Welcome to a day in the life of me, Mr. Bad. I check emails for a living, don't you tell ME that's sad!

So here I am checkin' my email. It's the time of day when the really stupid ones usually start flooding in. It's almost as if a hater cult gets together at 2:00 PM and say to each other back and forthwith "Let's send Strong Bad a really sucky email" or even "Let's make Strong Bad wish he had been born in an Anderson Erickson Yogurt factory" when in fact I already DO wish that. But never mind my complaining, I'm sure today I could be wrong, I suppose, or not. I mean, with some of these emails, I would rather be locked in a small room, playing Bubsy 3D in HD until my eyes bleed than read them. Or even play Final Fantasy X on a 4' tv set. Maybe this email will have at least more intelligence than one of Homestar's epic failure poetry readings. This email says:

Dearest Strong Bad,

Your emails are the light of my life, I really mean that. I want to get to know you in person.

Anonymous

"Now, despite the fact this is just a really short and soppy email, I can think of so many ways to improve

upon this, that it isn't even a laughing matter. Seriously, you think I'm gonna answer some anonymous email from

someone wanting to get to know me in person? How do I know you're not some stalker trying to break into my house

and steal all my Megadeath CD's, and how do I know you're not just a moose named Anony? This is only part of why

I hate these soppy anonymous emails. If you said you were some hot girl from the great nation of Anywhere, I

might be more inclined to answer. But even then, there are standards for this type of thing you know. And if

you're going to write a soppy email, I'll tell you a great way to get started!"

Dear Strong Bad,

Your emails are the NFL Football highlight of my TV and 8-bit gaming system were eaten by fire breathing dragon

otherwise crappy weekend. I love you. You would look great as a chicken egg served sunny-side up next to my bowl of

chocolate fudgecake, which I hope to share with you, when we meet in Tokyo, to take down Godzilla with help from

big bug eyed extraterrestrials. Then we will catch an airplane, and bring heavy metal and Bubble Bobble game

cartridges to the Netherlands, while eating Dutch pastries. I think that sounds like a pretty good deal.

Sincerely,
Someone who is definately not a Megadeath CD stealer, or a moose with a strange name. But due to the writing

content, MOST CERTAINLY NOT a hot girl from the Great Nation of Anywhere. Or any kind of girl for that matter.

"There, I did it. I just wrote a totally awesome badass email that would make Trogdor cringe with

embarresment. Now it's time to take a break from all these various computer entertainment oriented email

writings, and get a snack. Maybe some totally epic Red Flavored Fluffy Puff Translucent Desert Related

substances. Or maybe a Buffalo wing. Or a Trogdor wing. There are so many epic snacks waiting for me in the

fridge I can hardly wait!"

I, the great Strong Bad, go to the fridge...only to be very deeply annoyed.

"Homestar, did you feed all of the food in the fridge to your virtual pet? I don't see any food in the

fridge" I yell, as I kick the fridge door, only to bring major hurt to my foot. Homestar shouts from the

basement.
"Uhh, yeah Stwong Bad, but you'll be happy to know I'm burning your megadeath CD's" Homestar yelled at me.
"I'll be right down there homeslice, err, I mean Homestar" I say. I go down to the basement, only to be

very...very...how do I put this? Not amused.
"What is this? An epic bonfire? When I said burn my megadeath CD's, I didn't mean literally burn them! And

why are you so fat?" I ask.
"Because of the virtual pet wemember Stwong Bad?" said Homestar.
"Oh yeah. Well, at any rate, now I'm going to have to steal, err, buy more Megadeath CD's. What's that

portal doing there?" I ask Homestar.
"Oh that's that entrance to the video game world you never used" said Homestar.
"Oh. I think I'll take a peek inside. AAAAAAH! NO! NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW THE EPIC SOUNDS OF HEAVY METAL MUSIC

EVER AGAIN. Megaman can never replace Megadeath!" I yell.

Then I wake up in an 8-bit reality. Two little lizards think I'm their mommy.

To be continued...