The clamor of heavy horse hooves followed by the agitated barking of his dog drew the hobbit away from his woodwork. The dog's fierce growls quickly vanished, replaced scared whimpers as she backed into the open door of the hobbit-hole.
The hobbit looked towards the road, where his gaze landed on the powerful legs of a midnight black horse. The hobbit's eyes trailed up the horse's body, finally landing on a black-cloaked figure which sat upon the animal's back.
The Halfling gulped and took a step back.
The man – if it was a man – hissed two words at the frightened Halfling.
The hobbit swallowed. "Excuse me? What did ya say?"
The man's gloved hands tightened around the horse's reigns. He croaked the two words again.
"Dire? Laggins?" asked the hobbit, his brow crinkled in confusion. "What's a 'Dire Laggins'?"
The leather of the gloves made a creaking noise. The man repeated his words again.
The hobbit nervously glanced around. "Bire? Saggins?"
The man slowly shook his head in the negative.
The hobbit sighed in exasperation. "I can't understand a word yer sayin'!" he exclaimed. "Maybe if ya came down off that high horse of yer's so that we was more level and took that dratted hood off!"
The man's nails dug into his palms as he repeated his words for the third time.
"Liar? Paggins?" The little hobbit laughed. "There sure ain't no paganism in these parts, good sir. You might want to try some queer place like Bag End for somethin' like that!"
The man made a scratchy exclamation at the words 'Bag End'.
The hobbit shook his head. "Maybe I should get my wife – she was always good with the odd ones." He stuck his head in the jarred door. "Rosemary! There's a drunk from Bree out here tryin' to find someone named 'Zire Kaggins'!"
The Ringwraith's screech of frustration could be heard even by the occupants of the Green Dragon.
Author's Note: My mother gave me this idea. She and I like to watch Lord of the Rings and then make funny comments about it (Don't ask me how we got started on that particular pastime). She wondered what would happen if the hobbit couldn't understand what the Ringwraith was saying, so here it is!
Hope you enjoyed it!
-snarryvader81 (aka Anna)