I've been re-watching Grey's Anatomy the last few weeks, and while watching season two's finale "Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response"/"Losing My Religion", I began to wonder what ever happened to Doc's body. Derek says that he'll bury him in the clearing (in which Meredith responds "Overlooking the water"), but we never find out what happened. Originally this was going to just be a burial scene and done, but it kind of took on its own life. So, in summary, this is more of a "what if?" scenario, post season two, pre-season three.
I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters.
AFTER THE STORM
"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."
After the Storm – Mumford and Sons
The daylight is waning when Derek finally gets home, but he can't relax yet. He pulls his car into its usual spot and kills the engine. For a minute, maybe more, he just sits there. His trailer looks just as it had yesterday morning when he left for work, but he knows the interior has been altered. His things have been touched, her things have been taken, and while he feels relieved, he knows it's really the end of his eleven year marriage. Derek wonders if they could have made it work if not for her affair with Mark, but the answer is simple; Derek had been absent before the affair – years before the affair. They would have ended it eventually.
Even so, he doesn't necessarily want to enter his home. He'd prefer to sleep in his car for the night, or perhaps return to the hospital and sleep in an on call room. But the hospital is the last place in the world that feels restful to him. He'd think of work and the tragedy from the day before. He'd think of Izzie's face as she quit and he'd think of the patients he'd recently lost. The hospital is not soothing.
Mostly, he'd think of his time with Meredith.
Sleeping with her had not been the most well-thought out plan he had ever had, but in the moment it had been right. The way her chest had risen and fallen with each accusation she threw at him and the fire in her eyes that said yes, I still love you; it had all been too much. He had wanted her – still does – but he admittedly had gone about it in the wrong way. However, he tried to redeem himself later, just two hours ago, when he finally admitted he loves her. He knows it will never make up for their time in the exam room – for his blatant disregard for Addison's feelings – but he hoped it would at least confirm that since day one, he had chosen her, even if he'd never admitted it out loud.
Derek had visited Addison next, at the hospital, and had told her everything. She knew, of course, but it was better for him to admit it. Addison was leaving to go home anyway and asked for just an hour to remove her things from the trailer. He didn't think to ask her where she was going, but knows he should have. On his ferry ride over, he thought about whether he gave her enough time or not, but received a text right as he pulled off the ferry that said she was done. He passed her car on the way home and their eyes met. He'd have to deal with that tomorrow, but for now he had to deal with Doc.
After Meredith left Finn's the previous evening, Finn had taken Doc away to send him home with Derek. Derek found the body of his and Meredith's dead dog being in his backseat disconcerting, but he had agreed to bury him. Finn had carried Doc, hidden in a garbage bag – because what better way could he possibly dispose of the body? – to Derek's car and placed him gently in the backseat. It was strange that Finn still handled Doc as if he was living and breathing, but Derek appreciated the gesture, despite how unnecessary it was.
Derek looks into his backseat and can make out the shape of the dark bag. His stomach flips. The hospital and his home may harbor bad memories, but his car has been defiled by his dead dog, so he'll sleep among his sheets, even if they still smell of Addison. Feeling extremely claustrophobic, Derek opens the car door, flooding the cab with light, and steps out into the cool June evening air.
First, Derek removes his jacket – which just so happens to be his favorite – and tosses it onto the front porch. His shoes are inappropriate for digging a ditch, but he doesn't want to waste the time changing them. Without looking behind him, Derek grabs the shovel resting against the side of the trailer and walks into the darkness of his land to dig Doc's final resting spot. The land is soft from rain and with the first dig into the soil, Derek takes more ground than he'd expected.
He pauses before the second dig and looks out onto the lake. He's seen so many beautiful places before – Paris, Rome, and Santorini, New York at Christmas time – but somehow his little piece of heaven overlooking a small lake in Washington is his favorite place in the entire world. He loves the quiet of the woods and the bright yellow sun on those rare beautiful afternoons. He loves the crickets at night and the morning doves just as the sun rises. But mostly, he loves how the moon glows off the surface of the lake, twinkling and sparkling.
Derek continues to dig, choosing to cut through almost three feet, just to make sure nothing digs Doc up later on. He carves away the edges, making the hole bigger, and once satisfied with his handiwork, he heads back to his car. He doesn't want to carry Doc to his final resting spot because it seems too final. Once he throws the dirt on top of the body, that will be it and Doc will really be gone. With a weighted sigh, Derek sets the shovel against the trailer and considers how he will juggle both the shovel and Doc when returning. He's still trying to figure it out when he notices the blue jeep parked in his driveway.
He looks left and right, but Meredith is no where to be seen. It's then that he notices the light on in his trailer – a light that he hadn't turned on before. Derek walks to the porch and sees her inside. She walks through the kitchen, her fingers touching the counters. She turns on the sink, opens the fridge; she opens the cabinets and then sits at the table. He almost opens the door when she gets up again and disappears further down the trailer, into the bedroom. His stomach coils with familiar desire and he remembers when he made love to her in that bed – before Addison, before he'd chosen wrong.
Derek walks along the side of the trailer and watches her. She stands in the room for a minute without moving. She's still wearing the lavender sweater from before, but her hair's now pulled back away from her neck in a low ponytail – the one he loves so much on her. She walks to his side of the bed and touches his nightstand. He can't see her hand, but she picks something up. She smiles and places it back. Meredith crosses her arms over her chest and stares at the bed. Her eyes close and Derek watches as she takes long, deep breaths. When she opens her eyes, she walks back into the kitchen and Derek turns just as she exits the trailer.
Meredith pauses on the top step when she sees him. He stares at her, appraises her up and down, and meets her eyes again. He's free to look at her now. He's free to desire her, not like he ever stopped. He could kiss her right now without feeling guilty, except for Finn. As far as he knows, she still hasn't made a choice and she could easily choose Finn over him; in fact, she might choose Finn because in her own words Finn is perfect for me. Was she implying Derek wasn't perfect for her?
But as they stand there, Derek can't help but feel like Meredith is also appraising him. She's been so much better as hiding her feelings and pretending to be happy. She's wrapped herself in the security blanket of work and friends, and it seemed like she'd really begun to move on. She never stared for too long or crossed the delicate line drawn between them. She also hadn't lied about being married only to have her significant other show up. Meredith had been so helpless in the situation, but she had come out of it better than him.
"Hi," she finally says, breaking the long moments of silence.
Derek shifts from one foot to the other. He's distracted for a moment by how her mouth moves and he imagines kissing her again. "Hey."
I've been in love with you for…ever.
He smiles, remembering how he had last left her, and says "I didn't expect you here."
Meredith shrugs and buries her hands in the front of her jeans. The motion is fluid and simple, but it stirs something inside of Derek – not desire, but something bigger, bigger than even love. "I didn't really plan it," she says looking off beyond the lawn in front of the trailer. "It kind of happened."
Derek feels curious and elated at the same time. She was drawn here, but why?
"But you weren't here when I showed up. Well your car was, but I couldn't find you," she rambles. "I'm sorry that I just went inside. I figured you might have been sleeping or something, which is actually really creepy of me," she sighs and meets his amused eyes. Meredith smiles slightly and turns away again.
"It's okay," he smiles. "I uh, I was out at the clearing," he begins. Meredith looks over her shoulder, knowing the exact spot he's speaking of because Derek had brought her there so many times. "Doc," he says simply.
Meredith's face darkens and she nods. "You buried him?"
Derek shakes his head. "Not yet, actually. I just dug the hole. I was going to take him out now. But you don't need to be here for this. If you wanted to wait, it shouldn't take me all that long."
Meredith walks down the steps and past Derek. He watches her and expects her to get into her car, but instead she pauses at his car door and peers into the backseat. She turns her face away and Derek thinks he sees her shoulders shake, but when she faces him, her face is clear. "I'd like to help."
"If you're sure," he agrees and walks to the car. "If you could carry the shovel, that'd be good."
Meredith walks away and Derek opens the backdoor. He lifts Doc's body carefully, with the same concern Finn had used, and shuts the door with his hip. When he meets Meredith, she keeps her back to him and walks five paces in front of him; all Derek can assume is that she doesn't want to see the bag Doc is held in. He focuses on the ground in front of him instead of Meredith. He's allowed to watch her now, but it doesn't mean she can watch him. Derek doesn't want to ruin anything this time.
When they approach the gravesite, Meredith stands facing the water and Derek lowers the body into the ground. He lays Doc's head down first and continues to slide the rest of his body into place. When the bag is completely submerged, Derek stands up straight and walks around the hole to Meredith's side. She doesn't even glance at him as he takes the shovel from her hands. Derek wants to take her hand in his and pull her close, but he abstains. Instead, he walks away before he can cross the line.
Derek pushes the dirt into the hole quickly, not wanting to spend another sad moment in silence with Meredith. With each swipe of his shovel, he whispers a pray for Doc. He hasn't prayed in years, but it seems appropriate. Doc deserves only the best afterlife. With the final shovels of dirt packed on top of the grave, Derek stands back and stares down at the recently tilled ground. He doesn't even realize when Meredith takes her place next to him, but he enjoys the comfort of her body heat next to him.
"Should we say something?" she whispers.
Her eyes meet his and he understands that the loss of Doc means more than just the death of a pet. "Doc," Derek begins and turns back to the grave. He feels Meredith's hand wrap in his. Her fingers lace through his and Derek turns his head toward her. Meredith keeps her eyes focused on the grave, so Derek continues. "Sleep well, Doc. Goodnight." She squeezes his hand and he squeezes back.
The walk back to the trailer is quiet and Derek and Meredith keep their hands to themselves. Derek rests the shovel back in its spot and Meredith passes the trailer before stopping at the mouth of the driveway. She has wrapped her arms around her waist and stands hunched in the cool evening air. Derek picks his jacket up off the porch and offers it to her.
"I think I'm going to go."
Derek nods. He wonders if she understands how much he loves her and how if she'd agree, he would marry her right now. She seems self-conscious in the dim light of his trailer, but she says nothing more. Eventually, Meredith turns and heads back towards her Jeep.
"Meredith," Derek calls as she reaches for her keys.
"Yes?" she stops.
He smiles softly, "Why are you here?"
"I told you-"
"Yes, but why?"
Meredith shakes her head and fiddles with her keys. "I have no idea."
"Would you like to stay for a while? Maybe have a beer?"
She grasps her keys and pulls her hand to her chest in a tight ball. She looks to his trailer and back to his face. Derek considers what her saying no will mean: it's over and she's chosen someone else. He laid his heart out for her and if she chooses Finn now, or neither of them, he'll know it's time to move on. It will be difficult for sure – months of pining for her and probably years of painful encounters, but he'll eventually be able to move on. Someday.
Meredith slips her keys into her pocket. "A beer sounds good."
Derek holds the door open for her and they both walk into the compact heat of the trailer. Just like always, Meredith sits on the right side of the table with her back to him. Derek lays his jacket on the couch and walks to the refrigerator. He pulls out two beers and uncaps them. He sets one down in front of Meredith and sinks into the bench opposite her. Meredith takes a long pull of her beer before meeting his eyes. She stares at him for a moment before dropping her gaze and focuses on drawing lines along the cold neck of the bottle.
They sit there for minutes in silence. Derek opens his mouth multiple times to say something, anything, but each time he decides against it. Meredith looks at Derek each time he might speak, but always turns as soon as he does. They've never been so awkward before.
Outside it begins to rain. The droplets fall onto the tin roof of the trailer and create a melody in the silence. Derek watches out the window as the rain begins to come down in sheets. He imagines Doc's grave turning muddy with the rain and is thankful he thought to bury his body deeper than just a foot or so.
Meredith takes another sip of her bottle, swallows, and finally says "I broke up with Finn."
Derek meets her eyes anxiously. "What?"
"After you stopped by, I broke up with Finn."
"Why?"
Meredith shrugs, "I don't know."
"I talked to Addison." Meredith looks up at him. "She knows everything. I'm going to file in the morning."
Meredith says nothing in response, but Derek waits. He wants her to tell him it's okay to kiss her. He wants to make love to her again, but without the burden of their significant others on their minds. He wants to taste her and fall asleep with her in his arms. But she hasn't told him it's okay yet and until she does, he'll keep his distance.
She watches him, maybe waiting for his okay, but either way, she says nothing. Derek observes her for a moment and then he remembers how much he's hurt her in the past. She's not waiting for him to whisk her off her feet; she's waiting for the long overdue apology she so deserves. Derek finishes his beer quickly, probably too quickly, and pushes the bottle away.
"I have a lot of ground to cover," he begins, "so bear with me. First, I'm sorry about not telling you about Addison."
"Derek," she sighs regarding her beer. "You don't have to do this."
He shakes his head. "But I do. I was going to tell you, but that's not an excuse for the fact that I didn't tell you. It was hard not telling you for so long, but I knew everything would change as soon as you found out. I was selfish, and I'm so sorry."
"I've forgiven you for that."
"You shouldn't have," he shakes his head. He sighs and picks at the edge of the table. "I'm also sorry for choosing Addison. I wanted to make the right decision, not the right decision for me, but what would be the best for everyone. What's weird is I've hurt everyone more. If I had just chosen you, Addison could have moved on and you and I could have been happy."
"Derek, none of this matters anymore. I've forgiven you, you know that."
"Have you forgiven me for asking if you'd slept with Alex?"
Meredith remains silent.
"I didn't think so. Of everything, that is the single worst moment for me. I can't believe…" his voice carries off and he closes his eyes. When he turns and meets Meredith's eyes, he's having trouble keeping his emotions in check. "I am so, so sorry Meredith. I broke you, but I didn't stick around to help you get back together. I was jealous of Finn and angry with myself. I'm sorry I hurt you so much."
Meredith regards Derek for a long while. She holds her beer bottle in between her hands, but says nothing. She's focused on his features, gazing into his eyes, glancing at his cheeks, lips, and nose, but she doesn't turn away. After a while, she finally nods. "I forgive you."
Derek releases a breath he didn't know he was holding and nods. "You have no idea how much that means to me."
"You were hurt and angry. People say lots of stupid things when they're hurting."
"I guess the last thing I have to apologize for is last night."
Meredith's eyes meet his sharply. Her forehead crinkles in concern and she grips the bottle tighter. "Why do you have to apologize for last night?"
Derek notices her distress but can't read why she's suffering. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of the situation like that. I saw you leave the prom and I knew you were trying to get away from me, but I followed anyway. I honestly didn't think it would lead to…well, that."
Meredith swallows and looks away. Derek tries, once again, to read her face, but she's closed him off. Derek wonders why for a moment before it dawns on him. "Meredith," he says softly, wishing she would meet his eyes. "I didn't mean that I wish we hadn't slept together."
"You didn't?" she whispers.
"No, no, of course not." He shakes his head, considering how ridiculous it would have been if they hadn't slept together. He wouldn't have lasted much longer without Meredith in his life. "Last night was," he smiles and shakes his head. "Last night was the best night I've ever spent with anyone, including all my previous times with you," he says lowly with a wicked twinkle in his eye. Meredith blushes and keeps her eyes focused on the rain. "But I shouldn't have slept with you then, when you were with Finn and I was married to Addison. It wasn't right and I never, ever wanted to treat you like the mistress again, and that's just what I did," he whispers to himself.
Meredith turns and finishes her beer. She slides the bottle across the table and it gently clanks against Derek's. "I didn't feel like the mistress last night."
"You didn't?"
She shakes her head, "Not once. I felt…" she thinks of one thousand corny and over-the-top feelings she had experienced the previous evening. He had made her felt desirable and wanted. He had lavished her and made her feel like a goddess. She had felt secure and warm in his arms, and above all else, she had felt loved and cherished. He had made her feel complete. "I felt like I did when we were first together – not the first time, but the time after that, in your car." Derek gazes at her. She sighs, "It felt fun, and sexy. I felt good."
"Still, we should have waited."
"Maybe," Meredith shrugs. "It probably wasn't right, but it felt right."
Derek remembers the feeling of Meredith's hands upon him once again. The way her fingers dragged through his hair and the way she threw her head back in the throes of the moment and exposed her long, pale throat to him. He remembers kissing her pulse point and finding it racing and he remembers her thighs tightening around his hips. It had felt right, all of it, every moment.
"What happens now?" he asks.
Meredith shakes her head and looks away. "I don't know." She gets up from the table and crosses the short distance to the refrigerator. "Do you want another?"
Derek nods and happily watches as Meredith helps herself. He vaguely recalls previous times when Meredith had stayed over and helped herself in the kitchen. She once tried to make pancakes, and failed, but he had loved watching her. She never asked for anything, but instead went and found it. He likes that she's so comfortable in his house.
She returns to the table with two beers and hands one to Derek. She sinks back down onto the bench and looks him squarely in the eye. Neither of them says a word. Derek knows he could just tell her he wants to be with her, but he's afraid of her reaction. If she says no…he shakes the thought from his mind. She's already chosen not to be with Finn, but what if she's here now to tell him just the same?
"Why are you here, Meredith?"
"Honestly?"
"Please."
Meredith takes a gulp from her beer and holds the liquid in her mouth before swallowing down. She smacks her lips slightly and glances at Derek. He's watching her, waiting for her response, but she delays her answer for another minute. When she finally opens her mouth to speak, Derek is anxious. "After you left, after you told me you love me," she smiles slightly, "I went and visited Izzie again. I helped her with her dress; she'd been wearing the same pink dress since last night. She finally took it off, and I figured with the dress would go the sadness." Meredith twirls the bottle cap from the beer on the table. The rain continues to pound on the trailer and Derek's reminded of the sleepless nights he spent without Meredith.
"Only, she didn't get better. She's baking now, which is different, but she's not dealing with her pain. And it made me realize that you don't know how much time you have. Denny died in an instant. Even if Izzie were there, she probably couldn't have stopped it. I could die in a car crash driving to work. You could blow an aneurism with a single sneeze. We don't have a lot of time, Derek," she says with conviction, meeting his eyes.
"What are you saying?"
She sighs and leans her elbows on the table. Meredith cups her hands against her cheeks. "I don't have a lot of people in my life that I love and I have even fewer people that I can tell almost anything to. Cristina is one of those people," she pauses, "and you are another one."
"Meredith," he whispers.
"I don't know if I can trust you yet, but I don't want to wonder what could have been."
"Are you saying you're giving me a second chance?"
"More like a third chance," she says with a smile.
Derek laughs and nods. His eyes smolder under the low kitchen light and he reaches out and touches the back of Meredith's hand. She flips her palm up and presses her hand into his. "I won't disappoint you this time. There are no more skeletons, nothing holding me back."
"I don't know how to do this."
"What?"
"Be with someone."
Derek smiles, "You were pretty good at it the last time around."
"We hadn't set rules yet, not concrete ones. We were dating, having fun, but it wasn't official."
"Doesn't matter what it was. You were good at it."
Meredith squeezes his palm and lifts the beer from the table. She slogs back a gulp and crinkles her nose because the bottle has grown warm. She wipes the beer away from her lips with the back of her free hand and leans forward so the table is pressing against her stomach.
"You said you've loved me forever. When did you realize you were in love?"
Derek sighs and also leans forward. He wants to be as close to her as possible, but he holds back. Again, moving forward must be her idea. He doesn't want to push or overstep his bounds again. "I think it was when you told me about your mother. The fact that you were comfortable enough to tell me the truth, it touched me. It was then that I wanted to tell you about Addison, but I chickened out," he smiles wryly. "That's when I fell in love with you."
"I knew the first time you brought me here," she motions to the trailer. "Something changed that night. You weren't just Derek anymore and sex wasn't just sex. It was more than all that."
"Yes, it was. I made love to you that night." Derek's stomach constricts again and he rubs his thumb along the back of her hand.
"We started with sex last time. I don't think we should this time."
Derek nods, even though all he wants is to make love to her. "Okay."
Meredith lifts her beer again, despite its warmth, and polishes it off. "Even though all I want to do is to sleep with you."
Derek sputters on the mouth of his bottle and coughs down the beer in his mouth. He pulls his hand from Meredith to wipe his mouth and gain some of his composure back. Meredith looks partially worried and partially hopeful when he glances at her, but mostly, she looks more desirable than he ever remembers her looking. "Do you think that's a good idea?"
"No, of course not, but it doesn't change the fact that I want you."
"Meredith, if we do this, that's it, we can't turn back."
"Will you want to turn back?"
Derek shakes his head slowly. "No, of course not."
Meredith slides slowly from the bench and stands up. She takes the three empty beer bottles and tosses them into the recycling bin before returning for Derek's half full bottle. He watches her as she lifts the bottle to her lips and polishes it off. Meredith adds the bottle to the growing pile and walks back to stand beside Derek. She places her hands on the tabletop and leans across the space between them to press her mouth to his. Derek is instantly intoxicated by her familiar taste and he reaches up and wraps his hand around the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him. She tastes of beer, but he's sure he does as well. Meredith's hands cup his shoulders and move up to touch his neck and eventually press against the sides of his face. Derek holds her waist with his free hand and even ducks his hand beneath the thin material of her sweater to feel the skin at the base of her spine.
The rain picks up outside and the entire trailer rattles under the noise. Derek begins to inch his way up from the bench until he is standing in front of Meredith with his arms wrapped around her waist. Meredith reaches up on her tip toes and holds herself flush against his mouth. She dips her tongue into his mouth and swirls once, twice, three times to taste him. Derek pulls her closer, reaching his hands all the way up her back, across her bra band, and over her shoulder blades. Meredith touches his hair, his neck, his face and shoulders; she touches her tongue to his and pushes her breasts to his chest.
Meredith pulls away a moment later. Her lips are red and her skin is flushed. Her sweater is rumpled and slightly askew. She pushes her hands against Derek's chest and he eventually releases her. Derek watches as Meredith walks backwards towards his bedroom. She keeps her eyes on his and just as her knees touch the bed, she sits down, leans back, and pulls herself to the middle of the bed.
Derek feels himself stirring and wants nothing more than to take her right then and there. He approaches slowly and is stunned by her lavender scent which already clings to the room. But something else stirs his senses and causes him to pause.
"What's wrong?" Meredith asks.
"The sheets on the bed are dirty," he says, not really wanting to say the sheets are dirty because Addison and he had had sex on them only three nights before.
Meredith stands up, clearly understanding what he means and in one fail swoop, rips the comforter and blankets from the bed. She removes the fitted sheet and all four of the pillows, stripping the pillows of their cases, and slides back to her spot. Derek smirks at her but remains standing.
"Are we going to do this or not?" she asks in her husky, lusty voice.
Derek continues to smile and allows a single bubble of laughter to cut through the tension in the room. He touches the edge of his shirt and tugs it up over his head before climbing across the bed to hover above Meredith. She reaches up and touches his chest, running her fingers through the short black hairs across his pectoral muscles. He leans down and claims her mouth again, this time taking advantage of his position above her and tasting every inch of her. Meredith moans quietly, but the sounds ricochets inside Derek's mind. He lowers his hips onto hers and rolls against her. Her hips meet his with a powerful thrust and Derek feels his head start to spin.
Sometime later, Meredith lies on her side away from Derek. She breathes evenly and occasionally snores, but neither keeps Derek awake. Instead, the incessant pounding of the rain and the thought of Doc's body washing away keep Derek's mind racing. He knows he should be in a post-coital slumber like Meredith – dreaming of making love with her for the rest of his life and doing nothing else – but he's haunted by Doc and the uncertainty within him.
Once again, they jumped into bed with one another. Meredith hadn't wanted to have sex – or at least she said she didn't – but she changed her tune with a single kiss. Derek should have pushed her away and told her to wait, but she felt too good against him and it had been so long since they had slowly, and carefully, appraised one another's bodies. The sex was amazing, as always, but everything was still up in the air. They hadn't made a single decision towards their future and Derek wonders if they'll ever set rule and boundaries.
Derek doesn't want anyone else. He can't imagine wanting anyone else. Meredith seems like she wants him only as well, but how can he know that without talking to her about it.
He rolls to his side and scooches across the bed towards Meredith. He wraps his arm around her waist and presses the length of his arm against her belly while resting his hand flat against her heart. Meredith stirs and reaches up to press her palm to his hand. She sighs and presses herself back against him. Derek folds his other arm underneath the pillow and leans forward to kiss the back of her neck before settling back against the pillow.
Meredith turns her head, her eyes still closed. Derek leans over and offers her a kiss. She accepts and kisses him back. She laces her fingers through his and slips her tongue into his mouth. Derek groans and pushes her back against the pillows until she is flat on her back and he is over her once again. Her hands find his hips and she pulls him down towards her. Derek moves against her slowly, not taking her yet, and she bites her lower lip. He leans forward and kisses the bite away, opening his mouth for her. She wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, ready to go again.
Derek pulls back and tries to put distance between their warm centers. Meredith opens her eyes and drops her legs, understanding that he's pulling away. "You wake me up for sex, but you won't give me sex," she jokes, but he can see the concern in her eyes.
"I didn't wake you up for sex," he whispers and cups his left hand against her cheek. Her eyes flutter closed and Derek leans down to kiss the tip of her nose. He skims down along her right cheek, across her jaw, and to her neck. He kisses right below her ear, and whispers "I love you so much."
"I love you too," she whispers back and runs her hands over his shoulder blades and through his hair.
"Meredith," he sighs and pulls away from her. "We have to figure this out. I want rules and guidelines this time. I don't want to wait. I want to know what to call you when someone asks who you are to me."
Meredith skims the fingertips of her left hand along his eyebrow and down his cheek. She feels the stubble of two days without shaving beneath her hands and continues her path down his neck and over his shoulder. She holds his forearm with her other hand, feeling the veins and tendons beneath her touch. His skin is hot and familiar. She leans up and kisses him once, slowly. She pulls away, only after pressing one, two, three more short kisses to his mouth.
Derek stares down at her in fascination as she explores him gently and takes the kisses she desires from him. He glances at her breasts, flushed and puckered, beneath him. He looks back to her eyes, refusing to allow himself to be distracted. His arms are straining against his weight, but he won't break contact with her.
"I'm your girlfriend," she says finally. "Right?"
He smiles. Girlfriend. He notices the worry in her face and the tone in her voice. He runs his right hand up her waist and along the side of her breast. His thumb drags across her pert nipple. "Yes, you're my girlfriend."
She lifts herself up on her elbows. Her face is dangerously close to his and her lips are all but pressed to his. "I still don't know if I'll be a good girlfriend," she confesses, "but I want to try, okay?"
He notices the vulnerability in her eyes, the fear in her voice, and he nods. Derek moves away from her, sitting upright until he is leaning back with his legs bent and his shins tucked under him. "Come here," he whispers and takes her hand. Meredith moves across the bed and straddles her legs on either side of him. She presses her chest to his and wraps her arms around his back. "I don't expect you to be perfect. Just be you. After all, I fell in love with you not because you were a good girlfriend, but because I love the person you are."
"Derek," she whispers into his ear and sighs.
He holds her impossibly closer and smiles against her hair. "Meredith…"
Fin.