A/N: sometimes I cover things that I think about, and sometimes I see that one does more than the other, and things are out of balance. I in no way am saying that the other is doing more than the other, because they do plenty for each other, and you see so much of it in 3x05, and it's concrete, and it's so real. here, live in my head, and discover. think of this as Blaine Anderson, here you are Blaine Anderson, and you're thinking things.
Title: Later, tomorrow, & things like forever.
Rating: pg
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Word Count: somewhere around 1375
Spoilers: nothing reall.
Warnings: Tears, use tissue, if you require them.
Summary: "All those places and all of those people have nothing in common with you, because they're New York, and they'll have Kurt,"
People are convinced he's leaving for the sake of leaving, and that's all that matters. They say he'll meet someone else out there, and you'll be left in the dust, because that's what people do to you. They say that he's gonna find someone in New York, and he'll leave you, because you're not there, and he is. You think to yourself that maybe, he will.
Maybe he'll be like your dad, who left you and your mother for another woman. Maybe he'll meet a boy with a bright smile, and forget about your and your smile, that's in Ohio, and not in New York. He'll meet a boy who has interests in fashion, or who has classes with him daily, and has this megawatt smile, and a genuine interest in vogue. Maybe the boy will ask him out to dinner one time, and then he'll say yes, and then you'll be forgotten, again.
Maybe he'll be like that, and maybe he won't.
Maybe he'll be like your mom, who forgets to call nightly and check up on you when she's gone away on business, and you're with Granny Jane.
Maybe he'll forgot just like your mother does. He'll go to classes and hang out with new friends, and New York City, that's all too glamourous for you and your small Ohio town. He'll forget to skype you on weekends, because he has homework, or he's with that guy. Maybe he'll check up everyonce in a while, but he'll be gone quick, because there's so many other things in New York to see, that aren't you.
You wonder if he'll be like Aunt Jamie, who remembers your name only when you call, and pretends to get that you're so alone, when really, she has no clue.
Maybe he'll say he misses you, but you really miss him a lot more than you could ever. He only misses you when you say it. He'll only say I love you when you tell him you love him, and it'll be like a sigh. It'll be like, I know you do, but see, I have people and things to see, and places to be.
All those places and all of those people have nothing in common with you, because they're New York, and they'll have Kurt.
You wonder what it'll be like when you first call him, and tell him you miss him so much. You wonder if you'll be crying, and he'll be trying to comfort you.
You wonder if he'll even be at home, or somewhere else. You'll be on the line, crying your heart out, because it hurts a bit too much sometimes, and more like all the time, when it hits you, he's out at New York somewhere else, and he was doing something else, not even thinking about you. You'll be there, and he'll be somewhere else, with school and work and New York on his mind.
Sometimes, you think about making him stay just a bit. Maybe you wonder if he'd stay just a little bit more, just until both of you can go together.
Because that's it. You do things together.
It hasn't been Kurt and Blaine in a while, because it's been KurtandBlaine.
You haven't realy bought things for yourself in a while, because it's always things like "will Kurt like this" or "is Kurt allergic to this", and all these other things.
But it can't be like that. You can't be the boyfriend that's needy and too clingy. You can't ask him to do that for you, can you? It's too much, because what if he says no, and it ruins everything.
That scares you a bit, because you know you'll do everything for him, but you don't really know, even after all this time, if he'll do anything for you.
You've transferred schools for him, and yes you know that's why. You've done so much for him, like defending him in front of crowds, and defending his honor and all that he is. You've changed for him in some way, and you know it's all for the better. You know all these things, but you don't really know.
You wonder if it's all getting to you.
All this talk about Kurt leaving, and you being left behind, and all the better things in New York.
Just like before, the only thing in your mind right now is
All those places and all of those people have nothing in common with you, because they're New York, and they'll have Kurt.
You can ask him, though. You can ask him about it, maybe considering staying for a bit. You can ask him to make a schedule with you, schedule nights and days to talk and just be. You can ask him, but you really don't know either.
You're so confused by all this, because he can make you do things, he can ask you things, and he can tell you things.
But can you?
Can you make him do things, can you ask him things, can you tell him things?
Your head starts to hurt a bit, because this is all too much for tonight, and he's right there beside you right now, and he's looking up at you with worry in his eye.
"Are you okay babe?" he asks you as he strokes your arm, and looks straight into your hazel eyes, "Something wrong?"
You wear a smile. Smile #45 to be exact. It's the one you wear when you're down and out, and you don't really wanna answer things, and you just kiss him.
"Nothing's wrong," you say to him as you pull him close, "Nothing at all.."
But in reality, there is. There's so much wrong, and so little right in your head.
You don't say anything, though, because you're afraid things will come out wrong, and there's already enough wrong for you and ten years from now, so you just hush, and sit with him.
You don't know what to do, but you choose right now, instead of later.
You choose what you have now, because it's better than thinking of later and all the things that could go wrong.
You choose now, because this is what you know, and it's always good to stick to what you know best.
Later can wait.