Title: I'm not stupid.
Author: Daisy
Rating: PG
Category: POV monologue
Spoilers: Up to and including Waiting in the wings.
Distribution: You want it, you got it, just let me know.
Email:e.large@talk21.com
Feedback: of course!
Disclaimer: Everything in the Angel universe belongs to
Joss Whedon and those fine people at Mutant Enemy, they're
not mine, if they were there would be a whole lot more
nudity in the programme, I think we would all enjoy that!
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I'm not stupid. I know what's going on. I admit that when I was at high school I was some what self involved, but hey, who wasn't? But that was a long time ago, people change. So yes, I know what's going on. I've seen the way he watches me, hovers around me, I think he thinks I'm going to hightail it outta dodge. Which, ironically, is exactly what I want to do right now. And the birthday present he gave me, that wasn't just a gift from a friend. Like everything with him at the moment, it has a deeper meaning.
The only thing I haven't figured out was when it all started. Did he wake up one morning and realise his life was finally starting to come together, he has a son, family, friends, fighting the good fight and decide it was all too good. Did he say to himself "I know what will throw us all into disarray, I'll start to have unplatonic feelings toward my best friend Cordelia, yes that should do it, that should mess things up nicely." That would be so like him. He was going to ask me out on a date when we'd gotten back from the ballet. I knew what all that stuttering and those coy looks were about. And I couldn't get out of that hotel quick enough. If Groo hadn't shown up I think I might have imploded. Groo. Good lord what on earth am I going to do about that? I have one champion across town probably sulking in the dark and another champion singing at the top of his voice in my bath. Groo is sweet and kind and uncomplicated. And I am completely not attracted to him anymore.
So why did I run to him when Angel was about to open his heart to me? Well hello people, as if it isn't so completely obvious, I was terrified! What the hell are you meant to do when your best friend falls for you? Any suggestions? Yeah, I didn't think so. So I guess the million dollar question is how do I feel about him? Well, he's a dork, kinda tight when it comes to money, insane, moodier than me when I have my period, he's beautiful, kind, funny, wise, brave. My champion. Of course I love him, he's my best friend, and of course I find him attractive, the man is fine. But am I in love with him? Oh lord I don't know how I feel about him. Everything was starting to make sense, we were all happy. I know, I know, I'm in denial. Repress and deny, a girls two best friends. I have to do something though. I can't just leave him over there settling in to a broodathon. I wonder if Connor is okay. I'm sure he is, Angel might be prone to black moods but he's a wonderful father. And Connor is a wonderful baby. It's a ready made family. Maybe that's what's frightening me. Why can't things be easier? Why can't I have a normal life? Would I really want a normal life? Gah! My brain hurts. And why isn't Angel answering his phone? I've been trying to get to him for the last ten minutes, he's not picking up. Is he ignoring me or has he just lost his phone in the basement again? Pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up. He's not picking up. Damn it. We need to talk. I can't leave it like this. I going over there. It's driving me insane. I have no idea what I'm going to say and I have no idea how this is going to play out but I do know that I can't ignore this any longer. My first instinct was to run and hide but that isn't really accomplishing a whole lot. Maybe we could go see a film or something. That wouldn't be too weird would it? Well, wish me luck.
The End
............................................................ ..............................................
I'm not stupid. I know what's going on. I admit that when I was at high school I was some what self involved, but hey, who wasn't? But that was a long time ago, people change. So yes, I know what's going on. I've seen the way he watches me, hovers around me, I think he thinks I'm going to hightail it outta dodge. Which, ironically, is exactly what I want to do right now. And the birthday present he gave me, that wasn't just a gift from a friend. Like everything with him at the moment, it has a deeper meaning.
The only thing I haven't figured out was when it all started. Did he wake up one morning and realise his life was finally starting to come together, he has a son, family, friends, fighting the good fight and decide it was all too good. Did he say to himself "I know what will throw us all into disarray, I'll start to have unplatonic feelings toward my best friend Cordelia, yes that should do it, that should mess things up nicely." That would be so like him. He was going to ask me out on a date when we'd gotten back from the ballet. I knew what all that stuttering and those coy looks were about. And I couldn't get out of that hotel quick enough. If Groo hadn't shown up I think I might have imploded. Groo. Good lord what on earth am I going to do about that? I have one champion across town probably sulking in the dark and another champion singing at the top of his voice in my bath. Groo is sweet and kind and uncomplicated. And I am completely not attracted to him anymore.
So why did I run to him when Angel was about to open his heart to me? Well hello people, as if it isn't so completely obvious, I was terrified! What the hell are you meant to do when your best friend falls for you? Any suggestions? Yeah, I didn't think so. So I guess the million dollar question is how do I feel about him? Well, he's a dork, kinda tight when it comes to money, insane, moodier than me when I have my period, he's beautiful, kind, funny, wise, brave. My champion. Of course I love him, he's my best friend, and of course I find him attractive, the man is fine. But am I in love with him? Oh lord I don't know how I feel about him. Everything was starting to make sense, we were all happy. I know, I know, I'm in denial. Repress and deny, a girls two best friends. I have to do something though. I can't just leave him over there settling in to a broodathon. I wonder if Connor is okay. I'm sure he is, Angel might be prone to black moods but he's a wonderful father. And Connor is a wonderful baby. It's a ready made family. Maybe that's what's frightening me. Why can't things be easier? Why can't I have a normal life? Would I really want a normal life? Gah! My brain hurts. And why isn't Angel answering his phone? I've been trying to get to him for the last ten minutes, he's not picking up. Is he ignoring me or has he just lost his phone in the basement again? Pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up. He's not picking up. Damn it. We need to talk. I can't leave it like this. I going over there. It's driving me insane. I have no idea what I'm going to say and I have no idea how this is going to play out but I do know that I can't ignore this any longer. My first instinct was to run and hide but that isn't really accomplishing a whole lot. Maybe we could go see a film or something. That wouldn't be too weird would it? Well, wish me luck.
The End