It was the first time he had seen her alone in months. There was always someone with her, always someone there to make him keep his distance.
Not tonight. Maybe what he had heard was true. Maybe there had been a breakup, hopefully an ugly one.
Damon shook his head. That wasn't what he wanted for her. Elena could never be his – not the way he wanted, but he wanted things to be perfect for her. He wanted someone to work out for her.
He tried to snap himself out of it. This was his first chance to approach her in months. He had let some chances like this pass before, but he wasn't going to let this one pass.
As he approach he hesitated – she was talking to someone. Was she not alone after all? He was sure she had arrived alone, but that didn't mean…
She looked at him. She had just glanced around the guy she was talking to. When she saw him, her expression changed so quickly that he wasn't sure what it had been before she looked at him.
Her face returned to normal as she looked and spoke to the guy. He said something, even reached towards her a little, but she deftly avoided his hand. He could see that the guy turned around to see where she was going, to see him, but he was paying as little attention to the guy's eyes as he had to his words. Damon was watching Elena as she moved towards him, studying her every movement. She still looked good, perfect really. She still looked like the only girl (or was it girls?) he had ever loved. He expected no less, she would never let herself go, no matter what. And she had a lot of "what" to deal with.
"Hi," she said before he even noticed that she had stopped walking. She was standing right in front of him now.
It kind of startled him. 'Hi'? What kind of greeting was that after all they had been through, all that had happened to them.
"Damon?" she asked, looking unsure, before he snapped himself out of his thoughts. He was suddenly doubting himself. Why had he done this? It would only open old wounds.
Still, she did not seem upset. He finally managed to smile. "Elena."
It came out as a whisper, but she heard. She immediately smiled and moved to hug him so suddenly that he barely managed to move his arms from his side before she would have pinned them. He didn't hesitate to embrace her as well. It was all he had wanted to do since he met her, and it had been so long.
She let her embrace slacken enough to look up into his eyes. "It's been so long, Damon. I was beginning think…"
He could see tears starting to form. Rather than finish the sentence she buried her face into his chest again. He moved a hand to cradle the back of her head as he wondered how he could have thought that he was doing what was best for her. She couldn't be everything to him anymore than he could to her, but had he been doing the right thing by hiding from her, giving her space?
He knew it hurt her, how could it not? It hurt him. But he could see no other way. She had to know that.
"I just wanted to make sure you're OK." He was still whispering, he couldn't manage much more.
She didn't move, just whispered into his chest. "How could I be? Stupid wit…"
He wasn't sure she finished the word. She still blamed her best friend, though she was the one who had insisted that Bonnie cast the spell. He wasn't going to remind her of that fact, it would only hurt her more, remind her of the other consequences. Not that she needed reminding.
"You're alive, Elena. That's all I've ever wanted."
She had released the hug and moved slightly, which he let her do, hard as it was for him. Still she leaned against his side, one arm still around him. "Liar."
For some reason, it made him laugh, just a little. Of course she was right. "Well, that's the best I can hope for now. That's what I want for you now."
She closed her eyes and shook her head, then buried her face into him before saying "It's not fair. Stupid witch."
How could this have been the right thing to do? He should have left her alone. He should have stayed out of her life completely. She would have been better off, though she would probably disagree with that now. She had changed, her feelings for him had changed, but not until it was too late. Not until after the spell had been cast.
"Are you still looking? Are you still trying to find a way around it?" She asked, looking into his eyes again.
He knew she already knew the answer. He wasn't sure why she thought she needed to ask, why she needed reassurance. She knew he would look as long as she was alive, and he was looking, whenever he thought she didn't need him near.
"You're the one with witchy friends."
He felt her flinch. He had meant it as a joke, not as an accusation, but it seemed she felt accused.
"Not anymore."
He wasn't sure if she had kept in touch with Bonnie, but it appeared not. "Maybe she could reverse it."
He felt her shake her head as she pulled away from him enough to look into his eyes again. "I asked her to when…when I changed my mind about you."
"And she refused?"
Elena nodded, a pained look on her face. "She said it couldn't be reversed. She wouldn't even try."
"Did you ask more than once?"
Elena looked at him only briefly before dropping her head and nodding. "She hates us both now."
Letting himself see Elena again, hurting her like this again, making her remember, was definitely the wrong thing to do. He was considering just leaving at full speed so she couldn't follow when she spoke again.
"Damon, we're believing what she says. It's not like we tested it – either of the effects. She could be lying." She was sounding desperate now. Again. Like the last time it had come up.
"She showed you the spell in the book, right? You felt different when it was cast?"
Elena nodded, eyes closed, and added tersely, "I don't care. I'll take the risk"
He pulled her chin to make her eyes face him again. "You'll die, Elena."
She pulled away from him and looked down. "I haven't forgotten."
He could only look at her. It was a little flattering to see reaction, it proved that what he hoped she felt for him was real.
Her words broke him out of his thoughts, again. "I didn't ask for this, Damon. I asked for a spell that would keep you from ever turning me into a vampire." She shook her head again, rueful look on her face. "You made me drink your blood one time too many. I didn't want to turn - ever. It seemed like the right thing to do."
The reminder hurt. It was his fault. He was only trying to keep her alive – he couldn't bear to lose her. But his rashness had led her to ask for the spell, which had led to this.
She was talking again, looking at him with pleading eyes. "She didn't tell me about the rest until after the spell was cast. She didn't tell me that that I couldn't…be with you …that it would kill me if I was." Elena was shaking her head again. "All she would say was that it was insurance, that it was to make sure I wouldn't ever want to…" Her voice trailed off again, but she looked at him a few seconds later and spoke strongly. "God I hate her."
She held his eyes, making him think he had to reply. "You're alive, Elena." It was all he had, but it didn't comfort her now anymore than it ever had.
She turned away from him again, still unhappy. He tried again, changing the subject, but could only muster a whisper again, "It looks like you're trying to meet someone."
Another flinch. He was not very comforting tonight.
She turned back to him, hurt look on her face again, or maybe accusing. "You said you wanted me to."
He quickly nodded his agreement and tried to make his face blank.
"And I told you it was pointless after wanting you, after you wanted me. You should see what's out there, Damon. There'll never be anyone else."
It was Damon who closed his eyes this time as he whispered, "There has to be."
"No," she said, bringing his eyes back to her. "And I don't want there to be."
She held his eyes a few seconds before turning away as she said "It'd be worth the risk, just for one night with you."
She was walking away. He didn't hesitate before he was next to her, gently holding her arm. "Elena…"
She cut him off by turning to him and putting a single finger to his lips. "It's not the end, Damon."
She started walking again, he let her. He couldn't decide if he was relieved or disappointed when she headed for the door instead of towards the guy she was talking to when he arrived.
He had no time to think about it, she had stopped and was facing him again, though next to the door. He knew she was speaking softly, but he heard her clearly. "Will you at least walk me home?"
He mustered a smile and went to her. He had always been able to withstand the draw of her blood, among other things, when he was around her. He believed she had always felt safe around him, no matter the circumstance. He had been able to be perfectly controlled around her, to keep her from seeing how hard it was for him.
Surely he could do it again tonight, no matter what she did. She was still alive, and he intended to keep her that way.