Practical Sentiments

by Ghost in Progress

Finch was lucky to walk out of that club alive. It was a near thing a veritable miracle and there will be nothing to assure the hoodlum's safety if he tries again. The only thing that saved him this time were a father's dying words. - Earthborn FemShep

Fem/Shepard: Earthborn, Sole Survivor, Paragon & Renegade Mix

There were many practical reasons that Shepard ran with the Reds: food, shelter, and an escape from the rusted hatchway she spent most nights in. However, Shepard had one sentimental reason for joining the Reds - Garret Black. Loyalty to her adoptive father (known to most as Boss) had stopped her trigger-finger as Finch demanded she do his bidding. He'd been an errand boy when she had been willing to do the Reds' dirty work. And now when she was out, when she'd worked so hard to leave that behind her, when she'd become a goddamn SPECTre, Finch thought to order her around as though she was still a scared little urchin. Not shooting until he was more bulletholes then flesh was a miracle plain and simple, but she gritted her teeth and she managed. She kept her teeth gritted as the Turian criticized her decision and reminded herself of what the Reds used to be, of how the last Boss, her father in all but blood, had guided it.

It was for her own loyalty to Boss and not Finch's own merits that had kept the shortsighted hoodlum alive. Shepard would have done anything for that old man; still would. Boss, who had handed her self-security at the tender age of eleven in the form of a Nighthawk 64 that had "fallen off the back of a spaceship". Boss, who hadn't offered to protect her, but the man who had offered her the power she'd need to protect herself. Boss, who give her safety and resources and asked for nothing except that she use his gifts to better herself. Boss, who had opened his own home to her. Boss, who had been willing to listen her own conclusions on life and survival (even if he made an irritating point of forcing her to back up all her beliefs). If Boss hadn't died in the coup led by his blood son then the Reds would still have hacker extraordinaire.

There were many things Shepard found herself questioning as her mission to "save the universe" endured, but the guiding principles Boss had instilled in all the Reds always proved true - go with your gut, never leave a comrade's back unguarded, and fuck any bastards in your way. Although, Shepard's strongest belief would always remain as Boss's last words, "Remember that you're human. Not some kind of alien or other animal, but human. That means God gave you freewill, kid. All your choices are your own. You can't control other people, but you can damn well control yourself".

She hadn't understood then. For someone who encouraged frankness Boss could be cryptic in his own way. She damn well understood the power of choice after Akuze, but back then she just didn't get it. Didn't get the way Boss always managed to sound calm and profound under any circumstances. The way he was utterly confident dying from an attck by his own son. The way he justsmiled even as she'd pleaded with him not to leave her cause she needed him. Cause what was a street rat like her do without him? Boss only other sentiments for his protégé (besides that thrice damned smile) were that she'd "Figure it out. Reach for the stars, kid."

Figures that she'd take his dying words literally as her plan of revenge for his death blew up in her face (also quite literally). Shepard had been on her last limb when she'd run into Captain Anderson. Normally she would have felt equal amounts of pity and scorn for the poor sucker who'd managed to screw up enough to be sent to a gang recruiting office on Earth, but that time Shepard felt only a sharp relief. "Reach for the stars, indeed." she had murmured as Anderson had left her in his office with the holo of deep space and a pamphlet detailing the glories and honors to be found in military service while he ran like a good errand boy to grab her paperwork.

Shepard had a lot of practical reasons for running away from the Reds to the military. Those reasons included food, shelter, and an escape from the streets that no longer felt like home. She'd had only one sentimental reason to counteract the impersonality of it – Boss had believed she could have the stars. Shepard doesn't know what Boss would think of the little orphan he'd pulled out of gutter commanding a ship, but she figures he'd have gotten a kick out of calling her "Commander". Mostly she hopes he's proud of her even as one of those "goddamned SPECTre that poke their noses wherever their not wanted".