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I Think I Feel Something

So this is it, Miley. You have to do this.

"Miley, what are you doing out here this late at night?"

Uh oh. I'd know that voice anywhere. Don't turn around. Don't do it. Of course I'd betray myself and do it.

"Mi, what's wrong?"

Oh, I don't know. Just gonna jump from this bridge into the water so I can face my icy death. As much as I'd like to believe I was being sarcastic, I wasn't. I had to. I needed to. My mind's quite apparent cloudiness was no secret, i'm sure, to the boy in front of me. My eyes were red, my cheeks tear stained.

"What are you doi--?"

Why did he have to be here right now? "Nick, hi." I put as much energy and enthusiasm into that lame greeting as I could muster. But the truth was I was drained. Doubt that it helped my case or the questionable position I was in right now. Water and sharp rocks beneath me while I was standing on the very edge of the bit of land holding me back from joining him.

"Please don't do it. I'm here. You don't have t--." He begged of me just as I had done only seconds ago with myself.

"That's just it, Nick. I do have to do it. It's the only way I can see him again. Noah won't talk anymore and all Brandi does is cry. Braison is practically a zombie and my mother, my own mother, she does all three. Just like me. Everyone tells me it'll be okay. But I'm not okay. The only way I could ever be okay is if I can see him again. And this...this is the only way." Here I go again breaking down in front of him. After all he's done to me, he's the only person I could let see this side of me. I was bawling by this time, but he wouldn't dare take a step toward me. Probably thinks that'll make me take that one step.

"Miles, what about them. How would they feel?"

"What is with that word? I HATE that word. Feel. Of course I thought about it. The truth is, I don't know. I don't know what they'd do or what would happen. I just know what I need to do. 'Cause if I don't do it I won't be able to feel. And I need so badly just to feel something. Have you read the articles?" By now I think he had become frightened enough and saw how serious I was to come closer to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me down to sit with him. Nothing. I felt nothing. Not even the sparks I used to be so accustomed to.

"Yeah, I read them. I had no idea if they were true, though. And what do you mean you can't feel anything?"

"We were in the hospital..."

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Flashback

I was standing near the bed and I felt so elated. They said he was getting better. He could leave by next week. Then I heard it. The calm beep beep coming from the heart monitor. I had been falling to sleep with this steady rhythym for days now. Only, now it wasn't so calm. They got faster and faster. I felt like I was spinning. And I just wanted it to stop. The door flew open and through it, stood four doctors and a nurse. They pulled me back as realization struck what was left of my hope out of me. He was leaving me. His empty eyes just stared me. I fought those doctors off with as much strength as I could. I also remember screaming. The waterworks were on full blast.

"He's all I know! He's all I have! You have to help him live. If he doesn't, I won't either!"

I looked at the main doctor aware of the heartbroken look on my face. That's what I was. Heartbroken. I knew I had to be next to him, so just one more push. That's what I told myself. Then I would give up knowing I did all that I could. It worked. They finally released me.

Running to his side, I noticed his dying hand near the edge of the bed. I grabbed it, and the second I did the beeps stopped. Flatline. It all stopped. Just like I had wanted it to. I only got a chance to be next to him for a few seconds before he just let go. So I did all that I could be left to do. I laid my head on his chest and I pretended the beeps were still there. Just like the night before when I closed my eyes and they were there...and he was there.

They pulled me off but I held on to his hand still. As if maybe it could bring him back. But it didn't. So, all I have left of him are those last few seconds. Those last few seconds when his hand touched my skin, I thought maybe it could be okay. Those last few seconds were my last chance to feel.

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"Do you get it now, Nick? That's why I have to go."

"And that's also why I can't let you go. He would never want you to give up this great life. You've made a name for yourself. Everything he's done to help you do so would be a waste. And...I'd miss you too. I still love you, Miles. I never stopped."

"Don't lie just so you can be the hero. If you loved me you'd let me jump. You'd let me go because you know I believe it."

He looked at me with sad eyes. In my mind, I'd be gone right now. Not having a heart to heart with my ex lying about loving me just for an image.

"Fine then. Do what you gotta do. Go ahead. As long as you know I do care. Then go ahead."

I gave him questioning eyes. He's not important, Miley. Don't worry. He's just trying to get inside your head. If you stay, he'll just leave.

With these thoughts in mind, I stepped forward. And If I take just one step I'll get what I wanted. This made me think. I also wanted those stupid beeps to stop. They did. Look where I am for getting what I wanted. That's when they started again. Just like before, they were steady and slowly got faster until I felt ready to just collapse. Different voices took over my mind. Some from Brandi or Noah. Others from Nick and a few unrecognizable ones.

"And...I'd miss you too."

"Miles, I don't feel like talking right now."

"I miss him. It hurts to talk when he's not here. It makes me sick!"

"Please just leave me alone."

"I hate you!"

"Why did you leave us?"

"God, what did I do to deserve this?"

I grabbed at my head thinking that little action would help calm me and my seemingly moving surroundings. It only fueled the fire and made me actually collapse this time.

"Nick!!! Nick!" Sure enough when I looked up there he was. He helped me up and just held me. Now this position was familiar unlike the one I had taken without a clear mind mere minutes ago. I was breathing heavily and taking his much needed presence in. When I heard the flatline and the craziness seemed to abruptly halt I looked up at his face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. You were gonna let me do it? Just like I asked. I believe you."

"You're still not making any sense, Mi. But it's okay."

"NO! It's not okay. I do believe you now."

"I still don't think I've caught on, Mi. What do you believe?"

"I was gonna step off of the edge and you weren't gonna stop me. I told if you cared you would do that. I love you, too."

This was the part in most love stories where the guy usually kisses the girl. Take a guess at what happened next.

My lips moved in sync with his. Once again, he was right. It would be okay. And that's why, when his arms were around me and I pulled back from his embrace to breath I only had one thing to say.

"I think I feel something."

So, did ya like? I'm not updating the other stories until I get a few more reviews. It's July and I still have a month and 1/4 of my summer to waste. yay. Review.

p.s. Who got Demi's album the day it came out? I DID! I'm awesome like that. It's amazing. I think she topped the Jonas Brothers by far. Miley is coming out with an EP too. That means extended play. It's like an album only it just has like seven songs or so. Wish me luck. I have a play next weekend. It's Alice In Wonderland. Who's gonna see the one w/ Johnny Depp. I AM. LOL. Ok bye.