I can't sleep, stuck in a big, empty double bed at my parents loft in Storybrooke where I am surrounded by a bunch of people who are all convinced they are fairytale characters from a magical land. Even though I have experienced most of it for myself I still struggle to come to terms with the idea, it is so unrealistic. When I actually get to thinking about it, which drives me crazy I am a princess; the product of Prince Charming and Snow White who are the rightful rulers of the magical kingdom. When my son, Henry Mills had turned up that night in Boston I was not a believer and I still have my doubts, and it is the cause of my many sleepless nights. I have to remind myself why I stayed, who I am here for and why I am doing all of this. Having learnt about my abandonment with a boy who though alive was actually created from wood and that he abandoned me when I was just a baby so that I could grow up to be the saviour; I vouch never to leave Henry ever again.
Tossing and turning I keep thinking back to what occurred in Neverland. Our visit there to save Henry was filled with strangeness, some of which has followed us back here and some of which had to stay there never to return or be spoken of again. One change that has come with me and unfortunately upset Henry is that although we have been reunited with his father, I haven't in the way he would have preferred. I have a new man in my life and that definitely developed from some insane strangeness in Neverland.
It is dark outside and the only light in my room comes streaming in from the bright full moon outside. It illuminates him as he appears in the doorway and it creates a shadow upon the floorboards that I am staring at. He doesn't say a word but I know he is watching me and trying to decipher what I am thinking. I turn my head to look over at him and he smiles at me, showing his brilliant white teeth.
"Everything alright Swan?" He asks me, and I have to admit I love how he still calls me that rather than Emma.
I nod and then look away because my mind is so pre-occupied but I don't really want to talk about it. Hearing his footsteps I know he is crossing the room and then I feel the bed dip as he climbs on beside me. Lying on my side he spoons up close to me and in a sexy voice advises me that he knows something is on my mind.
"Come on Swan, you know you can tell me" he offers light heartedly.
I can't tell him though because the thoughts are all one big muddle. How can you explain something to someone that isn't even straight in your own head? I stay silent and change the direction in which I am looking to gaze out of the window and up at the moon. For some reason tonight I just don't want to close the curtains and shut the world out. Trailing his fingers up and down my arm as he places kisses on my neck. I know he is after something but tonight will not be his night. It's not because I don't want to but just because it isn't appropriate and I feel uncomfortable in my parents loft. I mean it is bad enough that he is living here too now but a place of our own just wouldn't be suitable. Henry isn't fond of him; in fact I am worried that any day now he is going to tell me he wants to go and live with his father and although I am a tough cookie I think that may just break my heart.
"What are you thinking about Swan?" he questions with curiosity.
"Nothing important" I mutter as I shrug him away and manoeuvre to sit up. Just as I go to hoist myself up from the bed I feel his hand wrap around my wrist and I only just roll my eyes before he pulls me back down, throws me back in his arms and romantically smooches me. However as we all know and he really should know better by now I don't do all this lovey dovey fairytale madness. Pushing away from him I glare and get up from the bed before I make a swift and quick exit from the bedroom.
"Come on Swan. Don't be like this with me" He calls out as he follows me down the stairs.
I am stopped in my tracks by the sight of my mother. It is approaching midnight and in true fairytale princess character fashion, Mary Margaret or should I say Snow White is baking cookies and ironically enough two little bluebirds are acting as if it is normal for them to be sat on the counter watching. I have to roll my eyes, my life is just weird and that is one of the weirdest things I have witnessed recently.
"You know Hook you really should be calling her Emma. After all that is her name" she chirps as I raise my arms in a sign of disbelief. Grabbing my red leather jacket from by the door I leave before either of them has a chance to start nitpicking at each other. They have done nothing but snipe since we got back anyway. Mother doesn't approve of the boyfriend material I have acquired. I need space, fresh air and a good long walk to clear my head and think straight before I lose my mind.
The second I step out of the door I pause just to drink in the cool night air. It isn't quite cold enough to be wrapped up but it is blustery and the chill in the air makes my skin tingle as I start to walk. With nowhere I am particularly heading it is destination unknown for me. Life is a mess right now and I have so much I need to figure out and sort before I can move on and start again. So much has changed. I have a son now, a family, responsibilities, magical powers, a 'boyfriend' and a home. It is all new to me, completely strange and it feels weird to admit all of that, even if it is all just in my head. The only problems is it is this that is the root of all my troubles and even I cannot pinpoint what it is but I know one thing for sure it isn't half frustrating.
Suddenly I stop and turn round, I have a sense that I am being followed but when I look all that is behind me is the blackness in the direction from which I have come. I have wandered quite far out of town really. Frowning I examine carefully to see if anyone is lurking up close in the shadows not wanting to be seen but there is not a movement from anywhere. Turning back to face where I want to continue on I jump in fright when I see someone stood before me.
"Hello, who's there?" I call out into the darkness but no one comes forward. Someone is definitely creeping about following me though.
"Show yourself!" I order before slowly taking steps forward to continue my walk. So much for clearing my head and organising my thoughts, now all I can focus on is whom I have for a stalker. Quickening my pace I keep my head down and press on, I don't want to scare myself over nothing.
Carrying on I manage to walk all the way back into town like I have gone full circle and I haven't seen anyone. There has been no stranger goings on around me and I breath out deeply as I relax in the centre of the road. There is a sense of magic present in the air though and it seems stronger than ever. Then I close my eyes and just stand still for a moment as I gather my mixed up thoughts again ready to try and finally sort them, when I hear footsteps and give a groan. Will I ever get some time alone?
"So this is where you ended up Swan" He states.
I bite my top lip and then turn to face him with an awkward tight lipped smile. I don't know why he has actually come after me because its not like I am not going to come back. He isn't smiling at me but looking rather concerned, the last time I saw that face was in Neverland. An awkward silence develops between us and then he muses out loud again to break it. He is good at that.
"Had to get out of there and away from your mother; doesn't like me does she" he joked.
"Not fond, no" I confirm.
"But you are…aren't you Swan" he confidently states as he approaches me and lightly holds my arms to hold me. My first instinct is to look away from him but then I feel the metal on his hooked hand under my chin and he gently guides my head round so I am looking him direct in his twinkling blue eyes.
"So tell me what is bothering you Swan" he says before I feel a pull towards him and I can't help myself. Leaning in I end up kissing him as he wraps his arms around me and I slip mine around his neck. Closing my eyes I just enjoy the sensual feel of his lips against mine; and that wonderful spark that develops between us every time we kiss.
"Oh please! Put him down Miss Swan" states someone disgusted by us and I recognise the voice instantly. My eyes ping open the second I hear the end of their statement and I am just in time to see them pass by as I pull away.