Author's Note: Hi, guys and girls. This is my first fanfiction so reprimand, review, and revisit. :) I am mostly putting this up as an experiment. I am working on a longer Pride and Prejudice spin-off, but I am not so good at writing in installments and my revising partner - aka my sister - happens to be on the other side of the world right now. :( For all of those who are reading this: Let me know what you think of the set-up (and the actual piece, if you wish). Remember I can only fix formatting and posting errors if someone tells me that I did something wrong. :)
That being said - Enjoy! (Warning: Please take into account that I wrote, revised, and proofed this at nine at night, with a headache due to a total of about four hours of sleep the night before. My sincere apologies.)
Disclaimer: I don't own Pride and Prejudice or Lizzy or Darcy or any of Jane Austen's wonderful characters - however, I have tweaked them and they did not complain.
"Uggg! I really hate it when I start combing my hair and find another bobby pin!"
"Is it really that bad, Lizzy?"
"Yes!" (dramatic, whiny voice) "Because by the time I find the stupid thing half my hair is gone!"
"Well, than I certainly hope it doesn't happen again…"
"Ha, ha very funny" (voice of Larry Boy – seriously I do a mean Larry Boy – actually I can do a mean anyone) "Are you wearing that, Jane?!"
"Do you have a problem with it?"
"I hate that color!"
"Oh, hush, I just got this dress. Of course I have to wear it at some point."
"My black dress is classier." (nose in the air snobby impression)
"But so are you."
"Ha!" (Jane knows that is the absolutely biggest lie of the day, week rather, probably the century – well, OK, maybe not that far, we have had a crazy century after all)
HHHHH
"Wow, Charlotte, I never would have guessed the party would get the attention of such people as the Great Reverend Charles Bingley and top debater Fitzwilliam Darcy." (sarcasm dripping – quite a normal thing I assure you. Don't panic.)
"Well, they had to be invitation invited but since they had an extra week end day and don't know anyone here they condescended to grace us with their presents."
"No kidding! "Condescended" is a perfect word. Have you seen how the smart, quick, all-knowing, bloated and arrogant Darcy has walked around talking to know one?" (I know gossip is bad - please forgive me. I am trying to mend my ways, but this was actually what I did at that moment)
"But Bingley appears to like your sister…"
(huge smile from Charlotte, smirk from me) "Surprise, surprise."
HHHHH
"Excuse me."
(falling over almost backward as I am completely body slammed from the front) "Ha, no problem. The floor is actually moderately clean over here."
"Cleaner than somethings I am sure." (Big-boy takes a step back – the World's Best Word Fighter for the less intelligent)
HHHHH
"No, Bingley. Thanks. I would much prefer to sit here in safety than venture out into the middle of this crowded room."
"But, Darcy, there are so many people here who would love to speak just a few words to you."
"I know I have been tripping over them already." (excuse me – you are the one who ran into me! – oh and yeah you, as reader, caught me. I'm eavesdropping)
"Darcy, look around. There are so many nice people here. Have you met my new friend's sister?"
"Yes, I tripped over her a while back. She is – pause (come on I am not that bad!) – She is insignificant."
"Darcy!"
"Nicest way I could think to say it. Go enjoy the party, Bingley. I'll wait here for you." (I knew there was a reason I disliked this Darcy guy, but actually I think I will forget about that. He is going to be so fun to laugh at!)
HHHHH
"Charlotte! You will never, ever guess what I am going to tell you!" (Lydia Bennet voice in the new movie – sorry if you're not a fan. I am not picky about what I quote.)
"What?!" (she is laughing and turning in a circle, as I jump around her, hands on her shoulders)
"I was sitting just 'round the corner over there and I heard the most ridiculous conversation!"
"Whom?"
"Bingley and Darcy the Great."
"What about?"
"Me." (laugh at her dumbstruck expression)
HHHHH
It took several more times telling it to get the story just the way I wanted it but by the end it made everyone but Jane laugh – she was too busy trying to comprehend how anyone could insult me, her beloved sister, in such an offending manner, and trying to make an excuse for the gentleman in question.
And...there you have it. I figured if this worked out I could turn this into a longer story, but as I said it is really just an experiment. Thanks for reading! :)