Then And Now
It was ever since the beginning of third grade. Third grade, when the classes had been split into two much smaller classes. He had never really thought of her before, but it was in third grade where he began to have butterflies in his stomach just thinking about her. And when he was near her, he was a little nervous because she was so wild, so unlike the other girls he had crushes on, soft-spoken and sweet.
It was never so hard to impress a girl before this.
It was on the second field trip that he tried to do everything in his power to attract and impress her. All those school records were attempted, and sadly not broken. She had said it was OK, even that he'd given her The Ride of Her Life (when he'd missed the field trip - and he promised Ms. Frizzle never to miss another field trip - partly because he wanted to look out for her. Carlos said he tried to stop Wanda's crazy antics and promised him he'd look out for her for Arnold, but Arnold wasn't satisfied. He was a worrier, after all), but he still felt he had to impress her. After all, she was Wanda, untameable and unimpressed. If he wanted to win her, he'd have to go way out of it to impress her.
There were times when he felt Hey, she does like me back! Especially during the Valentine's special. And the time she liked his rock. It was hard to find a girl who actually appreciated rocks. Later, he would find out that it had a place of honour on the little table near her bed.
But somehow, he felt he couldn't measure up to Wanda. After all, he had none of Wanda's bravery. He was generally cautious and tended to worry too much, while she was reckless and unafraid. He was somewhat geeky and wasn't as popular as Wanda (or Ralphie, who she dated briefly before he moved on to Keesha - which had tongues wagging for ages - and then Phoebe). And that wasn't limited to junior high; this was throughout high school and university.
True, the gang got split up in university, Arnold recollected. Dorothy Ann actually made it to Harvard. Phoebe made it to Yale. Carlos opted for MIT, while Ralphie was going to UPenn. Tim opted for Indiana State University, Keesha was going to Ohio State University, while Wanda was going to Florida. Arnold would be in Washington.
There were girls, of course, but first loves are always etched in your mind.
It wasn't until he was twenty-five years old, with a degree in Geology, when he was returning to Walkerville for the holidays. It seemed strange; he seemed older beyond his years. His rich cousin Janet seemed to be ruling the New York scene with an iron fist and it was all Uncle Andrew and Aunt Julia could do to get her come down for the holidays.
"Hey, cous!" Janet said in her silky voice when she came back to the Weiss-Perlstein estate at Twilight Hills, when Arnold and his parents were visiting the Royal Princess Janet. "I see you're finally home! Give your favourite cousin Janet a hug!"
"Janet, you are my only cousin," Arnold said, sighing, as he reached over to give Janet a hug. He must have said this a million times. He remembered saying this in third grade, but Janet never listened.
"Your favourite only cousin, then," Janet grinned. "So long no see! What have you ever been up to?"
"Just the usual. I've been at home, mostly."
"He hasn't gone out at all," Arnold's mom groaned. "Just like his father."
"I think it's a curse for Perlstein men, Aunt Judith," Janet laughed. "Daddy's just like that! So I'm guessing you haven't met up with your clique, huh, cous?" Janet said, asking Arnold.
"Are you talking about Carlos, Dorothy Ann, Keesha, Phoebe, Ralphie, Tim and Wanda?" Arnold asked. Wanda, his heart constricted in his chest. It was so strange to Arnold, that still her name roused the butterflies within him. Butterflies reminded him of Phoebe's bright idea in third grade to name the soccer team after them, but not before Ms. Frizzle had swept them into a crazy field trip, where he was scared by a butterfly with its large 'eyes'. Wanda had put her arms around him, and -
"Earth to Cousin Arnold?" Janet asked. "Or should I say Pluto?" Janet grinned, reminding him of the first time they went to outer space. The planet Arnold did was Pluto, corresponding to the signs of their classmates horoscope, the farthest planet from the sun. Never mind that Pluto was no longer considered a planet -
"Pluto's no longer a planet, Janet."
"Oh, cous," Janet said with a shrill laugh, and Arnold winced at its shrillness.
"Well, you'll never guess what I've heard!"
"What is it, Janet?" Arnold asked.
"Well, you know how daddy and Mr. Slater (that was Dorothy Ann's father, Arnold recollected) are so close?" Arnold didn't buy it, but he nodded. "Apparently, daddy told me that Dorothy Ann and her friends were planning to have a New Year reunion party at her place in Twilight Hills, and he said to invite moi and my cousin Arnold along. Seems like this is the first time they'll all be around for the holidays. Imagine Arn, nine people, and no adults! I mean, children!"
"I don't know about this, Janet -"
"What are you afraid of? Afraid the other kids will kick your butt or something?" Janet taunted. "Don't worry, cous, your favourite cousin in the Whole Wide World is here!"
"That makes me feel so much better -" Fortunately the sarcasm was lost on Janet, and she made 'Dearest Uncle Aaron and Aunt Judith' promise Arnold and Janet would meet the others at the Slaters' 3:00pm on the 29th of December.
And they did. It was relatively quiet, since Dorothy Ann and her branch of the Slater family wasn't hosting the Christmas celebrations: that was an honour belonging to Dorothy Ann's uncle, who was influential and was either a governor/mayor/senator in some other state.
It was strange to see all of them again. Ralphie was as tall and intimidating as ever, and enveloped him in a bear hug that nearly broke his bones - too much eggnog, Arnold thought.
"Aww, man! Arn, you're so skinny! Don't you eat anything?"
Not that Arnold could answer, because he was too busy trying to breathe. Ralphie had only become stronger since he last saw him.
"Don't bully Arnold," Phoebe, gentle Phoebe, came to his rescue. She looked as sweet as ever, and she finally seemed to have grown into her tall frame. She'd always been the prettiest of the girls, and Arnold felt pleased that she seemed to have gained some courage after all these years. "But he's right, Arnold. You seem skinnier than usual."
The others were now coming out of Dorothy Ann's luxurious house - er, mansion was a better choice of word. He saw Carlos, tall and tanned, Dorothy Ann was golden and shining, whether with intelligence or happiness, he wasn't sure, Keesha was there, but he hadn't noticed her, because she was relatively quiet, just crossing her arms and rolling her eyes, Tim was with a sketchbook still -
Wanda wasn't here, he realised.
"Well, that's cous for you! I think he's on a diet or something, since he eats so little, you know. He's always reading some large book or another -" Janet's voice came, but was suddenly interrupted.
"That's pretty dangerous, you know," said a familiar voice. "It's not healthy to study so much and then eat so little."
He spun around to see Wanda. Wanda was as petite as ever, and looked as bouncy as ever, as if she were about to jump off a cliff or something (which Arnold was terrified of).
He was a little stunned by her sudden appearance.
"He's speechless," Phoebe remarked.
"When was he not?" Keesha's voice, sarcastic and cynical, made them all laugh. Everyone but Arnold himself.
"Hey, watch what you're saying!" Arnold regained full use of his vocal cords.
"What are you going to do? Hit her? Arnold," Ralphie said, shaking his head, as if Arnold should know better.
"Hey, I'll have you know that I can beat Carlos in an arm-wrestling match!" Arnold defended his strength.
"Are you kidding?" Keesha laughed. "Anyone could beat Carlos in an arm-wrestling match! Even Phoebe can beat Carlos in an arm-wrestling match!" Which had everyone laughing, especially Janet, and Phoebe scowling (an unnatural action for Phoebe) and saying, "Hey!"
Carlos was infuriated, of course. "You guys are awful! Let me say here and now, that I could wallop your asses into next week, if so I chose!"
Dorothy Ann, who was standing next to both him and Arnold, laughed. "It's OK, Carlos! Don't get your knickers in a twist!"
"Knickers!" Wanda snickered. "Ha ha!"
"Don't worry, Carlos," Dorothy Ann whispered, in a voice so low as to be inaudible to everyone but Arnold and Carlos. "What you don't have in strength, you make up for in endurance." This was accompanied with a wink, and Arnold looked closely at the two of them. Carlos and Dorothy Ann? That must be a perverse joke! But it seemed real, so Arnold (wisely) kept his mouth shut.
Dorothy Ann then showed the others to their rooms, adding that, "I'd advise you guys to beware of the mistletoe. You guys can thank Evan for that, because she was attempting to get one of her crushes du jour to give her a little kiss. It failed, obviously, and she had to kiss other guys instead. I haven't got around to taking it off. So I suppose until we all leave and I get this place cleaned up, they're going to stay, and all the rules apply."
The rest of the gang groaned.
"It's OK, Arnold," Wanda grinned. "I promise not to bite if we get stuck under the mistletoe."
This was overheard by everyone, as Arnold responded by a visible gulp, Ralphie grinned, and Janet said, "Arnold wouldn't know. He hasn't had a steady girlfriend since ever."
All girls raised their eyebrows. "Really, Arnold, I thought you'd be snapped up by now," Dorothy Ann said.
"Yeah, why haven't you gone steady. You'd make a great boyfriend, I'm sure. See, if you're interested -" Phoebe began, but was cut off by Wanda, who began testily:
"See Phoebe, you can leave matchmaking to the experts!"
Keesha snorted. "Really, Wanda, you call yourself an expert. I remember keeping count of all your past boyfriends, and I happen to know you never have had a relationship that lasted a month!"
"Anyway, Arnold, why haven't you had a steady girlfriend?" Dorothy Ann asked.
This was a sufficiently awkward question to have Arnold look down on his feet and blush, stammering, "Er, I - um - because - um - I haven't really - I mean, I'm just trying to get the right girl to notice me?" It came out more as a question than a statement.
"And you won't settle for anything less, right?" Keesha nodded in approval.
"Unlike me," Wanda muttered so softly no one would have heard, if Arnold didn't have such sharp ears. He made note to ask Wanda about that.
Arnold didn't have a good opportunity to do that though. Wanda was always in the center of things. That was just how Wanda was, after all. The other guys had long given up trying to look after her; now, only Arnold seemed to look out for her. And Wanda, being Wanda, always made Arnold anxious.
She was pretty much the same: frank and fearless, but there was more maturity about her, and though Arnold missed her wilder side, he appreciated the person Wanda had grown up to be. She was as captivating as ever, and Arnold was afraid, if he didn't take more care, he would be in danger of falling for her as much as ever, and that was something he didn't want to happen. After carrying a torch, which he tried to dim, for her after all these years, having his affection unrequited (granted, he had never spoken to her about how he felt - emotions weren't something he dealt with well), he didn't want to go through that again. Yet, the heart is a strange thing, and it doesn't listen to reason.
Wanda never betrayed a partiality for him, even before, and though he fancied she cared for him (that was his problem; he fancied too much), he could never be sure. How could love be so frustrating? He was so frustrated, he didn't think there was anything the matter when he saw Janet coming out of Tim's room wearing just a long-sleeved, collared business shirt that must have belonged to Tim (although when he would come to his senses a few days later, after New Year's, he would be furious).
But they did spend an awful lot of time together. It was normal, he thought, since Keesha, Dorothy Ann, Carlos and Ralphie grouped off, leaving Tim to deal with Phoebe and Janet (though how anyone could deal with Janet was beyond his comprehension).
So it was left the two of them.
Somehow, it all unravelled that night. It was New Year's Eve, and it was all of a sudden that he blurted: "Why are you so difficult to impress?"
Wanda started. He could tell that he surprised her. He himself was shocked with his outburst. "Forget it," he said moodily. "I didn't mean it -"
Wanda fixed her eyes on his face. "I don't understand, Arnold. What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," he said, gloomily. Yet the moment, so tranquil and peaceful before, was broken. It was an awkward silence that ensued.
Unable to hold his tongue, he began to confide in her everything. How he'd always cared for her, how he wanted her to be impressed by him, thinking that if she thought he was someone, she would reciprocate his feelings. How it was difficult for him to forget her. How he wanted her to look at him, the way he knew he always looked at her when she was noticing him -
"Arnold," Wanda interrupted. "You never had to impress me."
He was stunned out of his rantings. He looked down on her petite form. Her eyes were bright.
"I wasn't any good for you, anyway. And you were so aloof, so above noticing the most popular girls in school - Keesha had been in love with you forever, did you know? At least, until she got together with Ralphie - I mean, I was just this wild child, and you were introverted - it was as if you were never on my wavelength. And still I pined for you. I dated often and frequently, but - I - I couldn't forget you, you see. And everyone knew you were too good for me. You just don't see how great a guy you are, Arnold. Even Phoebe noticed, and she doesn't notice anything other than animals and plants."
"I - I never knew," he whispered.
Wanda gave a brittle laugh, and Arnold had never seen her look as vulnerable as she did before. The fearless, reckless streak was gone. "Love makes me foolish, doesn't it?"
"No - you were never foolish, Wanda. You were always brave - I -"
"Arnold," she put a finger over his mouth. "You don't have to say anything. We just - never had our chance."
She walked away. Stunned, Arnold stood a minute, and caught up with her just as she was entering the house.
"Never had a chance?"
She kissed him.
"Mistletoe," she pointed, and then disappeared.
Arnold was stunned at this revelation, and sought out Keesha. Keesha knew everything.
"Did you know?"
"Know what?" Keesha asked, offhandedly.
"Wanda. Was she really -"
"Did she really care about you? No duh!" Keesha said. "Who misses their favourite event in the world just to comfort a guy? Did she love you? I think, for a time, she did. It was so obvious, even Phoebe noticed it."
"Phoebe isn't as unobservant as you think, you know," Arnold said.
"Well, she did find out about Janet's rendezvous with - never mind," Keesha said hastily. "You can't tell me you didn't notice! Even Ralphie knew, but he thought, Mr. Weatherman and all, that he could take your place. Thankfully he grew out of his Wanda-fixation."
Arnold groaned and sat down, hands covering his face. "What do I do now? She thinks it's too late?"
Keesha snorted. "Why would it be too late?"
"I don't know. I told her how I felt back than in high school -"
"Anything about how you feel now?"
"Well, no, but -"
"So she thinks you've grown out of her. Wanda was never the smartest peg, you know."
"What am I going to do?" Arnold repeated/groaned.
Keesha gave another snort, more derisive than the on before. "You kiss her, of course. On New Year's Eve."
It was crowded in the living room, fifteen minutes to midnight. The guys were extremely informally dressed (Ralphie even turned up in a green shirt and battered jeans, wearing his infamous red cap - which, no doubt, Dr. Tennelli must have thought she'd gotten rid of ages ago), much to the consternation of the girls, who were dressed to the nines: Dorothy Ann was wearing a little black dress (she'd always had a thing for classics), off shouldered with three-quartered sleeves and knee-length. Keesha was wearing a filmy, translucent sapphire blue dress, while Phoebe wore a fancy mint green shirt and a black skirt, her hair dressed into the same 1950s classic style, which now made her look like a young Bree Van de Kamp from Desperate Housewives, and the epitome of perfection. Janet (who, surprisingly, Arnold had not seen much of) came prancing into the living room, wearing a skimpy, low-cut lace-edged red dress which was barely four inches above her hips, playing the role of the seductive virago, declaring she would kiss all the guys on New Year.
"Including Arnold?" Phoebe asked innocently.
There was an uneasy silence. No one bothered to answer Phoebe.
10 minutes...
"Hey, what happened to Wanda?" Tim finally asked. Arnold was glad. Someone other than himself had asked the question that was burning in his chest.
Phoebe shrugged. "Not really sure. She was pretty quiet when she went up."
"That's strange? Wanda quiet?" Carlos asked. "Never thought I'd see the day."
8 minutes...
"I'm worried about Wanda," Arnold mused. "Isn't she usually the center of things?" He remarked to Tim, who, as usual, was sketching.
"True," Tim answered. "But I noticed Wanda isn't one to mope. I wonder what must be making her mope around then." He looked shrewdly across to Arnold. "Maybe you should see to her?"
5 minutes...
He was at the door now.
"Wanda?" He knocked on the door softly. "Wanda?"
"What now, Arnold, stalking me at my own bedroom now?" Wanda's vice came, from outside.
Wanda was standing in the corridor. She was fully dressed in a white laced shirt and matching white pants, with a matching diamante belt. She was smiling, but there was no mirth in her eyes, usually so bright and sparkling.
"Wanda, what's wrong?"
"You know the saying Ignorance is bliss? It's true," Wanda smiled. "I'll see you downstairs." She opened the door.
Arnold grabbed her hand. "It is, isn't it?"
They both could hear the countdown start.
60, 59, 58, 57...
"I just said that," Wanda said.
"Do you honestly believe that I don't care for you?"
"No. I know you do. As a friend. You've grown out of me, as I knew you would."
"We've always been friends. We could've been more."
"If you weren't too shy, if I weren't too free-spirited -"
"And here I thought I needed to impress you."
"You've always impressed me, Arnold. Inside and out. From the field trip in your stomach, to standing up for your friends and family, courage and strength in the face of adversity. But you never needed to. Just being you -" Her voice trailed off, and the things unsaid weighed heavily on their minds, although Wanda did not know he felt the same as she did.
29, 28, 27, 26...
"Why do you think I've grown out of you?"
"Besides the things you said to me?" Wanda laughed her brittle laugh.
"I haven't, you know. I said that, to try, to explain, how I have been feeling all those years - even when we were apart. And seeing you again, so suddenly, spending time with you - it made me feel happy and alive again. I haven't felt this alive since - I don't know when. When you're with me, you bring me out of my shell - teach me how to live."
"Don't go all sappy on me!" Wanda cried, in a mocking tone, but Arnold could see the elation.
5, 4, 3, 2...
"I suppose I should kiss you now?"
"You suppose right," Wanda smiled, as their lips met.
"Happy New Year!"
Fin
Author's Note: So I thought I should make an A/W fic, because I already have an A/P fic and I wanted to balance the two out. :P Since I can't choose, of course.
Anyway, I wish you guys a Happy New Year.
I also wish for an end to the Gaza Air Strikes. I hope this happens soon.