1st A/N: My first gift fic, with the prompt that had me snickering with laughter as I read it.

…

"May his orifices congeal and his extremities fall off!"

"Richard, relax! He was harmless."

They had gone out for drinks after the case. Not only that, but it was one of the few times that Richard had actually tagged along with them. And, not only that, but it was one of the fewer times that Richard actually had more than one drink.

Unfortunately, it was now getting late. To the point where Fidel had to get back to Juliet and the baby, and Dwayne had long since wandered off with some other friends.

Now, it was only Camille and Richard.

"Harmless?" The normally composed Detective Inspector was clearly anything but sober at this point in the conversation. His typical style had become far more disheveled in the last few hours, and his mannerisms were definitely much more lax tonight.

"The incorrigible," He paused, hand unconsciously swaying around, trying so very hard to reach for the right word. "Bugger was far from harmless". He seemed content with his word choice, nodding to himself in approval and grabbing a fistful of air.

Honestly, Camille was a little confused by Richard tonight.

Rarely did her friend choose to express such frustration - unless said frustration involved the island, that is. But tonight was apparently proving to be an exception in many different ways. And so, she fixed an inquisitive gaze on Richard, curious to see where this conversation would lead them.

"Go on." And he did. And as he ranted about today's perp, she tuned him out and just observed him. She noticed the clear indignation sketched in his arms, the pure irritation that wrapped itself around his eyes, and-

She paused, coming to a realization.

Richard was jealous of how their perp was behaving towards her, that much was already clear. He was angered by the blatant, one-sided flirtations from earlier. And he was just frustrated in general with how today's sleazy criminal acted towards her.

Now, while Camille did not really care for jealousy, the fact that today's moments ruffled up her friend in such a way touched her. And the fact that he was so passionate about the subject caused her to examine exactly why this was the case.

Though, she already had a few theories.

"Camille? Did you hear anything I just said?" This time, it was he who fixed his gaze on her.

Well, she had no sheepish grin of guilt. And she also had no intention of just turning the attention back to her. His emotions were not getting off the hook tonight.

Instead, she gently placed a hand on his arm, capturing his attention.

"Richard," She calmly spoke, hoping to distract him from his endearing tirade and hoping to move to a more intimate subject. "A guy like him could never interest me."

He froze at this simple remark. She could tell his mind was backtracking, trying to figure out when he gave away that particular insecurity.

And while she was curious to eventually find out how he truly felt about her, she was also content to practice patience with this frustratingly charming man.

Yet, she could still have a bit of fun.

Her hand trailed slowly down to his wrist, and she noticed the barely suppressed shiver. She felt his pulse quicken, heard his breath catch itself. And yet she knew that now was not the time to indulge in fantasies. It was the time to slowly explore.

"Let's change the subject, shall we?"

…

Prompt:

"May his orifices congeal and his extremities fall off!"

- Joel in Dragonwings (the prequel novel) from the Dragonriders of Pern series by Anne McCaffrey.

Thank you, ANGSWIN for putting together a hilarious prompt for the Mischief Misquotation Challenge