Piano Man: The Life and Lies of Roderich Edelstein

.::.

I sit here in my home, and I think.

Thinking, something that so few people tend to do these days. What with society and culture changing all around us, all around the world, and all around me... People, growing more proud and more outrageous, getting away with things they shouldn't, breaking laws, killing the innocent... Telling lies. Lies. Everyone tells lies, everyone has at least once. From a young age, we learn to tell lies. To be quite honest, I do not recall my youth too well after all these years... But God, I knew I must have lied many times.

It's in human nature to lie, is it not? The question, though, is it in a country's nature to lie? Are we nation's as human as we appear? Sometimes I do not think so. Yes, we look like humans, and we behave like humans. We eat, sleep, have sex and live our lives every day just like one should. But we do not die.

We could be shot through the head, but I do not believe we would die. No country has ever been harmed that severely, though, so no one recalls what it takes to kill us. Many of the older countries, myself included, sometimes we discuss it... in whispers. Hushed, quick conversations of this we do not like to think of.

Humans only live so long, do they not? They accept it, or at least most of them do. They understand that they live until a nice old age and then they pass on, whether it be to heaven or hell or whatever they believe in. But no, not us, not the nations...

Strangle me, drown me, bury me alive, I guarantee I'll be alive the next day to end your life officially. Why do we not die? Sometimes, I wish...

I get startled, as I usually do when I am disturbed of my thinking. Glancing up, I see Elizaveta waltzing towards me in her usual clothes, and I admire her natural beauty that all female countries seem to have. She smiled warmly at me, a slight blush rising to her cheeks. I admire her eyes, the way her green eyes shine when she looks at me, the way the sunlight catches her graceful features so perfectly... She is strong as well as beautiful, and I respect her as much as I care for her.

"Hello, my dear,"she whispers cautiously, as if she is afraid to break the silence I had been basking in. Taking off my glasses to clean them before slipping them back on, I pick up a forgotten glass of chilled water and sip it, smiling serenely. Her mouth is curved in one of her small grins, looking a bit tired. I tilt my head to the side a bit and reply,"You look tired, Eliza. What have you been up too?"

She moves to sit in a chair directly across the room from me, folding her hands in her lap and looking down at them a bit sheepishly. Even though we are alone in my large, comfortable house and I am sitting on the couch, she chooses a seat at a distance from me. I dislike the days when she is like this, when she is a bit shut off from the world and seems depressed. Perhaps she just misses the days when she got to fight and beat Gilbert to bits. Those were the days...

"I haven't been doing much, really. I was just working out in your garden, since there were some weeds that needed to be pulled. Your Edelweiss are blooming, they look quite lovely."

I send her a small half smile, my lip just barely twitching. "You do not have to care for the garden, Eliza. I do have servants you know, you are no longer living in my house by force, therefore you are not required to do chores. Come on my love, you are my bride, my beloved, you need not toil away under the hot sun."

Glancing sideways, her eyes flickering to some distant spot out the window, she exhales and calmly says, her voice a bit stronger,"Yes, I know. But I... enjoy helping you, Roderich. It makes me feel like I'm really your wife, and not just another country living in your house, like the old days."

Standing up, I stroll over the the piano. It has a thin layer of dust covering it, and I almost grunt in disapproval and disbelief. When was the last time I had played? I frown, running a gloved hand across the keys, watching as the dust particles fly up and seem to sparkle in the light seeping from the window. The keys make soft pinging noises when I press on them too hard, and Elizaveta's smile grows a bit.

"Will you play for me, Roderich?"

I take my seat on the piano bench, beaming back at her. She seems to be the only one that appreciates my music these days. Sure, the other nations will listen and comment and say "Good job, Roddy! You play awesome!" but Eliza... She truly loved it when I played. As I let my hands roam over the sweet ivories, I heard her stand and trot over to me, sitting down next to me happily.

As I begin playing, my mind flickers away to what I was thinking earlier. I let my thoughts and emotions flow through me, into my hands and out my fingers, trickling over the instrument as if caressing it.

Death. Is it a nice feeling? Perhaps it would be, to just let go and sleep forever, perhaps go to heaven if such a place exists. The dance through the clouds, knowing that nothing could ever hurt me again... Or if not heaven, at least being able to sleep. Being nonexistent. How would that feel? Probably like nothing...

"Roderich, are you feeling alright?"

I finally notice that my playing had grown darker and more heavy, and I shrug slightly and offer a smile. "Oh, I'm fine, dear. Just warming up."

Another lie to add the list, I suppose.

I remember a lie I told, many years ago. It was not very nice, but I remember it well. I remember the chill that ran down my spine as I glared into his dark green eyes.

"I don't care about you anymore, Vash. I think it would be best if you left me alone from now on."

"You... Just want to forget? Forget our friendship! I can't believe you! I thought we were friends!"

"Things change. I don't wish to speak to you anymore. Leave!"

I shudder, my fingers twisting around themselves. He hit a few wrong notes, and Elizaveta gently wrapped her arms around my waist. I exhaled and pulled my hands away from the keys, looking away, embarrassed. I can't stand messing up at the very thing that I knew I was born to do. Eliza looks up to me, I can tell, she sees me as the strong, protective man in the relationship, but sometimes I feel that that is truly her role. Occasionally I feel ashamed, but overall I don't mind. When it's just us, sitting together in the living room, alone, it feels alright.

My head drops gently onto her shoulder and she hugs me tighter, stroking my hair. I take off my glasses and feel tears building up in my eyes. No, damn, I won't cry...

"Roderich! I thought... I thought we could be more than friends..."

"I... Gilbert, please, don't do this. You and I both know... I care for Eliza..."

"Care for her! It's always you care for people! You never love them! Why can't you love me? I'm trying to be serious, I'm trying to show you that I can be who you want me to be!"

"Your... behavior embarrasses me. Get out of my house, Gilbert."

"Roderich... You can't do this to me..."

"I said get out!"

The tears come before I can stop them, and I shake in Elizaveta's strong yet loving grip. She whispers things into my ear, things that I can't really understand over my clouded thoughts. So many mistakes, so many arguments, so many lies... I quickly sit up, rubbing my eyes and bending over the piano, trying to remember where I was. I feel Eliza scoot away from me so my elbows have room when I begin to play again. I always loved how Elizaveta knew when to comfort, and when to let me move forward.

That's what I had to do now.

Move forward.

I couldn't let these thoughts from the past keep piling up and flowing over, attack my mind and driving me to insanity. These thoughts brought thoughts of death, thoughts of... Wishing to die! Immortality, a curse or a blessing? Surely it must be a curse, keeping us bound to the earth for all of eternity until the world finally ends. Until every piece of the earth is shattered into oblivion.

If there was an apocalypse, or if the sun died, everyone would die. The humans, that is. But, wouldn't the countries still live on? Just because our people died and our land grew barren and desolate, does not mean that we would end. It was a grim thought, one that was difficult to handle. Yes, the only way we could end was if the Earth exploded and there was truly nothing left for us to be...

We had no choice but to live. No choice at all.

Elizaveta whispered,"Roderich, how about you go take a nap? You look awfully tired, and I don't want you to get dark circles under your gorgeous eyes..."

I nodded, only half listening to her soothing voice. I cared for Eliza, I truly cared for her. I wanted her to be happy, I thought very well of her, I enjoyed her company and I could find very few flaws in her character. While she was prone to being a bit obsessive over certain things and could be a bit violent, she had morphed into a lovely young lady over the past few centuries.

Yet, I did not love her.

Part of me knew that I never would be able to say that I loved her.

I loved what she did, what she does, but... Maybe I was just not made to love. Perhaps, I was just made to try to let this woman find love, to make her happy. I could handle that, I could do that for her. I stood up, and she followed me to our bedroom. I removed my gloves, shoes, jacket and various other accessories, leaving my glasses for last. With a grunt, I rolled under the covers, exhaling softly.

I fell soft lips on my forehead.

"Sleep well Roderich, I love you."

"... I love you too, Eliza."

Another lie to add to the list.