This is the 20th story in my series. It is meant to be a love letter to my readers. You have all been so faithful and wonderful to me. I can't thank you enough for the support. This is for all of you.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have the rights to anything of the Supernatural universe. I am just playing in their sandbox.
Walking into the hospital room, Lizzy takes a look at Cass' still, silent form for the thousandth time. She's getting used to this, his status being what it is. It's not something she's happy with but at least for once she can always know where he is at all times. Bonus, right?
"Evening, Cassie," Lizzy says to him, the only nurse in the building to know his actual name. "Brought you something." She places the mini Christmas tree on the small bedside table next to him, it decorated with little tinsel strands and tiny ornaments, a bright yellow star on the top. "Not exactly sure where you stand on the whole Christmas thing, honestly… but I figured what the hell. Maybe you liked Jesus and wanted to say happy birthday. I don't know." She huffs a laugh when she imagines the world, several hundreds of years later, celebrating a February Christmas in honor of her own son's birthday as he's also a coming of God on earth.
The thought then quickly makes her stomach churn and she shoves it completely away.
"So, what'll it be today?" she asks, hearing the rumble of thunder far off in the distance. "Same old same old? Being the strong silent type?"
Lizzy putters around the room, checking his vitals and recording them, nothing having changed. She needs to swap out his bed linen today to prevent the bed sores he will never get. It's shocking that not one single coworker has noticed the fact that Castiel's hair never gets dirty, his stomach never rumbles with hunger, and he never has a change in health despite his comatose state.
"Alright, dude. You're boring," Lizzy comments, finishing her notes in his chart. She then places it in the wall file holder and looks at him. She's tired of the waiting. It makes her anxious that he'll remain this way forever. What happens when he never ages? Never dies? What will the staff do then?
She sits down on the edge of his bed and picks up his hand, a thunder clap loudly crashing much closer this time. Glancing out the window and seeing no rain, she shrugs it off.
"Cassie, I need you to wake up, man," Lizzy says to him, grabbing his lifeless hand. "You gotta give me something here. I'm worried about you."
Once again, nothing in response.
"Plus, it'd be good to have you back right now," she tells him. "I could use more friends." She grins sadly and pats the back of his hand. She then replaces it onto the comforter and gets up. She starts packing up and prepares to leave for a bit to finish her duties so that later she can come back to sit with him silently just like every day.
With a giant, brilliant flash of lightning, a massive boom of thunder rumbles through the entire building. She jumps a foot as her eyes snap to the window. The entire building goes dark when the power cuts out. "What the fuck was that?" she asks herself before hearing the springs in the old, crappy hospital bed creak sharply.
When she turns to look she sees Castiel, bright blue eyes wide open as he sits up straight in his bed, wide awake.
"Cass!?" she says loudly, rushing to his side. "Cassie!?"
He keeps staring at the wall ahead of him, eyes big and odd.
"Talk to me!" Lizzy starts to panic with the crazy way he's acting.
He doesn't move a muscle, just stares.
"Castiel, you say something to me right now!" Lizzy demands, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at her.
"Something happened," his voice rasps out with certainty.
"What?" she questions with concern.
After blinking a few times their eyes meet solidly, the angel showing just the slightest moment of recognition before he very strangely smiles. "Hello, Elizabeth."
"Lizzy?" Sam asks as he answers his phone, surprised to be getting a call from her this early in the morning. "What's up?"
"He's awake."
Sam pauses for just a split second with the sudden news. "What… Cass is awake?"
Dean sharply looks to his brother in the passenger seat of the car. "When?"
Sam holds up an index finger and puts the phone on speaker.
Once more, Dean asks, "When?"
"Last night about eight," Lizzy answers. "It was during some freak thunderstorm. There was a huge clap of thunder, the place lost power, and the next thing I know Cass is sitting up in bed wide awake."
"And you waited till now to call us?" Dean wonders with surprise, having thought she wouldn't wait all night to let them know.
Lizzy huffs a disbelieving laugh over his questioning her. "I've been busy with Cass."
"Busy?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, really busy," she tells them. "He's… a little different than we remember him."
"What do you mean, different?" Dean keeps plying her.
"Well, considering I'm not a nurse and I'm just playing one on TV, I can only guess that mentally he's been completely affected by the Cage memories. He's just… he's not like the old, ridged, stuffy dude he used to be. I think Luci might have broken his brain a bit."
"Understandable," Sam comments, completely getting it.
"He's been a handful and I've been put on his watch twenty-four seven. Lou's bringing Sammy in later so I can actually see him today," Lizzy says and sighs with exhaustion. "I haven't had a chance to really talk to Cass about everything but I was gonna wait for you guys to get here if you can. Dean… I think the two of us should sit him down. Pretty sure it's gonna take more than just me to get through to him."
"He's that bad?" Dean shocks.
"Just start driving if you can," Lizzy asks. "I need help with him and I can't really explain it. You have to see it for yourself."
"We're on our way," Sam promises. "Just… watch him."
"It's what I get paid for," Lizzy flatly jokes. "How long you think?"
"Be there tonight."
"Ok, good. Be safe," Lizzy says and hangs up, Sam pocketing his phone.
"Great. So, nut house?" Dean assumes already.
"Yeah," Sam nods while he responds.
"Eight o'clock last night. Thunderstorm." Dean brings up the odd timing while turning on his turn signal to start his way back west instead of east.
"Yeah. Same time we opened up that thing," Sam nudges his head to the back seat where the stone with ancient writing sits in a duffle. "Coincidence, right?" he sarcastically asks.
"Isn't it always," Dean replies dryly. "At least the guy is back in the waking world though."
"Yeah," Sam says with conflict, not sure how he's supposed to feel about the angel in the moment after everything that's happened. Sure, Cass saved him from death due to mental taxation… but he'd never have been attacked by his Cage memories if Cass didn't take down his wall in the first place.
He's weary at best.
"Cass, stop it," Lizzy says in a stern yet not too angry voice as she watches Castiel turn the miniature Christmas tree in his hands, ornaments and tinsel dislodging from the branches and falling to the floor.
"I never understood this custom," he says with narrow eyes examining the item. "Why would people celebrate the coming of my Father on Earth with a dying tree covered in bright objects?"
"It's actually just a bunch of Pagan traditions," Lizzy starts to tell him as she rushes over and pulls the tree from his grips. "The Christian church pretty much stole the winter solstice celebrations and turned them into a way to say happy birthday Jesus."
"Jesus was not born in December," Castiel comments, his serious face looking right at her. "I remember that clearly…."
"And we humans just screw everything right on up, don't we," she jokes and places the tree on the nightstand. "Cass, dude, could you just sit down for a minute, please? You're wearing me the hell out." He really is. Ever since he woke up he's been running around the hospital looking at everything and being oddly childlike in his demeanor. She's exhausted.
"Can we go outside?" Castiel asks her, walking to the window. He looks out over the big lawn. "Everything is green out there. I like green better than white. It's a more forgiving color, don't you think?"
When he looks to her for an answer, his eyes are so innocent and filled with wonder she doesn't really know how to respond. In a way he's reverted to a younger being, the thousands year old angel suddenly nothing but a curious little boy rediscovering the world he's observed for centuries.
"I do," she agrees with a warm smile. With everything Castiel has done for her maybe this is what he needs right now. Care. Patience. Love that he's never been shown before when his state is fragile. "But for now we need to stay inside."
"Why?"
"I want to keep you safe until you're a little more with it," she gently tells him, walking to stand next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Safe? From what?" he asks, his forehead wrinkled and head cocked to the side.
"Everything," she laughs. "But right now? Mostly demons."
"No," he instantly shakes his head and backs away from her. "No, I don't fight."
"Excuse me?" she laughs lightly. "Since when?"
"I don't do that anymore," Castiel says as he steps back away from her, his voice going old school Cass with his determination. "I will not fight."
"No one's asking you to," she promises gently, walking right back up to him with her hands out. "I don't want you to fight anyone… or anything."
"Good. Because I do not like conflict."
"Who does?" she smiles, understanding him. "Now, can you sit down for just a few minutes and talk to me? Please?"
Castiel's face softens right back up. "For you, Elizabeth? I would be happy to."
With a flap of some invisible wings, Castiel disappears from sight.
"Damn it!" Lizzy complains, running out into the hallway to go find him.
"Cass, you can't just run out on me like that," Lizzy complains as she takes a seat across from the angel in the cafeteria after she finally finds him, twenty-minutes of her life now gone with searching.
"I don't like any of this," Castiel tells her, his mouth full of tapioca pudding. He pushes the multiple food items opened and barely eaten towards her and away from him with a disgusted face. "It tastes… complex."
"And I'm guessing that's bad?" she smiles at him.
"Very bad."
"That's because it's hospital food. No one likes it," Lizzy laughs as she gathers everything on a tray to clean up his mess.
"Maybe it's because I'm an angel that it tastes so terrible," he says thoughtfully, looking off around the room and taking in very detail he can of every mundane thing about the room.
"You know that for sure? That you're an angel?" she asks, not having been able to get a true read on him just yet. He doesn't seem to remember much and if he does then he's playing it all off beautifully.
"I'm certain of it," he responds.
"That's good." She smiles at him kindly. "Because you're right. And angels don't need to eat so I guess food doesn't really need to taste good, does it?"
"No, I suppose not," he says with disappointment. "It is a shame though."
"Is it?"
"Dean always seemed to enjoy food quite immensely," he says, looking at her with honesty. "I wanted to understand that enjoyment."
"You remember Dean?" she breathes out with relief.
"Of course." He voice saddens at that.
"Would you like to see him?" Lizzy wonders.
Castiel looks around the room again, this time nervously with the idea. "That all depends."
"On?"
"If he's still mad at me," Castiel says to her. "I do not like conflict."
"Yeah, I'm getting that," Lizzy comments, pushing the filled tray of barely eaten food to the side. "But if I promise he's not mad and he isn't going to fight with you?"
Considering the idea, Castiel sits for a moment within his own head. "Are you familiar with the story of Judas Iscariot?"
Lizzy just blinks a few times, letting her brain catch up with his erratic train of thought, and she takes it in stride. "Judas… the disciple?"
"Yes."
"Then yeah, I am," Lizzy says with confidence. She read, reread, and re-reread every story of Jesus Christ several times over at this point in preparation for Sammy's looming future.
"Many prophets and apostles believed that he was just betraying Jesus for money, that he was greedy," Castiel explains, looking right at her unwaveringly for the first time since he awoke. His eyes have been shifty with wonder but right now he seems focused and like he trusts her fully. "That was not the case."
"What was the case then?" Lizzy wonders.
"He was a good friend to Jesus," Castiel says with a smile. "I used to observe them together. They liked to walk alone and speak of how to help the people around them, the people of my Father. They were always so honest with each other, like their friendship was something special… something that others couldn't quite understand. They had a trust there, one that developed quickly as they over and over proved to each other they did in fact love one another like brothers. Real brothers. Jesus considered Judas his kin. I really believe that."
Keeping quiet to let him continue uninterrupted, Lizzy starts to see where this was going.
"So, you see, it would take a whole lot more than money to make Judas do something as terrible as betray Jesus and hand him to the Romans the way he did. He was not a trivial man."
"Why'd he do it then?"
Castiel narrows his eyes at her. He sighs. "Some say it was not under his free will that he did it, that it was prophesized so therefore it played out as so. However, you and I know that free will is stronger than that."
"Yes we do," she smiles at him, loving seeing her friend again and hearing him speak like this. She knew he was one of the good ones, even after everything.
"My Father believes in the free will of humanity to an extent. It's one of the reasons he's always loved you all more than my brothers and sisters… more than me."
He looks sad with that and Lizzy reaches across the table, taking his hand in hers. He looks at her oddly with the loving gesture but doesn't pull his hand back.
"I can say that he was right, however," Castiel mentions. "Humans, like you, Elizabeth… you are much better then angels. You care, you show remorse for wrongdoings and… you love. Real love. It's beautiful. It's one of the truly beautiful things in this world, like sunlight. And the workings of honey bees."
She smiles at him, seeing that childlike innocence she always knew was in her angel come shining through with his new mental state. "I like that. But you didn't answer my question."
"Then you must repeat it for me."
"Why did Judas betray his friend?"
"Simply because he didn't see how he had any other choice," Castiel explains. "He saw what Jesus was doing to the Roman rule, making it concerned and agitated with his crusade of sorts, and feared the fall out would be disastrous to the good, innocent people all around him. He gave Jesus up to save the lives of hundreds, of thousands, that would have gotten caught in the crossfire of Jesus' believers and all the other Roman citizens. It could have resulted in large scale violence and bloodshed… and Judas couldn't sit by and watch it happen. One man's life for that of who knows how many others? A good man knows that is not right."
Lizzy just grins as she knows a couple of men that would agree with that sentiment.
"Judas struggled," Castiel continues on. "He lived in turmoil over this decision and yet, in the end, he made it on his own will. He did what he saw as the only right way and it ruined him. It haunted him every second and he died soon after at his own hand when he couldn't take it. He was simply hating himself for betraying his beloved friend."
Gripping tightly to his hand, Lizzy asks him, "Cass? Do you see yourself as Judas in this example? Do you think you betrayed your friends for the greater good too?"
Once more, Castiel's eyes dart away as he takes his hand back from her. He gets uncomfortable and silences himself.
"It's ok. I mean, I get it if you do…."
"Would you like to play Monopoly?" he questions her, stopping the conversation where it was. "I have never had the chance to play it. It seems fun."
Lizzy sighs and huffs a laugh. "Sure. If that's what you want to do."
"I would like that."
"Can we just wait until…?" She gives up when the flap of wings happens again. He left the room. "…Sammy and Lou get here. Guess not."
"Children are a wonder, are they not?" Castiel proclaims as he sits on the floor, Sammy playing around the blanket spread out for him in the angel's hospital room. He's been fascinated by the little boy as he's gone about playing, crawling, and putting everything he can in his mouth. Castiel lies on his stomach and gets eye to eye with Sammy as he's crawling towards him on all fours. "Everything is so new to them, so wondrous. Wouldn't it be great to go back, erase all we know, and relearn it all like children?"
"Wow," Lou comments with wide eyes as she stands in the corner, leaning her back into the walls there with arms crossed over her chest. She's stayed away so far, unsure of the angel. All she's personally seen has put her on edge with being in his presence, even despite how odd and harmless he's acting.
Lizzy gives her a look that says to keep quiet and play nice.
"Now, Samuel, do you also like the color green?" Castiel asks the boy. He keeps doing that, asking the boy that cannot speak questions. "I feel it is the best of the colors I have seen and, at this point, I believe I've seen them all." Castiel holds out a green wooden block to Sammy.
The little boy stops crawling, sits down, and takes the block offered. He pops the corner of it into his mouth.
Cass smiles and looks to Lizzy. "He agrees with me."
"You're probably right," Lizzy laughs, going with it. She then checks her phone, the time ticking away. Dean and Sam will arrive any moment.
Suddenly, Castiel sits up tall and looks at Lizzy funny. "You're nervous. Why are you nervous?"
With surprise, Lizzy just looks at him. "I'm not nervous."
"You lie," Castiel accuses, scooting across the floor to where she sits on the other side of the blanket. He presses his palm to her forehead unceremoniously, the slap he makes heard loudly in the sparse room. "Your heart rate is high. I can feel the tension. And you're sweating." When he takes his hand back he takes one look at it and then wipes it on his trench coat. "What's wrong?"
"Cassie, you don't need to be so worried about me," she grins at him warmly.
"You are concerned with me so I am concerned with you," he turns it right around. "And it is my job. It has always been my job so… please. I want to help."
"That is very sweet of you," Lizzy assures, patting his shoulder. "You've always been good to me, Cass. But right now I want you to focus on you."
"I feel you're worried about… Dean arriving?" Castiel thinks aloud and when he finds his conclusion he's very confused. "Well, that cannot be right…."
"Hey!" the male voice on an orderly is heard shouting in the hallway. Lizzy stands up immediately, knowing what's happening, and runs to the hallway. "Excuse me, gentlemen, but it's way past visiting hours!"
"It's okay, Felix!" Lizzy yells down the hall and when she pops her head out there she can see Dean and Sam looking at her as they're stopped by the coworker. "I've been expecting them."
"Oh, uh… ok, I guess," Felix says with confusion as the tall men walk right past him.
"I ok-ed it with Kadinsky," she grins calmly and Felix just nods, leaving them be. "Hi," Lizzy greets them, her weird and uncomfortable ways returning the second she's in Dean's presence.
"So he's up and talking?" Dean questions, remaining completely business like for his own benefit.
"The whole nine," Lizzy says. "But he's very different than you remember so go easy on him."
"Easy?" Sam asks with slight astonishment at her.
"Trust me," she asks of them. "I know you're still pissed…."
"He broke Sam!" Dean harshly whispers.
"And then fixed him and took it all on himself," Lizzy quietly reminds. "He feels bad, he's sorry… and he's fragile."
"Fragile my ass," Dean comments with fire and walks right past her, ignoring Lizzy's heavy sigh of worry as he does.
When he stands in the doorway he sees Castiel, the angel that was once a big ally in his very small circle of trust, the one that betrayed him worse than anyone ever has, sitting on the floor with Sammy in his lap, handing him colored wooden blocks from the blanket.
"Hey, Cass."
The angel's posture goes ridged instantly. He looks over to see the Winchesters in the doorway, clearly worried to just come in the room. He stands up, bringing Sammy with him. He holds the boy easily on one arm. "Hello, Dean. Sam." He nods to them both.
"Hey, Castiel," Sam adds in, nervous as all hell about how this is supposed to go.
"Look at you, walkin' and talkin'," Dean mentions, his own awkward nervousness clear. "That's… that's great, right?"
Not responding, Castiel walks for Dean, giving him one very serious, hard stare the entire way. When he makes it to his old friend, standing tall with Sammy still in his hold and sitting on his hip, he extends his hand with his index finger pointed Dean's way.
"Pull my finger."
Dean and Sam are frozen, bugged out eyes on the angel. Glancing at Lizzy, she just smiles at Dean as she's already had the twenty-four hour jump start on adjusting.
"What?" Dean asks with huge confusion.
"My finger…" Castiel repeats. "Pull it."
Cautiously, Dean reaches out and does as he's asked. He pulls on Castiel's finger and every light in the hospital room shatters instantly, putting the room in darkness.
Castiel looks at Dean with a grin. And he laughs.
"What the hell was that?" Dean asks Castiel just as Sammy starts to cry with the scary moment.
"It was a joke," Castiel says seriously, pressing one finger to Sammy's forehead. The boy instantly stops crying and is happy once more, as if nothing happened. "You will need to be much braver than that in the future."
"He's just a baby, Cass," Dean says with annoyance, pulling his son out of the angel's hold. "Hey, dude," he smiles wide at his boy when he's got him, kissing his cheek. "You ok?"
"He's great," Lizzy answers, standing next to Cass and putting her hand on his shoulder to show everything really is kosher. "And Cass has been excellent with Sammy."
"I'm sure he has," Dean says with suspicion in his tone.
"Cass, can we talk?" Sam questions, also with suspicious wonder running through him. This all seems so odd.
"Absolutely, Sam," Castiel answers while relaxing, feeling so relieved that the man clearly must not hate him as much as he should if he wants to talk. "What would you like to talk about? I'm currently very preoccupied by the thought of color and how each one can convey an emotion. How do you feel about the color green?"
Sam doesn't respond. He can't. He has no fucking idea what the hell Castiel is talking about.
When he gets no answer, the angel tries again. "Are you more of a blue kind of guy?"
"Oh…kay…." Sam says with shock. "Cass, why don't we sit down, huh?"
"Okay, just hang on, Cass," Dean asks, sitting on the hospital bed with Sammy in his lap, helping himself to some of the peeled and sliced apples Lou brought with her that he's 'giving Sammy for snack'. "Wait. Let us catch up to you for a second."
"So, you're saying you remember who you are, what you are," Sam sums it up, standing on one side of the big window in the room, Castiel on the other as his eyes remain trained outside on the lawn below.
"Yes, of course," Castiel answers, his voice as far away as his brain. He gets excited thinking about the trip outside he took with Lizzy earlier once she made sure the space was clear of threats. "Oh, outside today, in the garden, I followed a honeybee. I saw the route of flowers. It's all right there, the whole plan. There's nothing to add."
"You might want to add a little Thorazine," Sam remarks to Lizzy as she stands between Dean and Castiel, always by Cass' side during this weird transitional time as she's very worried about him.
"He's fine," Lizzy says with a look that says not to say such things to the fragile angel right now. "And you can watch it, Sam-I-Am."
He looks at her funny. "You taking sides?" he jokes.
"Just saying, I'm not above kicking your ass again if you're mean," she smirks. She misses her brother-in-law.
"Will you look at her?" Castiel awes while turning around to look at Lizzy. "My caretaker. My Elizabeth. She's caring yet tough. And she's hiding so much pain right now. So beautiful."
"Ooook," Lizzy says, patting Castiel's back and glancing at Dean out of the corner of her eyes.
"What pain?" Dean asks, jumping in right away when he mentions something wrong with Lizzy.
"Heartbreak," Castiel answers. "She won't tell me what it's about but I can sense it. We are still connected after all."
"You didn't tell him," Dean says to her, understanding everything right away. Lizzy shakes her head now.
"Tell me what?" Castiel asks.
"Okay," Sam cuts in, keeping the childlike Castiel on track. "So, Cass, you said you woke up last night?"
"Yes. I heard a ping that pierced me, and, well, you wouldn't have heard it unless you were an angel at the time."
"Well, that's also when we opened this," Sam says, opening a duffle bag and pulling out the stone tablet they recovered from Dick's transport the night before.
"The hell is that?" Lou questions, looking from by his side as he hands the stone over.
"Hopefully we're about to find out," Sam responds.
"Oh, of course," Castiel says with recognition as he inspects the item. "Now I understand."
"Understand what?" Sam asks.
"You were the ones. Well... I guess that makes sense."
"What makes sense?" Dean questions with waning patience.
"If someone was going to free the Word from the vault of the Earth, it would end up being you two," Cass huffs with fondness. "Oh, I love you guys."
Castiel walks to Sam and gives him a big hug, one that Sam doesn't know how to respond to. His arms hang at his sides the whole time as he looks at Lizzy for help. Of course she doesn't and instead smirks at him.
Sam grins oddly and pats Castiel on the back a couple times and the angel backs off. He then heads for Dean but Dean holds a hand out in front of him, pressing into his chest to keep him away.
"Okay. Alright," Dean stops him. "Okay. Let's get back to this Word stuff."
Castiel looks hurt.
"I'm holding Sammy," Dean excuses. Castiel still stays put with his long, disappointed face. "Look, I love ya too, buddy, but we have work to get to. That's all."
"Yeah, yeah," Sam moves things along once more. "You… you said something about The Word. Is that what's written on there?"
Sharply turning to Sam, Castiel's mind veers yet again. "Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact the females were not consulted about that."
"Cass," Lizzy says with a very light and nonthreatening tone, grasping lightly to Dean's arm to keep him calm when she saw his patience wear a little too thin. "You gotta focus. I know you love those little tidbits of really random trivia right now…."
"Dogs only sweat through their feet. It's why their paws have a distinct smell. Actually, I find that it's a lot like corn chips…."
"Cass, please," Dean cuts in, standing up and perching Sammy on his hip. "We're losing ground out there, okay? We need your help. Can you not see that?"
With a pause, Castiel gives in. He looks over the stone again. "This is the handwriting of Metatron."
"Metatron!?" Sam asks with utter shock. "You saying a Transformer wrote that?"
Lou immediately smacks him on the arm for his stupidity. "Megatron, dummy."
"What!?" Sam looks at her confused.
"The Transformer's name is Megatron."
Sam stares her down for a split second. "What?"
"You're lucky you're cute," she tells him jokingly while shaking her head. He must be running on empty.
"Metatron. He's an angel," Castiel explains to him. "He's the scribe of God. He took down dictation when creation was being formed."
"And that's the Word of God?" Dean asks, pointing to the stone.
"One of them, yes."
"Uh... well, what's it say then?" Sam asks when he sees hope.
"Uh... tree," Castiel says, looking up and scanning the people in the room. "Horse? Fiddler crab? I can't read it. It wasn't meant for angels."
"What the hell are you two idiots doing with the Word of God!?" Lizzy asks, the panic rising quickly when she realizes how big this item really is.
"We got it from a dick," Dean comments.
"A dick… or the Dick?" Lizzy asks, getting a feeling.
"We intercepted it," Sam vaguely explains and Lizzy gets upset.
"The fuck are you doing hanging around Leviathans!?" she looks at Dean solely. "Do you have a death wish!?" Seriously!?"
"Oh, you suddenly care again?" Dean asks, getting upset that she'd challenge him right now.
"I care about the father of my son, yes," she snaps right back, their old ways of falling into arguments coming back all too easily, especially now that it's been declared over between them and Dean doesn't have to try anymore.
"Lizzy, I swear, you need to get off it," Dean tells her sternly. "I'm doing my job."
She closes her eyes and sighs heavily, containing her upset.
"You're fighting," Castiel says when he sees the tension, panic rising in him. "Why are you two fighting?"
Both go silent with the question at first until Dean speaks first. "I'm not telling him."
"Figures," Lizzy rolls her eyes.
"What does that mean?" Dean asks, bouncing Sammy in his hold for a moment.
"It means I'm always the bad guy and… it's tiring."
"Well, you are the one that gave up," Dean throws in her face and Cass' expression shows his recognition.
"No," Castiel shakes his head.
"Oh, Cass," Lizzy says with sadness, focusing on him when he figures it out. "I'm sorry. I should have told you before Dean got here."
"You two are… I don't understand how this could have happened," Castiel says to her.
"It was… it's complicated," Lizzy says to him.
"No it isn't," Dean says to her and turns to Cass. "Our lives suck ass. It was too much for us to handle. We didn't work out. L ended it. That's it."
"It was more than that," Lizzy says, not liking this cold version of it.
"Not really," Dean says. "We fight all the time. We can't handle everything being thrown at us. We suck."
"We don't suck."
"We kind of do."
"I don't like conflict," Castiel cuts in and disappears from the room, the tablet in his hand falling onto the floor and shattering into three pieces.
"Damn it," Sam complains immediately.
"Why did he just leave like that?" Dean questions the room.
"You heard him. He doesn't like conflict," Lizzy sighs as she gets a reminder of how confusing and sucky her life is right now. They so easily just fought. "He's down in the rec room right now, I guarantee it. I'll go find him."
"I'll come with you," Dean says, handing Sammy to his aunt.
"It's ok," Lizzy brushes off, heading for the door. "He trusts me like crazy right now for some reason…."
"And he doesn't trust me?" Dean challenges, knowing the angel does.
"He does," he assures. "But… just, don't yell or lose your patience, huh?"
He stares at her with an angry face.
"And don't make that face. You want him to talk to you then you can't upset him. Come on," she waves him to come and he follows.
"Sam, will you please pick up the Word of God?" he says over his shoulder as he leaves.
"Yeah…" Sam says, already stooping to the floor to bag the pieces back up.
"I knew it," Lizzy says as she and Dean peek into the rec room, Castiel standing by another window and looking out it. "He's such a mess."
"No shit," Dean comments. Lizzy starts to head into the room and he hold out a hand, stopping her. "Hey, uh, can I talk to him for a second? Without you?"
"Why?" Lizzy wants to know. "He trusts me."
"I know that… but I need his help here and I need him to trust me too," Dean says without hesitation. "Just let me have ten minutes. If he's not gonna talk to me then come in."
"I can't leave him like this," she rebuts, her fears out in the open. He doesn't do well without her around.
"Stay here, right by the door," Dean suggests. "You don't like how it's going then come in."
Eyes darting to Castiel with worry, Lizzy just lets it go. "Fine. Ok. Just be nice."
"I'm always nice," Dean says with a scowl and walks into the room towards Castiel. He moves slowly in the quiet, otherwise empty room. Go slow, contain his anger. He can do this. Piece of cake.
"I don't want to have an argument with you, Dean," Castiel says to the window, knowing who it is walking towards him.
"Neither do I, Cass," he assures. "But we need to talk. Just talk."
Castiel turns around to face him. "You know I always enjoy talking to you. I learn so much from you and Sam and Elizabeth… and now I feel I will learn very much from Samuel too." He smiles. "He's quite the charming and receptive child. I feel good being in his presence."
Dean huffs a laugh. "So do I."
"I think you will benefit greatly from parenthood," Castiel informs his friend. "It's a beautiful relationship to have and I think that bond will only make you a happier person… and you could certainly use a little more happiness…."
"Getting deep on me, man," Dean comments, face wrinkled with conflict over how to feel about this new Castiel.
The angel just nods once, looking around the room awkwardly.
"You realize you just broke God's Word, right?" Dean says to him, taking a seat at the nearest table in the rec room. "It's Sam's thing, isn't it? You taking on his, uh, Cage-match scars. I'm guessing that's what broke your bank, right?"
"Well, it took... everything to get me here," Castiel explains.
"What are you talking about, man?"
"Dean, I know you want different answers…."
"No," Dean tells him with certainty. "I want you to button up your coat and help us take down Leviathans. Do you remember what you did?"
In a blink, Castiel is standing opposite Dean across the table, the board game Sorry in his hands. Shaking the box once, the entire game is set up on the table to be played.
"Do you want to go first?" Castiel asks, sitting down.
"We don't have time to play games," Dean says in the calmest voice he can manage. "I need to get out there and stop the Leviathan so my son can have a happy life."
"Samuel will have a happy life no matter what you do, Dean," Castiel assures. "He has wonderful parents and a happy disposition set within in his nature. Even if things happen that I have tried my hardest to prevent do in fact happen… he will smile the entire way to his fate. I think I'll be green."
Castiel picks up a card and moves the appropriate spaces around the game board with his green piece while Dean sits there flabbergasted.
"Cass," Dean washes his hands down his face with his elbows on the table top. "I have lost everything this past year. Everything."
"Your move," Castiel says, not seeing the upset in Dean's demeanor.
Teeth gritted with anger that he's barely containing, Dean flips a card and moves a game piece to assuage the angel. "I'm serious. I have to kill Dick. I have to or else losing my, my wife and my car… God, losing Bobby… and the closest thing I've ever had to an actual best friend…."
"You consider me your best friend?" Castiel asks, eyes softening and hopeful with the kind moment.
Eyes locked for a moment of silence and Dean's not ready to answer such a question. A year ago it would have been easier, even if it'd still be massively awkward, to give his honestly positive response. But now, after everything?
"I need to kill Dick so that everything I've lost makes sense to me. I need it all to be worth something."
"You did not lose your wife, Dean," Castiel assures, moving his game piece again. "You've never had a wife, not in the eyes of God at least."
"Oh, well…." Dean sarcastically starts with offence. It may not have been legal or ceremonial but he and Lizzy had a better bond then most married couples. They were married, they were stronger than any other couple have ever been.
"But to me you've always had a wife… or a life partner as you kids sometimes say these days," Castiel gives his views, not understanding the term fully. "You and Elizabeth are a unit. You are not meant to be apart."
"Then ain't life a bitch?" Dean grumps.
Castiel holds up a card from the top of the deck. When Dean doesn't take it he shakes it impatiently. Snatching the card, Dean looks and moves his piece accordingly.
"Life is a bitch, as you say," Castiel nods. "But I have been around a long time. I have seen terrible relationships, unhealthy relationships, beautiful relationships… and yours always seemed to shine brighter than the rest."
"Because you made it that way!" Dean gets fired up and immediately regrets it. Cass flinches but doesn't relent luckily.
"That is certainly not why," Castiel tells him, taking a card and moving another game piece. He taps the deck for Dean to go.
"Then why not?" Dean questions but Castiel just looks at him, glances at the deck and back, and then waits. Sighing, Dean takes his turn. "Why not?"
"Heaven has done its fair share of matchmaking, as you know," Castiel says, taking his green game piece and marching it around the board. "But that does not make a good relationship. Your parents are a good example."
"Don't talk about my parents," Dean warns harshly.
"They were excellent parents," Castiel corrects. "Your mother… she was a true natural. Her love was never ending for her boys. And John… he had his flaws but, in the end, no matter how misguided and damaged he was… John Winchester cared about nothing more than his family." Castiel leans forward a bit with a knowing smirk. "Do they sound like another couple you know?"
Dean gets the connection very easily. "They were happy until Yellow Eyes pissed it all away."
"They were not as happy as you and Elizabeth," Castiel correct. "You must remember the arguments? And the nights John would not sleep at home due to anger?"
Dean grits his teeth and eyes Cass dangerously.
Castiel sighs. "For every million marred, imperfect, jagged pebbles of sand on the beach there is that one smooth, aesthetically pleasing one hidden in the masses."
"You calling me and L a smooth rock?" Dean asks with disbelief.
"It's your turn again," Castiel doesn't answer. Dean picks up a card and plays it. "You know, we weren't sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it."
"Monkeys?" Dean asks.
"No offense, but I was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was... just amazing. It's in perfect tune with the spheres." He picks up a card. "But in the end, it was you… the homo sapien's sapiens." He moves his game piece. "You guys ate the apple, invented pants."
"Cass, where can we find this, uh, Metatron?" Dean questions, seeing an opportunity when Castiel's mind starts switching around again. He picks up a card and flips it without looking at it. "Is he still alive?"
Pointing at the card, Castiel tells him, "I'm sorry. I, I think you have to go back to start."
Snatching the marker and slamming it down on start, Dean gets fired up. "This is important. I think Metatron could stop a lot of bad. You understand that?"
Silently Castiel takes his next turn.
"I just want to come home, Cass," Dean says with closed eyes. "I want this over with, I want Dick dead, and I want to come home."
"You do not have a home," the angel innocently responds.
Balling his fists tightly, Dean tries not to explode with this rude comment.
"We live in a 'sorry' universe," Castiel starts saying. "It's engineered to create conflict. I mean, why should I prosper from... your misfortune?" Castiel flips a card and sends one of Dean's piece back to start again. "But these are the rules. I didn't make them."
"You made some of them," Dean rebuts, barely containing his anger. "When you tried to become God, when you cut that hole into that wall."
"Dean..." Castiel starts and the man looks right at him, looking for answers. "It's your move."
Dean immediately pounds a fist on the table and swipes the board to the floor, pieces flying off everywhere.
"Forget the damn game!" Dean shouts at him with total anger.
"I'm sorry, Dean…."
"Ok, that's enough!" Lizzy says as she rushes into the room after the commotion.
"No! You're playing Sorry!" Dean fires out. "There's a difference."
"Dean, stop it!" Lizzy says, standing in front of Castiel as Dean gets up and walks around the table towards him. "This isn't getting us anywhere!"
"And coddling him was?" Dean challenges. "We need answers!"
"And Cass needs a fucking minute!"
"I don't like fighting," Castiel warns and Lizzy snaps around to look at him.
"No, no," she says lightly, hands on his shoulders as he sits there. "No one's mad here. No one's fighting."
"That'd be a first," Dean comments under his breath.
As he watches her eyes close, Castiel can feel how sad, tired, hurt, and broken Lizzy is right now. She doesn't deserve to ever feel this way, the angel is more than sure of that. She has earned herself happiness and someone to walk through her difficult life with. She deserves support and love. She deserves Dean Winchester in his right mind… and it's then that he sees what he has to do.
Before either know what's happening, Lizzy and Dean find themselves in a padded room in the mental hospital. They both freeze in place, eyes moving around the plain, bleak, windowless room with shock.
"What the fuck just happened?" Lizzy asks, looking around her.
"No idea," Dean says, marching for the heavy metal door only to find that it's locked from the outside. "Fucking Cass…."
"Shit," Lizzy complains quietly before yelling out, "Cassie!?"
"Cass!" Dean bellows out, fury building. "Damn it, Cass!"
"What is he doing?" Lizzy worries aloud.
"I'm doing what needs to be done," Castiel answers as he appears suddenly. "I'm doing what I would have done if I had been around while you two were forgetting what you each mean to one another."
"The hell are you talking about man?" Dean asks with total frustration. "We don't have time for this!"
"We have all the time you need," Castiel explains.
"English!" Dean shouts.
"I've told you before, time is fluid," Cass says. "As an angel of the Lord I have the power to move through it easily… or not move through it." He then smiles at a thought he has. "That would be one of my super powers if I were a superhero."
"Meaning?" Lizzy asks.
Castiel grins warmly at her. "I care about you, Elizabeth. Your happiness means more to me than most anything else this Earth has to offer… and it has plenty to offer."
"That's sweet, but…."
"You two will remain here until you find your way back to each other," he informs them. "Time will not pass. You will not need to worry about Dick Roman or Samuel's wellbeing… you need not worry about anything but yourselves for the very first time in your lives."
"Cass, this is fucking ridiculous…." Dean tries to argue but the angel will hear none of it. "We're done, ok!? It's over!"
"That is not true."
"But, Cassie… it is…." Lizzy tries again.
"I think you both need to listen to each other a little better. I'm sure that will help."
"I think…." Lizzy tarts but gets cut off.
"The flower needs the honey bee as much as the honey bee needs the flower." Castiel disappears.
A half an hour in the padded, locked room alone and nothing has happened. With Lizzy sitting wedged in the corner of the room and Dean opposite her with his back against the wall, legs bent up and elbows resting on his knees, they're silent.
Brushing her side swept bangs out of her eyes, Lizzy sighs. "So… I guess we need to talk, honey bee," she says to him with disappointment and exhaustion.
"You're the honey bee," Dean comments angrily.
"Then you're the flower," Lizzy smirks.
Dean just looks at her and huffs a laugh. "Fine, I'll be the bee."
"Too late," she laughs lightly. "You're the beautiful red rose."
"Roses are the sexy flowers," Dean comments with the smallest of grins.
"If you say so," Lizzy full out laughs this time.
For a moment the tension in the room between the barely speaking adults is cut in half by a moment of light ease… the kind of ease that had been their previous default. It's a nice reminder that it's still there.
"So what are we gonna do?" Lizzy asks, her friendly and warm ways returning for the first time since their last night together. "Sit here staring at each other for an eternity? We should at least talk to make Cass happy."
"What the hell is there left to discuss between us?" Dean wonders to her, the fire and piss left out of his tone now. After being there for an hour, or it could be ten minutes since they have no way to tell, he's calmed and cooled off.
"I have no freakin' clue," she huffs a laugh. "But our guy is convinced that we belong together."
"He seriously thinks we haven't tried to fix this before now?"
"Seems like."
"Like we'd just trash everything we had so easily," Dean comments acridly for the assumption.
Lizzy swallows hard. "I'm sorry if you think that I did that. Gave up easily."
When Dean looks at her he can see how small she looks. Lizzy as always appeared larger than life to him. If he were a child and he drew a picture of everyone he knew she'd be the tallest, most imposing image on the page, even taller than Sam… the psychology of it true. When Lizzy looks this small that means remorse and guilt is coursing through her veins stronger than most people could handle.
"No more apologies," Dean says, running his hands through his short hair before clasping his hands together. "And… if you didn't pull the trigger then we'd still be together and still be even more miserable than we are. And most importantly Sammy'd be surrounded by anger all the time… you did what needed to be done."
"I always was the stronger one, wasn't I?" Lizzy smiles a little with her joke.
"Yes, dear," Dean patronizes right back.
Feeling more comfortable than she has in a very long time being in the same room as Dean, Lizzy makes a plan. "Maybe if we talk this out, prove to Castiel that it's done and there's no need to worry because we're splitting amicably… he might get it."
"And let us out of the shoe," Dean tacks on.
"Exactly."
"It's worth a shot…."
"This is not why I put you two in here," Castiel suddenly says with frustration as he appears in the room, sitting Indian style in the corner between the two of them.
"Welcome back, Cass! We were just talking about you," Dean says with an edge.
"I put you in here to rediscover the importance of your bond," Castiel says without looking at either human. He's focused hard on the green caterpillar walking from index finger to index finger over and over again. "And to see that this bond is not going to fade or break."
"Cassie," Lizzy starts, scooting closer. "You don't need to be so concerned about us. It's very sweet but we're going to be ok. We'll make this separation work."
"This was never the outcome I intended," he explains cryptically.
"And that's fine," Lizzy says. "We know you have always had our back when you could."
"I chose very carefully," Castiel tells them. "Very carefully."
"Chose what?" Dean asks, eyes narrowed and trained on the angel. His stomach drops with the way he says it. Chose.
"With all the different paths you both could have had… all the futures that could have happened… I refuse to believe that after several years of hard contemplation that I got it so wrong."
Exchanging very worried looks, Dean and Lizzy push Castiel for what it is he's really saying.
"Cassie!" Lizzy shouts for his attention. He looks to her. "What?"
"What-what?" he asks confused.
"What did you choose?" Dean clarifies, making his voice nicer than he thought possible.
"Perhaps you should see it," Castiel brightens with his idea, looking at them both for the first time since he arrived as he gently places the fat green caterpillar in his breast pocket of his trench coat still being worn over his white hospital-wear.
"See what?" Lizzy questions, smiling softly and hoping to stay on Castiel's good side.
"Yes. Yes, this is what needs to be done," Castiel says to them, scooting closer to them both. "I know it."
"Whoa, whoa!" Dean grabs Castiel's wrist when he extends a hand to his forehead. "What are you doing?"
"What I must," Castiel assures him. "You will thank me later."
He moves quickly, pressing his fingertips to both Lizzy and Dean's foreheads swiftly. The world goes black for the two humans.