Heissler, Klaus Heissler

Part 1

"It happened again!" Stan said as soon as he entered the house. He took off his jacket, threw on the clothes hanger and went over to collapse on the sofa. Klaus, in his bowl, was on the table. He looked at the depressed Stan. Roger went by him. He was wearing a brown wig, brown fake eyebrows, a green striped shirt, red and white shoes, and blue jeans with holes in them His wife came, followed by Jeff, Hayley and Steve.

"What happened?" Roger wanted to know. "Did a fire happen in the kitchen?"

"No." Stan answered with a sniff.

"Did Bullock find out you're a bad worker and fired you?"

"No."

"Did your pants fall down, revealing your under…" Stan looked sternly at Roger

"NO!" He looked depressed again.

"Then what happened Dad?" Hayley wanted to know.

"Yeah, what happened?" Steve added.

"Mr. S, are you alright?" Jeff asked. Stan sighed before he answered.

"Jackson disappeared." Everyone gasped.

"Again?" Francine questioned. "Didn't an agent disappear yesterday?"

"And the day before that, and the day before, that and many days before those days. I'm telling you Francine, lately work is like a ticking time bomb. Bullock and I are the only ones left. I'm afraid that I may be next."

Francine, feeling sorry, sat down on the sofa to comfort her husband.

"Oh Stan!" She said. "You're not going to disappear. You have nothing to worry about."

"How do you know?"

"I won't allow it. Now, would some lasagna make you feel better?" Stan looked at his wife and smiled.

"You sure know how to cheer me up. No wonder Garfield likes it so much." Francine stood up and smiled. She offered Stan her hand. Stan took it and stood up. They, followed by Jeff, Roger, Steve and Hayley, headed towards the kitchen. Jeff leaned in to whisper to Hayley.

"What's this all about?" He asked.

"Oh, apparently all of the agents at the CIA are disappearing one by one. It all started two months ago."

"Creepy!"

"Yeah, I know, creepy!" She shivered at the thought.

The next morning, the family was just about ready for church. Roger was in his same brown wig and fake brown eyebrows and white and red shoes, but had perfect blue jeans and a red shirt this time. Stan, with an omelet in hand went over to Klaus' bowl.

"Here Klaus." He tossed it to him. Klaus jumped from his bowl grabbed it in his mouth. He landed back in his bowl. "We're off to church. We're be back in an hour and a half."

"So don't blow up the house while we're gone." Roger added.

"Don't worry, I won't." Klaus promised. He started eating his omelet. Roger stood for a moment then went out the door when Stan called his name. The door closed after them. Klaus was now alone.

It wasn't long before Klaus heard a gunshot from outside. He also heard dog barks.

"What the heck?" Klaus wondered out loud. "What is happening?" He put down his omelet. He then jumped constantly from his bowl to look out the window.

Out the window he saw a five tough-looking men, his family and two Dobermans. One man had a mustache. The mustached man punched Stan in the groin. He and his henchmen grabbed him and the rest of the family, then lead the family to their car and drove off. Klaus gasped.

He stopped jumping.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh; mien family just got abducted before mien eyes." The fish then smiled in realization. "Which means I can do whatever I want without them seeing what I'm doing."

When Klaus finished his omelet he rubbed his fins together.

"Let the fun begin!" He said to himself. He picked up the phone and began dialing.

He danced to "Dancing with Myself' and played Tetris on the family computer. When everyone arrived for the party, they watched four movies on Netflix. They danced, had punch and alcohol and watched Hot Tub Time Machine, Avatar, Paul and Captain America. Klaus told some girls about the hot tub he claimed he defeated, that he discovered Atlantis and that Paul looked like someone he knew (they didn't believe that he had met an actual alien because he was drunk with champagne when he was telling them. They didn't believe the Atlantis thing and the hot tub ether).

The house was trashed after everyone went home at 9 PM. Klaus was about to watch Scrubs when he heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" He shouted. "I'm sorry but the party's over."

"Deputy Director Bullock."

"Come in!" He pressed the pause button on the remote and looked at him. Bullock looked around the room.

"Is Stan Smith here?" Bullock asked.

"Afraid not. He and the rest of the family got taken away by these guys who had two Dobermans." He unpaused the TV. "Now shut up, I'm watching Scrubs." Bullock looked at him.

"Was it five guys?" He wanted to know. "Did they all look muscular?"

"Yeah and one had a mustache."

"Oh no. I was afraid of this." Klaus repaused the TV and looked at him. "You know them?"

"You bet!" He sat on the sofa. "Oh man, do I know them! The mustache man is Damien. I was his former boss. He turned traitor on me and wanted to shut down the CIA and I wouldn't let him. So I fired him. He took it hard and swore that he'll get his revenge one day. He joined a gang with four other former agents of mine."

"Um, why are you telling me this? Look, I'm sorry that he kidnapped all of your agents, but I got to get back to Scrubs." He was about to press play on the remote when Bullock took it away. "Hey!"

"I need somebody to rescue them." He looked at Klaus. "Maybe you can!"

"Me?" Bullock nodded. "Hello? I'm a fish!"

"There are a lot of animal agents out there. That platypus for instance, those guinea pigs, those penguins are kind of like agents, and that dog and kitty."

"But those agents are all from TV! I can't outsmart those five big agents. No, I refuse it!" Bullock sighed.

"Very well!" He gave the remote back to Klaus who grabbed it. "If you don't want to impress your family with all of your bravery, be my guest. You could've been a hero."

"A hero? Ooh, I like the sound of that!"

Klaus imagined that he put the agents behind bars and rescued everybody in the CIA, even his family.

"Oh Klaus!" Francine told him in his dream. "You saved us!

"You're a true hero!" Steve added.

"Yeah, way to go Klaus." Hayley added.

"I never knew a fish like you could be so brave!" Jeff put in. "Congrats Mr. H!"

"I'm sorry I tormented you all these years!" Dream Roger confessed. He showed him his butt. "Spank me a thousand times; I deserve it!" Stan gave him a mini baseball bat. Dream Klaus grabbed it.

"Here! Hit that jerk so hard!"

"Don't mind if I do." Klaus said. He smiled and swung the bat hard on Roger's butt. Roger screamed. Everyone cheered.

"That's my fish!" Roger smiled and screamed when the bat came down again. Francine then gave Klaus an unexpected kiss. Klaus then blushed.

"Aw!" He said. "This is the life!"

"Fish!" Bullock said to him. "Fish!"

"Huh?" Bullock snapped his fingers. Klaus shook back into reality. "Yo, fish!" He waved his hand in his face. "Hello? Is anyone home?" Klaus looked at him. Bullock leaned back in the sofa. "Oh goodie, I thought I lost you!"

"Dude, I was having a dream!"

"What kind of dream?"

"I dreamt that I rescued the entire CIA, everyone respected me and treated me like I was a hero!"'

"Well, that dream will become a reality if you do this mission and save them." He opened a Mountain Dew can he got from the freezer, sat back down on the sofa, and started drinking it.

"You mean, if I do this mission of yours, everybody will respect me even my own family?"

"That's right!"

"I won't do it!" Bullock spat out his drink and looked at him surprised. "What? But they're your family and my agents! What do you mean you won't do it?" Klaus let out a laugh and looked back at the TV, grabbing the remote.

"Family? Please! They're not my family! My real family is back home in Germany!" He grabbed the remote and unpaused it. "They're just keeping me hostage! I'm glad they got kidnapped. They treat me like crap!"

"You hate them that badly, huh?" Klaus nodded.

"Have you ever listened to 'Welcome to My Life' by Simple Plan?" Bullock nodded. "Well, there you go then. That song highlights my life with them."

"Oh, sorry I wasted you time then. I thought you were the one. I thought you had the heart and strength to prove that you are a somebody. Guess I was wrong."

"Yup! You were wrong! Man, you were dead wrong!" Bullock then changed the subject.

"So, you threw a party without me?"

"Yup, and it was far out wunderbar! The best party I ever hosted, well it was the only party I ever hosted, but it was still the best" Bullock drank the last of his Mountain Dew, stood up and threw it away. He headed for the door.

"Well, I'm leaving." Klaus waved a fin at him.

"Okay, Auf Wiedershen!" Bullock turned the doorknob and looked at the fish one last time.

"Are you sure you don't want to go on this mission? It'll be a great honor if…"

"GO!"

"Okay bye!" Bullock opened the door. Before he could go out, two Doberman attacked him and five men came in.

"That's enough boys!" A gruff voice said. The dogs got off Bullock. They all growled at him. Bullock looked up at the men and gulped. It was Damien and the gang.

"Damien!" Damien chuckled.

"Well, well, well, Deputy Director Bullock, long time no see. You remember me, right?"

"You bet I do! You wanted to shut down the CIA and I wouldn't let you."

"Bingo! And that's exactly what I'm going to do!"

"Wait, what?"

"I'm going to shut down the entire CIA." Bullock gasped and stood up. He was about to attack him when two of his henchmen held him back.

"You can't shut it down!"

"Oh, I can't can I?" He leaned in close to his former boss. "I can do more then you know…boss!" He laughed and looked at two of his henchmen.

"Mikhail, Joey," He started. "Did you check the entire house?"

"Da boss." Mikhail answered in his Russian accent. "There is nobody in house." Damien looked at Bullock in question.

"Then who were you talking to, Avery?" He asked.

"I was talking to Klaus." He answered.

"Who's Klaus?"

"The fish." Damien looked at the fish then back at Bullock.

"You were talking to a fish? Talking to an animal like it was a person? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!" He looked at the dogs and baby talked them. "Isn't that right babies?" The dogs all barked. Damien patted their heads.

"Well, he's not really a fish." Bullock told him. "You see…" Before Bullock could finish, Damien snapped his fingers. He headed for the door. "Let's go boys! Back to the warehouse!" One of his henchmen, a tall African American, pointed to Klaus.

"What should we do about the fish boss?" Damien looked at him like he asked the stupidest question in the world.

"Leave him Frank! He's just a stupid fish, he won't be a threat." Klaus gaped, insulted. His buddy nodded and followed as they all left the house, taking Bullock, whom Damien kicked in the groin, with them.

"A stupid fish?" Asked a peeved Klaus to no one in particular. "A stupid fish? No one calls Klaus a stupid fish and gets away with it! I think it's time he gets a little visit." He hopped from his bowl to his cup.

He quickly scooted outside and went to the backside of Damien's car. He pulled himself up to the trunk lid before the car drove off.

When they got to the warehouse, Klaus rubbed his fins together with a mischievous grin.

"I'll show Damien! I'll show him that this fish is much more then what he seems!"