(We are on the set of 'Il Muto'. Carlotta is being her usual corny self.)
Carlotta: Poor fool, he makes me laugh-
(Piangi comes onstage.)
Piangi: All this acting is making me hungry! I declare that everyone in this opera house shall receive a free meal from Taco Bell! I definitely recommend the Spicy Chicken Taco!
Audience: VIVA LA TACO BELL!
(Christine is alone in her dressing room. The Phantom is singing 'Angel of Music Reprise'.)
The Phantom: Look at your face in the mirror-
Christine: Good God, I've gained weight!
(Christine just fainted after seeing that replica of her in the wedding gown.)
The Phantom: Christine, don't go into the light!
(The Phantom just lost the swordfight. Christine and Raoul are riding away.)
The Phantom: Now, let it be war upon you both.
Christine: Raoul, why must you insist on riding without a saddle! My butt is beginning to hurt!
Raoul: Well, if you don't like it, you can walk back!
Christine: Or maybe I should just ride back! (pushes him off the horse)
Raoul: Christine, get back here!
(Christine rides far into the distance. The Phantom starts walking toward him, brandishing the Punjab lasso thingie.)
Raoul: Uh oh.
(Raoul and Christine are on the roof of the opera house.)
Raoul: There is no phantom of the opera….
Christine: Yes, there is! I'm sick of you telling me it's a just a dream! Well, no more!
(Christine pushes Raoul off the roof.)
Raoul: Assssssss youuuuuuuu wishhhhhhhhh…………
Christine: Oh my dear sweet Raoul, what have I done!
(The Phantom is trying to strangle Raoul while Christine watches.)
Raoul: Why make her lie to you to save me!
Christine: Well, Raoul, a girl can definitely change her mind.
Raoul: What the hell are you saying! He's deformed, lives in a cave, and is old enough to be your father!
The Phantom: Christine, he's a mama's boy, can't sing worth a crap, and can't swordfight!
Christine: Phantom, I choose you.
The Phantom: Christine, he can't dance, can't talk intelligen- what?
(Raoul has just arrived at the graveyard.)
Christine: Raoul…
Raoul: This man, this thing, is not your father!
Christine: I know he's not my father, you perverted freak!
(Raoul has fallen through the trapdoor.)
Raoul: Christine, I'm coming!
(He lands on top of the grid thingy like he should have. Watch that scene closely and you'll see that he should landed on top, not fallen into the water.)
Raoul: Well, that was easy. (Walks through the doorway.)
(Old Raoul is at the auction house. The chandelier is rising. When it's at the top, it falls again, crushing Raoul to death.)
The Phantom: (speaking from the little balcony that was where the chandelier used to hang) I've been wanting to do that for years!
(Christine and Madame Giry are in Christine's dressing room. Giry hands her the rose.)
Madame Giry: He is pleased with you.
Christine: Who's he? Is he cute?
(The Phantom is, again, trying to strangle Raoul in his lair. Christine is there.)
The Phantom: You try my patience. Make your choice.
Christine: First, I need a drink. (starts looking around) Why's the rum gone?
Raoul: Huh? Christine, you don't drink.
The Phantom: Christine, you're in the wrong movie.