Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, it would be a lot like this fic. As it is not, I'll just have to make do.

In a universe very far away, on the edge of the galaxy, our story begins...

"What the...?" Joey looked up towards the sky. "Who said that?"
Yugi shrugged. "I didn't hear anything."
"You sure?"
The shorter boy nodded. "I'm sure."
"But... I'm sure I heard something! Some idiot was talking about Star Wars!" The blonde sighed, letting go of his end of the stolen TV.
"Erk!" Yugi promptly fell backwards.
"Ah... sorry, Yug'." He picked up the golden television, and helped his friend up.
The spiky haired boy groaned, rubbing where he'd been crushed. "Spleen... burst..."
There was a moment of silence.
"Alright, I'm fine now." He looked at the Millennium TV, and sighed. "Why'd we have to steal this, anyway?"
"Yugi, don't you remember? It all started two weeks ago..." Everything started to blur.
Yugi looked around. "What's going on?"
"Flashback time!"

~Two weeks before~

Seto Kaiba walked out one sunny morning to get the mail. He didn't particularly want to get the mail, but, for unknown reasons, God had kicked him out of his own home that day.
"Hey, Seto!"
He stopped. Someone had called him Seto. More importantly, someone he didn't know had called him Seto. He prepared his 'I'm-pissed-off' face, and patiently waited for the suicidal person to run up to him, as they no doubt would.
A girl ran up to him, with long, yet not too long silver hair, and shining jade eyes. Her skin was pale, and she wore a small black dress, perfect for the weather of th-
Seto promptly pulled a gun out of hammerspace and shot the narrator. A new one quickly appeared to take its place.
He glared at her. "Do I know you?"
"It's me, Saseko!" She smiled, reaching out to hug him.
Quickly stepping back, he narrowed his eyes. "I don't know a Saseko."
"Saseko! Saseko Kyousha! Your one true love!" Saseko seemed awfully sure of that fact.
"You've got the wrong person."
Her eyes started to water. "Seto-"
"Don't call me Seto."
A single tear fell from her eye. "How could you not know me...?"
Seto felt no sympathy. This was obviously someone who had escaped from the mental institution that had recently been built next door. "I don't know you. End of discussion. Now go get an eye doctor and don't bother me again."
He turned and started walking towards his house. If he ignored her, she'd leave.
Wrong.
A great force blasted into his back, most likely injuring something vital and most definitely flinging him forward.
Seto quickly got up, and looked in sheer horror, or something very mildly representing it. Saseko's eyes were glowing a fierce black, and her whole body crackled with electricit-
He pulled the gun back out of hammerspace and shot the second narrator, too, thus gaining a third.
"Seto!" She said, "If you don't agree to Saseko's terms, you shall regret it!"
"Firstly, I told you not to call me Seto. Secondly, who the hell are you if you're not that epileptic girl, and thirdly, why would I regret it?"
"I am Yami Withersin!" She hissed, as the clouds in the sky started to darken.
Seto laughed. "Young, annoying, maniacal imbecile with the really stupid name?"
Yami Withersin didn't, to say the least, appreciate the humor. "If you don't... become her boyfriend... then..." She held up a golden camera, and a flash of light surrounded at least a one kilometre area. "Now, Seto Kaiba! Agree!"
"A spray painted camera. I'm terrified."
She cackled, waving some pictures. "This is the Millennium Camera! It lets me take pictures of what has been, what is, and what has yet to pass! And other little goodies, too!" Withersin held out a picture for him to see.
It was, very clearly, him and Yugi Motou in a spa.
"The media will love it!"
Seto stared, wide-eyed. "You... sick..."
Yami Withersin suddenly changed back to Saseko. "See you on Tuesday, Seto!" She giggled, and ran off.

~End of Flashback~

Yugi nodded. "And... how long did Kaiba have to go out with her?"
"About a week and a half," Joey explained, as they started carrying the TV again, "But, last Wednesday..."
Everything blurred again.

~Last Wednesday~

"Seto! Where are you?" Mokuba called, searching the house. Ever since his brother had been blackmailed into a 'relationship' with the strange girl with perfect skin, he'd been seeing less and less of him.
In fact, he hadn't seen Seto since the previous morning.
"Brother! It's me, Mokuba!" He called, using the line from the duellist kingdom. Looking around, he sighed in defeat.
Then he heard it. A soft, low moaning coming from a strategically placed dark corner.
Within the little he could see of the shadow, was a familiar figure, curled up into a ball.
"Seto!" He cried in worry, racing over.
His brother was, as one could probably guess, not in a sane state of mind. He was shaking, mumbling incoherently, and staring at a certain part of the floor.
Mokuba shook him frantically. "Seto! Get up!"
"No, not pancakes - the elves will eat them..." Seto muttered, sounding as if he knew exactly what he was talking about.
Mokuba, however, didn't.
He sighed, stepping back from his brother. "I'll go get Yugi - he can help, surely!"
And off he ran.

-At the card shop-

"Got any traps?"
"Go fish."
Yugi and Joey were playing Go Fish with Yugi's deck. Yugi was, at the moment, winning, but that was mainly due to the fact that he'd rigged the deck earlier.
"Got any magics?" Yugi asked, knowing the answer would be yes.
"How'd you know?" Joey sighed, tossing a De-Spell over. He then glanced suspiciously at the narrator, and left it at that.
The boy shrugged. "Dumb luck?"
Then Mokuba burst in. "Yugi!"
Yugi looked up. "Mokuba? What're you doing here?"
"You've gotta help Seto!"
"Kaiba? Why should we help him?" Joey said, frowning.
"I said that YUGI has to help, not you."
"What's wrong with him?" Yugi asked.
"I don't know! You've gotta come!"

-Back with Seto-

"Kaiba!" Yugi gasped, seeing the broken state of the CEO.
"Bunnies... no... don't die!" He screamed, gaining raised eyebrows from the guests to the house.
Mokuba knelt down next to his brother. "I don't know what's wrong with him!"
Joey, however, was ecstatic. "He finally cracked! Now HE'S the dog!"
A small mumbling came from Seto. "|)37|-|..."
"He's really lost it now," Newly arrived Yami said sympathetically.
Mokuba stared at him. "Huh?"
"He's talking in l33t."

~End of that flashback~

Joey chuckled to himself, reliving the memory. "Anyway... after that, we went to confront that Saseko/Withersin chick at KaibaCorp..."
"Joey?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you telling me all this stuff I very clearly already know?"
"Plot, Yug'. Plot."

~Yet another bloody flashback, this time at KaibaCorp~

Saseko (or was it Withersin?) sat in a chair, stroking Seto's hair (no I do not know how he got there, but I do know it rhymed).
"Brother!" Mokuba screamed, running into the room.
"Oh! Mokuba!" She smiled, waving a manicured hand at him. "Ever so sorry, but I own KaibaCorp now."
"WHAT!?"
As the other to walked in, Yugi noted that the poor kid was having a mild heart attack.
And Joey, being the vengeful sprite he is, just laughed at the sight of poor Seto.
Withersin stood, carefully placing Seto's head on the chair. "We're married!" She said with a dreamy look, showing them a ring.
Mokuba had another heart attack. Or at least an epileptic fit.
Yami raised an eyebrow. "You married... Kaiba? How?"
"Oooh, jealous are we? Tee hee hee!" Withersin giggled, much to Yami's annoyance.
"I'm not even going to answer that." He then remembered what he was supposed to be doing. "What did you do to Kaiba?!"
She frowned. "I told you! I married him! Yesterday!"
The three gasped.
"So that's why!" Mokuba said, having recovered from his shock. "That's why Seto was acting like that!" He looked at his brother. "And still is!"
Withersin apparently changed back to Saseko, who went back to Seto and started stroking his hair again. "Seto loves me!" She proclaimed, "He always has and always will! And we'll always be together!"
In a flash of light, the two disappeared.
"SETOOO! BROTHERRR!" No prizes to who said that.
"There, there, Mokuba. Calm down." Yugi was back, and was at least trying (keyword: trying) to comfort the boy.
Mokuba stood up, silent. Then...
"I'LL KILL HER! I'LL GUT HER WITH A BAMBOO SKEWER! I'LL STRANGLE HER WITH HER OWN INTESTINES!" He took a few deep breaths, and sat down. "Seto..."
Joey looked around the well furnished room. "What now?"
"Seto... always had a place... where he kept stuff for every occasion..."
The blond stifled a smile. "Mokuba, we're not talking Christmas decorations her-" He stopped at the glare. "I'll be quiet."
Mokuba looked down at the ground, then his eyes shone with recognition. "His room!" He ran off, and in about two seconds, they were in Seto's room.

-In Seto's room-

Mokuba turned on the light, carefully studying his brother's room. Seto must have foreseen this. He MUST have. After about five minutes of searching, he saw a well folded note poking out from beneath a pillow.

Mokuba,
It said,
I'm afraid I don't have much time left. As you know, I have been 'seeing' a girl called Saseko, though entirely against my will. She has a yami, called Withersin, who aspires to take control of KaibaCorp. In the event that this happens, and I am unable to do anything about it, I entrust that you will be able to pull my plan off without a hitch.
As you should know, I have been pursued by women for many years. Each one very dangerous in their own sense, but put together, they would create havoc so severe the world may even end due to the horror. Saseko is one of those women.
She has three Millennium Items, although there are only seven. Hers are the Millennium Television, the Millennium Camera, and the Millennium Bag. I do not know what the first does, but the camera generates pictures, and the bag is a portal to the Shadow Realm. It also appears that she needs all three to work any one.
Now, I would tell you not to get Yugi or his friends involved in this, but you probably already have. Tell them that if anyone takes pictures of me in my less-than-normal state, I shall hire assassins to kill them in their sleep.
You need to be careful, no matter what you choose to do, as Withersin apparently needs KaibaCorp for world domination. As it would be a simple task once she gains ownership, you need to stop her halfway. Most preferably destroying both her and Saseko, who's blackmailed me into marriage.
The heavy artillery and special decks are behind the paintings in the hall, your dinner's in the oven.

- Seto

Joey then threw his now useless camera out the window, while Yugi and Mokuba discussed Seto's 'plan'.
"Heavy artillery? Is that really necessary?"
"Of course! Seto always knows what to do!"
"What about the special decks?"
"They'll be needed, too!"
Yugi sighed, nodding. "So... what do we do first?"
"Weeeell..."

~End of that flashback~

"... and that's how we got stuck stealing the Millennium TV."
"Joey... remind me to never ask you how anything happened again."
"Sure, Yug'..."
And thus, the two headed to their 'secret base' (more precisely, McDonalds), for part two of the plan to save Kaiba was to commence the very next morning...