
Reno sat forward and took the object from her. "What?"
"The water killed it, I think. It just went dead."
The Turk seemed to sigh, and merely pocketed the item. "Look whose stupid now." He turned to her. "How the hell did you manage to keep a hold of that?"
She shrugged. "I guess they forgot to search my shorts." She pulled at the soggy item of clothing inquisitively. "Weird. They took my weapons, though."
His reaction was not what she'd expected it to be. He didn't shrug, or turn away, or ignore her; instead he leaned closer, inspecting her rather minimal attire. He picked at the material of her shorts, and cocked his head to the side, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
"What?" she growled, not in the least liking his scrutiny.
"No," he said slowly. "I don't suppose it is believable to a dignified policeman that you could actually hide anything substantial in a garment that… uh… small."
Yuffie bristled, taken aback at the remark. She glared daggers at him. "What are you implying, Turk?"
Reno smirked, avoiding the cuff she had aimed at the back of his head, and moved to lay down on the bench on the other side of the room. He closed his eyes, and pushed his sunglasses over them for effect. "Nothing," he said slowly, laughing quietly to himself. "Nothing at all, brat."
The only thing she was happy about was the fact that the darkness hid her blush.
* * * * *
The next morning Yuffie awoke to sunlight streaming directly into her eyes. Her mouth felt gluggy, like a goblin had been turned loose inside. She figured it was most probably from the room's stale, rotting air. She moved, stretched, squirmed, and closed her eyes again, more than content to sleep on. But somewhere in a near proximity, a noise disturbed her concentration on her hopeful slumber, and she rolled over and covered her ears. It was then she remembered just where she was, and why.
A familiar, amused voice broke through the short moment of silence.
"Wow. You guys look like you had a rough night."
Yuffie sat bolt upright straight away, and her eyes widened in skepticism. Spinning on her backside she faced the door, and a broad smile spread across her face. She eyed the blonde Turk with relief. "Thank Leviathon! Someone I know!" She sprinted over to the door, her smile magnified only when the barred door was open.
"Reno, get up, Elena's here!"
At first the Turk didn't move. But after a second there was a rather pitiful groan, at which Elena giggled, covering her mouth in an attempt to hide her humour. "Come on, Reno, baby. You want me to leave you here?"
That question evoked a veritable response. Reno sat up instantly, rubbed vigorously at his eyes, and grinned. He stood and stretched, and scratched at a point on his shoulder. If possible, his rebelliously crumpled suit was even worse for wear. That was, minus his jacket, of course, which Yuffie had stolen the previous night. The item was warm, and hung even longer on her than her beige shorts. Which, of course, Reno had commented on when he'd given it to her later on in the night. It was obvious even to her, that Reno was having trouble hiding his relief.
"Heya, 'Laney," he mumbled, caught in the midst of a yawn. "Here to pick us up?"
"You bet. Come on, let's get you guys out of here."
Yuffie watched Elena as she led them out of the cell, with Reno in tow behind her. For some reason that completely eluded her, the blonde winked at the constable, and retrieved a black bag from the counter with a rather conceited smile. She did not comment on them leaving so easily, but instead kept walking. Reno either didn't care, or was too asleep to notice the same thing.
* * * * *
It wasn't until they got to Elena's car, when a thought occurred to Reno, and he faced his fellow Shinra employee after seating himself in the vehicle. "I tried calling you early this morning, 'Laney, but there was no answer. Were you out or something?"
Elena shrugged in the driver's seat. "No. I was still home."
"What! Why didn't you answer?"
"I was busy sleeping."
Reno's eyes seemed to narrow as the flitting fragments of an idea plucked at his mind. Something wasn't making sense, and that last comment began to form a steady source of doubt inside his mind. "Elena, how did you know we were here?" That he used her given name instead of her pet name spoke of his interest.
A slow grin spread across the blonde's face, which proceeded into a loud laugh. Tears formed in her eyes. Reno, personally, didn't see what was so funny.
"What the hell are you laughing at? We just spent the night in a jail cell, and you don't even answer the phone. It could have been really important!"
"No, no. I knew it would be you. I wasn't worried, really."
The redhead's voice was low and deadly, his tone annoyed. "How did you know that it was me?"
She didn't answer, but said, "You should have seen your face! It was classic…!"
"Explain," Reno growled through gritted teeth.
The blonde Turk wiped at the tears of laughter that had formed in her eyes. The two stopped dead, and went quiet.
"What?"
There was a second short laugh of merriment, followed by a momental pause in which Yuffie realized what the woman was going to say next. She blinked, then shook her head, remembering facial features of the woman who Reno had commented on. The eye colour, the angles of the face, her build. Yuffie cocked her head, and cast a sidelong glance at the woman who was only now managing to control her laughter. Then she remembered Reno telling her about Elena and Rude being busy last night, having some job to do for the Police in downtown Junon... precisely where they had been. It all made sense. How else could she know without them telling? It was certainly farfetched, but definitely plausible.
"Elena, answer!"
Quite obviously, Yuffie realized, Reno had not figured it all out yet. She sat back, wishing she had a camera so she could photograph his expression when he found out.
"All right, Reno. Sorry about the giggles." Elena paused, and drew in a deep breath, scratching at her forehead as a distraction to hide again-growing smile. "It's just that, you know, it's not often you get to arrest a fellow Turk, now is it?"
For a second, Reno was speechless. Then a cloud of doubt formed in his mind. "But last night… you said you were-"
"Doing a blitz on the customers of illegal prostitution in Lower Junon, Reno. Don't say I didn't warn you."
Yuffie turned to from Elena to Reno. The contrast of the looks on both their faces was priceless. Reno was quite clearly gobsmacked. Before she could stop herself, a bubble of mirth rose from her throat, despite the events of the previous night. She knew she should have been pissed off with the blonde Turk for putting her through the same treatment as Reno, but instead she found herself supremely happy. It wasn't often one caught Reno out. Enduring the night had been well worth the wasted time – it more than made up for Reno's overt complacency for the entire evening.
"Don't say I didn't warn you." she repeated.
"You didn't warn me!"
"Yes, I did. There was even a warning sign for all the Shinra operatives not on duty last night to stay away from Lower Junon. Obviously, you didn't listen. But I don't suppose that surprises anyone."
Reno sighed, and rubbed a frustrated hand over his face. "I suppose it's a good thing Rude doesn't know about this, then. He'd never let me live this down."
There was a brief pause. "Well, actually… "
Reno groaned at what Elena's words implied, while Yuffie's grin only widened. How had she known? Had she figured it out? Either way, the joke was on him now. He ran a hand through his hair, realizing only now how badly he'd been had. He tried to remember the men that had accosted them last night after his comments, but he came up with not a single recognizable feature that could remotely match up with those of his friend's face. He'd already gathered Elena had been the 'main' lady.
"All right. Who was he?" the redhead muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Heh… the large black pimp with the Afro and large Aviator sunglasses that threw you into the van."
Reno absently massaged the bump at the back of his head, which had formed overnight from when he'd been tossed into the vehicle. He had never felt more cheated. Or gullible. Meanwhile, Yuffie was sure she had never laughed so hard in her life. Her giggles echoed loudly through the interior of the car as they pulled away from the curb at which she was parked. About thirty seconds later, neither her, nor Elena's laughter had stopped.
However, at a set of red traffic lights, the blonde retrieved a bag from the front seat. Yuffie noticed it was the same one that she had seen her collect from the counter at the Police Station. She watched as the woman handed it back to Reno, who had remained eerily silent for the lot of the trip.
"What?" he grumbled as Elena smiled placidly at him. He glared and her, opened the bag, and pulled out their weapons, which Yuffie snatched off him as soon as they reached open air. Suddenly, however, he paused and scowled, pulling a large blocky object from the raven-coloured bag. His smug cool of the previous night was gone, and his face visibly paled at the sight.
"What the hell do you expect me to do with these!" He lifted the ginormously thick wad of paper that had been in the bag, and shoved them in Elena's face. The blonde Turk pushed them back, and Reno dumped them back on his lap, and stared at them dumbly. His face was a mask of disbelief and incredulity.
"Oh, silly, Reno," Elena grinned. "You didn't seriously think the joke ended there, did you? What do you think you're supposed to do with paperwork? You fill it in!" She stopped for a second, and navigated the car onto the motorway, then pulled quickly into the close-by carpark for the Junon branch of Shinra, and turned back to her dumbfounded partner.
"Oh, and of course there are some other empty reports there, too, Reno. You know which ones I mean – all those mission summaries for Reeve that you either burnt or never quite finished?"
"Shit, Elena." Reno said, unable to do anything but blink at the heavy pile. "That's cruel."
"Just paypack for all the shit you've ever pulled on us, Reno. The opportunity was too good to miss. You didn't actually think Rude and I were going to lay dormant forever, did you?"
"You can always hope," Reno muttered bluntly, his eyes wide.
Yuffie patted him on the shoulder with a smirk. "Silly, silly, Turk," she said, realizing just how much she was going to enjoy the next few hours. Even if Rude did, she was never going to let him live this down… not for all the hell he'd ever gotten her into. Not ever.
"Silly, silly boy," she repeated. "Just remember though, it's all your fault." At the accusation, she jabbed him in the shoulder with her index finger.
"It's not my…" his voice trailed off into silence as he eyed both of the women in the car with him, as they either smirked, or failed to look disinterested. He scowled, and opened the door to the car, and was about to walk off when a large shadow fell over him. He looked up into the dark sunglasses of Rude as the huge man tried hard to fend off the beginnings of a potentially large, but uncharacteristic grin.
"Have a good evening, Reno?"
"Ugh," Reno muttered, emphatically retrieving the paperwork from the car that Rude was no doubt going to make him do. "Why do I even bother?"
…FINISH.
*~*~*~*~*~*
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yes, yes, I am cruel to poor Reno, and I couldn't write humour if my life depended on it… but hey. I had originally intended for this fic to be really short, but more ideas seemed to come to me by the second. It's probably really boring, but the ideas wouldn't leave my mind until I actually wrote them, and until I'd done this one I realised I'd never be focused enough to finish my longer fic. You know how it is…? Anyway, let me know what you think. I suppose, now, I should carry on with Word of Mouth? Yes? *Sigh*…all right.