Disclaimer: Phineas & Ferb belongs to Dan Povenmire, Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh and Disney.

Welcome to 'Doofenshmirtz Holiday Pet Peeves', where Doofenshmirtz's schemes at the holidays relate to a pet peeve of his, which can be traced back via emotionally scaring backstory.

As the steel doors swung open, Perry found his lair drenched in darkness. He couldn't make out more than a few inches in front of him. He carefully began to make his way into his lair, taking care not to bump into anything or knock anything over. As he reached what felt like his seat, he turned around after hearing something. He chose to ignore it and leaped onto his seat. Suddenly, all the lights in the lair turned on as Dracula appeared on screen and yelled 'BOO!' throwing Perry off his seat. As he got up, he looked at the creature and instantly recognised it as Major Monogram. He gave him an unimpressed look as he began to sit back on his chair.

"Oh, oh boy! Your face! Oh, you have to lighten up Agent P, its Halloween! And where's your costume?" Perry just shot Major Monogram a blank stare in response. "Hmm, not one to partake? Fine. It appears that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has his heart set on ruining Halloween this year. We don't know how he's going to do it but that's where you come in Agent P. Get out there and stop him." Perry saluted and got up to stop Doof, but as he turned around, he was startled by the disfigured face in front of him. His instincts suddenly kicked in and he jumped back onto his console and flew at the figure, his fist landing cleanly on its cheek. As he looked down at who he had brought down Major Monogram burst out with laughter. Perry had punched Carl. Major Monogram couldn't stop laughing and had to step off camera for a moment. "You can go… Agent P!" he said between laughs. Perry, not wanting to stay any longer, hoped on his scooter and rode off to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. Carl rose up slowly, still not fully aware of just what happened. "Oh, I'm so glad we recorded that Carl! His face and then his fist in your face!" Major Monogram yelled as a recording of Perry taking out Carl played in a small box next to him. "One for the gag reel, I think." Major Monogram walked off camera again and flicked a switch. All the lights in Perry's lair turned off simultaneously as Carl got up on his feet.

"I wasn't even wearing a costume!"

Doofenshmirtz Evil on Halloween!

Doof was almost finished with putting up the holiday decorations when he began to sing.

"Deck the halls with blood and spiders, tra la la la la, la la la la

Almost time for me to unleash horrors, tra la la la la, la la la la

The only one who could ever stop me, Is a teal coloured platypus

And now it's time for his forced entry, tra la la la la, la la la la!"

Perry burst down Doof's door and proceeded into his laboratory. Suddenly, the floor in front of him disappeared and he fell down a trap door. Doof then appeared from the darkness as the floor rose up again revealing Perry, stuck in a pumpkin which had its front carved in the shape of prison bars.

"Aha! Perry the Platypus, how nice of you to stop by, and by 'nice of you to stop by' I, of course, mean what the heck man. You can't just go busting down doors like that! It's even worse that I spent the day trying to decorate it and, not only will need to replace the door, but I have to take the decorations off that door and put them on the new one. Ugh, anyway how'd you like the Halloween themed trap. It's nice, no?" Perry immediately broke free from out of the Jack-o-lantern. "What? Ah, come on! Here you go again, breaking things! You know how long it took me to carve that thing? Huh, do ya? SEVEN HOURS! I know that seems like a long time. Well, it was more like fourteen hours 'cause those kids came along and smashed my first one. I wanted to get revenge on those little punks but, I suppose it's in the spirit of the holidays, tricks and treats and all that. I thought about creating a 'Pumpkin-inator' to make a new one but then Norm had to go and get eggs all in his gears so I had to use all my spare parts on him. Now he looks like Frankenstein's monster."

"I'm alive!" said Norm as he sat up from a metal table. His left arm, right leg and back didn't match the rest of his body and looked like they were made from old bits of metal and plastic.

"Yeah, yeah we all know the bit Norm. Anyway…" Doof pressed a button on the wall and a cage fell from the ceiling and onto Perry. "Now you're trapped in a regular cage. Hmm, it looks kinda old and spooky, oh it will do. So on to my latest scheme, FRUIT!" Doof turned to Perry, looking at him like he had just lost his mind. "Oh, I know what you're thinking. 'But Doof, what does fruit have to do with a holiday that is about candy?' Well I'll tell you since you didn't ask. Back in the days of my youth in Gimmelschtump , Halloween was always a time of celebration. You wouldn't think it, what with all the superstition and all, but we would celebrate anything. Literally, anything. My Uncle Fluffy Pants won an award for the most ironic name in Gimmelschtump. Anyway, children would roam the streets, asking people for candy. But, back in those days, what qualified as candy was… err, you know… rocks. You couldn't exactly eat them, believe me I tried, but they were… were good for decorating the front yard. And in Gimmelschtump, the more decorative your yard was the more popular and famous your family were and my family always had a decorative yard. Come to think of it, the whole thing just seems like child labour. Just think about it, using children to collect items to increase your popularity. That's… so evil! Well, I know what I'm doing next year!

Oh, sorry I'm getting off topic again. Well, anyway, my parents never allowed me to participate in this holiday 'because I was protecting the house from witches and stuff, you know as a lawn gnome. I don't think I need tell you about that, I mean its common knowledge now. Any who, one Halloween while my family were out trick or treating, a man in a business suit came over to me. Apparently, he had come from America to study primitive cultures. Come to think of it he never did tell me if he found any. Anyway, I guess he felt sorry for me as he gave me a big ball of chocolate on a stick. Oooh, I cannot tell you how happy it made me. But, as I took a bite out of it, I found out that masquerading under this chocolate, was an apple!" Perry looked at him as if to say 'and your point is?' "Don't look at me like that. He got my hopes up. I thought I was gonna get a delicious chocolate treat for all my hard work and instead, I get fruit. I mean Chocolate and apples don't even go together! Strawberries and chocolate go together. I love strawberries dipped in chocolate and I probably wouldn't have been as upset if he gave me one of those. That is why I created, the AppleReplace-inator!"Perry was still looking unimpressed. "What? I know last time I created a 'Replace-inator' it didn't go so well but with this, I can turn all those deceitful candied apples into pure balls of chocolate. 'And where will I get this chocolate' you may ask? Well it's stored in that giant vat standing behind you, just out of view. Actually, I'm surprised you didn't see it on the way in. You also might be asking 'Well, what are the evil implications of this?' besides, you know, messing with reality. Well, my gooey, sticky chocolate is so concentrated, that when a child takes a bite into their candied apple, the chocolate will come flooding out, drenching their clothes in hot chocolate! And have you ever tired getting chocolate out of your clothes, it's a nightmare. I can't even face doing the laundry anymore; I have to send it over to Charlene so she can deal with it. And do you know how long it took me to convince her? Well, let's just say I did some things I'm not proud of and no, I'm not gonna tell you about it." He kept looking back at Perry who had a sly smile on his face. "I mean it wasn't my idea… Well, it was my idea, but I didn't mean it… I dunno why she made me do it… Fine it involved me in a chicken suit. You happy now!" Perry shook his head. "Well, I'm not saying anymore. I'm gonna keep the whole situation cryptic and unclear. And now that it's gone past 7, it's time to spread some evil!" He ran over to his machine to activate it but stopped when he heard a voice calling from the end of the room.

"Okay Dad, I'm going out now!" yelled Vanessa wearing a 'modified' version of her Vampire Queen costume.

"Okay honey, make sure you… what? Woah! You are not going out wearing… that!"

"What? It's just my Vampire Queen costume from last year."

"Well if it is, then someone's vandalised it. J… just look at how much of your skin is showing!" he yelled panicking.

"Dad, it's perfectly in my right as a woman to wear this."

"No! I'm not letting my little girl go out wearing that! Go put on your fairy princess outfit!" He turned towards Perry, not noticing that he had already escaped from his trap. "Sorry about this Perry the Platypus." Perry rolled his eyes in response.

"DAD! Can we stop with this little girl thing? Please? I haven't worn that for seven years and the only reason I wore it then is because all my other clothes suspiciously disappeared from my wardrobe."

"You have no proof that I did that!"

"I never sa… You… you got rid of my clothes back then… and the year after that, and the year after that?"

"I… I… I only did it so you could be my little girl a little bit longer."

"So you were just controlling me, just how you want to control everyone else. Thanks Dad!" She yelled as she walked over the door on the floor and left.

"Vanessa, wait! Ugh, you know what Perry the Platypus, i… I'm not really feeling this scheme anymore. Could you be a dear and thwart me now?" Perry raised an eyebrow and shrugged his shoulders as he proceeded to wheel the –inator off the balcony. "Thanks Pe… I mean, curse you Perry the Platypus." he said unenthusiastically. Perry went to fly off back home but felt sorry for Doof who had begun to pace around the lab. He walked up and tugged on the scientist's lab coat. "Wha? Perry the Platypus, why are you still here? Aren't you going back to… actually come to think of it, you know so much of my life and yet I know nothing of yours beyond me. Do you have kids; I mean what does she want me to do? She's always gonna be my little girl, no matter what she does. I just… don't want her to change." He took a quick look at Perry and seemed to make up his own dialogue in his head. "Yeah I know she's gonna change, I mean, she has but, how do I get her to see my side?" He took another look at Perry. "Let her make her own mistakes huh? Well, it sounds evil, but what do I do?" Another look at Perry gave him an answer. "Just let her know I'm there if she needs me! Of course, I need to take a back seat in her life and be there for her in times of crisis! Thank you Perry the Platypus." Just then, he heard footsteps approaching from outside. "A… and by 'thank you' I mean Curse You Perry the Platypus!" Perry seemed confused as Doof motioned him off the balcony. As Perry jumped off the ledge and activated his hand glider Vanessa came through the doorway.

"Forgot my phone."

"Vanessa, wait."

"No. I dunno when I'll be back. Don't wait up."

"Vanessa, please. It's important."

"Fine, what is it?"

"Look, I know I've been… well, a bit overprotective of you…"

"A bit?"

"Okay, totally overprotective but I just want to let you know I only do it because I love you." Vanessa let down her steel face façade and let out a small sigh.

"I know dad, it's just… It gets on my nerves sometimes when you treat me like I'm ten years old, I'm sixteen!"

"I know… That's why I've chosen to take a more relaxed approach and let you do what you like, you know, within reason."

"So you'll let me go out in this?"

"If… that's what you want."

"So… how do I look?"

"You… look… good." Doof said gritting through his teeth. Vanessa began to chuckle.

"I know you're lying, dad. But at least you're trying." Vanessa ran into her room and picked up her phone. "Bye, dad!" she said kissing him on the cheek. As Doof began to smile, realising that his daughter was growing into a woman, Norm appeared behind him.

"Does this mean you'll accept me as your son?"

"What? No you ginormous litter box! Ugh, seriously, do you ever clean that thing out."

"What do you mean, sir?"

"Your squirrel; Do you ever clean it out?"

"Ollie is not an it."

"You named it? Ugh seriously Norm, if you're gonna have another shot at trick or treating you're gonna have to clean your insides, 'cause I won't!"

"I thought the smell added to my Frankenstein-like appearance."

"No you're… Wait. On second thoughts Norm, you're right. Your grotesque appearance and smell have restored my evil faith in Halloween. Let's go out right now."

"I'll grab the pillow case, sir."

"I might ruin someone's Halloween after all!" yelled Doof as he put on a fresh lab coat and headed out with Norm to terrorise the people of the Tri-State Area for the night.

Doofenshmirtz Holiday Pet Peeves will be back Thanksgiving.