A/N: Ahhh, not *another* FF8 fic! RUN AWAAAAAY!!! Ahem. Sorry, little bit of a Monty Python moment there. Yah, anyway, this one is Zell/Squall...a Squell. Muah. I couldn't hold back any longer. Actually, this one's been in the works for an extreeeemly long time and I finally decided to add the final paragraph onto the first chapter and post the damn thing. I'm on a Final Fantasy kick b/c I'm finally getting my Zell sneaks!
WA NA NA!
WARNING: Copious amounts of ANGST ahead...mainly ZellAngst, but there's definitely some SquallAngst going on here too.
// are for thoughts
"Spiders"
When love was fresh like a web we'd mesh. Nothing felt better than your flesh against my flesh. One fatal slip. One rip, a tear.
Touch me now and every single hair on my body
stands on end.
So dont touch me anymore.
'Cause it feels like spiders. Like spiders all over me.
In the darkest corners of my mind they creep.
Underneath my pillow at night when I sleep.
Those hands I once longed to feel. I want to squash them under my heel.
So dont touch me anymore.
'Cause it feels like spiders. Like spiders all over me.
I never thought it would end this way. I never thought I'd see the day. I
never thought I'd hear myself say…
Dont touch me anymore.
'Cause it feels like spiders. Like spiders all over me.
~Joydrop~
I never really thought this would happen. Well, maybe in my wildest dreams. Okay, make that in my dreams every night, I admit it...nowhere else, though. I turn over, and just stare. God, I can't help it. It seems so unreal that I'm the one here, the one chosen.
Squall is so fucking beautiful when he sleeps.
Curled up, one arm wrapped tightly around the pillow his head is resting on, lips slightly parted, his chest rising and falling steadily with his even breathing. His light brown hair falls across the pillow, thin spiky strands tracing patterns on the white cloth. I want to touch him, to make sure he's really there. But I don't. I don't want the illusion to go away...and I know it will.
Shaking my head, I kick my feet over the side of the bed and begin searching for my clothes. Last night is really a blur to me...too much booze'll do that to ya.
I had been drinking a lot, I'll admit it. We had just come back from that stupid mission. I was just starting to think that Squall might actually be warming to me some. Then we get back. He immediately goes off with that damned girl...Rinoa. That stupid child. What she doesn't understand yet is that Squall doesn't love her. The sooner she gets it through her head, the better. It's hard to understand it all at first, but if you think about it, it's so fucking obvious why he pals around with her.... pretending he's in love. Kind of like the way I pretended that I was just imagining things...that he really does love her. But the truth came home to me all too well last night.
I was staggering around the hallways when I heard people coming. Even in my slightly drunken state, I realized that I should respect what little dignity I have and not allow myself to be seen like this. I ducked into the nearest room, sax in hand still from that stupid concert we put on for him. The room was empty, bay windows opened wide, giving a beautiful view of the ocean. I climbed up on the windowsill. Not the brightest thing to do when you're drunk, I know, but hey- it was a moment for stupid and dramatic gestures. I sat on the sill and began playing my sax. In that instant, it was perfect. Me, the wind blowing through my hair, carrying the melancholy notes of the sax away to parts unknown- the perfect image of the spurned and lonely lover. In fact, I was so caught up in the night's beauty and my music that he was right next to me before I noticed him.
The wrong note suddenly screeching from the sax made even me wince, and I nearly fell out of the window in surprise. Standing not a foot away from me was Squall Leonhart, noticeably lacking one important detail: Rinoa.
"Squall!" The name came out as a squeak. I cleared my throat. "Squall." I slowly (and carefully) slid off of the windowsill. "What're you doing here? Where's Rinoa?"
Squall stared at me, the look in his eyes kind of frightening me. Those gray eyes were burning with an emotion I had never seen before...not that I can usually see any kind of emotion in him.
"Squall...?" Before I knew what was happening, I was shoved up against the wall, Squalls hands clutching my tank top, his body pressed against me, his lips on mine. I.... what?! He pulled away, pausing only to gaze at me with that look in his eyes again before turning and walking away at an extremely fast pace, causing me to trip quickly, as he was still holding onto my shirt. "Squall! What're you-?!" He stopped in front of my dorm room, and somehow I ended up with my back against the wall again. We stared at each other for a long moment while I attempted to get my breath and clear my head. Squall was one hell of a kisser. "Squall." The word came out like an admonishment as I straightened my vest with what I hoped looked like a cross between confusion, curiosity, and dignity. "What are you doing? Where is Rinoa?"
Squall stepped in closer to me- very close. I swallowed hard.
"Does it matter?" he whispered. "She's obviously not here. Now, are you going to invite me in, or not?"
Dazed, I reached back without looking and punched in the code to my dorm room, door sliding gently open behind me. He smiled and stepped in past me, hooking two fingers in my collar and pulling me along. I couldn't figure out what was going on. "But, Squall! Rinoa-" Squall shoved me up against the wall yet again- hard.
"Fuck Rinoa!" he hissed, and kissed me again.
~End Flashback~
I shake my head, locating my shorts and pulling them on. I should have understood it earlier. I mean, it's obvious when you know what you're looking for. I just feel bad for Rinoa. She'll find it out much later than I did. But hey, I guess I have to stop lying to myself eventually. I'm just glad that I figured it out last night. I should have realized it before, but last night, it really hit home. Because it wasn't my name he cried out last night.
My movement seems to have disturbed him. Squall rolls over onto his back and opens those gorgeous gray eyes slowly, blinking in the sudden light. "Seifer?" he asks sleepily. I lean over close to him so there's no way he can mistake me for who I am.
"Not quite, Leonhart," I say pleasantly as his eyes widen in shock. "Now, would you mind getting the FUCK out of my room?!" I stand up furiously, grabbing a tank top and pulling it on.
"Zell-" he begins, and stops. I turn and glare at him.
"Yeah, Squall. Surprise! You didn't sleep with Seifer last night. Sorry to disappoint you. Sorry I'm not your dream date. But, hey! It's your fault! You chose me, not the other way around. So get the hell out of my room, and the hell out of my life!" I throw his clothes at him and flop back against the wall, refusing to look at him. He gets up slowly, pulling on his clothing. As he goes to leave, he stops next to me, resting a hand on my shoulder. I jerk away, shoving his hands off of me.
"Don't touch me, damn it!" I shout angrily. He freezes, hand still outstretched, and then nods slowly, a look of surprising sadness on his face before he turns and leaves.
It's a long time before I move again. I can still remember the feel of his hands on me, the gentle caresses sweeping across my body like the soft feel of satin. Now, they hold no more pleasure for me. It all feels like spiders, crawling all over me and tying me tighter and tighter into their web, killing me off with one sweet bite of ecstasy and leaving me for dead.
~TBC~
A/N: Well? What did ya think? I like it...mmmmm, angsty mental image of Zell sitting in an open window, playing his sax in the moonlight.... awww, poor baby! Muah. Anyway, drop me a note and tell me if you want me to continue it!
Dedications:
Marcy: My introducer (is that a word?) to Final Fantasy and the one who gave me Zell and Irvine for my harem...though why no one wanted those two adorable hunks of burnin' love I will NEVER understand!
Lucawanoxian: Dude...SHOES! My partner in high-top-converse-wearing crime!
WA NA NA!