Author: Nelle Donaghue
Title: As it Should Be 1
E-mail: Elbereth235@aol.com
Rating: G if you hate Falsone, R if you for some ungodly reason like him.
Archive? Sure for Schism and 11 Cents, all others, please ask first:)
Disclaimer: I don't own them and if I did, this would have happened a loooong time ago. And Tim would be a lot happier.
Summary: Therapy, sweet therapy
Author's notes: Actually written a while ago, just now getting around to posting it. Two more planned. ::cracks knuckles and grins maniacally::
***
Paul Falsone fondled the ripe Georgia peach in his hand, knowing that everyone else was jealous of him for having a ripe Georgia peach at this time of year. Soon, everyone would be coming into work and he planned to eat the peach in front of everyone before grabbing Laura Ballard and whisking her away to have wild monkey sex with her. He wondered if he should let everyone in on his secret to perfect hair, motor oil. He ran a hand through his hair and noted that he really needed to go to the local Safeway store and pick up another bottle. He fondled the ripe Georgia peach some more and waved when Tim Bayliss walked in, smug in knowing that he had stolen Ballard from him. The other detectives filtered in, and when he saw Ballard come in, he started to slowly, sensually eat his peach.
She sidled up next to him, "Hey Paul, can I have a bite?"
He cocked his eyebrow up in the way that he knew drove women crazy, "Sure." He said cockily.
She took the peach and bit into it, juice running down her fingers. She handed it back to him, and he took a huge manly bite of it and gasped in as Ballard started to lick her fingers sensually. Unfortunately for Falsone, he had bitten out the pit. His hands went around his neck in the universal sign for choking as Ballard backed away from him. He glanced around the squad room, silently begging for help. No help came. He wondered briefly if they still were mad at him for the way he hounded Mike Kellerman about the Luther Mahoney shooting. No, they couldn't. Kellerman was a lying bastard! It didn't matter that Mahoney was lower than the parasites that feed on pond scum, and slipperier than Teflon.
Tim Bayliss knelt next to Falsone and checked for a carotid artery pulse. There was none, but when Bayliss withdrew his hand, it was obscenely greasy.
The remaining homicide squad members looked at each other before Bayliss and Munch grabbed Falsone's lifeless body, Bayliss taking the top half while Munch took the bottom half. They carried the body out onto the roof cheers erupting when fellow officers saw that Falsone was dead. When they got to the chain link fence, Meldrick climbed the fence and waited at the top while Gee helped Munch and Bayliss lift Falsone's body up to Meldrick who threw it over. There was a large splash as Falsone's body hit the water.
Ballard walked over to Tim, "Tim, I always knew you were the better man." Bayliss looked thoughtful for a moment before leaning down and capturing Laura's lips into a kiss.
Everyone looked up from talking among themselves about Falsone's demise when they heard Frank's voice, "I'm back, and I'm more pissed off than ever."
"Frank!" Tim exclaimed.
"Bayliss."
The squad was almost perfect now, Frank was back and Falsone was gone. Now they just needed to get Kay and Mikey back...
THE END