A/N: Thank you Vector71 for this outrageous idea. Thank you also to Rae D. Magdon for her blessing to use her absolutely wonderful Aria/Tevosverse in this story. If you have not read "The Best Entertainment" /s/8101991/ (who am I kidding, of course you have :-P) and all of its sequels then you should go and do so!
It started with the vomiting.
Vomiting in the morning was nothing new for Aria. Too many drinks, drugs or, in one of her weaker moments she would kill anybody for mentioning, nightmares, saw her worshipping the porcelain throne as if it were the Goddess of the sunrise on many an occasion.
But she had kicked the really hard stuff when she was still a maiden, and stopped getting really wasted when she had Omega to look after. The drinks on the Citadel were so weak she'd punched Sheerk when she thought he was trying to sober her up with soft drinks after he brought her what passed for a "cocktail" around here.
And there was no way it was nightmares. Not every day for a whole week. She was Aria T'Loak, Queen of Omega, lust of the galaxy, ruthless criminal bitch, not some angst ridden heroine like Shepard.
So she ignored the vomiting. She was sick, and would get better. And she would let Tevos be the one bending her over a desk before going to a doctor for a damned stomach bug.
The biotics were next.
It was hard to be the threatening bitch when your biotics were hopping about like vorcha in heat and wouldn't work when you really needed them to, and she felt like one of those pathetic men who couldn't get it up after she'd shown them who was in charge. So she shot the guy she was supposed to be threatening. Bastard. He actually looked like he felt sorry for her, even when he was bleeding out on her leather boots.
It wasn't her fault. She was getting old - no I'm not, everybody else is just getting younger, fuckers - and she was stressed. The Citadel was messing with her mind, Shepard was always showing up stinking of sex, Omega was still under the control of that Cerberus slimeball and she hadn't seen Tevos in weeks.
"Too busy" she said. Yeah right. "Too busy getting fucked by Sparatus... or an elcor or something, or someone else who isn't you, oh wonderful feisty dominatrix, please take me right now... erm, where was I?" she meant.
Screw that. She was Aria T'Loak. Queen of Omega, lust of the galaxy, ruthless criminal bitch, not some whimpering maiden like T'Soni, begging for somebody to scratch her itch.
So she took what she wanted. Literally broke into Tevos' office and fucked her senseless.
It helped, for a few hours, before she accidentally flared up and pushed a volus down some stairs on her way back to Purgatory.
It was his fault, stupid little football. He shouldn't look so funny when he rolled.
The whispers were the worst.
'Hey, has she put on weight?'
'Man, she needs to hit the gym.'
'She should stop wearing such tight clothes!'
If her biotics weren't playing harder to get than Tevos' back door she would have ripped every one of their smug heads off.
Fuckers. There wasn't anything else here to do other than eat. The drinks tasted like piss and she couldn't get either of her preferred types of exercise: fighting or fucking, nearly as often as she would like on this Goddess-forsaken station.
So what if she put on a few pounds? It wasn't like she could get fat or anything. There's no such thing as fat asari.
Screw that. She was Aria T'Loak, Queen of lust, bitch of Omega, hang on, that's not right.
Exercise. That's what she needed. She broke into Tevos' office again. 'You really don't need to break my door every time Aria, I am always happy to see you.'
That's not the point.
Tevos was on the floor naked and sweaty, her leather pants were ruined: work out complete. Back to the bar! Fucking Tevos seemed the solution to all of her problems these days.
'Hey, is that chunker Aria T'Loak?'
Her biotics worked that time. Shame the guy landed in the lake rather than on some concrete.
A couple of days in lockup at least gave her time to do some damned sit ups.
To: A. T'LOAK
From: [REDACTED]
Subj: The Shadow Broker is watching
You should really delete your extranet search history more often.
No, Aria, morning sickness (yes, that's what it is), unstable biotics and weight gain do not mean you have a new strain of space herpes, and seeing as how you have only been making love with Thea recently you really should be more considerate of her feelings.
We both know what this means. If you do not tell her, I will.
PS: Congratulations!
PPS: Shepard says congratulations as well. She says she will try to save the galaxy before you are due.
Aria growled. A fierce, deep growl that had her bodyguards looking at each other nervously.
T'Soni. Aria decided to kill her next time they met.
She was Aria T'Loak, Queen of Omega, lust of the galaxy, ruthless criminal bitch. She didn't get pregnant.
Not after...
Goddess...
Tears filled her eyes, thinking of Liselle.
She tried to get angry again, but couldn't. Fucking hormones.
She was going to have another daughter.
Tevos' daughter.
Tevos.
Shit.
She stood up and stomped away, noticing her guards glance at each other worriedly. She'd been acting a bit strange lately, so they wisely did not follow.
Pregnant.
This couldn't be happening.
T'Soni's spy didn't even try to stop her this time as she broke Tevos' door open. 'Aria, please, I only just got the last one fixed, I-'
'You got me pregnant!'
Tevos blinked.
'Hmm, I suppose we should keep it from the press, both of our reputations would be damaged if-'
'Are you not listening? You got me pregnant! What the hell Thea!?' Aria tried to push Tevos out of the window with her biotics, but they didn't work. She tried to hug Tevos, but the councillor wasn't having any of it.
Fucking pregnancy.
'You know that's not how it works. If you could not control yourself then it is hardly my fault.'
'Me... I...'
'Aria, you know I cannot be there for you all of the time... but I will support you. Our daughter will be beautiful.'
Goddess, she felt miserable. Maybe sex would cheer her up. 'Can I fuck you in the ass now? It's how humans stop getting pregnant, or something.' Yup, that made sense.
'Not unless you have a bondmate bracelet to go with this announcement.' Aria couldn't even find it in her to scowl.
Tevos gave her a hug, and Aria cried for a few seconds, before straightening.
Screw that. She was Aria T'Loak, Queen of the crappy bar with piss-weak drinks, lust of Tevos, soon-to-be-mother again.
Fuck.
Aria shouted at where she knew the Shadow Broker's camera was. 'T'Soni, if you show anybody that I'll beat you to death with Shepard's favourite sex toy.'