Jakotsu's Wish
A Spam Fic
by Cat Who
Author's note: Yes, I'm supposed to be working on Under the Dog Star, Thousand Nights, and Being the Demon's daughter. (Actually, UtDS up to chapter eighteen is done, but chapter 16's release is delayed until anime episode 53 comes out subtitled. Why? 'Cause it only makes sense if you've seen the Ryuu-kossei arc!)
Anyway. Um. This one struck me because Jakotsu is my favorite villain in the entire series so far (yeah, I'm a yaoi fangirl) and I just couldn't resist. You need to have read manga volumes 24 and what will become 25 (the arc is TEN CHAPTERS LONG ALREADY! argh . . .) in order to understand ANYTHING that's going on in here.
Let's assume that Jakotsu had a tiny break before he called Kouga "delicate" *giggles over that one again* and let's also assume that Sesshoumaru went home for just a bit after he saved Kagome. I'm pretty sure this fits nicely into canon that way.
Okay . . . enough blabbing.
Sesshoumaru fans . . . again, I couldn't resist. ^_^
* * *
"Man, both Inu-Yasha and the houshi are gone. Now there's no one for me to play with." Jakotsu the Sadistic Gay Zombie slumped onto the ground, feeling very sorry for himself. Two tasty morsels had escaped his clutches in one day, and it was really depressing him. He was beginning to wonder if that Naraku guy would hold up on his end of the deal after all.
"You can play with me," a tiny voice said out of nowhere. Jakotsu lifted his too pretty face up to find himself nose to nose with a beautiful winged fairy. A female fairy.
WHAM.
"You didn't have to do that," the little fairy cried. "I can help you! Really I can!"
"I don't want your kind of help!" He ground his fist into the dirt, and was satisfied to hear a slight crunching sound.
"OUCH," the fairy complained loudly, and bit Jakotsu's hand in revenge. The zombie lifted it instantly, and sucked on his bleeding palm, eyeing the crumpled fairy with contempt.
"I was trying to say I can help you get your wish," the fairy snarled, nursing her bruised wing. The little creature was no more than six inches high, and she had had a beautiful set of butterfly wings, although Jakotsu had knocked almost all the down off with his fist. Fortunately, she was obviously a youkai, as the down was regrowing rapidly. Her outfit was a shimmery gold catsuit, and she also sported a head full of yellow hair, which was uncommon even for a demon in Japan.
Jakotsu still didn't like her one bit. He raised his other fist to smoosh her again, but the fairy held up one hand defensively.
"Tell me how you can help me get Inu-Yasha, and I'll let you live," he said.
"If you help me out, I'll give you Inu-Yasha," the fairy retorted.
"What sort of help do you need?"
"I'm trying to found out what happened to my niece. Now, look, this is important to me. My niece was married to Inu-Yasha's brother, Sesshoumaru."
Inu-Yasha had a brother? With visions of yaoi threesomes in his head, the zombie nodded. "I'm listening."
"But she mysteriously disappeared about the same time as Inu-Taisho, Inu-Yasha and Sesshoumaru's dad. All I want his her journal. Do you think you can do that for me?" The little fairy flitted up to eye level with Jakotsu again.
"Where would this journal be?"
"Sesshoumaru's lair. I cannot leave the woods here, or else I would retrieve it myself, but I can stop time and send you there. The only thing is that you must not touch ANYONE or else the spell will be broken and you'll end up right back here."
Jakotsu stood up and hefted his sword over his shoulder. "Why'd you ask me, fairy trash?"
The fairy narrowed her tiny eyes at the zombie. "Because, dirt-breath, I hate Inu-Yasha almost as much as I hate Sesshoumaru. It was because of Inu-Yasha that Inu-Taisho died, and it was because of Sesshoumaru than my niece Makoto died."
"All I want to do is play with them a little," Jakotsu objected with a leer.
The fairy winced. "Whatever. Just . . . get me that journal. Are you ready?"
Jakotsu nodded. The fairy clapped twice, and suddenly the zombie was whisked hundreds of miles across the country to the outskirts of Kyoto.
He blinked a few times once he landed. This Sesshoumaru guy's house was pretty spiffy, if a little old. He confidently stepped inside, not bothering to remove his shoes since he wasn't actually wearing any.
"Hello? Sesshoumaruuuu," he called happily, but no one answered. Slightly disappointed, he wandered throughout the castle. One room seemed to be a child's playroom -- a small doll in the corner and the tiny futon rolled up on the side gave that away. Most of the rooms were empty, though. Jakotsu pursed his lips and continued looking for the missing brother -- er, missing journal.
He found both of them in Sesshoumaru's office.
"Wow," Jakotsu breathed. "He's even more beautiful than Inu-Yasha!"
The zombie grinned delightedly and peered at the sad, proud face, which was frozen for the moment over a book. Hmmm. Jakotsu walked around to the other side and read the book over Sesshoumaru's shoulder . . . very slowly and painfully.
"'And I have heard from Tomiko that she is now expecting! I'm so delighted. Sesshoumaru isn't taking it very well, since he never really liked her to begin with, but Inu-Taisho is ecstatic. I hope to someday grace my own Sesshoumaru with a son. Of course, it isn't for want of trying on our part, but we're both very young by youkai standards, so perhaps my biological clock hasn't gotten me ready quite yet' -- ugh, this is female stuff! Ewww!" Jakotsu backed away as if he had been burned, and then put the pieces together.
"That fairy-trash mentioned an Inu-Taisho . . . and said it was Inu-Yasha's fault that he died. Hmmm. I wonder of Inu-Taisho is Inu-Yasha's dad? He was probably just as sexy as both his sons . . . anyway, this has to be the journal."
He started to reach for it, but then he noticed the sad expression on Sesshoumaru's face again. Jakotsu had never seen anyone more beautiful. He tried very hard to resist the urge to touch that incredible mass of silver hair that fell over the youkai lord's powerful shoulders.
Oooh, dilemma. He could take the journal as promised, and have Inu-Yasha, or he could sit here and study Sesshoumaru forever. Inu-Yasha would struggle and be lots of fun in any event, but Jakotsu doubted he would ever match his wonderful older brother in sheer proud masculine yumminess.
He spent nearly an hour drinking in Sesshoumaru's handsome face before coming to his decision. He had settled onto the desk, his head propped onto his elbow, his sword resting on his thigh, staring in rapt fascination at the play of sunlight on that silver hair. So delicious. So ripe for plucking . . . so . . . glompable.
"Sorry, fairy lady. I want to play with Sesshoumaru more!" And Jakotsu glomped and snoodled and kissed Sesshoumaru delightedly, causing the youkai lord to awaken from the time-spell instantly. The expression on Sesshoumaru's face was well worth losing an easy chance at Inu-Yasha to Jakotsu. Unfortunately, the spell that send him to Kyoto in the first place also broke, and the zombie went flying back to the battlefield -- without the journal.
"What the . . . ?" Sesshoumaru said, breaking his composure for the first time in nearly seventy years. He blinked and decided to go back to Edo to check on his weak little brother. He gave Makoto's journal an affectionate pat and left.
Back in Edo, Jakotsu had returned with a blissful smiled on his face.
"Well?" demanded the fairy. "Did you get the journal?"
"No, sorry, fairy-trash. I got something even better." Jakotsu grinned lecherously and stared into space. "I'm going to get Inu-Yasha -- AND his brother -- on my own. Oh my. If Inu-Yasha tastes half as good as Sesshoumaru did . . ."
Horrified, the little fairy flew up into Jakotsu's face again. "TASTES? You ATE Sesshoumaru?"
Annoyed, Jakotsu pounded the fairy into the ground with his fist again and went to find some more tasty boys to play with. "Sorry, fairy-trash. Find someone else to do your dirty work."
"Come back here you ungrateful zombie!" the fairy cried, but Jakotsu was already gone, spinning plans of all the fun he'd have once he caught both Inu-Yasha and Sesshoumaru.
* * *
(For those reading Under the Dog Star, there is a teaser for chapter twenty in this fic! Aren't I evil? See, you have to read ALL of my fics now. They're all kinda . . . interconnected. Yeah.)
The End.