Growing Up
Summary: James Potter was just a boy who grew up loving too much.
A/N: This is, of course, something for today (October 31st).
Your mother told you that growing up was that moment when you're tall, with a low voice.
But growing up, in fact, was something that you didn't figure out what it is until your fifteen years.
And eventually, you were just a boy who grew up too fast.
When you realized what growing up really meant - as working, earning money, surviving - you wanted to be forever young. You wanted to be a Peter Pan in his Neverland, The Doctor in his Tardis.
You didn't want to have a job, to need to do something, to take responsibilities as yours.
You just wanted to live like there was no tomorrow.
You realized that your world was at war, things would change, people would die and apparently there wouldn't be a future.
You realized, after a fight close the lake, that pureblood mania was a thing. A thing that you would have to change.
It wasn't fair, nothing was fair, there was no justice and you weren't doing anything to make things better besides everyone was.
That Girl (with a capitol letter) was a person and she needed her rights, muggleborns were are people, equals and everybody had to understand that. And no Voldemort would stop you to show them this.
You realized that there was no Peter Pan or Doctor, just you and you were already beginning to grow up.
And eventually, you were just a boy who grew up in the middle of a war.
That Girl wasn't the reason to your growing, not at all. She was, in fact, one of the reasons.
You'd never had the chance to really talk to her, to understand what it looked like- the muggleborn life. But when you got this chance, one single chance, you would not drop it by.
Maybe the fact she was so bloody interesting, different, amazing and strong helped you to think that you might have been falling in love.
When you two talked about random things, when accidentally, you brushed your arm on hers, that little tiny connection between both of you was enough to make your heart stop and sink and rebuild itself.
She didn't know it, but you completely utterly did.
And it's like that ever since.
And eventually, you were just a boy who grew up loving too much.
You started taking extra effort in classes, spending more time in the library. Stopped pulling pranks, fooling around.
You were Head Boy and you didn't even understand why. However you knew that you would have to stay in this position.
You, of course, were one of that boys who thinks that can be a leader and a hero every time.
You were invincible and you were going to show everybody this fact.
And eventually, you were just a silly boy who grew up to be a soldier.
You lost many battles, people started getting hopeless, many ended up dead and you figured out that you weren't invincible.
War was.
There was always hope, but even it started fading and things just were getting worse and worse.
You saw your friends, your parents, your acquaintances dying and losing and suffering and you wanted it to stop and leave you alone.
It wouldn't stop. It never stopped.
You kept losing everyone, you kept suffering everyday every hour every minute and you knew there wasn't any hope.
And eventually, you were just a boy who grew up losing everyone and everything you most loved.
She brought you hope again. Her smile could heal broken bones, her touch could bring peace, her presence was a painkiller and you love her.
She loves you too, you know.
You wanted more time but you couldn't have it. Suddenly, you wanted to give up war give up pain give up suffering to be with her and you know she wanted it too.
She was a piece of heaven and you wanted it.
You would marry that Girl, you would have kids with her, you would make her smile, you love her and she loves you back.
She was the best potioneer in Hogwarts and she poisoned you deeply.
And eventually, you two were just little kids who grew up meant to be.
Those four years were the best for you. Just four short years and you saw yourself falling for her more and more.
You thought it wasn't possible such thing, but it certainly was.
When your little boy showed up for the first time, you couldn't be more happy.
You realized that you had everything and you couldn't wouldn't let all go away. Sometimes you had to go on a mission and you couldn't think about anything but the family you left behind. She had to stay to take care of your little boy, and you felt alone and happy because they were safe.
There was a bloody war going on but the Potters were happy and nothing else matters.
Of course, the war wouldn't let you be happy if you didn't do something anything to stop it.
And eventually, you were just a boy who grew up to save your family.
You defied him thrice.
He said you would defy him thrice.
Your family was cursed and it was your fault.
Your fault and only yours.
You, with your bloody sense of hero, your bravado, your bleeding habit of thinking that you could save everybody.
It cost too much, you would realize later.
Your little boy would die, she would die and you would die because you thought you were a hero.
She said it wasn't your fault, she did it too, she had been with you and if she hadn't, if she had been alone, she would do the same thing.
It was a thing that you two have in common.
And eventually, you were just a boy who grew up knowing you would end up dead sooner than others.
It could have been worse, you think. Dying.
When the door opened on October 31st 1981, you knew - you just knew - it was him.
You told her to run as faster as she could, grab your little boy and go.
Because you would hold him off. You would try, anyway.
However, when you first caught a glint of that dark figure, you understood. You would die this time. There was no turning back, no escape plan.
Just you and him.
You were scared, you were fucking scared but you had to keep them safe.
You almost laughed when you remembered that you had left your wand in the living room.
The last thing you remember about your life was that green light and the cold laugh he did. Your mind, though, was with her and with your little boy.
You hoped they lived. You really hoped they made it alive.
They would be okay without you. They were strong. They would make it, they would live through it.
They would be happy and safe because you would look after them, as you always did. With those thoughts, you could rest in peace.
And finally, you were just James bloody Potter, the boy who grew up stand up and proud and died the same way.