Chapter 1: Plot Twists
"And now viceroy" Queen Amidala said triumphantly, "This is the end of your occupation here" Suddenly Queen Amidala was tapped on the shoulder. "Huh?" She said, and turned to see George Lucas. "All right your highness" George said, "it's a script change, instead of winning the battle and being a good role model for young girls, you lose the battle, and must sign the Neimodian treaty" Amidala looked shocked, "But! That sucks!" George laughed, "Yeah! I know!" Suddenly another figure entered the room, and grabbed George Lucas by his shirt collar, it was Darth Maul, "Hey! I wasn't mad when you changed my role to a 'small part', I wasn't mad that you cut my lines, and I certainly wasn't mad when you gave that Gungan more screen time than me!" George tried to act brave, "Well, what's your point?" Maul grinned, showing his dagger edged teeth, "But you cut my big fight scene, and that's a no-no" George started to sweat, "Well, that is-" Suddenly Qui-Gon entered, "Speaking of which, how come I die at the end of the movie? I've been a major character, most everyone likes my rebellious spirit..and...I die?" George stuttered, under a lot of pressure, "That is, um, well, you come back in Episode 2! As a ghost! Yeah! That's it!" Qui-Gon started to cry, "I thought we had made real progress! But now you went and ruined it!" Suddenly George was surrounded, Qui-Gon was crying, Maul was getting ticked right off, and Queen Amidala was yelling. Just then, the producer, Rick Mcullum appeared in a flash of smoke. George screamed, "Rick! Help!" Rick laughed, "Yes! Well! I've redone the script! Darthie baby, you get to have a big fight scene with the jedi, but you die, you only have a one episode contract. Qui-Gon, you have a two episode contract, but it would be more dramatic if you die" Qui-Gon still looked bummed, but nodded, "And Ami sweetie, you win the battle and eventually marry Anakin, he betrays and murders you in Episode 3" Amidala groaned, "Sure! The cute ones are always evil!" George calmed down, "Okay! Um! Let's make a movie"
Chapter 2: Lame Lucas
"Action!" George yelled. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul went full force into the lightsaber battle. It was a dazzling fight, fast, and furious. "Wait! Wait! Cut!" George yelled. "What now?" yelled Maul. George sighed, "I'm just not feeling your evilness, can you look more sinister?" Maul walked off stage, switched on his saber, and held it just above George's neck, "Is that evil enough?" George nodded, "y-yeah"
Take 6, "Action!" George yelled. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul went full force into the lightsaber battle. There were awesome stunts, incredible flips, and miraculous dueling. "Wait! Wait! Cut!" George yelled. Qui-Gon, Maul, and Obi-Wan all yelled in unison, "WHAT NOW?" George sighed, "This is way too fast! It's going to scare the little kids! Let's slow it down a bit!"
Take 30, "Action!" George yelled. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul slowly fought, as not to scare the little kids, Maul's face had been covered with latex, so he looked human, Qui-Gon had his hair cut and was wearing a clean press suit, and Obi-Wan wasn't taking part in the fight as this might give little kids the wrong idea about fighting. "Wait! Wait! Cut!" George yelled. Finally, Maul had taken all he could handle, he ripped off the latex mask, and walked up to George, slicing some equipment on his way. "W-w-w" Maul said, barely able to contain his rage, "h-a-aa-t NOW?" George sighed, "Well, I don't think this is working out, I've decided to cut this scene" Maul cried something that would kill our PG rating and ignited his lightsaber, slicing George's head off.
Epilogue
Amidala sat in the director's chair, "Action!" she yelled. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul went full force into the lightsaber battle at a dizzying speed. Sparks flew everywhere as the sabers clashed, awesome stunts were preformed, and everyone was back to normal, except of course for George, who was dead. The movie was complete 4 hours later, and ran 5 1/2 hours, it had amazing action, Jar Jar was cute, and was also not clumsy, and no star wars fan would bitch over the finished film, it was incredible, that is until the editing people cut all the cool scenes and put it out in the theaters.
THE END