Title: Paved With Good Intentions (1/1)
Summary: Michael tried to do what he thought best for Maria. She doesn't exactly appreciate the effort.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: WB and 20thC Fox.
Date: Dec. 14 and 22 1999
The cloth hit the cafe's counter with a wet smack, tiny droplets of water shaking loose from the material. Maria's hand spasmed against the counter, still bearing the watery trail which the rag had left behind. Her rounded eyes met his through the window and the years that separated them. Maria's heart was pounding frantically in her tight chest, but the rest of her remained immobile, frozen in place by the shock of finding him there.
Time shuddered to a halt before reeling backwards, dragging Maria back to the night where she had looked up to find him standing right there, watching her just as he was this night. He hadn't turned away from her then as he was now, though. His retreat snapped Maria out of her shock induced inaction. She jerked away from the counter, nearly catching her hip on the corner as she rounded it.
The cool night air beat across her flushed face as Maria flung her way out of the door. "Michael!" she cried out, his name escaping her as nothing more than a gasped plea. He didn't stop. Maria had taken off her shoes after closing the Crashdown that night, and the stray pebbles littering the street dug at the soles of her aching feet. She didn't slow down. "Michael!" she called out, louder this time.
"God damn you, Michael!" she shrieked, unmindful of who heard her angry cry. "Stop right now you self-centered, _cowardly_ bastard!" He took another step, and for a moment, Maria feared that he would slip away while all she could do was watch. And another step. And stopped. Maria flung herself after him.
She could feel _real_, solid flesh and muscle beneath her hand as she grasped onto his arm, tugging him around to face her. She had been waiting for this so long, dreaming of being close enough to touch him... kiss him, wrap her arms around him and beg him never to leave her again.
Maria barely noted the pain as she slammed her clenched fist into Michael's jaw. He stumbled back. Maria followed him, her fists flailing against his face, arms, chest. She hit air and realized that he had moved, unseen by her tear filled eyes. "You fucking bastard..." she whispered, allowing her hands to drop to her side limply.
"Maria," he said softly.
She shivered slightly. No one said her name like he did. Like a prayer. Like a man staring into the face of his salvation. A single breath that made her feel _loved_. Maria jerked away from his touch, roughly scrubbing at her eyes. "Don't touch me!" she grated. 'Touch me. Never let me go.'
"I didn't mean for you to see me," Michael said.
That stung. "I know. Looks like the years haven't improved your brain cells any," she snapped. She looked into his face. He seemed so tired... she wanted to reach out, gently wipe away the memory of the blows she had rained across him. "I want to talk to you, Michael."
He winced and shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Maria."
"I don't care what you think, Michael! That's what I _need_." Her arms wound around her waist, her shoulders slumping forward. "But you never much cared what _I_ needed, did you?"
"That isn't fair! What you needed was the only thing I thought about," he responded, his voice rough with tears.
"Which was why you just picked up and left! You didn't ask me what I thought or felt. You didn't let me get any closure... Damn you, Michael." She was crying again, her body shaking with silent sobs.
"I... Let's talk," Michael agreed.
***
Michael looked around the Crashdown, drinking in the familiar sights. "I didn't think that you'd still be working here," he commented as Maria slid into the booth across from him.
She shrugged slightly. "I manage the place now. Mr. and Mrs. Parker can't handle it alone while Liz is off at school..." Maria shook her head slightly, her eyes raising to meet Michael's. "But we aren't here to talk about my employment, are we?"
"I know," Michael said softly. His eyes lowered, resting against Maria's hands, laid out on the table before her. His breath escaped him in a soft hiss as his finger brushed across the plain gold ring adorning Maria's finger. "Who is he?"
Maria looked down at her wedding ring and fought the urge to pull her hand away from Michael's gaze. "Nobody you know," she answered, the words forced past her lips.
"Are you happy?"
Maria shrugged. "I don't know." She did pull her hand away then, tucking it on her lap beneath the table. "I can't figure out whether I'm happy with what I have when you're still so much a part of me." Michael's head jerked back up, but Maria was stubbornly staring at the table's surface. "I could have loved you, Michael. I... I think I _did_. But you never gave me the chance to find out... And you sit in my head, this great looming 'could have been,' and I can't... I _can't_..."
"I thought you would just... _forget_," Michael said tightly. He wanted to reach towards her, pull her into his arms. He wanted to feel her cheek resting against his shoulder, her body pressed against him. The glinting band on her finger stilled his movement before it began. Maria was no longer his. His actions had ensured that. He would not disrupt her life any further than he had already by unchecked desire.
"Don't think I didn't try!" Maria ground out. "I worked, I studied... and when none of that worked, I threw myself into just about anything else I could think of. I cried myself to sleep every night for a month after you left, Michael. But really, that wasn't anything new by then."
Michael swallowed heavily. "That's why I left. I couldn't do anything but hurt you from the moment we met. I knew I'd never be able to do anything else."
Maria's red rimmed eyes flashed. "You never _tried_, damn you! Things could have turned out differently if you'd pulled your head out of your ass long enough to see how I felt about you! I would have been willing to _work_ things through if our entire relationship hadn't consisted of you pushing me aside between groping sessions and your running whenever you couldn't handle things." Her chest was heaving, and her face was stained with an angry flush.
God, she was beautiful. There was no one else who could push him so far, who could irritate and arouse him beyond all measure within the same moment. With her at that instant, _real_, the feelings that had been blunted by the passage of time and distance surged back. After subsisting on the memory of her for so long, the reality was overwhelming.
"You make it sound like things were easy for me," Michael growled. "I was young and frightened, Maria! I was dealing with what I was and the fact that my life basically sucked. I spent more time dodging the sheriff and the FBI than I did in school." He ignored Maria's snort. "What did you expect from me? I could barely deal with _myself_, much less you and your demands!"
Maria bristled. "Don't you _dare_ try to place the blame on me again, buster!" she hissed. "I wasn't--" she cut herself off, drawing in a shuddering breath. "I didn't want this, Michael. I didn't chase after you in order to go through all of this."
"You seemed pretty into it," Michael muttered. He immediately regretted his words when she glared at him. "So what did you want from me, Maria? I can't apologize for ditching you, and I can't make it all better." 'Oh, Maria. I want nothing more than to strip away all the pain that I've caused you.'
She shrugged slightly, leaning back into her own bench. Her smile was sad when it finally touched upon her face. "Is it even possible to forget your first love?"she wondered.
His heart ached. "Do you want to forget me?"
Maria paused for a long moment. "Sometimes. When the hurt was so bad that I could hardly breath. Or when I look into my husband's face and still imagine that you're the one I wake up next to in the morning. He deserves more than that. So do I. But... no. I wouldn't want to forget you, Michael. There's a fair chunk of who I am that came about due to you, both directly and not."
Back then, he had tried so very hard to avoid connections. Michael had wanted to think of himself as free to pick up and run, unburdened by emotional ties. He hadn't truly considered what tearing free of his life would do to those who cared for him even as he fought not to care for them.
'We can go back. We can start over. I can't run anymore. I never could.' "We can't go back," Michael said, as much to himself as to her. He watched the Cafe's lights play across the circle of gold a better man than he had slid upon her finger.
"No," Maria answered softly.
"Do you love him?"
"I... I love you. And I love him, too. But he's my here and now. He is my future. You aren't. You never were." How those words hurt! She had held onto her past so fiercely that letting it slip back into the allotted time to which it belonged left an emptiness clawing inside of her.
Michael slid free from the booth. Maria followed him. Her hand rested against his arm. Tears shone in her eyes when she looked up at him. "One last kiss... for old time's sake?" she whispered.
He held her to him. He concentrated on her trembling lips beneath his with a fierce intensity as he memorized the feel and taste of her. When they pulled apart, her face was wet with tears once more. Michael's throat was tight with his own sorrow.
He forced a lopsided smile. "I wish I could have been the one," Michael said, his voice thick with tears. 'I love you, Maria.'
She was alone, currents of cool air brushing against her legs as the Crashdown's door drifted shut behind Michael. Maria held her shaking fingers against her lips for a long moment, staring out into the darkness into which Michael had disappeared.
***
He was already in bed when Maria got home from the cafe. Maria paused, listening to the even sound of his breath as he slept. She climbed onto the bed next to him after having stripped off her clothes in favour of her nightgown. Her hand hesitated over his shoulder.
She shook his shoulder.
"Maria?" he asked wearily, concern etched in his voice. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, breaking into a wide yawn. "What's wrong, baby?"
"I love _you_, Kyle," she whispered. "Just thought you should know," she smiled.
An answering smile spilt across his face. "I know."
Maria let him pull her down into his arms. Her head rested against his chest while his arm curled comfortably around her waist. She could feel his heart, strong and steady, beneath her open palm. She shut her eyes, and knew that when she woke the next morning, it would be his face she saw.
~end~