Hello all. First fanfic, go easy on me okay. This story is rated M for language, violence, and self harm so if you are easily triggered you probably shouldn't read it. The rest of you please enjoy. Reviews and constructive criticism are very welcome because I am really trying to improve.
He barely felt anything anymore.
It was as though his mind was in a fog, there was no more sadness, no more pain. He was content with the fact that it was almost over, he was almost free. He wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore.
It had taken more time than he thought it would, ending his wretched life. Before he found the fog he'd had time to think. He realized that he should have done this a hell of a lot sooner. The world was better off without him in it anyway. It wasn't like he had ever positively contributed to it in the first place. He was sixteen years old and the only thing that he had ever given man kind was another scumbag polluting the streets. Those had been his fathers words to him only a few hours ago and they seemed to fit perfectly.
Before he had gotten to this point he had believed that everything had started going wrong on the day his mother died. Now however, he knew that it really started the day he was born.
His whole life his father had despised him. The only thing that changed when his mother was gone was that the man could now act freely upon that hatred.
In the early days it was subtle. His father would ignore him completely when mom wasn't around. He would be left at school when his father conveniently forgot to pick him up. The man would push him when his mother wasn't looking and whisper cruel comments on anything that he did including schoolwork and any sports he took part in. All of this before he was even six years old. He never really thought much on it due to the fact that things got serious when his mother was gone. It was as though all of his fathers hatred and anger was directed at him.
When before the abuse was merely emotional, it became physical as well. The man would drink and then beat the shit out of him. Unfortunately it was pretty much a daily occurrence and the severity of the attacks varied from a punch to the face to having to stay home from school for a week so you can stand again without passing out. He soon realized that if anyone found out what was happening to him he would be put into the foster system and in truth that scared him more than his father. He decided that he would have to become a part of the background. Not stand out, become invisible. He was damn good at it to. He did whatever he had to do to survive. Doing this had its disadvantages as well. He was a complete outcast that no one really cared about.
He did have 'friends' if you could call them that. He lived in the 'shit hole' part of town populated by the drug dealers, prostitutes and any other poor degenerates that had nowhere else to go and this meant that he was one of them.
He hung out with the regulars, he even made a few runs for one of the dealers. A man named James. It was the only way that he could get the money he needed to keep him and his poor excuse for a father in the shack they lived in.
Suffice it to say his life was total crap. The only thing that kept him going, the only reason that he had not ended it was Alice. She was his light in the darkness, his only reason to live. He had met her for the first time when her family moved into the house across the street from his when he was seven years old. She was six at the time and despite her poor living conditions and young age she seemed to be an eternal optimist. She could find the bright side of any situation and more importantly she could actually make him smile. She was his other half and they were rarely separated. They had been best friends and when he was thirteen it had become more. He had loved her more than anything and despite the hell that was his life he was actually happy.
Then about two months ago it happened.
He blamed himself. He should have been there but his father wouldn't let him leave the house. It was after dark and he had told her never to come out to see him when it was dark. Whenever they were going to do something during the night he would go to her house and get her to make sure that she was safe. That was what he was supposed to do that night but his father had tried to make him cook dinner and when he refused another fight broke out. She had gotten worried about him and started to make her way across the street when the car peeled around the corner and ran her down like she was nothing. He had heard her scream from outside and then the screeching tires and he ran to the door as fast as his injured body could take him. When he got outside time seemed to slow down. Her body was lying on its side facing away from him on the sidewalk in front of his house. He did not even hear his father screaming at him as he ran to her. What he saw made his heart stop and it would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Her left arm and right leg were broken and twisted at horrible angles but the sight that burned itself into his brain was her beautiful face which was now barely recognizable because of all the blood coming from the gash on her forehead. Her eyes were open, staring at the sky and to him her mouth seemed to be open in a silent scream. Because of his negligence he had lost the only person he had that meant anything to him and it broke his heart and any willpower he had left.
Alice's parents moved away about a month after it happened and it was as though she was never there. He was a broken shell of what he once was and he didn't care about anything anymore.
Life went on, the beatings continued although it seemed with a new severity to them. He missed more school and he even started doing the drugs he was supposed to be delivering. He just didn't care anymore. He began having nightmares almost every night. Seeing her bloody face over and over. He was never able to save her in his dreams and was forced to watch her die again and again. He found himself waking up covered in sweat and tears were in his eyes.
Because of these dreams he was exhausted and had trouble focusing which caused his relationship with his father to get worse and worse until that night when the bastard got home from work and they'd had their worst fight to date. His father actually pulled a gun on him. The man's last words to him before pulling the trigger were that he was just another scumbag polluting the streets and it was time to clean up.
He felt the bullet rip through the muscle and bone in his right shoulder before he made a break for the front door. All he could think about was getting away from his psychopathic father before the gun went off again. The next thing that he registered was the fact that he was stumbling down the deserted street losing way to much blood.
He didn't even know where he was or where he was going, the only thing that seemed to matter was that he keep walking.
Soon enough however he found that he couldn't keep going anymore. His vision was starting to get blurry and his legs were about to give out. He looked around slowly to find a place where he could sit down when he noticed a wall not to far away. He had no idea what building it belonged to only that it looked like a good place to rest for a while. He stumbled his way over to it and practically fell to the ground when he tried to sit. It took him a few minutes to get into a comfortable position against the wall and when he did he just let the tension leave his body.
He slowly released the hand that he had been holding against his wound so he could look at it. When he brought it to his face he saw that it was stained crimson with his blood and he found it fascinating to see. Then a thought popped into his head.
Why was he fighting? If he allowed this to happen it would be over and he could be with Alice again.
For the first time since she died he felt hope. He decided to move things along and grabbed a piece of glass that was on the ground beside him. He turned it over in his hands for a few seconds just looking at it before slowly bringing the sharp edge down to his left wrist. He made the cut swiftly and watched as the blood dripped to the cement. He then brought the glass over to his right wrist and made an identical cut. He couldn't hold his arms up any longer so he let them fall to the ground beside him. The glass fell with them and it dug into his right hand because of the impact with the cement but he didn't even feel the pain.
Then as he sat there his mind began to wander. He thought about the past and how he gotten to this point and he realized sadly that he probably wouldn't be reunited with Alice in heaven. He was to damaged, he had done to many horrible things to be forgiven. By doing this he was merely trading one hell for another.
He also realized that it didn't really matter. It was finally going to end and because of this he had no regrets. He was at peace as he felt the fog enter his mind and he no longer had to think about anything. He would soon be free. His last coherent thought as the darkness consumed him was ' see you in hell old man'.
Then there was nothing.