Untold Truth.
It's been 2 years since the day you moved away.
It's been 2 years since the day we had our biggest argument.
It's been 2 years since we broke up.
It's been 2 years since you give up on me.
It's been 2 years since you choose everyone else over me.
It's been 2 years since you broke my heart into million sharp pieces.
It's been 2 years since the last words was spoke between us.
It's been 2 years since you started a new life.
It's been 2 years since I choose to give up mine.
It's been 2 years, no day without new tears.
No day without new pain.
No day without drowing into darkness.
No day without missing you.
It's been 2 fucking years and yet you still don't know the real reason why I did what I did.
But today is the day when I choose to face you.
The day I choose to try fix what was left broken.
The day for the future.
I was standing across the street, watching you come out of your beautiful house to get mail.
You still made my heart skip a beat.
You was still as bright as always.
And I was as dark as I could ever be.
I start to cross the street right when you looked up.
You froze.
I kept going till I stopped right in front of you.
You didn't say a word, you let your eyes roam over my damned body.
Noticing how dark the circles under my eyes were.
Noticing how unhealthy I looked.
How skinny I have become from all the battle nights.
My lips blue and bloody.
I let my eyes roam over you, your perfect body.
Taking in everything, saving it in my memory.
You suck a deep breath in before you open your mouth to speak.
- I didn't know you were coming… - You let out.
Your voice felt so pleasant to my ears.
- Surprise - I let half smile appeard on my lips.
- Come in, you must be cold. It's chilly outside. - You nod to the house showing me the way in.
There was a lot to take in, it was so you but also so different.
There was a lot things that was so not like you, they made me worried a bit.
But I shake it off following you to the kitchen where you start making coffee.
- So, why did you come all of the sudden? - You asked in weird voice without turning around.
- Phil… - I breath out walking closer to you, ready to put my hands on your shoulders. - If I could, I would turn the time back and fix everything I did wrong. -
- But you can't, Dan. You can't. - You turned around facing me.
Your eyes felt like ice looking straight into mine.
- There is something you need to know, something that I should have told you right that day. - I wanted you to listen so bad but you shake your head.
- Dan, there is nothing else you can say. It is over. It was 2 years back. We said everything. - Phil was still looking at me with no emotions.
- No, there was something more, something much bigger that I couldn't tell you there. Please, let me explain. Please. - I needed him to listen.
- Dan, stop it. It's not worth it. - Phil sigh.
Right when I open my mouth to say that I still love him, baby cries come out of somewhere getting Phil's attention right away.
- Sorry. - Phil walked away to the living room.
I followed you there but the sight shocked me.
I didn't see any of this happening.
Room was full of baby toys and stuff, and you was covering over small human being, picking it up in your arms, kissing it's head, starting to rock it saying that it's alright and that daddy is here.
I couldn't move.
I couldn't believe.
My breathing stopped.
Everything in me was screaming.
You looked up seeing me breaking down.
- You should go before my girlfriend is back home. You are scaring my baby. - Phil said in a strong voice.
It was like a stab in the heart.
Your look was cold toward me.
Once again, you wanted me to leave.
I let my head hung down low turning around to go.
I stopped right before the door taking out small envelope with handwritten letter inside, putting it down on the small table.
I felt your eyes following me.
I let the last tear to slip down my cheek before I opened the door and walked outside.
Walking out of your life, out of this world.
Phil still felt uneven after Dan left, he was putting his sleeping baby back down, walking to look out the window to make sure if Dan was really away, before picking up the simple envelope Dan left.
Phil took a deep breath before opening it and taking out a handwritten letter.
Dear Phil,
I write this letter because there is still a big chance that you won't want to see me or listen to me.
I know that it have been a long time, but please, read this letter.
I have some things to explain.
Some things I didn't told you when they was needed to be said.
That day when we had our big argument, our final argument, I could have fixed it just by telling the truth, but I was too angry, too scared to accept it.
Phil, I have never ever cheated on you.
I could never do anything like that to you or anyone else.
I know you don't believe me because when you asked, I didn't answer, but let me explain.
It all started 2 years and 3 months back.
I was feeling sick and you wasn't around, you was visiting your family. It all got so bad that I got rushed to the hospital.
After spending a day there they told me that I have a cancer.
I felt so damn scared, I didn't know what to do.
So I hid it from you.
All these days I disappear, all these nights I didn't come home, all these times I come home tired and smelling weird, all these times I spend at the hospital fighting a cancer.
I knew that it was wrong to keep it from you, but I didn't want to hurt you telling you that I could die anytime soon.
I didn't see how much I actually was hurting you with simply keeping it from you.
When you told me that you think that I am cheating on you, I understand that I need to explain it all, but the results I got that morning was gotten even worse, so I stayed silent.
With every accuse you throw at me, I felt even more and more angry, so I start yealing back.
But after you left, I felt so damn empty and broken.
I cried so hard.
I tried to reach you but you was nowhere to be found.
I spend every day missing you.
But I don't blame you.
It all was my fault.
I am so sorry, Phil.
I never wanted to ruin your life.
I never wanted to hurt you.
I am so damn sorry.
If I could, I would turn the time back and fix everything right away.
Today, after 2 full years, I finally got to know where you live.
So I sit down to write this, just in case idf everything go wrong.
Just in case something bad happen.
And if you are really reading this right now, it mean that I didn't make it.
But hey, it's life.
Some live it longer and some need to leave sooner.
I am really sorry for everything I did, I really am.
And maybe one day, you will be able to forgive me.
Maybe one day…
Please be happy, Phil, enjoy your life to the fullest and forget about me, forget that I ever existed.
It will be for the best because there is no way back.
I love you, Phil.
I have always loved you and will always love you.
Your Dan. x
There were couple tear marks over the letter, letting Phil know that Dan was crying while writing it.
Phil felt hot tears roal down his own face.
He felt broken all over again.
All this time, all this time he have thought that Dan didn't love him.
But he did, and he still do.
Phil needed to do something.
He stand up hearing his beautiful girlfriend entering their house right that moment.
He rush to the door.
- Please stay here, I need to run out and do something important. - Phil was rushing his words gripping his girlfriend's arms before she nod and Phil could rush outside to search for Dan.
He didn't feel the rain starting to rain, he just needed to find Dan.
He run as fast as he could.
Soon he noticed a black pile of clothes laying down in the middle of the road.
Phil rushed to it noticing that it was Dan.
He kneeled down pulling cold body in his shaking arms.
- Dan, please, open your eyes. - Phil begged him but nothing happened.
Dan's body was so so cold and with every drop of the rain, the color of his skin was washing away.
Phil was shaking Dan, begging him to wake up, to come back to him.
But nothing happened.
- Please… Please… - Phil begged with his tears hitting Dan's face.
He leaned down pressing his lips agaisnt Dan's blue ones.
Pain was rushing through his body.
All his world was breaking.
- I love you… - Phil whisper trying to grip Dan's lifeless body closer.
He was shaking so hard.
He screamed out his pain without wanting to deal with the fact that he have actual lost his lover, his best friend, his soulmate.
Phil looked up at the sky, screaming for Dan to come back.
Soon screamed died down to silent sobs.
Phil was still holding Dan's body close, begging in his mind for them to give him back.
With every minute going, Phil felt even more and more broken.
All his world was lying in his arms right now, without a breath, without a heartbeat, dead.
Soon ambulace come and tried to take it away from him.
Phil scream and tried to hold on to Dan.
He gripped Dan's cold fingers in his, not wanting to let go.
But they slipped out of Phil's wet hand.
Dan, or what was left of him, was put into the car making Phil to watch them take his whole life away.
Phil wanted to scream but there was no energy left.
He felt empty.
He sit back down, looking up at the night sky.
One star felt closer than ever, brighter than any other have ever been.
Phil knew that it was his star.
It was his Dan watching over him.
A faded memory come to Phil's mind.
They laying in the dark, not even touching.
Dan turned around around to face Phil.
- Can you please promise me something? - Dan asked in hush voice.
- Of course. - Phil said right away turning to face Dan.
- Please keep going even when I'm not here anymore, please keep living and be happy, okay? Please promise me that you will continue your life even after me. - Dan asked with tears.
- But why… ? - Phil felt confused.
- Just please promise me, Phil. Please, I am begging you. - Now Dan was already crying.
- I promise. - Phil said pullind Dan into hug and kissing him.
Phil looked up at the star with last tears streaming down his cheeks.
- I promise. - He whisper before closing his eyes.