Title: Rope Is Very Useful When You're Stranded

Warning:Randomness abounds and there's LOTS of alcohol use (hence the T rating)

Disclaimer: As much as I adore the three amigos used in these one-shots (Jack, Will, and Elizabeth) I DO NOT own them. Sorry, not happening. Go find someone else to sue.

"So here we are," said Elizabeth, "Stranded in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean."

"Yeah? So?" replied Jack, "We've got rum, don't we? What more could we possibly need?"

"Uh, try some oars," retorted Will, "And maybe some food!"

"That's what sea turtles are for! Remember?" interjected Elizabeth sarcastically, looking pointedly at Jack.

He, however, was completely oblivious. "Yes, definitely," he agreed, drinking some rum, "But first we must set some sort of trap."

While he muttered to himself and drank some more rum, Will and Elizabeth exchanged disgusted looks that clearly said, "He's joking, right?" even as it was painfully obvious that he wasn't.

Suddenly, Jack declared, "We must begin with rope!" So saying, he then proceeded to pull a coil of rope from his shirt, surprising Elizabeth and Will.

"Where'd you get that?" demanded Elizabeth.

"My shirt," replied Jack, "Didn't you see me pull it out?"

"Yes, yes," said Will impatiently, "But where did you get it before putting it into your shirt?"

"My shirt," repeated Jack slowly, as if addressing someone of little intelligence, "It's always been there."

"No it hasn't!" broke in Elizabeth, "It couldn't have been! You would've used it way before now!"

"No I wouldn't have," replied Jack, "I was saving it for something important. Like getting stranded in the middle of the ocean in a rowboat."

"Well what were you planning on using it for?" demanded Elizabeth, rightfully disgusted.

Jack threw his hands up, "For catching sea turtles! Are you guys stupid or something? You're the ones who suggested it!"

Will glared at Jack and suppressed the strong urge to strangle him. "You know, the more time I spend with Jack, the more I feel like brutally murdering him," murmured Will to Elizabeth.

She nodded enthusiastically, "We should get together a party for an assassination attempt. I'm sure the suggestion would go over quite well with the others."

"We should hit Tortuga first," chuckled Will, "To pick up all the women he's pissed off over the years."

Elizabeth chuckled as well, "But first we need a full-size ship. Otherwise we won't be able to hold them all."

They laughed evilly to themselves, not paying any attention to Jack who was doing something that at least semi-productive with the rope and sipping his rum.

After a couple more minutes, Jack triumphantly exclaimed, "I've got it!"

Will and Elizabeth looked over and watched skeptically as Jack lowered the rope (the end tied in a loop) over the bow of the boat and swish it around. He did this for several minutes.

Just as Will was about to suggest that Jack give it up, Jack cried out in triumph, "I've got one!"

Will and Elizabeth exchanged interested looks and leaned forward to look into the water at the front of the boat. They were very surprised to see an actual sea turtle with the loop about its neck, swimming forward. Jack had the end of the rope in his hands, standing with his feet braced so the sea turtle was pulling the whole boat forward. It was a strong sea turtle.

Will and Elizabeth sat back, mildly surprised.

"So he actually did it," said Will after a moment.

"Yes, it appears he did," replied Elizabeth, "Think maybe we misjudged him a bit?"

Without hesitating, Will replied, "Not even close. He just gets lucky every now and then."

Elizabeth nodded, "It makes sense."

They fell silent and the sea turtle continued to pull them forward. After about five minutes, just when Elizabeth and Will were beginning to think that everything would be just fine, Jack sneezed.

And it wasn't just any sneeze. It was a super-humongous sneeze that sent the end of the rope flying out of Jack's hands and into the water.

The three occupants of the rowboat then watched in stunned silence as the sea turtle, with the rope around its neck, swam away. When it was out of sight, Jack slowly turned and sat down, staring sightlessly into the bottom of the boat.

After a few moments, Elizabeth said, "So, here we are. Stranded in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean."

"Yeah," said Jack slowly after a moment, "But at least we've got rum!"

Will and Elizabeth exchanged looks then glared at Jack, "Yeah, just great."

Needless to say, that assassination attempt plan made a lot of progress that day.

Note: It would be wise to never eat yellow snow.